


Closing the Distance

by darknessonice



Series: I Understood Something [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Ice Skating, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-06-01 06:04:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 68
Words: 135,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15136730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknessonice/pseuds/darknessonice
Summary: As Evgenia Medvedeva starts a new life, Yuzuru Hanyu works against all odds to close the gap that opened between them.русский - https://ficbook.net/readfic/7404480*story on short-term hiatus





	1. He’s Here

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins with Evgenia Medvedeva's arrival to the TCC, and her struggle to adapt to her new life. Told in dual POV, we get to watch as she begins her journey to the 2022 Olympics, alongside Yuzuru Hanyu. But as circumstances push them apart, can they grow back together? 
> 
> Author's Note: Hello, reader! I first want to say thank you, and then welcome! As a reminder, the work is fictional and I have the utmost respect for Yuzuru Hanyu and Evgenia Medvedeva. That being said, this work is very mature in some chapters. I update once about every two weeks. Enjoy <3

**Evgenia's POV**

Lacing up my skates, I could feel the pit in my stomach growing. I wasn't taking the ice for a competition, I was taking the ice with him.

Two weeks had passed since my arrival, made easier by his absence. My focus would stay my on training, and nothing else. But I knew who I'd be skating alongside, and it gave me emotions I couldn't possibly begin to understand.

And so I sat there on the bench, picking up words and small parts of other people's conversations. It wasn't until I heard _"he's here"_ that I snapped out of my trance.

It's been so long. Will he even acknowledge me?

Just as I finished my thought, he walked in through the doors. His eyes flickered around the rink, seemingly lost. I held my breath as he turned towards my direction, and began to walk to the bench I was seated on.

"Good morning, Zhenya." Yuzuru spoke without a hint of warmth.

He had been touring in Japan, doing a series of ice shows and interviews. He looked tired, jet lag had clearly drained him. Nevertheless, I expected something more from our greeting.

My response relayed the same tone, with hints of frustration, dissatisfaction, and anger.

"Good morning, Yuzuru."

He nodded and walked away, disappearing into the locker room.

How could I forget? We aren't friends anymore. I shouldn't have expected anything more from that interaction.

It wasn't usually like this. Over the years, we had built something special. But our relationship crumbled after the Olympics, and between the media and personal struggles, it wasn't the same.

It doesn't matter. _He doesn't matter._

My boots welcomed the familiar surface as I stepped onto the ice. The most difficult training had not begun yet, I haven't worked on my flutz or more difficult combinations, instead my focus was on going back to the basics, something that Brian did with every skater. 

As I began jumping, I couldn't help notice the ease. It had only been two weeks, but my body responded to my new lifestyle and coaching strategy. I ate more, but couldn't help feel lighter. I was still healing, but I never felt more strong. The back pain that has plagued me lessened. There was still so much work to do, and it filled me with anxiety. But I was more hopeful then I had been in months.

After landing a triple loop, I swirled around on the ice, just in time to notice his eyes locked onto me.

Yuzuru quickly looked down, and skated to the other side of the rink. He glanced once more in my direction, but then quickly became focused on his own practice.

He was staring at me! The thought gave me butterflies, but I knew better than to react this way. I quickly felt ashamed, like the foolish fangirl everyone thought I was. They didn't understand. No one ever has.

_Remember what Eteri told you, there is no place for love in this sport. You can only think about yourself._

But then again, Eteri told me many things. Sometimes, they weren't true.

 

**Yuzuru's POV**

As I walked through the doors of my training home, I couldn't help but feel different, even though I've spent years on these grounds.

I knew she had arrived two weeks ago, Javier had told he. But it didn't matter. It's not like the media or any news outlet would let me forget she's there.

However, I did have something I needed to forget. Our friendship. I couldn't balance a career filled with drama and rumors. And between my own decisions and the advise from those around me, I agreed to forget what I had with Zhenya.

_They must be right. She and I cannot interact. We both need to focus on our careers. Then maybe the rumors might calm. We can't be seen together._

And from that moment forward, it was official. Evgenia Medvedeva and Yuzuru Hanyu were not friends. Simply training mates. It was never going to be anything more.

Still, I couldn't rid my mind of our last phone call all those months ago. She called me, the desperation clear in her voice. Zhenya was broken, crying, and halfway across the world. In that moment, I wanted to hold her, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. And then she asked me for a final truth. 

_"Should I leave Eteri for Orser?"_

_I paused, unable to give her an answer at first._

_If I say yes, and she comes here, everything will change. We will never be able to be as we were. I knew what my answer could mean. I knew the damage it would bring to us in the media. And in that moment, I selfishly wanted to say no. That way we could stay the same good friends._

_But she needs this. She needs a change. She needs a second chance_

_"Yes."_

 

I scanned the ice, figuring she would be practicing. My eyes searched every figure on the ice, until they shifted to the seating area. There she was, sitting here, in the TCC. What used to seem like a dream was now a reality.

And when I finally walked towards her to speak, all I could manage was a simple "Good morning." I wanted to say so much more.

_How are you? Are you enjoying your new life, all the changes? Are you happy? I want you to be happy._

But I told myself I couldn't say anything. I walked towards the locker room, leaving her standing alone.

I came out in time to watch her take the ice. It was breathtaking, two weeks had already made a noticeable difference. Small to the eye, but her jumps were higher, and her spins were faster.

And when she spun around and caught my gaze, it was too late to do anything but look down and skate away. I quickly got caught up in my own skating, until I heard her laugh.

Jason Brown had told Evgenia something very funny, enough to make her collapse on the ice while laughing. Zhenya eventually calmed, and pushed herself back up onto her feet. She had a smile on her face, a true, genuine one.

It's nice to see her laugh. He seems to make her happy.

And in that moment, I wanted to make her laugh like that. I wanted to make her happy.

_Just training mates_ , I reminded myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter, as there is many more to come. This is the first fic I have ever written, so bear with me here :)
> 
> Fun facts about me: I am a university student (attending in America). English is not my native language, I speak Russian and Spanish (my parents come from different backgrounds) but I love to challenge myself and learn. I also love meeting people, so if you want to be internet friends and gush over Yuzu and Zhenya my twitter is @IsaevaYevelina <3
> 
> Thank you.


	2. Days Gone By

  **Evgenia’s POV**

A week had past since he had returned, and nothing had changed. Apart from a few passing glances, we never spoke. I accepted the truth.

Things are never going to be the same with Yuzuru and I.

I had spent the week with my new choreographer, David Wilson. Constructing new programs was harder than it had ever been. I wanted music that reflected everything I felt inside.

_I’m scared, I’m nervous. I’m wishful and hoping. Most of all, I’m a new person now, I am free. My programs must reflect this._

And while they were not finished, David had created great concepts and bases for my new programs. I was more than pleased, but I was beyond exhausted from the process. I needed to go home and relax before I fell asleep on the bench. I don’t think anyone would mind that, actually.

I put on my headphones and started to play my favorite K-pop playlist. I carefully packed up my skates and equipment, relieved to be heading out after a long day. I swung my bag over my shoulder, grabbed my water, and began to head for the exit.

The rink was completely empty and the building was quiet. I wondered if there was anyone still wandering the halls at this time, _there must be_.

My thoughts had mimicked reality, because as I turned the corner out of the rink I slammed into someone, hard enough that I fell to the ground.

I didn’t need to look up to see who I had just collided with. His voice was enough.

_This can’t be happening._

“I’m so sorry Zhenya, I didn’t know you were heading out.” Yuzuru had a wild look to him, and his voice was quiet.

He looks like he hasn’t slept in days…

Yuzuru lended his arm out to pull me off the ground, and I offered my hand for him to grab. The few seconds of touch between us made the goosebumps on my arm rise.

Why does he have this effect on me? _Stop it, you foolish girl._

"It’s okay, Yuzu. I’m ok” My voice was barely audible, I was still trying to comprehend what had happened in the last minute.

“Are you sure, I bumped into you pretty hard?” Yuzuru spoke with a tone of concern that made me flutter.

“Yes, I am fine. Anyways, you’re the one that the water got all over yourself.”

“You’re right - it’s all over my jacket and…” Yuzuru was unable to finish his sentence before he began laughing. The water had soaked the front of his pants.

Oh my god it looks like he…

My laughter soon followed. It was odd, almost as if nothing had changed and we were still the same close friends. We haven’t had a moment together like this in almost a year.

I wish it was always like this.

After the laughter had calmed down, we stood in silence before awkwardly wishing each other goodnight. I was much more awake now, and I couldn’t help but feel giddy.

_Maybe I need to bump into him more often_. But I knew these types of interactions are rare, and so I needed to enjoy the feeling while it lasted.

I settled down at home and turned on the television, before climbing into my bed. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was him standing there, laughing alongside me.

 

**Yuzuru’s POV**

I laid my head on the pillow, but my eyes remained wide open. Sleep had not come easy to me in the past week.

While it’s true my frustrations came from my unsatisfying practices - they also came from regret. I had no choice, I had to cut Zhenya out of my life. But I regret that way I did it, without any explanation.

_I need to talk to her, soon. I cannot leave things like this._

It was a painful week. I could not land my quad lutz, and I could not find the courage to speak to her.

I was afraid of injury, and for the other, afraid of rejection. I have ignored her since the night of our phone call. Why would she ever want to speak to me? Would she even give me a chance?

I went over in my head how I could keep my distance from her, but still let her know I care. Even if I can no longer express it. I needed an opportunity first, one to at least interact with her. And I got it today, but not the way I expected.

I guess looking like I peed myself was not so bad, hearing her laugh made it worth the embarrassment.

There was so much guilt at first. I had avoided Zhenya for a week, and my first encounter with her sent her crashing to the floor.

Why do these things happen this way?

I shifted my thoughts over to after the initial fall, after I took her hand to help her up. I flushed a little at the contact, but i could not understand why.

Why do I react to her like this? I cannot have these feelings for anyone, especially not her.

I couldn’t explain why I felt this way, I couldn’t pinpoint the exact emotion. I just knew that I was glad I didn’t injure Zhenya, and I was happy that I made her laugh.

Moments like this made it hard to remember that I need to be avoiding her, even though I find myself wanting to talk to her. Could we still be friends? The thought made my head swirl, there were too many risks. But I would still like to hear her laugh from time to time. Her laugh made all my worries disappear.

And it was the thought of her laughter that finally allowed me to drift off to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos, it means a lot!


	3. Broken Figures

**Evgenia’s POV**

The end of the off-season was nearing, and my nerves grew by the second. Soon I would be showing off my new programs in challenger competitions, and then the Grand Prix stage.

My practices were intense this past month, I focused on fixing my lutz edge while adding a loop combo in afterwards. But it wasn't what I hoped it would be. I still stumbled on my loops, and I still switched my edge to the inside on my lutz frequently. I knew that change wouldn't happen overnight, but I had hoped to have everything fixed by the start of the new season. And I couldn't see that happening.

_Everyone will think I'm a failure. That I moved halfway across the world for nothing. They will say that I have made no progress_

Dark thoughts continued to swarm me. I had worked hard to keep them out, but today they kept pushing through, breaking my walls down. Tears began to form, and I ran off the ice before anyone could see.

I tried to calm myself as I ran, but only more thoughts flooded in.

People are going to hate me more than they already do. "Flutzgenia" the most overrated figure skater in history. That's what they will continue to call me.

I found my way into one of the empty halls of the TCC. It was once used for skaters to hang their coats and other equipment, but after the locker rooms were upgraded, there was no need for it. So there it sat, abandoned, and I found that it was the perfect place to cry.

_I should just stay here. No one out there needs me anyways._

I hadn't felt this broken since I lost the gold medal. It was the first time I truly felt defeated. Until today. But it wasn't Alina who had won the battle against me, it was the world.

I cannot do it. I can't fix my flutz. I can't learn quads like Sasha or Anna. I can't jump as good as Alina. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I cannot make it to the next Olympics. Maybe this is the way things are supposed to end.

Tears began to flow down my face even faster than before. I sunk to the ground, listening to my own sobs. My confidence has truly left me. I thought I could do it, I really did. But the future looks more bleak than ever.

Over the sound of my cries I heard the faint sound of footsteps. I hoped it was a part of my imagination, but I knew they were real.

I heard him say my name. It was too late to run. Instead I buried my head in my knees, hoping he'd leave me to waste away.

Instead, Yuzuru knelt down beside me, and grabbed a small packet of tissues out of his jacket. He then cautiously reached his hand to my face, wiping away the stream of tears.

How did he find me here? Why is he trying to console me? I thought he hated me... he must feel sorry for me, that is all.

Aside from our encounter three weeks ago, we haven’t spoken. I would pass him in the hall and bid him good morning, and all Yuzu would do is look down and nod. He hasn’t cared for me at all since I’ve arrived here, why now? It must be pity.

His presence only confused me and made the tears cascade faster. I had been crying for too long, I began to violently cough after my throat went dry.

"Evgenia, you need to calm down. You might start hyperventilating."

_He is right, you need to calm yourself_

I took a deep breath and the tears began to fall more slowly. I grabbed the packet of tissues and blew my nose. After what seemed like an eternity, Yuzuru finally spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it."

_I don't think I do, Yuzu. And if I did, I wouldn't even know where to start..._

"You don't have to say anything, Zhenya. We can sit here until you're ready to come back."

"What if I don't want to go back." I whisper.

That's not entirely true, I do want to. But not right now. _I’m still trying to figure out why you’re here…_

"You don't mean that. You're hurting. I don't know why. But I can help you, you just have to let me." Yuzuru spoke with the same voice that had comforted me over the phone all those months ago.

He can help me? Would he understand? He would, wouldn't he...

It took every ounce of my strength to say the words out loud, the words that I’ve been hiding for months.

"I feel like I will never be on top of the podium again, like I've been cast aside, someone to laugh at." My voice was hoarse and quiet, but I wasn't finished.

"I feel like everyone will see me as a failure, that I haven't fixed my flutz, or I haven't gotten a more difficult program." My voice was louder and more pronounced.

Yuzuru paused for a moment and glanced downward.

Oh no. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, doesn't he? Please say something...

"Yuzu, please." I was defeated. I admitted my fears, and he stayed silent.

His eyes flickered back up towards me and he looked puzzled before finally speaking.

"Zhenya, you shouldn't feel this way, because you're not alone. How do you think I feel when I see men younger then like me landing 6 quads? Or when I have thousands cheering my name in the stands, but I still fall. I'm scared just like you. I'm scared that I will be cast aside by those more technically gifted. Or those more consistent."

He feels like this too? I thought Yuzuru Hanyu was invincible, always confident, and never doubted himself.

"But at the end of the day, I realized if I allow myself to think like that, I'm allowing that to happen. So you have to fight through those dark thoughts, and focus each day on improving. Don't dwell on the past. And the opinion of others should be your last concern. Trust your training, and in time Evgenia, you will see the light."

I stayed silent and shook my head, unable to form any words, only thoughts. Everything he said made complete sense. And while I still had my doubts, his words gave me the tiny bit of hope I so desperately needed.

_Thank you Yuzu. I understand now. I wish I could tell you how much what you have said means to me, but I can’t find my voice._

After a few minutes of silence Yuzuru quickly stood up and lifted me off the ground, reminiscent of when we crashed into each other.

I struggled to balance when I got up on my feet, leaning on the wall for support. I had gotten up too quickly, my head was rushing. After I was steadily standing, he turned towards me. His facial expression had trouble written all over it.

"Now, I know a way to help you let some frustration out." His voice was mischievous.

"What?" I was confused and intrigued.

Yuzuru smirked. "Time to show you the boxing ring."


	4. Prying Eyes

**Evgenia’s POV**

The boxing ring? This is a skating and curling club, do we even have one of those?

I stayed quiet as I timidly followed behind Yuzu. I glanced out of the window and saw that the sun had almost completely disappeared over the horizon.

We must have been in that hallway for longer than I thought.

After a series of turns, we finally arrived at a small gym. It was nothing like the fighting rings you see on television, but it was decent in size. The outer area of the ring was surrounded by punching bags and various other equipments.

"I've been here for so long, I didn't even know this existed."

"Well, obviously people never gave you a proper tour." Yuzuru chuckled. "Now, Zhenya, I want you to go grab a pair of boxing gloves."

I've never worn boxing gloves before, hitting punching bags always just seemed silly to me...

"Ok." Was all I managed to say. There was something different about his tone, he was serious and commanding.

It took me forever to find one that fit my small hands, and then I struggled to put them on. I could hear Yuzu in the background, he had already gone to work on one of the punching bags. After what seemed like several hours, I secured the gloves and turned around. A small gasp escaped my lips.

Yuzuru was shirtless, a thin sheen of sweat had covered his skin. His muscles on his arm became prominent every time he made contact with the punching bag. My mouth went dry.

It's so attractive... even when hitting punching bags, he has a rhythm. It's art in motion.

I must of been staring too long, because he had turned around and let out a laugh. He then walked towards me, and I took a step back. I was intimidated.

"Now, I want you to go stand in front of a punching bag. And then I want you to let your emotions run through. Think of all your frustrations and fears, and then connect your fist to the bag."

It was simple enough, I figured. Stand in front and hit the bag. Except when I did, there was no effect, no feeling of satisfaction.

"This is stupid, Yuzu."

"No, Zhenya, it's not. You're not listening to me. Let your emotions in."

This time, I listened. I thought of every nasty comment I've ever seen. I thought of all the rumors, all my doubts and fears. And then, I brought my first up to the bag.

_This feels good_

I quickly got into a rhythm of my own, furiously punching the bag. I never realized how much pent up anger and frustration I truly had. Beads of sweat started to break on my forehead. I was hot, too hot. I removed several layers of clothing, until I was left in my sports bra.

If Yuzu can be half naked, so can I.

My punching became more intense, and sweat was now dripping down my face. I gave one last swing before I decided that it was enough.

I turned around to find Yuzu seated on a bench, his eyes fixated on me. This time, he did not look away when when I caught his gaze.

My heart rate will never go back to normal if he doesn't stop staring...

He then got up and once again walked towards me, and this time I didn't back away.

"Are you ready to fight, Zhenya?"

"What?"

"You thought I brought you here to only punch bags? Cmon, let's get into the ring."

This man is actually crazy. He wants to fight each other? I can't even hit him if I tried...

I grabbed on the ropes and widened it enough to allow me to pass through, holding it for Yuzuru to come in as well.

He walked towards the center of the ring, gesturing me to come towards him. After we both were centered around the middle, he extended his arms upward.

"Now, punch me."

"I'm not going to punch you, Yuzu." I had no problems punching the bags, but this was different.

"Is it because you couldn't hit me if you tried?" He smirked. He knew that would be enough for me to step up and do it.

I swiftly swung my right fist towards him, but his reaction was quick enough to block it.

"Do you have fast reflexes, Zhenya?" And before I could answer I found myself blocking one of his punches.

The game soon ensued. We took turns, blocking and punching each other. It was a cat and mouse game, we both had fast reactions and continuously blocked each other's hits.

I felt my muscles beginning to tire, but he had been going at the punching bag much longer previously, so I soon gained the upper hand. His reaction times became slower and his punches weaker, until I eventually threw a punch that he could not block.

For a second, I feared that I had hurt him. He dropped to the ground and let out a laugh.

"You're one hell of a fighter, Medvedeva."

For the first time all day I felt good. I wasn't fond of being drenched in sweat, but my anger has dissolved and I feel lighter.

Until I looked at the time. "Yuzu! It's almost midnight!"

"What?" He was just as surprised as I was.

I quickly put my shirt back on and my Russian Federation jacket over it and sprinted to the lockers. My phone had 12 unread messages - mostly from my mom. I quickly called her to tell her I was okay, I just needed a ride home.

I walked towards the entrance of the TCC. I didn't think it would still be open at this time. I'm more surprised that we spent hours in that gym, without a single one of us noticing.

My mom texted me stating she was five minutes away, and I quickly went over my bag to make sure I had everything. I yawned as I reached in to grab my headphones. It's been a long day.

"Hey, sorry if I got you in any trouble with your mom, I just wanted to help you take your mind off things." His voice startled me, must he always be so quiet?

"It's fine, and you did help me take my mind off things. Actually, you almost made me forget. Thank you, Yuzu."

My phone buzzed and I knew it was my cue to go.

"You're welcome. Goodnight, Evgenia ."

"Goodnight, Yuzuru."

 As I stepped into my mothers car, she began to ask a million questions. But all I could think about was going back to that little gym, with Yuzu by my side.

 

**Yuzuru’s POV**

As Zhenya followed behind me, I noticed it was already almost nightfall. This shouldn't take too long.

Her eyes widened, this area was obviously unfamiliar to her.

"I've been here for so long, I didn't even know this existed."

"Well, obviously people never gave you a proper tour." I wish I had been there for her first day, given her a tour of everything this place has to offer her.

We finally entered the small gym, and I gave her a minute to soak in her surroundings before we began.

"Now, Zhenya, I want you to go grab a pair of boxing gloves."

"Ok." Her voice was timid and unsure.

I nodded and trusted that she could figure out how to put them on herself. As she was turned away, I took off my shirt and quickly put my own gloves on. My fists connected with the punching bags again and again. It's almost therapeutic for me, it lets me release all the anger I am forced to keep on the inside. I soon feel the sweat lacing my face and back, before I finally pause to see if Zhenya has gotten her gloves on yet.

I turn to see her eyes fixated on my body, but she quickly looks away. It is such an innocent gesture, I often do it as well.

I begin to walk towards her, and she takes a step back. I don't know why she would, was it just a stumble? It didn't matter, she needed to release her emotions, and I said I would help her.

"Now, I want you to go stand in front of a punching bag. And then I want you to let your emotions run through. Think of all your frustrations and fears, and then connect your fist to the bag."

She walked up towards the bag and stood in front of it. She swiftly punched the bag, and a frown formed on her face, clearly dissatisfied with her own reaction.

"This is stupid, Yuzu."

"No, Zhenya, it's not. You're not listening to me. Let your emotions in."

This time, she listened. And then I saw it. She began to swiftly hit the bag, with a rhythm. I could see it, the energy and the the power she was hitting the bags with. Zhenya was letting the anger go.

It was fascinating to watch. I had seen her reduced to a broken shell earlier, and now she looked strong and fierce. She removed her jacket and her t-shirt, wearing only her Nike sport top. Or whatever girls call those.

My focus once again shifted to my own punching bag, but not for long. Watching her was far more entertaining. I guess I could say I found it... attractive.

She slowed down and eventually stopped, turning towards me. But I did not look away, simply because I wanted to look at her. She looked wild and beautiful.

And when I got up to walk towards her, she didn't take a step back.

"Are you ready to fight, Zhenya?"

"What?" Her voice was conflicted.

"You thought I brought you here to only punch bags? Cmon, let's get into the ring."

She was confused, but nevertheless entered the ring. I walked towards the center and gestured her to follow. After she was in the right place, I rose my arms up.

"Now, punch me."

"I'm not going to punch you, Yuzu."

I knew she was going to be difficult about this, but I also knew how to get her to change her mind. "Is it because you couldn't hit me if you tried?" I smirked.

And just like that, she swiftly swung her first towards me, but I wasn't going to let her hit me that easily. She'd have to fight for it.

"Do you have fast reflexes, Zhenya?"

I swiftly extended my arm out and she threw her fist up to block it. Since I could never forgive myself if I hit Zhenya, I made sure to only punch far enough where she could block it, but it wouldn't reach her body.

We quickly began to fight, and it seemed like it was never going to end. My body began to weaken, I was already tired from the punching bag, and this was even more difficult. She quickly gained the upper hand and without even letting her, she punched me in the stomach.

For the dramatic effect, I fell to the floor. A look of concern flashed across her face and I let out a laugh.

"You're one hell of a fighter, Medvedeva." It was true. It felt like we were fighting for hours. I was exhausted.

"Yuzu! It's almost midnight!" She shouted.

"What?" There’s no way…

Before I even got off the ground, she had already took off. It was around 8:30 when we had originally came here, we have spent hours fighting.

I quickly grabbed my bags and went to go look for her, I at least wanted to know if she was better now. And I wanted to apologize if she was now in trouble.

The bright red and blue Russia jacket was hard to miss, she was waiting in the main lobby of the TCC. She must have not heard me walking towards her, because she jumped when I spoke.

"Hey, sorry if I got you in any trouble with your mom, I just wanted to help you take your mind off things."

"It's fine, and you did help me take my mind off things. Actually, you almost made me forget. Thank you, Yuzu."

To know that I helped her, in any way, makes me happy. I saw two different Evgenia Medvedeva's today, I liked seeing the one that wasn't crying.

Her phone buzzed and she grabbed her bag, I needed to say my parting words.

"You're welcome. Goodnight, Evgenia."

"Goodnight, Yuzuru."

And so I was left standing there, a smile on my face, looking forward to our next fight in the ring.


	5. Ready, Set, Skate!

**Evgenia’s POV**

The cricket club was always busy, but today there was an extra sense of panic and urgency.

It was time for the ISU challenger series, and Brian liked all his students to compete in a few. Then we would be hitting the Grand Prix circuit.

That meant that programs needed to be polished, and any last minute touch-ups needed to be done.

My programs have been ready for weeks, and I’ve slowly fallen in love with them. I am going to be skating to different music scores created by Joe Hisaishi, the same man behind Yuzuru’s “Hope and Legacy” music. Spirited Away, my favorite Japanese film, is my long program.

To be skating to films and music scores that inspired me so much as a child, it’s almost a dream. The music is simple and complex at the same time, and I can express all of my emotions like I never could before.

I’ve wanted to find the time to ask Yuzu to watch me perform them, because I know he’d love them too. But he’s been busy with his own programs, and he is finally getting his quad lutz down.

We talk more often now. Mostly small conversations from day to day, but he always offers me words of encouragement. It’s more communication than what we had going on last month. I have visited the gym every week since he first took me there, it’s become almost a part of my daily routine. He says he hasn’t found the time to join me, and I understand.

It was almost time to go home and I hit the ice one last time. Everyone was packing up, and I skated over to the sound booth. I grabbed one of the cords and connected it to my phone. Soon, my program music began to fill the speakers of the rink.

I let my mind be in control as I ran through the choreography. I set up for my new combination, triple lutz- triple toe. After I hit it, I let out a sigh of relief. I knew I had the correct edge.

I continued on with my program, as the music became more passionate, I did too. My step sequence was my favorite part, I poured my heart into it each and every time.

The music came to an end and I finished my final spin. I stood there for a minute, smiling. It was perfect.

The sound of clapping made me jolt around. Yuzu was on the ice now, skating towards me. My heart dropped. He had been watching the whole time.

“That was beautiful, Zhenya. Spirited Away, huh?” He smiled, looking directly into my eyes.

“Thank you. It’s one of my favorite films. I’m really proud of my program.” It was true, I couldn’t be more pleased.

“Are you ready for the new season?” He asked curiously.

“I think I am.”

I honestly didn’t know the answer to his question. I certainly appeared ready, but you can almost never be ready for anything in life. It just happens. But I am prepared to show the world what I have to offer. For the first time in a long time, I am excited for the future.

“Well, I think you’re ready, Zhenya.”

I smiled at him, unsure of how to respond. But if he believes that I am ready, perhaps I am.

We both jumped when the sound of the iPhone ringtone came over the loudspeakers. I forgot my phone was hooked up to the sound system. I quickly skated over and unplugged it, while answering the call from my mother.

She told me she was a few minutes away, I said okay and hung up because I couldn’t contain my laughter anymore.

Yuzu’s face was red from laughing so much, and I could feel the color in my face change as well.

“Well, that’s one way to let the whole club know you got a phone call.” He chuckled.

“I guess so. But that phone call told me it was time to go. So goodnight, and good luck this season, Yuzu.”

 “Goodnight and good luck, Zhenya.”

 And with that I skated off the ice away from him, wishing I could stay a little longer.


	6. The Starting Run

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

_October 28 - Skate Canada International ___

**____ **

I left the conference room and headed back up to my hotel. I was physically and mentally exhausted.

**____ **

Even though I won my first Grand Prix assignment, I was more worried then happy. There was only a 8 point difference between me and my former teammate Daria Panenkova. And half of that 8 point gap was from my program components, not technical.

**____ **

Brian says it will be okay, that I can't worry about that right now. I hope he's right.

**____ **

My hotel room was cold, and for some reason I felt empty. I found myself staring at my phone, my finger waving over his number. 

**____ **

I haven't spoken to Yuzu since the season started, and I wanted to hear his voice more than anything right now. 

**____ **

"Zhenya?" He sounded out of breath. He must be practicing right now, I almost feel bad for interrupting. 

**____ **

"Hey. I'm calling because... well... I just want someone to talk to." I was starting to regret pressing on the call button.

**____ **

"No worries. You won your first Grand Prix assignment! That's amazing Zhenya. You skated beautifully, I watched it live."

**____ **

Hearing him say those words made me feel like a child on Christmas Day, all happy and giddy. 

**____ **

"You really watched it?" I wanted another confirmation.

**____ **

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?" 

**____ **

"I don't know, aren't you too busy practicing?" He was always busy, it was hard to believe he ever had any free time. 

**____ **

"I skipped going on the ice today to watch you and Jason skate, and besides, I just wanted to hit some punching bags and take it easy. I would say it's worth it." 

**____ **

"Well, you're up next at Helsinki. I'll make sure to turn my television on. You better win, Hanyu." I meant it. He had a streak of losing his first GP assignment, I wanted to see him break it.

**____ **

"And you better win in France, Medvedeva." He chuckled.

**____ **

We talked for a few more minutes before my exhaustion overwhelmed me, and I needed to sleep. I wished him good luck, and he wished me goodnight.

**____ **

Talking to him made me feel better, it always does. The road ahead of me was a long and uncertain one, but between his support and my training, I had hope. 

**____ **

...  
_November 25 - Grand Prix of France ___

**______ _ _ **

Another close victory. Another small margin. It wasn't going to last.

**______ _ _ **

I narrowly won over Rika Kihira. And while I should be happy that I won both of my Grand Prix assignments, I couldn't help but dread the final.

**______ _ _ **

My performance wasn't the best, I stumbled on my triple lutz after taking off on the wrong edge. It's the first time I've done it this season. Only 1.22 points between gold and silver. It was enough for now. 

**______ _ _ **

I went into the bathroom to fix my hair and touch up my makeup for the press conferences. I was never a fan of them, but it was even harder to stay focused during it because I just wanted to get back to my hotel room to call Yuzu. 

**______ _ _ **

It was now a routine. We called each other before and after every one of our competitions. I looked forward to the calls so much, even if they never lasted more than 15 minuets. It was enough for me to carry on with hope. 

**______ _ _ **

And perhaps the only aspect that excited me about the Grand Prix final was the fact he would be there. I haven't seen him since mid-September, and it was now almost December. But my hardest competition would be there, and it was time for me to focus and get in my competitive mindset. I was eager to prove myself in front of everyone.

**______ _ _ **

The worst of the wait is over, I have only a few weeks left. Until then, our phone calls and my practices will have to suffice. 

**______ _ _ **

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

**____******** _ _ _ _ **

_November 4 - Grand Prix of Finland ___

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

The competition was relatively easy, but I had a record for always losing my first Grand Prix assignment. 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

Her phone calls reassured me that I could. It's been hard since Javier retired, to find someone who understands me. That I can confide in. But Zhenya knows and understands my fears better than anyone now.

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

And for that reason alone, I made her promise that we would call each other before and after our Grand Prix events. 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

The press conference had lasted longer than usual, I was eager to tell her the good news. For the first time in a long time, I felt at ease. Although this was only the first competition, I was pleased with how I performed and I didn't fear the final.

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

As soon as I retrieved my phone from my locker it started to ring. 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"Yuzu! You won your first Grand Prix! Aren't you glad to finally to be rid of that losing streak."

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"I guess I am." In truth I was ecstatic to be rid of that curse.

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"Well, up next you have Rostelecom, send my best regards in Russia." She had a hint of sadness in her voice. 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"I wish you were there, like last year." 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"I know, but the Russian Federation wanted Alina at the home Grand Prix. She's their number one now." Her voice was quiet, and I knew what she was thinking. 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

It must be hard for her. I so badly wish she had gotten her home Grand Prix. That way she could be by my side, and she'd be home again. But she's right, in their eyes Alina is now their number one skater. In my eyes it was Zhenya.

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"Hey don't get too sad. You've already won one GP. Now go out and win your second. Don't just prove them that you can do it, prove it to me." If there was anyone who could motivate her, it was me. 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"I will, I promise." 

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

We talked for a while longer before I had to leave for the banquet. I sat there, alone. I would much rather talk to her than listen to the chatter around me.

**____****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

_November 18 - Rostelecom Cup_

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

The gold medal swung heavy around my neck. I did it, I won both of my Grand Prix assignments and I would be going to the final. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

The photographers were shouting at us in different languages, I couldn't understand anything. I was posing with Alina, and the winners of the ice dance and pairs discipline. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

As the day went on, I wished more and more that it was Zhenya by my side, not Alina. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

Rostelecom was not the same with out her. We both competed here last year, before our injuries kept us from going to the final. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

But now I was fully healed, and eager to take the ice. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

I kept looking at my phone to see if she has called, forgetting that she won't for a few more hours. She was back in Canada, and I was here in her home country. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

There was one Grand Prix event remaining, and then the final. I wouldn't see Zhenya until then. Just one more month. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

This has never happened to me before. I've never thought about someone like this, I don't know why I think about her so much. It's just been so nice to confide with her over the phone, I want to see her in person. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

And then a small and shy voice broke me from my thoughts.

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"How is Zhenya? Is she happy?" Alina peered from behind me. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"I think she is. I hope so." I want nothing more than Evgenia to be happy. She deserves it more than anyone.

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"That's good. I hope she is too. Even though we are rivals, I miss her. I wish she was here." Alina spoke with such a fondness, I often forget that she idolizes Zheyna. 

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

"I miss her too, Alina."

**____****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a lot of this chapter is just wishful thinking and predictions since the Grand Prix assignments are out. This may or may not end up being totally wrong but we shall see. And thank you everyone for the reads and kudos, this is the first story I’ve ever made and I’m learning so much. The support means so much and I’m so grateful. This is a huge learning process for me and I couldn’t do it if nobody read my stories! With that being said, I’ve already written a few chapters ahead and I’ve tweaked the structure of the story a bit to add some suspense because things are going to pick up soon! <3 Also is it just me or is anyone else disappointed Zhenya and Yuzu didn’t get any GP’s together?
> 
> Edit: Months later, wow this was so wrong ;(


	7. Head to Head

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

I welcomed the cold air as I stepped off the plane in Vancouver. My flight had been delayed a few hours due to weather conditions, and so I was a few hours late for practice. 

********

The venue was 30 minuets from the airport, but the drive was much longer due to the snow. I slowly grew more and more impatient as each minute passed. 

********

Finally the car began to slow as we approached the Thunderbird Sports Centre. This venue was used in the Vancouver Olympics, and now it was being used for the Grand Prix Final. 

********

I could hardly wait for the car to stop before I reached for the door. Dragging my luggage behind me, I made my way through the corridors until I reached the main rink.

********

The dyed blonde hair was not easy to miss.

********

Eteri. 

********

This is the first time I’ve seen her since I left Russia. She wasn’t with Daria at Skate Canada. But here she was, with Alina by her side.

********

Alina had won both of her Grand Prix’s, as did I. But her margins of victory were much bigger. Still, I couldn’t give up now. 

********

Rika Kihira was on the ice, punching out triple axel after triple axel. Huh. I thought Alina was my main competition here, perhaps I need to re-evaluate that.

********

Grabbing my phone, I sent a quick text to Yuzu telling him I was here. I put on my headphones and started my warmup routine, stretching, jumping rope, before finally lacing up my skates.

********

I felt the stiffness in my legs as I took to the ice. Even before I took off, I already knew I was going to fall on this jump. My body slammed down onto the ice and I quickly got up, but it was too late. 

********

Eteri was staring directly at me. Disappointment was written across her face. She whispered to Alina, who in turn went and preformed the same jump I had just failed to. Of course, she landed it.

********

I felt the anger radiating off of me. Why would she tell Alina to do that? To prove that she’s the better coach? Eteri did it out of spite.

********

Circling the rink, I felt the stiffness in my knees lessen. With enough speed, I leapt up to do a triple lutz-triple loop combo, the same as Alina. It was perfect. I had the speed and the height. 

********

But when I glanced over, Eteri was gone. She didn’t even see me do it. But it doesn’t matter.

********

I shouldn’t have to prove anything to my former coach. I have to prove it to myself, that I can land my jumps anytime, not just out of spite. In time, the world will see my progress, but for now I need to focus on myself. 

********

Brian was now here, standing at the edge of the ice. 

********

“I guess we both got here a bit late, huh? You can’t stop Mother Nature.” He is so understanding. Even if there was a earthquake, Eteri would’ve still expected me at practice on time. 

********

“In Russia, the winter is even more unforgiving.” I remember having to take 10 minuets just to take all my layers off after arriving at Sambo-70, because it was so frigid outside. 

********

“I bet. Are you ready to get to work.” Brian was always eager to teach, always positive.

********

I nodded my head.

********

…

********

It seemed like hours had past before Brain was telling me I had to leave the ice. 

********

“You can go practice on the secondary rink, but the male skaters have their session on the main rink now.” 

********

The male skaters… Yuzu! My heart fluttered, I haven’t seen him in months. My crush on him was really a nuisance, but still made me happy. 

********

I took extra long to pack up my skates and gear, hopping I could catch him before I had to leave. There would be no other time to see him until after the competition, because we needed to focus on ourselves.

********

“Zhenya, it’s really time for you to go.” Brian knew I was stalling, but I’m sure he didn’t know what for.

********

On my way out I made sure to stop and tie my sneakers to buy extra time, even though they had already been tied. And that’s when I felt his presence over me.

********

“Hello, Zhenya.” Hearing his voice in real life was much better than over the phone. 

********

I shot up and smiled. “Hey”

********

I was almost expecting a hug, or a warmer greeting. But once again, all he did was nod and walk away.

********

Why am I so hopeful, after all this time? I always expect more, but nothing ever happens. I thought after all our phone calls, we were for sure close. But to him, I guess not.

********

I watched through the doors as he stepped onto the ice. He must have already warmed up while I was still skating. Yuzu lapped the rink twice, before jumping a quad lutz. The landing was perfection. It looked so easy, but I knew it wasn’t. 

********

I swung my bag over my shoulders and headed to the secondary rink. My short program was in two days, my long program in three. That’s where my focus needed to be. Not on Yuzuru Hanyu.

********

I didn’t even read the text messages he has sent me before deleting them off of my phone.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1000+ reads?! Thank you everyone, it means so much <3 This is a bit of a shorter chapter that will build up to some events coming soon, enjoy ;)


	8. Pretender to His Crown

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

The arena filled with sound as the final group of skaters took the ice for the warm up. The sea of Japanese flags were waving back and forth, I felt the pressure building up in my body.

********

I had won the Grand Prix four years in a row, before I had to withdraw last year. But now I was back, facing off against my toughest competitors.

********

Nathan Chen had improved a lot during the off-season. He retained his six quad status, I only had four. Shoma has become more consistent, so has Boyang. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

********

What was even harder was the fact that Javier was not by my side. All these years, I turned to him for support. But this season he was gone, and it was Zhenya who filled that empty void. But she was not with me now. There was no phone call or talk beforehand. I was alone. 

********

The ladies short program would be tomorrow, she was probably busy practicing. I haven’t spoken to her since she ignored my message, but it’s what she wants. 

********

_I’m glad you have made it to Vancouver safe, Zhenya. My plane has just landed, I’m excited to see you. I really need to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me for a while. I think you deserve my explanation and the truth. If you want to hear it, reply to this text or meet me at the cafe near the northern wing of the venue. If you don’t want to hear it, I understand, and I won’t bring it up again. ___

****____ ** **

She never came, or replied. I waited hours for her, hoping my phone would buzz or she would meet me in person. I thought after all our time on the phone, we had grown back together. Zhenya always sounded so happy during our calls, but perhaps I wasn’t the source of her happiness. 

****____ ** **

_If you don’t want to hear it, I understand, and I won’t bring it up again. ___

****______ _ _ ** **

She didn’t want to talk. I had to accept that decision. 

****______ _ _ ** **

And yet when she appeared in front of me on my way to practice yesterday, I should’ve just walked past her. But my mouth betrayed my thoughts and before I knew it I was speaking.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Hello, Zhenya.”

****______ _ _ ** **

She shot up as if someone had frightened her. My eyes wandered to the phone resting on top of her bag. There was no way she didn’t see the message.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Hey.” Her smile made a brief appearance.

****______ _ _ ** **

I nodded, and walked away. I didn’t have time to play pretend, because it’s all I’ve been doing lately. 

****______ _ _ ** **

And now it was time to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I made a final bow to Brian as my name was called. The pit in my stomach was sickening, I was beginning to doubt myself. But I caught a glimpse of her as I took to the ice, and it was enough for me to go on.

****______ _ _ ** **

**Evgenia’s POV ******

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

My heart stopped as he took the ice. I shouldn’t be here, not when I have my own short program to focus on. But I couldn’t turn away from watching him skate. 

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

The screams of the crowd were deafening, you’d almost suspect that we were in Japan, not Canada. But Yuzu’s fans would follow him anywhere. I think I would too. 

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

He had already captivated the audience, even though his program had just begun. I’ve seen his short program over and over again on television, but never live. It was exquisite, how he glided across the ice as if he was flying. 

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

I held my breath as he set up his first jumping pass. I knew how hard he had been working on the quad lutz, how he had to overcome the fear of attempting it after the injury. 

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

A pin dropped in the arena as his toe pick hit the ice, and then the audience erupted in cheers. Not only did he land it perfectly, he added a triple toe at the end.

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

The rest of the performance was just as spectacular. Despite minimal crossovers, there was so much speed in his skating. His traditions were difficult, but appeared effortless. The height in his triple axel was incomprehensible, how was it even possible to reach into the air like that?

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

The music hadn’t even stopped before people began to rise. I was among them. A flawless performance, surely a short program world record.

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

Could I ever produce a performance like this? Tomorrow night was my chance, but it didn’t seem likely. 

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

There were only two performers left in the final group to skate. It didn’t matter, nothing anyone did could top his performance. 

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

They were all just pretenders to his crown.

****____******** _ _ _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be another short chapter, but the good news is that the chapters after this will be very long and detailed! Once again thank you guys for the kudos, comments, and reads. It means so much that people are finding joy in reading my stories. I hope you have a great day, whenever you are reading this :)


	9. Three Minutes of Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys haven’t heard, Yuzu is back at the TCC, and Zhenya has returned from Japan! Hopefully Jason will sneak us a few selfies. Anyways, here is the next chapter, and hopefully this won’t happen in real life *crosses fingers*. Im really excited for the next few chapters ahead, prepare yourselves ;) Thank you all for the comments, reads, and kudos <3

**Yuzuru’s POV**

********

My eyes couldn't be torn away from the television screen that was situated in front of me.

********

I couldn't risk being there in person, if I was spotted in the stands I surely would've been mobbed. Watching someone skate on television is just not the same, especially when it comes to her. When your physically there, you can feel every ounce of emotion, every aurora that radiates off of her. 

********

The six ladies soon appeared behind the boards, ready to take the ice for the warm up. I smiled when I saw Rika, she's been incredible in her first year as a senior. 

********

If I were asked in a interview, I would say that I'd be rooting for Rika. Truthfully, I want nothing more than to see Zhenya on the top of the podium, even if that means someone from my own country is second.

********

The commentary of competition was in English, and they were speaking way too quickly for me to listen well. But I caught them saying her name, and I instantly turned the volume up.

********

_Evgenia Medvedeva will be first to skate after the warmup concludes. This will be her first major competition after her coaching change, which was brought on by her disappointment at the Olympics._

****____ ** **

Hearing this statement made me angry, because I knew the truth. Her change of coaches was not because of a silver medal, it's because she wanted freedom. I remember all the ridiculous things Zhenya has told me over the years.

****____ ** **

_No eating after six in the evening, you're skating this program in this order. No, you will not fix your lutz edge, the judges never call it anyways. You will learn a quad unless you want to be forgotten. ___

____

****____ ** **

____

Eteri was controlling her entire life, it just took Zhenya time to realize it. And the night she came to that conclusion was the night she called me crying. 

____

****____ ** **

____

My stomach dropped, realizing that she must have already seen her former coach. That was something we never talked about, what she would do when she saw Eteri again. But Zhenya is never one to complicate matters, she wouldn't do anything but wave hello. 

____

****____ ** **

____

The screen flashed between the competitors. Alina's looks could kill, she was obviously eager to defend her title. Daria looked a little less certain, but she was nailing every jump so far.

____

****____ ** **

____

The camera has now focused on Zhenya, and I could tell something was wrong. The look of fierce determination that was always written across her face was absent. She looked nervous and frightened. I've watched her skate close to a hundred times - and fear was never an emotion she let show. 

____

****____ ** **

____

I held my breath as she fell on several jump attempts. It was clear to everyone now that Zhenya wasn't herself. 

____

****____ ** **

____

The announcer came on, asking everyone to clear the ice for the warm up. Since she was first to skate, she wouldn't leave the ice. 

____

****____ ** **

____

Feelings of regret begin to wash over me. I don't care that she didn't want to hear my confession, I should've found her before the competition and talked to her. Tell her that she shouldn't doubt herself, and that everything will turn out okay. 

____

****____ ** **

____

Zhenya's face paled as she was called to skate, Brian's words of encouragement had little to no effect on her. Even with the crowd cheering her on, she couldn't bring herself to smile. 

____

****____ ** **

____

What's going on inside that beautiful head of yours...

____

****____ ** **

____

Even through the television screen I could see her chest rising up and down rapidly. The panic in her eyes was perfectly apparent, she shut them tight as her music began. 

____

****____ ** **

____

This program was beautiful, and she looked stunning skating to it. Her dress was a wonder to behold, but it could not distract from the fact that her legs were shaking beneath her. 

____

****____ ** **

____

My breathing ceased as she set up her first jump, her hardest jump. Zhenya has put so much time and effort into her lutz, but it didn't help her today. Seconds after she left the ice she came crashing down.

____

****____ ** **

____

The collected gasp from the audience soon turned into applause, everyone was desperate to cheer her on. She held it together as she went for a double axel, her famous fall from Rostelecom was lingering in my mind. 

____

****____ ** **

____

The landing was a bit shaky, but she was on her feet. There was only one jumping pass left, and she has to put it in combination. 

____

****____ ** **

____

I almost wanted to look away, but I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. My smile flashed as she landed her triple flip, but quickly disappeared after she fell on the loop. There was nothing left but her step sequence and final spin. They were mesmerizing, enough to make me momentarily forget the mistakes she had just made. 

____

****____ ** **

____

The music finished and the audience rose to their feet, trying to lift her up. Zhenya's cheeks were flushed red, she was fighting back tears. 

____

****____ ** **

____

I want so badly to reach into the screen and pull her into a tight hug. Watching her performance crumble like that... it was difficult. And for her, it's even worse. 

____

****____ ** **

____

There is always so much pressure placed on Zhenya's shoulders, but she somehow manages it. This time, she couldn't keep it together. And I didn't know why. 

____

****____ ** **

____

Brian and Tracey led her to the kiss and cry area, while the commentators discussed what went wrong. The replays were even more painful to watch than the live performance. Although she fell, her lutz takeoff was an outside edge, and she made the rotation on her loop. My mind was jumbled as I tried to calculate the highest score she could possibly get. 

____

****____ ** **

____

The camera switched back to Zhenya, and zoomed in on her. Contrary to a few minuets ago, there was no emotion on her face. She looked up and nodded as the scores flashed on the screen above her.

____

****____ ** **

____

_Evgenia Medvedeva has earned in the short program 66.08, and is currently in first place. ___

____

****______ _ _ ** **

____

First place, because nobody else has skated yet. My heart sunk, because I knew she'd be last going into the free. A far cry from her usual position. What went wrong? I tried to piece it together in my head, but I couldn't find an answer. Brian said she was looking great in practice, but today it looked like she had seen a ghost, frightened and scared. 

____

****______ _ _ ** **

____

Without thinking, I quickly grabbed my phone, but then set it back down. She wasn't going to answer. I thought of ways I could go and see her right now, but it just wasn't possible. It was getting late, and I needed to rest. Zhenya is my friend, and I want to be there for her, but I had my own free skate tomorrow night.

____

****______ _ _ ** **

____

I switched off the television and rested my head on the pillow. I tried closing my eyes, but it had no effect.

____

****______ _ _ ** **

____

I wasn't going to sleep tonight.

____

****______ _ _ ** **

____


	10. The Grand Prix Final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I liked writing it quite a bit. Once again, I can never say thank you enough for the kudos, comments, and reads. You guys are very kind :) See you tomorrow xX

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

Redemption. The one word replaying in my mind. It was a powerful world, something I craved deeply.

********

But would I achieve it? It was a question seemingly everyone was asking. The answer would come in a few hours. 

********

My disastrous short program was the biggest news in Russia at the moment. Evgenia Medvedeva's fall from grace. It was a mistake to even turn on my phone afterwards, I became so angry that I flung it across the room. It shattered into a million pieces, just as I did during my program. 

********

The expectations reached a boiling point. Watching Alina and Rika's flawless routines during practice cast a shadow of doubt upon myself. The media frenzy around the entire competition was too much. And without Yuzu's words to reassure me, I fell apart. 

********

Listening to the advice of Brian, I shielded myself from any interaction with anyone who wasn't him. I needed to focus on the words of my coach, and no one else. I practiced for several hours yesterday, and never spoke. I walked past the reporters and journalists, ignoring their shouts and requests. 

********

Once in my hotel room, I did nothing besides reflect on what went wrong. I refused to turn on the television, even as the men's free skate was taking place. Brian was right, looking at any form of media would only make me feel worse. It's not like I had a working phone anyways.

********

Brian came by before I went to bed for the night, instructing me on the plans for today and telling me to rest. 

********

He also informed me that Yuzuru had in fact lost the Grand Prix. Nathan Chen had perfect landings on all six quads, Hanyu had shaky landings on all 4. He was no longer the world record holder for the free skate. 

********

Usually, hearing these words would've devastated me. I would've rushed to find and comfort Yuzu, no matter the cost. But I was too numb to even care enough to do so. All I could think about was my own free skate.

********

There is only two hours left until I take the ice once more. I arrived to the warmup area early, hoping to have extra time to loosen my muscles. The other girls weren't here yet, which meant I wouldn't have to flash a smile that wasn't real, or interact in any way.

********

I'm usually much nicer, but it just hasn't been a good week. Or year, as a matter of fact. I don't have the patience to play friends during this competition.

********

I felt oddly calm as I began to stretch. Perhaps it's because I'm almost 20 points behind the leader from the short - Alina. The only place I could go now is up, because I was already at the bottom. Im sixth going into this free skate. I don't remember the last time I was anything lower than second. 

********

It's not going to end like this, I won't allow it. I've never finished off the podium in my entire senior career, and it wasn't going to happen today. 

********

I welcomed the familiar burn of fire within me, because it meant I couldn't be stopped. The clock was ticking, and at the end of the night I would have a medal around my neck. 

********

**Yuzuru's POV ******

************ ** **

The Japanese flag rose up in the air, but it was only the second highest. I tried to force my smile as the American national anthem played, I tried to be happy for the man who bested me.

************ ** **

On the inside, my emotions were swirling. A mix of anger and disappointment threatened to drown me in tears. Only a day ago it seemed I was set to win my fifth Grand Prix title. The 12 point lead from my record breaking short program wasn't enough to make up for my mistakes today.

************ ** **

I couldn't hold it together after Nathan skated, after I heard his scores. A world record. I would have to be perfect if I wanted to win, but it still might not have been enough. Six quads - my body could hardly handle four. 

************ ** **

Over the years, I've tried my hardest to stay confident, to stay optimistic. But today was the biggest blow to my pride. I was being cast aside by those younger than me, the very thing that Zhenya fears.

************ ** **

The press conferences dragged on, I wanted nothing more than to lock myself away in my hotel room for the night. The questions were more of the same, it became harder to sound appreciative. To me, this was not just about getting a gold medal. It was about staying relevant as a new wave of younger and more able skaters come through. It was becoming more and more difficult to do so.

************ ** **

After the interviews were finished, I said goodnight to those around me and dashed back to the hotel. I welcomed the cold and dark atmosphere of my room. The perfect place to waste away. 

************ ** **

My body aches beyond comprehension, I must have pulled a muscle from all my falls. Laying down in bed was no use, sleep wasn't an option right now. My mind was consumed with thought - what now? 

************ ** **

But I couldn't think about the present, all I could focus on was the future. The Beijing Olympics. It's a goal I've seldom shared with anyone. In all my interviews, I've said that the quad axel and consistency were my main goals. But in truth, it's wearing three Olympic gold medals around my neck.  

************ ** **

Four years is a long time, I've always said that whatever happens, I'll be fine. But in reality, I want to stay competitive. I want to stand atop the podium once more. But I don't know if my body can handle it, and that's what scares me. 

************ ** **

The clock shines brightly in the dimly lit room as the time ticks to six. It can't be. I've been laying in bed all night, restless. Fatigue has just started to creep in, as rosy streaks of daylight peak through the shades. At six in the morning I should be waking up - not going to sleep. But I had nothing to do today besides watch the ladies free skate. I should be awake by then. And so I let my eyes shut, and let my mind drift away.

************ ** **

...

************ ** **

The sunlight peaked into the room, but it was still fairly dark. Had I only been asleep for a few minutes? The clock was still on six. 

************ ** **

I pushed myself to my feet, and opened up the curtains. The sun wasn't rising - it was setting. The Vancouver skyline began to light up, it would be night soon. 

************ ** **

Even after sleeping for twelve hours, I still felt fatigued. Somehow my situation sat even heavier on my shoulders, I was even more frustrated than I was yesterday. My stomach rumbled, the last time I ate was yesterday morning.

************ ** **

The room service came relatively quickly, I ordered a simple soup and sandwich. The employee bid me a good evening, and then it struck me. I've missed almost the entirety of the ladies free skate. 

************ ** **

I fumbled to find the remote, and hastily turned on the television. I knew Evgenia had the final program of the night, perhaps I can still catch it. 

************ ** **

But it was already too late. There she was, on my screen, performing her final spin. The entire audience rose to their feet, the commentators were speechless. Zhenya has skated without a single flaw. The smile on her face meant she knew what she had done. 

************ ** **

Her technical score was much higher than Alina's free skate, but would it be enough to make up for her short program? My anxiety began to creep in, I wanted her to have the gold. Brian and Tracy looked ecstatic, her skate had put her in medal contention. 

************ ** **

Zhenya sat down at the kiss and cry booth, eagerly looking up at the screen. The commentators we're ecstatic, it was for sure a world record. But the smiles and the excited chatter faded as the scores were announced.

************ ** **

A world record free skate? Yes. First place? No. She was going home with a silver medal.

************ ** **

Zhenya smiled and looked happy, but I knew better. She was probably crushed on the inside, there was only a two point gap between her and Alina. It seems both of us cannot catch our rivals.

************ ** **

Shutting off the television, I shifted to the edge of the bed and laid down. My doubts and fears once again came creeping in, I needed someone to confide in. I grabbed my phone and called Javier, but there was no answer. I'm going to go insane if I sit here by myself. 

************ ** **

Forcing myself to my feet, I quickly dress in a simple hoodie and pants. Being recognized was not on my agenda right now. At this moment, Zhenya should be leaving the medal ceremony to the press conferences. I would simply wait for her to return. But for now, I needed fresh air. 

************ ** **

The wind cut through my thin layers and sent a chill down my spine. Snow was falling, softly landing on the pavement. The hotel had a seating area outside, but there was not a single soul to be seen. It's simply too cold. Not for me, I welcome the numbing effect of the frigid temperatures.

************ ** **

It was now completely dark, the Vancouver skyline was shining brightly through the snowfall. I checked the time, it was nine. I've been sulking out here for over two hours, drowning in my thoughts. 

************ ** **

The hotel lobby almost felt like a sauna after being out in the cold for so long. Zhenya should be back in her hotel room by now - otherwise I have no idea where she is. 

************ ** **

I began to walk towards the elevator before I realized I have no idea where her room is. Perhaps the front desk would let me know, but it didn't seem likely. It was worth a shot. 

************ ** **

The receptionist was a small old lady, she stood still as she slowly sipped her hot chocolate. I cleared my throat and she quickly looked up. 

************ ** **

"Hello, I was wondering if you could tell me what room Evgenia Medvedeva is in?"

************ ** **

"Sorry, sir. For safety and security reasons we cannot disclose that type of information with you. Have a good day." Her focus shifted back towards the hot chocolate in her hands.

************ ** **

My frustration was now reaching a boiling point. I almost wanted to scream at the lady, demand that she tell me where Zhenya is staying. But the receptionist is just doing her job, and I have to respect that. 

************ ** **

I texted Zhenya to see if she would tell me herself, but the message didn't even deliver. I should just wait for Javier to call back, but I don't think I can wait that long since I'm on the verge of breaking down.

************ ** **

Then it dawned on me. Brian. He always knew where all his skaters were located, just in case of an emergency or if someone overslept. I quickly called his number, praying he would answer.

************ ** **

"Hello Yuzuru. Any reason your calling me at this time?" He sounded exhausted, he has had his work cut out for him this Grand Prix. 

************ ** **

"I need to know what room Zhenya is in."

************ ** **

"You know I can't tell you that, she probably just wants to be left alone right now." 

************ ** **

"You don't understand! I have to speak to her!" My voice was far too loud, people in the lobby had begun to stare. Tears threatened my eyes, I just needed her right now. 

************ ** **

"Alright, she's in room 617. Don't force her to talk to you if she doesn't want to be bothered." 

************ ** **

"Okay." I couldn't promise Brian that right now, I was far to emotional and irrational. In fact, in my current state, I would probably break down her door if she didn't answer. 

************ ** **

The tears started to leave my eyes as I headed up to her room.

************ ** **


	11. Aftermath

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

I winced as I looked into the mirror, staring at my own reflection. The dark circles under my eyes was a reminder that I haven't sleep properly in days, the puffiness in my face was evidence of my tears.

********

The rigidness of my appearance matched what I felt on the inside, unworthy and broken. I was hideous, inside and out. I couldn't even live up to the expectations I had set myself.

********

Every ounce of energy and emotion in my frail body went into my free skate. My body, which I've neglected with very little food and sleep for the past few days, somehow managed. I poured my soul into the performance, but it wasn't enough. 

********

It's never enough, and I don't think it ever will be. Perhaps I'm fated this way, I had my turn to be the best in the world, now I'm always going to be second. Soon to be third, fourth, and so on when the juniors rise up. 

********

The press conferences were particularly painful. Every smile and laugh was forced, leaving me emotionally fatigued. The questions were more of the same, my responses beyond repetitive. When they asked me if I was happy with the result, I shook my head yes, saying I am thankful to be second after my disastrous short. Truthfully I resent the result, I gave everything I had only to come up two points short of the gold.

********

Brain is more than please with the result. He says it's a great start, and reminded me that I don't need to win every competition between now and 2022.

********

Perhaps he's right, but he doesn't realize the pain I'm in. The comments, the constant media bashing, it hurts. It won't silence until I stand atop the podium again, because that's the only acceptable way to prove myself. Never mind my improved lutz edge, artistry and combinations - unless I'm first, they mean nothing. In the eyes of thousands, that's how it has to be. 

********

I walk away from the mirror, because I can't stand to look at my shriveled self for another second. My beautiful program dress still covers my body, but it almost feels as if it's starting to suffocate me. I scream and break into tears as struggle to take it off, eventually ripping it down the middle. It's only a reminder that I failed tonight. 

********

I grab my thin night gown and slip it over my head. It's freezing in here, but the cold is numbing. And I want to feel numb to the pain.

********

The sensation of my body laying down on the bed is euphoric, I'm physically exhausted. I curl up into a ball, letting the tears run down my face. Flashbacks replay in my head, I did the same thing the night I lost the Olympic gold.

********

My mind won't quiet, I am never going to fall asleep. All I can think about is ways that I could've won tonight. My mom always told me that "if" is the most dangerous word in the world. I never quite understood it until I became older. 

********

It's so dangerous, because the possibilities are endless. It's a word that brings more and more uncertainty and pain. 

********

If I had performed better in the short. If I had a quad, or a triple axel. If Alina had one stumble. It never ends.

********

The sound of a knock brings me to my senses. Brain already said peace with me before I went up for the night - it's not him. “Who is it?" I knew better than to open a hotel room door without checking who it was, but I was unable to wipe away my tears to properly see.

********

"It's me, Zhenya" 

********

His voice was the last thing I expected to hear. I don't understand, I didn't go to him after he lost the title, why is he here now? I thought he hated me. 

********

"What do you want." I shouted through the door. I didn't want to turn Yuzu away, but I was a complete and utter mess. He has seen me cry more times than I can count, enough was enough. 

********

"For god sakes, just open the door!"

********

I instantly got up to unhook the latch. I've shared a lot of conversations with Yuzuru Hanyu, but I have seldom heard his voice like that. He wasn't going to take no for an answer.

********

Pushing the door open, I was shocked. I wasn't sure if my eyes were betraying me, until the tear leaving his eye confirmed my suspicions. He was crying, too. His eyes scanned my appearance, he must be horrified.

********

"I heard the silver medalists pity party was in here." He mumbled.

********

"Yeah, it is. Second-rate skaters club." 

********

Perhaps we should start a club. I'd name it "skaters who failed to live up to their expectations". Yuzuru and I will be the founders, and anyone else who meets the qualifications can apply for a membership.

********

He nodded and kept his head down as he walked further into my room. I stood awkwardly by the door, not sure of what to do. My plans for the night were to cry myself asleep, not talk to Yuzuru Hanyu.

********

His eyes scanned around before he settled on the edge of my bed, sitting down on the very place I had been crying. He patted the space next to him, inviting me to sit. Every part of my mind screamed at me not to go, but my feet were already moving towards him. 

********

The sound of the clock ticking and his light breathing were the only noises being made in the room. Here we sat, side by side, without saying a single word. I lightly tapped my foot on the ground, hoping he would get the hint. He cleared his throat and I turned to him to hear his words.

********

"What if I was wrong, Zhenya?"

********

What? I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but it wasn't that. In my mind, he was never wrong. I didn't understand what he was referring to. 

********

"Wrong about what, Yuzu?" 

********

"Don't call me that." He snapped. "It's for close friends only."

********

Ouch. If my pride hadn't already left me when I climbed to the second step of the podium, it did now. Luckily for him, my curiosity was peaked at the moment, if it wasn't I would've screamed at him to leave my hotel room. 

********

"Are you going to finish what you were saying Yuzuru, or am I going to have to call security to kick you out." My patience was becoming thin, tears began to pool in my eyes once more.

********

He looked down and paused, hesitating to say what was on his mind. My headache was now worsening, I didn't have time for the silence. "I mean it, say it or get out."

********

"What if everything I've told you is wrong. That in fact, there is no hope for us after all. That we should leave this sport before we humiliate ourselves any further." I've never heard him sound so defeated. "I can't do it Zhenya! I can't keep up, I can't land six quads in one program!" Tears steadily flowed down Yuzuru's face.

********

Everything hurts. My head, my body, my mind. The words that just left his lips, they hurt more than anything. Because even when my demons were determined to drown me, he was always there to convince me there was hope. Yuzuru was the one person who could tell me everything was going to be okay, that it wasn't the end. But now, he was just as broken as me.

********

And with that, I began my decent into madness. I started to cry heavily. My head was throbbing. Hearing the one person you look towards in the darkest of times, hearing them say they give up, it's all too much. If he lost hope in himself, how could I retain it? It's truly the end for me. For us. 

********

Between my sobs I heard the bed shift as he leaned towards me and enveloped me. I cannot remember the last time we hugged. The heat radiated off of him and warmed my shivering body as I cried into his jacket. I felt his hand come to my chin to lift my face up.

********

I had nothing left to hide. I faced him, my face drowned in my tears, my hideous sobs.

********

"Look at what my words have done to you." He whispered 

********

Does he understand why I've reacted this way? He knew he was the only person that held me together. The only one who could pick up my broken pieces.

********

My vision was beginning to go blurry, the lights of my hotel room appeared to be fazing in and out. My head felt as if it was being pounded with a hammer. 

********

I need a distraction. Something to keep the dark thoughts out, even if it is temporary. Because if not, I was going to go insane between these walls. I've spent far too many hours crying this past year. Maybe he can help me.

********

"Please, Yuzuru. Make it go away. Make the pain stop." My voice was barely audible, I wondered if he could even hear me.

********

But the flicker in his eyes meant he did, and he quickly brought his lips to mine as his hands lifted up my dress.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a huge turning point in the story, and I was unsure of going in this direction. But I hope you guys enjoy it, but with subjects like this it can get a little mature (next chapter) so I will leave this a disclaimer. Once again, I can’t say thank you enough. I’m almost at 100 kudos and I’m on my way to 2000 reads. This is the first story I’ve ever made so it might not be as great as some of the other fics on here, but this is a huge learning experience. A learning experience that I couldn’t have without any support. So thank you, and see you tomorrow. <3


	12. Tangled Bodies

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

It was hot. Too hot. I could feel the heaviness of the blankets draped over my body.

********

My eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the dimness of the room. The sun was shining through the cracks of the curtains, just enough light for me to see that it wasn't a blanket over my body. 

********

Yuzuru had fallen asleep with his head on my bare chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. Our legs were tangled together under the thin sheet that covered our naked bodies.

********

Memories flash back vividly from last night. His kiss had taken me by surprise, the feeling had ignited my every nerve. His skin was hot against my own as he removed my dress, his chest rapidly rising up and down. Yuzu pulled his mouth away from mine and I whimpered at the loss of contact, desperate for the sensation to never end. He quickly moved his lips to my neck, my fingers became tangled in his soft hair.  

********

As he stepped back to finish undressing, I took the time to admire his body. His slender, yet muscular figure was enough to make any woman go crazy. My eyes moved below his waist and I felt my cheeks flush. A sudden feeling on insecurity washed over me, my hands moved to cover my bare chest.

********

"You don't need to hide from me, Zhenya. Your body is perfect. You're perfect." His words only made my desires intensify, I grabbed his arm and led him back to the bed. My lips pressed into his neck, my teeth grazing his collarbone. Yuzu moaned in response, I never knew a sound could be so seductive. Our bodies trembled together as he took my hands into his, and began to make love.

********

A shift in the bed brought me back to the present. His eyes slowly flickered open, trying to adjust to the surroundings. Confusion was written across his face as he lifted his head off my chest. I quickly grabbed the sheets to cover my body.

********

I could feel my heartbeat rapidly increasing, nervous of his response. Instead, all I found was silence. The bed then creaked beneath us as he untangled our bodies and stood up from the bed. He tossed his shirt over his head with haste, quickly pulling up his boxers and jeans. Satisfied with his appearance, his feet began to move towards the door.

********

"Yuzuru." I was too in shock to say anything but his name. Surely he wouldn't leave without saying anything, right? He stopped dead in his tracks and stood still. 

********

"I need to think." The hotel room door opened and shut, he never even glanced back at me before he left.

********

I couldn't even begin to ask myself, what now? I felt as if I was paralyzed, my body unable to move. My mind was scattered, unable to form a simple thought. Then I remembered, go back to the basics. I began a list.

********

Ok Evgenia, you must get up. You must use the bathroom. You must put clothes on. You must eat and brush your teeth. You must get ready for the gala practice. Everything else can wait.

********

I shifted my weight to the side allowing me to roll to the edge of the bed. I used the little strength I had to push myself up and retrieve my night gown from the floor. As I was walking towards the bathroom, I winced. I'm usually sore after competitions, but this felt different. 

********

After using the toilet and brushing my teeth, I opened up the curtains to my dismay. The sunlight had revealed the blood stains across my bedsheets. I remember learning in sex-ed class that some girls bleed the first time they... the first time.

********

And then, the full reality of the situation hit me. 

********

I had always thought my first time would be after I had retired from figure skating. After I had accomplished all I wanted in life. I'd meet a nice boy, fall in love. A relationship my family and friends would approve of, along with the world. It would be romantic, surrounded by candles and rose petals. 

********

But instead my first time was in a small hotel room, with a man who I had never shared a romantic interaction with before. A relationship that nobody in the world would agree with. 

********

I collapsed to the floor, and for the hundredth time, I began to cry. I'm humiliated in every sense of the world. I have just had the most intimate experience with Yuzu... and he left! Left me alone here, once again broken. 

********

Last night he had been so gentle with me, made me feel wanted. He awoke something inside of me I didn't know existed. But now I know the mistake I have made. And I can never forgive him. Or myself.

********

I stayed crouched on the floor for what felt like an hour, crying and wishing I could go back in time. Not just to last night, but to the beginning. When I met Yuzuru Hanyu. I want to erase it all. Then maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain.

********

A knock at the door causes me to jolt up. I will not open the door for him. I never will again. But the voice is... different? It's shy and reserved.

********

"Zhenya, please open the door." Alina shouted.

********

I should ignore her and tell her to go away. But I need someone right now. I cannot carry this burden on my own, it might kill me. 

********

I slowly walked up to the door, letting Alina in. She took one look at me and threw her arms around me.

********

"Zhenya what happened!" She shrieked.

********

We stood there for minutes, her small arms holding me as I was shaking and crying. The last time we hugged like this was when I lost the Olympic title.

********

Alina released her grip on me and quickly ran into the bathroom, she grabbed tissues and began to pat my tears away. After they had dried, she began to go to work on my appearance.

********

"I'm going to help you get ready Zhenya, ok?" 

********

Her hands were steady as she began to apply makeup to my face. The foundation covered the red blotches and the concealer covered my bags. Alina carefully moved to my eyes, putting on light but neutral eye shadows. The eyeliner and mascara did wonders to my face, they opened my eyes up and made me look awake. She then grabbed a hair brush and went to work on the tangles. I never took my hair out of my braids from last night. 

********

I looked in the mirror, and was shocked at my appearance. I looked beautiful and put together, even though on the inside I was not. 

********

"Thank you Alina." I whispered 

********

I knew the gala practice had started an hour ago, and that's when I was expected to be there. But I couldn't find it in myself to go. Because he would be there. And I don't think I can ever look at him again.

********

Alina walked towards my luggage to grab some clothes for me. All my makeup had been in the bathroom for her to grab. My throat closed before I could tell her to look away. The luggage was next to the bed.

********

She stepped back as she approached the bed, obviously spotting the bloody sheets. 

********

"It's from last night. Yuzu and I..." The color drained from her face. That was an explanation she never saw coming. 

********

If I had any left, I'd be in tears again. But there's just no more. I don't have the energy to cry any longer.

********

"I don't understand. People told me you and Yuzu don't even interact... please tell me Zhenya. I want to help you, but I need to understand." Alina's eyes began to tear up. 

********

I knew I couldn't keep this from her. I couldn't keep this from myself.

********

And so I told her everything. From our phonecall the night I decided to leave Eteri. From our hostilities when we met at the TCC. From him comforting me to our heated boxing match. And everything else until right now.

********

I hid nothing.

********

"Why didn't you tell me anything." Alina's face was soaked with tears.

********

I often forget how caring Alina is. Behind that fierce ballerina, there is so much love. I miss her, I really do. Even with our rivalry, I still care for her more than she knows.

********

"I don't know. You were back in Russia and I just thought I could push everything to the back of my mind." 

********

Alina carefully digested the words and then took a minute to come up with a response.

********

"First of all, you must know that none of this is your fault. I know you're disappointed, you wanted your first time to be special. But life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. There's nothing you can do about it now, Sitting here, beating yourself up, it's not worth it. It's his loss, to walk out on someone amazing and beautiful like you. Secondly, your Evgenia Medvedeva. Unbeatable for two seasons, breaking more world records than I can count on my fingers. Your career is not over. Millions of little girls look up to you, I look up to you. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, you've already learned so much, I can see it. You can still accomplish your dreams, Zhenya."

********

"And, I know you're worried about Sasha and all our other Russian teammates doing quads and pushing you aside. You didn't hear this from me, but as they are getting older they are staring to struggle with the jumps."

********

Well, I didn't expect that one.

********

Her words replayed in my mind. Everyone else's advice always had such little affect on me, but her words stirred in my head. Alina was right, everything in life happens for a reason. Nothing I will do can change the past, and I will accomplish nothing if I sit here and cry. But I can shape my future, if I allow myself to do it. 

********

I pulled Alina into a tight hug. I didn't know it before, but I needed to hear those words more than anything right now. I couldn't possibly begin to thank her, nothing could measure up to the gift of peace that she's given me, even if it's only temporary before the pain seeps back in. 

********

After a few minutes, she pulled away with a puzzled face.

********

"What is it Alina." 

********

"I was trying to find the right time to tell you this, it's about Hanyu." Alina spoke shyly, not wanting to trigger my tears again.

********

"Go ahead."

********

"He showed up to the gala practice, on time, but he looked like a mess. He said he didn't sleep well and his stomach was hurting. He started crying on the bench while putting on his skates, and Brian sent him to his room to go to sleep."

********

"And at Rostelecom, he told me he missed you. I think he's hurting, Zhenya. He probably regrets walking out on you like that. Or..."

********

"Or the whole night." I finished her sentence.

********

I didn't want to talk about this anymore. He's hurting? He was the one who left. Thinking about his feelings on top of my own would only bring me more suffering. It's done, it's in the past. And we cannot change that. It was time to move forward from these horrible past few days.

********

"Thank you, Alina. I love you, all those months I confided in him, it should've been you. Now, let's go to the gala practice before people think we've died or something." 

********

She let out a small smile, and helped me to my feet. We have spent all this time talking about me, I wanted to hear about her life. It's been so long.

********

"So Alina, I've told you my boy trouble. Now you tell me yours." 

********

She laughed and looked away, confirmation that there was a boy on her mind.

********

"Alina spit it out."

********

"I have a crush on Nathan, okay." Alina said quickly in a hushed whisper.

********

And for the first time in a long time, I laughed.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, as always, I want to say thank you. I reached 100 kudos, and I’m almost at 2000 reads. I just started this story almost two weeks ago, to have this kind of response is amazing. A lot of new faces commented last chapter, it’s always so great to hear from you guys. As well as those who comment frequently, you have a big place in my heart <3\. Secondly, don’t be mad at me for this chapter haha. As a peace offering there will be a Yuzu POV tomorrow. This chapter is a tad dark in the sense of what happened, and I hope you guys don’t mind too much. We will see what the future brings in terms of these two. But for now, I hope you guys have a blessed day. Thank you ;)


	13. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for 2000 reads! I’m still a day shy of two weeks working on this story, the support I’ve gotten already is incredible. This chapter is a bit short, because it sets up a very important one afterwards. I hope you all have a great weekend, and as always I’ll see you tomorrow. :)

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

The heat of the water stung as it trickled down my back. The temperature was blistering and painful, but it felt good.

********

During each minute in the shower while the water grew colder, I thought of the sequence of events that has led me to this situation. The details of last night are fuzzy, my emotions were running high. It’s difficult to remember the words we exchanged, the order in which these things occurred. The only thing I remember is Zhenya begging me to take the pain away, the desperation so clear in her voice.

********

I don’t understand my impulsive decision. If I had been in that position again, I would’ve helped her into bed. I would’ve given her a pill for her headache, and stayed with her until she fell asleep. Last night I gave into the lust that I’ve kept hidden inside of me. It’s been buried down for years, because I have never allowed myself to be affectionate with anyone. But holding her in my arms, it was boiling at the surface. We were both so broken, it felt so good. That’s what made it so wrong. 

********

And yet, I cannot shake the feeling of her soft skin against mine. The warmth of her kisses on my neck. When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t say anything to her, because I didn’t even know what to say to myself. There was no choice but to leave, my silence would have only made things worse. 

********

I took something from her that I can never give back. Her first time should’ve been with someone she loves, someone she trusts. It should’ve happened when she was happy and ready, not when she was in tears. I’ve ruined something that was meant to bring her joy in the future with another man. I regret what happened on Zhenya’s behalf. She will try to forget it, to push it back in the dark corners of her mind. I don’t blame her. But I don’t want to forget.

********

The tiles of the shower floor had lost all heat from the previously hot water. My fingers began to wrinkle, I must have been in here for over an hour. All this time, and I still cannot answer my own question. After all these years, why did I choose to break down my walls last night? Why was she the one to get through to that side of me that I’ve repressed for so long? I can't get the words into a proper sentence. This must be what it feels like to go insane.

********

My hotel room was pitch black, the curtains blocked any evidence of daylight. The gala practice was still occurring, they wouldn’t be finished for another few hours. Brian sent me back to the hotel minutes after I had arrived at rehearsals. Tears were streaming down my face, I blamed it on a stomach ache. In reality, I was overwhelmed with guilt. But he couldn’t know that. 

********

The guilt still sits heavy on my shoulders. I know it’s cruel if I don’t talk to her, if I don’t give her any explanation as to why I left. But there’s no answer because I simply cannot put my emotions into words. I need help, I’m incapable of doing this alone. 

********

Javier never got back to my phone call yesterday, but all I could do was pray he’d answer now. There’s no other person I can turn to for this, it’s too personal. And Javi is the only one who knows me better than I know myself. 

********

The pit in my stomach grew as the phone rang. Please pick up, please…

********

“Hey sorry I couldn’t call you back yesterday, I had a long flight. What’s up.” 

********

Hearing his voice was bliss to my ears. I spent so many years training alongside Javi, it’s difficult to imagine how my career would’ve been without him. We so rarely get to speak to each other anymore, I need to cherish this moment. And yet I could not form words, only sobs. 

********

“Yuzu, what’s wrong.”

********

“I messed up, Javi.” How will he react to my words, will he be disgusted by what I’ve done? He always had a soft spot for Zhenya, admiring how determined and passionate she is about skating. 

********

“What do you mean?” 

********

“Last night, after Evgenia lost her Grand Prix, I came to her room. I don’t remember much, except that we both were in tears. Somehow we ended up sleeping together, and this morning I couldn’t process what happened. And so I walked out.” 

********

The words sting as they leave my mouth. What a horrible thing to do to someone, especially someone you care about. She’s been through so much already, she didn’t need this too. It’s all my fault.

********

“Javi?” His silence was painful, I couldn’t take it. Although I deserved that pain.

********

“I don’t know what to say, Yuzu. I wasn’t expecting that. You indeed messed up, walking out on something like that is cruel. You need to talk to her, now.” His words confirmed what I had already knew. 

********

“The thing is, I don’t know what to say to her. I cannot even explain to myself why last night happened. I regret walking out like that, and I wouldn’t have if I had everything figured out.” 

********

“But do you regret becoming romantic with her like that? Do you regret the whole night?” 

********

I was not expecting that question. I sat back, carefully replaying his words. What exactly do I regret? Walking out is the biggest one, I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that. But the whole night? Memories quickly flood in. Our passionate kisses, how I craved her touch. The way my body ignited on top of hers. It was euphoric, I will never forget the feeling. Perhaps I regret the timing of it all happening. But I don’t regret being with her. 

********

“I don’t think I regret the whole night. But I also don’t think that’s the question I need to answer.”

********

Javier began to laugh as the words left my mouth. There was nothing funny about the situation, in fact him finding any humor made me slightly angry.

********

“Oh Yuzuru, I forget how clueless you are when it comes to your own feelings. I know the question you need to answer to figure this whole thing out.” 

********

“What.”

********

“Do you love her.”

********


	14. Come What May

**Yuzuru's POV ******

********

Love is an emotion I seldom ever think about, because I can't allow myself to feel it. I cannot love any woman, because her life would be ruined. The cameras would never stop following her, a new story about her life would be written everyday. 

********

Love is impossible because of who I am. It is impossible because of my career. That's what I've been told all my life. There's no time for love when your mind always must always be a hundred percent focused on the ice. And so I listened. 

********

But here I sat, Javier's question replaying in my mind. I told him I needed time to think, and that I would call him back. Hours have past, and I still can't answer the question. 

********

The logical answer is no, I don't love her simply because I can't love anyone. I know that's not the truth, I feel something for Zhenya. Behind everything that had to do with her, there was an emotion. She teased out parts of me I didn't know existed. But I've never loved anyone before, how do I know that's what I'm feeling right now? 

********

It was nightfall now, tomorrow would be the gala. I've missed the rehearsal and I didn't have my exhibition piece ready, there was no point in me attending. I don't think I could mentally handle it either. I called Brian and let him know, saying I was sick. It's always hard to lie to him, especially when our relationship is built on faith and trust. I owe so much of my success to Brian. Maybe one day I'll tell him the truth, after everything is over. 

********

My fingers fiddled with the light blue pill in my hand. Sleeping pills were a last resort for me, I hardly ever took them. But my mind was going to eat me away, there was no chance of sleep without it. Grabbing the glass of water off my night stand, I dropped the pill into my mouth and washed it down. The effect was almost immediate, my eyes felt heavier with each tick of the clock. I was pushing all my thoughts and responsibilities back. They were now tomorrow's problem. 

********

...

********

Twenty more minutes. That's when she would be taking the ice. 

********

I awoke on time for the start of the gala. The sun shined brightly in the room, I neglected to close the curtains before I went to bed last night. I'm glad I did, because I didn't want to miss her skating. 

********

My eyes are glued to the television screen, counting down the skaters that would preform before her. The thought of seeing her made my stomach churn, I haven't looked at her since that morning. Would she be putting on a smile for the world to see, even if it's not real? Zhenya seldom let her walls down, she always hid her emotions in front of the public. Of course in private everything was different.

********

It was the same for me as well. I did my best to always look happy, to never let people know how much my life pains me sometimes. The amount of pressure is almost inhumane, it's a miracle I haven't gone completely insane yet. I've gotten close these past few days, but I can only blame that on myself. 

********

I stared out of the window, observing the Vancouver skyline. Tomorrow morning everyone will be leaving, I'll be on my way to Japan, she will be going to Russia. We have nationals, the holidays, and then Fort Continents/ Euros. I have no idea when I will see her again. The thought pains me, I know if I do nothing this will distress me for months. The sound of her name breaks me from my thoughts.

********

_"Please welcome silver medalist, Evgenia Medvedeva." ___

****____ ** **

My breathing stopped entirely as she stepped onto the ice. Her appearance was hauntingly beautiful, her pale skin complimented the dark maroon of her dress. Her smile was enormous, you would never know how much pain she's in. Seeing her was just a reminder of the damage I've done, damage I still haven't repaired. 

****____ ** **

The audiences claps died down as she got in her starting position. The music began, and it sent a shiver down my spine. She was skating to "Experience" by Ludovico Einaudi. Zhenya has done this exhibition before, it was one of my favorites. The passion she demonstrates with the music is exquisite, I never get tired of watching it. 

****____ ** **

But somehow this time, it was different. There was even more fervor and intensity, and I knew exactly why. Her movements on the ice were so vivid, almost as if it was a dream. Zhenya's movements were angelic, enough to put me into a trance. And then my mind wandered back to that question. 

****____ ** **

_Do you love her? ___

****______ _ _ ** **

I guess the signs were always there. The way I reacted to her touch. The way my stomach dropped when she walked into the room. How her voice could calm me when nothing else could. Memories start to flood into my head - how beautiful she looks, even after she's been crying. How strong and fierce she can be, even if on the inside she's broken. How I found myself thinking of her every time I took the ice. 

****______ _ _ ** **

I thought of all the times I had to avoid her, even when I wanted to be by her side. I thought of our every interaction, even if some pain my heart. I thought of all the times I shrugged off the emotions that any other man would've recognized it for what it was. And I knew exactly why I kissed her that night, perhaps I knew all along. 

****______ _ _ ** **

I'm in love with Evgenia Medvedeva. I'm in love with every part of her, even the broken pieces. I love the way her face lights up when she talks about music or anime. I love the way she can completely give her heart and soul into a performance. And I love the way she makes me feel. I always have. 

****______ _ _ ** **

I'm the worlds biggest fool. I've driven Zhenya away and caused her so much pain, because I couldn't realize that what I was feeling is real. I've spent so much time listening to the opinions of others, pleasing their every wish and whim, that I've dashed my own happiness. I'm human, not a machine. This was always bound to happen. I couldn't turn the off switch on love, a natural emotion. One that defines so much of our existence. I did a good job of keeping it down, but Zhenya nestled it out of me. And now things will never be the same.

****______ _ _ ** **

I don't regret that, and I'm not sorry for loving her. There was always something missing in my life, always an empty space.  Now, I've found the final piece of the puzzle to exactly who I am. But that piece isn't mine.

****______ _ _ ** **

Her performance was drawing to a close, the audience clapping even before the music stopped. Tears slowly cascaded down her beautiful face. I so badly wish I could reach through the screen and wipe them. A few people in the crowd were crying, her skate had impacted so many. Zhenya wiped her eyes and the music for the finale began, she took a bow and grouped together with the other skaters.

****______ _ _ ** **

There was nothing I could do but watch as she tried to hold everything together for the final few minutes. It was becoming harder for her to keep that mask up, her emotions were breaking through. If only she knew how I felt, although I know she can't possibly feel the same.

****______ _ _ ** **

I have my feelings figured out now, but I still don't know how to tell her how much I regret causing her this pain. It won't end like this, I won't let it. I've always struggled with conveying my emotions and feelings through physical words, but never on pen and paper. 

****______ _ _ ** **

Another idea pops into my head, it is the holidays after all. A gift, and not some silly little card or plushie. Something personal, something real. 

****______ _ _ ** **

_I'll see you tomorrow, Zhenya. ___

****______ _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was a little difficult, because I feel like so much of it is real in the terms of Yuzu being unable to love. He said himself in a interview (I’ll try to find it) that the life of anyone he dates would be a nightmare. This chapter also features a real exhibition that Zhenya has done, I would advise you guys to check it out because it’s so powerful. Easily my favorite ex of hers. As always, the comments that are left on my chapters are so heartwarming. It means so much to me and I have improved my writing a lot over these past few weeks. I couldn’t have done it without any support. Thank you for reading and leaving kudos as well, I will see you all tomorrow <3


	15. Home Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve hit 2500+ reads, I’m beyond grateful. I know I say it constantly, but everyone’s support means so much. Here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy.

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

I sat perched on the edge of the bed as I waited for Alina to finish packing her suitcase. The sun had not yet risen, we had to be at the airport before then. This week has dragged on entirely too long, I was more than happy to finally leave.

********

Alina took me in after that fateful morning, simply because I couldn’t stomach to be in that hotel room. I showered, washing off all traces of his touch on my skin as she retrieved everything from my former room. I didn’t even have to ask her to do it, she knew I couldn’t face those four walls again. 

********

After the gala practice finished, Alina dragged me out into the city. I was reluctant at first, but I couldn’t say no to her pleading. Vancouver was gorgeous, the snow fall and the Christmas lights made it seem like a movie scene. She choose a seafood restaurant on the water for us to eat, knowing my love for sushi. 

********

Alina ordered countless plates of appetizers along with our main course, adding dessert to the order as well. She knew I hadn’t eaten properly in days. I feasted on the food, it was beyond delicious. The meal was filling, I felt much stronger with a full stomach. Not eating during competition time was a habit I had developed under Eteri, and I knew it was time to break it. 

********

We spent the rest of the night walking around downtown, popping into quaint bookstores and shops. Eventually we headed back to the hotel, knowing that we had to get up early for the gala. After showering, I came into the room where Alina had my favorite anime playing. It had a calming effect on me, it made me happy and forget all that’s wrong with the world. When my eyes started to droop, she gently laid a blanket over me and turned off the lights. 

********

My eyes fluttered open the next morning to find a full tray of breakfast in front of me. Alina had gotten everything ready for me so I could get an extra hour of sleep. I almost wanted to cry, not because I was sad or hurt, but because I was being cared for so amazingly. I usually hated the feeling of needing to be helped, it made me feel like a child. But it was almost necessary to help me get back on my feet. 

********

Brian called me that morning and told me Yuzuru wouldn’t the attending the gala, saying he was sick. I pretended to act surprised and said that I would check up on him later. Both things weren’t true. A part of me was relieved he wouldn’t be at the gala, but somehow it didn’t make things any easier when I got there. 

********

It was hard to be happy even when I was surrounded by so many of my friends. To my dismay, Yuzuru’s absence was the talk of the show. It was difficult to not show my emotions through my words when asked about him. I wanted nothing more than to be numb to all the pain that I’ve felt for so long, but I was constantly reminded of why I was hurting. 

********

My exhibition piece was one close to my heart. I first preformed it after I announced my departure from Eteri, and I used it once more for this gala. “Experience” was the name of the music, and it’s almost fitting because I don’t think I can ever forget the experience I’ve had here at this Grand Prix. No matter how hard I try. 

********

I was in tears by the time the music ended. There was no stopping them, it’s so hard to keep my emotions back these days. Years of keeping them pent up has been a deadly mistake, they’re now uncontrollable. 

********

“Are you ready.” Alina’s words snapped me back to the present.

********

“Yeah.”

********

I wasn’t meant to go straight to Russia immediately after the competition, but I wanted to be home. I needed something familiar to keep my sanity. Alina canceled her previous flight and booked the same one as mine so I could have some comfort. How can I ever repay this girl? 

********

The cold was bitter as we walked out of the hotel. The car ride to the airport was spent in silence, Alina had fallen asleep and I was deep in thought. Although I was going home, there was little time to relax. Russian nationals are in two weeks, then Euros after the holidays. I wouldn’t be leaving Russia until then, and I won’t be back in Canada until February. He never said goodbye, he never came and apologized. Almost three months will pass before we see each other again, hopefully I will forget everything that’s happened by then.

********

Rosy streaks appear in the horizon as we walk into airport. There was no line at the security checkpoint and we reached the boarding area fairly quickly. I found the time to grab some coffee for Alina and I as we were both struggling to stay awake. Traveling was something I couldn’t tell if I loved or loathed. Jet leg and long plane rides were awful, but going somewhere new was always exciting. Or simply going home.

********

I looked around the terminal, noticing the variety of places these planes were heading. France, Japan, Brazil, and so many other countries. A small girl, no older than five dashed past me as I was getting up to use the bathroom. Her Mickey Mouse outfit was enough for me to know where she was going. The smile on her face radiated happiness, I wish I could feel the same. When you’re a child, you are always so eager to grow up and have independence. But at age 19, I’m wishing I could go back to when I was five, to be free of the worries that drown me today. 

********

The bathrooms were clean enough, I grabbed my purse and headed back before they began to board the plane. Suddenly I felt a hold on my arm, someone had reached out to grab it. I was about to scream, who was this random person touching me? But that touch felt too familiar. I turned around and my eyes met his gaze.

********

My stomach churned, and for a second I thought my coffee might come back up. He was standing here, in front of me. How could Yuzuru be here now? Then I remembered seeing that flight to Japan. Of course everything would fall perfectly into place for him to find me here. Almost as if it was fate.

********

“Zhenya, I…”

********

“Don’t.” I cut him off before he could speak another word. Usually whenever he said my name my heart would flutter, but right now I felt nothing. I don’t want to talk to him right now, he should’ve came to me days ago. In fact, he should’ve never walked out. 

********

We stood in silence before he let out a sigh and reached down into his bag. Yuzu grabbed a medium-sized box that was covered in Sailor Moon wrapping paper, featuring a small gift tag with my name on it. He extended his arm out and I rested my hands between the gift.

********

“I know I can never take away the pain I’ve caused you. Hopefully this will explain my actions. Promise me one thing, don’t open it until Christmas.” His voice was so soft, almost like a whisper.

********

It was hard for me to find my own voice, this was all so unexpected. I should just rip open the gift right here in front of him to show my spite. Or I should toss it in the trash, I don’t need presents. But he said it would explain his actions, and that was enough to make me curious. 

********

“Ok. I promise.” 

********

Yuzu nodded his head, and took a step back. His eyes glanced over and I turned my head to see that my plane had began boarding. I looked down at the gift in my hands, and then back up to the man in front of me. Tears were threatening his eyes, he knew this was goodbye. 

********

“Thank you for the gift. Happy holidays.” 

********

“Have a safe flight, Zhenya.” His voice cracked as he said my name. His lips moved almost as if he was about to say something else, but then he simply nodded as I walked away. 

********

A small part of my heart pained as I said goodbye. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. I didn’t want to wait until Christmas, I so badly wanted to hear his side of things now. I almost wanted to stay, but I knew I couldn’t. 

********

It was time for me to go home again.

********


	16. Part of Me

**Evgenia's POV**

********

The familiar walls of my old home made me reminisce of my former life here in Moscow. My grandmother stayed behind while my mother and I made the move to Toronto. I'm glad she did, because I didn't want anyone else to live in this house. There were too many memories that I didn't want to let go. 

********

I held my breath as I walked up the stairs, pushing open the door to my old bedroom. The posters were stripped off the walls, nothing decorated the room besides some floral curtains. The bed sat along the wall, and my dresser adjacent on the other side of the room. I took all my belongings with me to Canada, minus a few plushies that I couldn't find the space for. 

********

This room has seen parts of me that so few people have. I spent months sulking in that bed after I became injured, and I spent weeks crying in the bed after I lost the Olympic gold. These four walls have been home to my most emotional states. Suddenly, I began to feel overwhelmed.

********

I shut the door behind me as I went back downstairs to retrieve my luggage. It was late, my mother and grandmother were surely sleeping. The living room was dark, the only source of light was the small Christmas tree in the center of the room. I made my way towards my things when I heard a strange sound. It sounds like...sniffing?  And then I realized that I forgot to say hello to my favorite four-legged pet.

********

I remember how sad I was when my mom told us we had to leave Jerry behind in Russia. She wasn't just a dog to me, she was a friend and confidant. Memories flood into my head of cozy nights in my bed, wrapped up in my Sailor Moon blanket and Jerry snuggling by my side. Back then I thought I had everything figured out, I was sure I knew what my life was going to be. But I couldn't have been more wrong. 

********

"Alright Jerry, let's go upstairs. It's cold down here." Her tail wagged at my use of her name and she trailed behind me as I attempted to quietly bring my luggage up the steps. It was no use, each thud was louder than the last and I was too tired to lift the heavy suitcases. Hopefully my family are still heavy sleepers. 

********

Once in my room, I shut the door and began to unpack a few things. I was going to be here for over a month, I wanted to make it feel a bit like home again. The closet held two bins full of decorative plushies, I opened it up and began to display them throughout the room. I unzipped my suitcase and grabbed the clean clothes to put on hangers while I folded some other things into the empty drawers. As my luggage became barren, my eyes darted more and more to the box at the bottom.

********

The whole plane ride I debated what to do with the gift. I thought about opening it up right there - even though I had promised to wait until Christmas. Did he honestly deserve that respect, should I make any promises to that man? The man who has caused me so joy in my life, but in the past few months so much pain. 

********

But I'm so tired of being angry, I'm so tired of crying.  It takes so much energy to hold on to this hatred inside of me. I hate how many hours I've spent in tears, so much so I've made myself become numb. All I want know now is why - the very reason I almost wanted to stay with him at the airport. I want closure so I can move on with my life.

********

I rested the box on top of my dresser, deciding that I'll patiently wait to open it. I don't like breaking promises, no matter who I made it to. No matter what this gift is, I don't know if it's enough to make me forgive him. I need time, and I guess these months away from him will give me that. But things simply might never be the same, which is a shame because who knows what we could have become. 

********

I sat there for a moment, processing the words that just crossed my mind. Who am I kidding? Yuzuru and I could never turn into something more than friends. His life doesn't allow it, neither does mine. I doubt he even remotely feels that way. We were both out of our minds that night, he probably wasn't thinking when he kissed me. That night meant nothing to him, he just feels bad about walking out. 

********

I stared back at the box rested on my dresser. It was going to take every ounce of mental strength not to rip it open. But I needed to become strong in that way again, lately my mind has been mush. This was a good way to start. 

********

I cannot be weak anymore, physically and mentally. Russian nationals are less than two weeks away, and it was sure to be a bloodbath. Two girls would be jumping quads, three girls jumping triple axels. And yet I'm here, barely consistent on the jumps I have. My body cannot handle a quad. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can accept the fact that I will not stand on the top of the podium. Yes I will try my hardest for both of my skates, but I think it's time to become honest with myself. 

********

I don't want to dwindle away into nothing as these girls slowly take my place, but it may very well happen. The reality of my situation has become more painful as time goes on. But I'm not giving up because Alina is right, there is still hope. I'm still strong, who knows what might happen in a few years to those girls? My body rapidly deteriorated under Eteri's coaching, and I was only doing triples. They're doing quads. I don't want to see it happen, because I know the pain, but their bodies might betray them. Brain is right - if I stay healthy, there is still a good chance for me. 

********

I think back to what Yuzu first said to me in that hallway, and then what he said to me in the hotel room. Two entirely different things - it's probably healthier to believe what he said the first time, don't give up and trust my training. Unfortunately my mind won't let me forget the other speech, no matter how hard I try. 

********

_What if everything I've told you is wrong. That in fact, there is no hope for us after all. That we should leave this sport before we humiliate ourselves any further. ___

****____ ** **

The clock ticked to midnight and I knew it was time for me to get some rest. Standing up, I walked into the bathroom and observed myself in the mirror. The girl who stood before this mirror all those months ago is not the same girl standing here right now. Everything that's happened has molded me into a new person, someone I don't recognize. There's a certain hardness in my eyes, a permanent scowl etched across my face. While I'm mainly numb to the pain now, it's left a mark that can't be erased off of me. No matter how hard I try to forget everything that has happened, it won't matter. They're a part of me now. Especially him.

****____ ** **

I shut off the light and padded back into my room, climbing into the bed I've spent so much of my life in. Jerry leapt up and nestled by my side, giving me comfort I so desperately needed. My eyes began to droop and I only had one final thought.

****____ ** **

I have a long road ahead of me.

****____ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter being posted so late, I didn’t expect to be at work for so long. Anyways, I just want to say that this story is almost at 3000 reads! Along with 150+ kudos, this is all so incredible. Thank you guys so much. As a little note, Evgenia does indeed have a dog named Jerry, but it’s a girl. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, hopefully a little earlier! :)


	17. Nationals

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

Two years have gone by since the last time I competed at the Japanese Nationals. Sickness and injury sought to deprive me of the title, forcing me to withdraw both times. But here I am, physically healthy, less so mentally. 

********

Shoma is my only competition here tonight, but I know realistically my biggest rival is myself. If I can keep my head up - who knows what I can produce? A perfectly clean skate is what I’d like, but the chances of that are slim to none. 

********

Being back home in Japan has been a whirlwind of emotions. It’s always nice to be home again, but I’ve been reduced to hiding in the shadows. The cameras seem to be even more numerous than before, so much talk has been centered on my loss at the Grand Prix. And the talk has only magnified with my return to nationals. It seems everywhere I look I’m on the cover of an article, _will the prince of Sendai take back his crown?_

****____ ** **

I should be used to it by now, the constant pressure and attention. But somehow as I get older, it becomes more troublesome to deal with. I want to be able to make important decisions in my life without having millions of eyes on me. I shouldn’t feel this way, I am grateful for each and every one of my fans. They offer me constant support, traveling across the world to cheer me on at competitions. But lately I’ve begun to feel trapped, like I’m a prisoner to everyone’s expectations. I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending. 

****____ ** **

My eyes began to wander around the stadium, everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Tomorrow was Christmas, a prospect that frightened and delighted me. What will she think of my gift? 

****____ ** **

I shrug the thought off, it was time to compete and that’s were my focus needed to be. Tracy whispered something to me, but it wasn’t loud enough for me to hear. Brian was with Zhenya in Russia, her nationals fall at the same time as mine. I was the one who told Brain to go with her, she needed his support. The field of Russian ladies is so deep, far more compared to the Japanese men. While I only had one competitor who could overcome me, she had several. 

****____ ** **

I glanced over at Shoma, who was by my side. We would be taking the ice for the warmup at any moment, I began to feel the pit in my stomach growing. I’ve always managed to edge him out in competitions for gold, how long could I keep it up? I haven’t exactly skated clean this season, one of my world records and a bit of my pride is gone. If I didn’t win here tonight… who knows what the reaction might be. I held my breath as the announcer’s voice filled the rink.

****____ ** **

_May the final group of skaters take the ice for the 7 minute warmup ___

____

****____ ** **

____

**Evgenia’s POV ******

__******** _ _

****____ ** **

__******** _ _

_бронзовый призер чемпионата Евгения Медведева. Welcome bronze medalist Evgenia Medvedeva. ___

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

The spotlight shined down on my body as I took to the ice for the medal ceremony. The cheers weren’t as loud as I remembered them to be, but then again I am not the winner.

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

As predicted, Russian nationals were a blood bath. It was an event filled with perfect skates and quads, so much so that I’m lucky to even be on the podium. I was forced to withdraw last year, unable to defend my title due to injury. Alina won in my absence, but today she claimed silver. 

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

It was Alexandra Trusova who stood on the top of the podium now, a shock to many, but I expected as much. I remember watching her on television as she landed two quads at junior worlds. People expected her to get injured or lose her jumps after that. But here she is, having landed three quads, claiming her first national title. The ten point gap between her and Alina speaks volumes in the skating world. Only a few points separate second and third, but Alexandra managed to rise herself up in a way no one can reach. She’ll be competing in seniors next season, and I was not looking forward to it. 

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

Even though it was not enough for me to take anything higher than bronze, I’m more than happy with my skate. Besides a small stumble, it was perfect. Every edge was correct, every jump was fully rotated. There was nothing more I could’ve done, and I’m satisfied with the result. Of course in my heart I will always want gold, but Brian is right, I don’t need to win everything between now and 2022. We need to take things slow, focus on technique before we move towards more difficult elements. Although watching these girls today makes me itching to land a quad…

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

A small smile escaped from my lips as the medal was placed around my neck. Who is this new Zhenya? I think back to when I lost the Grand Prix final, how devastated I was. If I was that same girl, I’d surely be in tears after the event was over, mourning my loss of gold. But now I find myself thankful to be standing on the podium, even if it’s at the bottom. I will always want gold, but this simply isn’t my time.

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

The Russian national anthem fills the sound of the rink, and I place my hand over my heart and shut my eyes. This was the anthem Alina and I were denied to hear at the Olympics. My mind begins to drift off into visions of me wearing the gold medal in Beijing, the flag of my country waving behind me. It’s only a dream, but it’s one I will give everything I have to bring to life. 

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

After the anthem ends and the medalists take a victory lap, we step off of the ice towards the press conference room. I usually dreaded these with every inch of my body, but today the prospect of them didn’t seem so bad. The questions were more of the same, but a few stood out as they began to get personal. 

__****____ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****____ ** ** _ _

_What is it like to train alongside Yuzuru Hanyu, who just placed second in the Japanese nationals? ___

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

I flinched as I heard his name. He’s been a passing thought for the last few days, I was too focused on my practices to think about him. Yuzu placed second in his nationals? I don’t even have to talk to him or see him to know he’s disappointed. Shoma has been second to him for so long, I guess he finally broke free. 

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

“It’s great to train with him, he’s very dedicated to the sport. I have a lot to learn from him.” 

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

The words were tough to swallow as they came out. They weren’t a complete lie, but I wasn’t having a great time training with him. And I still haven’t forgiven him, but I couldn’t say that out loud. I made sure to speak with a monotone voice and I picked my words very carefully, because any slip up would ignite a bomb in the media. I wish I could just be left alone in regards to my personal relationships, but I know the life I chose. I will never have the privacy I crave. 

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

The questions dwindled down as it was now getting late. I bid farewell to my friends and Brian as I made my way out of the venue, into the bitter cold. Around the world, it was either Christmas Eve or Christmas itself. Here in Russia, a majority of people celebrate on January 7th, due to our religious calendar being different from other cultures. I’m one of those people, although I am going to make an exception today. I want to open his gift, and it’s Christmas in Japan right now. 

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

The car ride home filled me with anxiety, the clock ticking to midnight. My head was swirling with possibilities of what could possibly be in the box. The car slowed down in front of my home and I hastily opened the door and ran inside. I quickly dropped my bags on the floor and headed up the stairs, ignoring the soreness in my muscles and the fatigue taking over me. Flicking on the light, I quickly took the gift between my hands. I’ve waited weeks to open it, my curiosity has been a weakness and it’s driving me crazy to stare at it. I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s always in the back of my mind.

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****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

My hands move to tear open the wrapping paper until his name flashes on my phone screen.

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

****____ ** **

__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for these being put up late. Work has been a little crazy lately. Anyways, I hit 3000 reads! That’s insane, this story isn’t even three weeks old yet. It means so much to me, thank you guys and everyone who comments and leaves kudos. Tomorrow’s chapter will be quite exciting, so I’ll see you then:)


	18. His Confession

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

My stomach knotted as I took the phone into my hands. I haven’t talked to him in weeks, and I can’t even remember the last time we spoke over the phone. I shakily moved my finger and hit answer. 

********

“Hello?”

********

“Merry Christmas, Zhenya.” He sounded tired, if it’s midnight here in Moscow it’s only 6 am in Sendai. 

********

“Merry Christmas. Although most Russians celebrate it on January 7th, if you didn’t know.” I tried to keep my voice flat and not let any emotion seep through.

********

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know that. So does that mean you’ll open my gift on the 7th?” 

********

“I was actually just about to open it but then you called me. I guess I’m making an exception.” 

********

Yuzu stayed silent after the words left my lips, he probably didn’t think I was so eager to open it. Every second longer I spend starting at the box drives me insane, because he said what’s inside could explain the pain he’s caused me. 

********

“Well, if you want to put the phone down and open it that would be ok. I’ll stay on the line.” 

********

The fact that he wants to stay on the phone as I open it makes my curiosity peak even more. My mind is now swirling at the possibilities for what the gift could be. 

********

“Ok.” I rest my phone on my nightstand and take the box in my hands once more. I slowly tore the paper, wanting to be gentle. The wrapping paper hid yet another box, one with a velvety black exterior. This gift could not have been cheap, judging by packaging alone. 

********

I opened the lid of the box, revealing a beautiful rose gold necklace that matches the blades of my skates. It was stunning, the way it shined in the light. Little charms hung down from the gorgeous chain. I took the charms in my hand, inspecting each one individually. One charm was of Sailor Moon. Another was of “EXO”, one of my favorite KPOP groups. Several other charms depicted my favorite anime’s and artists, before I reached the final charm - a pair of skating boots. 

********

Tears begin to threaten my eyes. This wasn’t just a pretty necklace that any girl could wear, this was mine in every way. This was personal, each charm representing something I love, something I am passionate about. I’ve never received a gift like this, one so unique to who I am. A few of the charms depicted references that only people close to me would know. And I guess Yuzu is one of them.

********

There was something else in the box that caught my eye. Nestled at the bottom was a thick piece of paper, I almost presumed it was a part of the packing. But it had writing on it. His writing. Opening the piece of paper up revealed that it was actually several pages wadded together to form a beautiful letter. I held my breath as I began to read.

********

_Zhenya, ___

****____ ** **

_Hopefully you’re reading this letter on Christmas Day, cozy and relaxed in bed. I hope you’re happy and surrounded by the people you love. I know I can never erase the pain I’ve caused you, but maybe my words can offer you some peace. ___

****______ _ _ ** **

_When I first met you, you were just a small girl on the junior circuit. Even then, I could see how passionate you were about skating. You’ve always had this fire beneath your skin that’s helped you rise above the rest. I remember the Grand Prix final during your first senior year, how I realized that you weren’t that little girl anymore. I watched your programs with hints of jealousy, why couldn’t I be that consistent? At the time, nobody knew who you’d become, all the things you’d achieve. But I saw the potential in you from the start, and I wasn’t surprised when you went on to win worlds that year. You were simply astounding. As the seasons went by, I watched as you grew into a courageous young woman. The pressure kept on becoming more and more, yet you never faltered. I found myself admiring you, the legend that was Evgenia Medvedeva. But there is so much more to you than being a champion. Your enthusiasm for music and art is incomprehensible, if only you could see how your face lights up and your eyes flicker when someone mentions Sailor Moon or Yuri!! On Ice. ___

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

_You may try to deny it or dismiss it, but you’re so brave. The bravest person I know. You’ve risked so much in your life, moving halfway across the world because you knew deep down that’s what you needed. When you opened up to me while you were crying in the hallway, that was brave. It’s not easy to admit our fears. You’re caring as well, you’d do anything for the people you love. You’d do anything for your friends, when I became injured before the Olympics you were the first one to message me asking if I was okay. There’s love in you, Medvedeva. There’s so much more to you than you let on. As the years went by, I wanted to get to know you better than anyone. I was fascinated with every inch of who you are. Every time the Grand Prix assignments came out, I was so eager to see if we had gotten one together. During gala performances I always tried to find a way to be by your side. At the time I didn’t realize it, but I was falling for you. ___

****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

_I once kissed a girl on the cheek after school when I was 7, but that’s the extent of any romantic relationships I’ve had in my life. Of course there were a few girls in high school I crushed on, but I was far too focused on my future in skating to even spare a minute for anything like that. So when you came along, I had no idea what I was feeling. Every time I saw you butterflies developed in my stomach, but I shrugged it off. The sound of your beautifully accented English soothed me, but I thought it was nothing serious. It couldn’t have been love, right? We are figure skaters, unable to find the time for such emotions. ___

****____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

_When I came to you that night in your hotel room, it’s because I wanted to hold you in my arms. I wanted to hear your voice, I wanted someone to confide in. You and I share the same fears, we are one in that sense. I had no idea what I was doing when I kissed you, I just knew it felt good. Your soft skin against mine electrified every nerve in my body, I know you felt that way as well. You made me feel alive, Zhenya, in a way that I’ve never felt before. When I fell asleep with my head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, it was the best night of my life. But then the next morning we woke up, and I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t figured out my feelings yet, I didn’t even know where to start. I’ve never experienced anything like that before, it was all a shock. So I left you there alone, in what has become one of the worst decisions of my life. The guilt of my actions choked me, I spent hours in my hotel room crying. It wasn’t until I called Javier that he was able to help me put the pieces together. ___

****______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

_I regret walking out on you like that, Zhenya. You just had one of your most intimate experiences and I walked away. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. But I don’t regret getting together with you, because I’m in love with you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say it, I’m not as brave as people make me out to be. I’m in love with every inch of who you are, and nothing will ever change that. I just hope it’s not too late. ___

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

I blinked my eyes rapidly, unable to progress what I have just read. My eyes gloss over the letter again and again before his words truly begin to sink in. My heart begins to swell and I quickly put down the paper so I don’t ruin it with my tears. 

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

I never thought this was possible. I thought Yuzuru Hanyu couldn’t fall in love with anyone, never mind me. It still doesn’t feel real, but his words begin to make sense. All those times I felt as if he wanted something more from us, I shrugged it off. But he really was falling for me. The feeling of being numb is gone, my walls have officially crumbled again. The emotion begins to rush in and my head swirls. Can I say those three words back to him, do I feel the same? I’ve always liked him, but love… it’s such a strong word. One that has so much meaning. I know deep down I feel it, but I need time. 

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

I grab my phone off the nightstand, hoping he’s still on the other end. 

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Hello.” I choke, unable to stop the crack in my voice as I speak. 

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Hey, I’m still here. Have I done something wrong?” Yuzu’s voice was filled with fear. He knows by my raspy voice and sniffles that I’m crying.

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“No, not at all. You’ve just surprised me. I can’t even begin to describe how this makes me feel, it’s so thoughtful. I know to say thank you for the beautiful necklace, but I don’t know what to say about…”

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“About the letter. About those three words.” He finishes my sentence.

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Yes.” 

****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

Three words. _I love you. _My throat closes up at the thought of saying the words, it’s not the time. And I had to tell him that.__

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Yuzu, I can’t say it back. There’s just so much to talk about, so much has happened and I’m not the same girl. I’ll admit, I’ve liked you for a long time and I still do. I thought this is what I’ve always wanted to hear. But I need time to heal and sort out my feelings, just like you did. Maybe in time, I’ll be able to say those words, and then we can go from there.” 

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

The tears were cascading down my face, my heartbeat heavy in my chest. It hurt to say that, especially when I’ve dreamed of this moment in the past. In reality, so much has happened and I cannot erase what occurred. If I say the words now, they won’t have meaning. I need time to heal, to grow back together with him. I want to become friends, to be happy with him like in the old days. I need time to fall in love with him, because I know that I so desperately want to. But you cannot rush something like that.

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“I understand. I didn’t expect you to say it back, I know you need time. Hopefully we can close the distance slowly, become good friends again. And like you said, we’ll go from there.” 

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

A smile began to form on my lips.

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“I’d like nothing more. And maybe I can force you to sit down and watch Yuri! On ice with me.” I laughed because I mean every word. I want a new start for us, and he does need to watch that anime. 

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Of course. I’ll wait for you, Zhenya. However long it takes.”

****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite obviously a huge turning point in the story, one I’ve been leading up to for a while. I hope you guys enjoy it and are not too mad at me for having Zhenya wait to say the words. I feel like she’s just been through so much, she needs time to sort out her life. Anyways, I wanted to take the time and thank everyone as I always do. But seriously, seeing everyday how big this story is growing is incredible. I cannot believe it, the support means so much. Seeing your comments always makes me smile and they make me so happy. Unfortunately I will be traveling for work the next few days, I for sure cannot update tomorrow (Thursday) and I might not be able to on Friday. I promise I will be back on the weekend with daily updates, I look forward to seeing you guys then. I love you all very much, have a great day.


	19. Maybe in Time

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

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The cabin of the airplane filled with sound as we were only a few minutes from landing. My ears began to pop from the change in pressure as I looked out of the window and took in my surroundings. The sun had just peaked over the horizon in California.

********

Three silvers have hung around my neck at Four Continents. It’s the one competition I have yet to win, and I wasn’t retiring without a title. Here I am, the start of a brand new year, looking for gold.

********

The wheels of the plane touch down and I instantly reach for my phone. Tomorrow Zhenya would be competing at Europeans, and we resumed our habit of calling each other before and after competitions. Not just that, we talk almost everyday, sending texts messages and discussing music for hours on end. It’s therapeutic for us both, we are stronger together than we are standing alone. I can tell Zhenya is slowly coming to life again. Only time heals, and that’s exactly what’s happening. My heart flutters when I hear her laugh over the phone, it’s an exquisite sound. Her sarcastic text messages used to mildly annoy me, but now I welcome them. It’s a sign that she’s shaking off the dark cloud that’s been over her for so long. 

********

“Hey, Yuzu. I was waiting for you to call. In fact I should’ve went to bed an hour ago but I knew you were on the plane.”

********

“You were?” The surprise was evident in my voice. I knew she enjoyed our conversations, but I didn’t know she craved them like I did. 

********

“That seems to surprise you.”

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“It does. And it’s making me smile like an idiot.” She always has this effect on me, the sound of her voice alone could make me happy. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

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“I am. The short program is tomorrow, and I’m not scared. I’m not scared anymore of failing. I’ve spent a lot of time practicing, and I feel ready.” Her voice was cheerful, a stark contrast to the past few months.

********

“I’m happy for you, Zhenya. No matter what happens, I’ll always support you.” I mean every word, I told her that I would wait for her. The results of her competitions don’t affect my feelings. I’m not in love with the idea of Evgenia Medvedeva, the unstoppable champion. I’m in love with the girl underneath all of that. She could place first or twentieth, and nothing would change. 

********

“And what about you? You better win Four Continents, Hanyu. Or else Pooh-San and I will give you an earful when we get back to Toronto.” The sound of her giggles filled my ear. When’s the last time I’ve heard that?

********

“Pooh-San will have some sympathy for me, he knows that the competition is tough. And I’m giving you an earful when we get back to Toronto, because we are going out to dinner. Only if it’s okay with you, of course.” 

********

“I’d like nothing more.” There was a change in the tone of her voice, almost like a sense of desperation. Did she want to see me as bad as I wanted to see her? The thought made my cheeks flush. I glanced around as people began unbuckling their seatbelts and removing their luggage from the overhead compartments. 

********

“People are starting to get off the plane, I need to hang up for a little bit. Do you want me to call you back or call tomorrow?” 

********

“I’d like both, but call me tomorrow. I need to sleep or I might collapse on the ice.” She suppressed a yawn as the words left her lips. 

********

“Tomorrow it is. Goodnight, Medvedeva.”

********

“Goodnight, Hanyu.” 

********

I wanted to say those three words, I want to every time we talk on the phone. Maybe in time I will, after she’s ready. I just don’t want to push her when she’s already healing. I love her, and she knows that. It’s enough for now.

********

I stand up from my seat, grabbing my bags from the overhead compartments. I have to get the rest of my things from baggage claim, a prospect that dreaded me. My only wish right now was to go to sleep, it’s been a long flight. The hoodie situated over my head added to my fatigue, it was warm and fuzzy. Perfect napping conditions. It had to stay on, it was my cover. It didn’t necessarily matter, I was not going to be recognized here in this American airport. The plane was rather empty as well, nobody was situated around me. Except for… Tracy. She was right behind me. 

********

Fear begins to take hold in my body, what have I done? I knew she heard the conversation. As we walked through the airport I couldn’t dare face her, I didn’t want to confront whatever questions she had. My love for Zhenya is still new, I’ve only recently figured out and came to terms with my feelings. But I haven’t yet figured out what to do next, how to tell the people in my life. Besides Javier, I didn’t know how to tell anyone, what would their reaction be? 

********

Surely my family and everyone in Japan would disapprove. My mind digs up memories of dating rumors that pertained to me and random women. I remember hearing how they were attacked by paparazzi, even receiving death threats online. The thought of that happening to Zhenya makes my stomach churn. As for my family - they’ve always pictured me settling down with a nice Japanese woman. Perhaps the daughter of a good family friend, a smart and kind girl. I used to believe that’s what I wanted in life, after I retire. But that’s not me anymore.

********

I think about Brian and Tracy. Never once have they said anything against me dating, but this was different. This was two of their students, a potential bomb that would explode if anyone found out. They may not be entirely against it, but they surely wouldn’t be happy about it. I finally find the courage to turn to Tracy, and a laugh escapes her lips.

********

“So you’ve finally found it in you to look at me? Fantastic! Don’t worry about it right now, I know what I heard. We have a competition to get through.” 

********

“That’s it?” I was pleasantly surprised, I figured there might have been a speech or something along those lines. But I was clearly mistaken.

********

“That’s for Brian to decide when we get back to Toronto.”

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back a day early! I went one day without writing and I actually missed it, crazy huh? I just read a lot of your comments from the past few chapters and I want to say thank you for putting a big fat smile on my face! The support always means so much and I cannot thank you enough. This chapter is a bit short but I’m planning some really exciting things ahead (prepare yourselves:) 
> 
> I’ll see you all tomorrow. <3


	20. You Must be Happy

**Evgenia’s POV ******

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The posts on Instagram were hard to ignore. The gold medal looked at home around his neck, his smile said it all. He was absolutely ecstatic, his first gold at Four Continents. Yuzu wasn’t going to be getting an earful from me or Pooh-San, because he had won. Not only that, he completed a career grand slam - winning every major competition there is.

********

I sighed, knowing I am only missing one title.

********

Swiping through my feed, I quickly scrolled past the pictures of me with another silver around my neck. Alina edged me out at Europeans for the second year in a row, I won the short program by no more than a point, but she won the free. Only .12 separated gold and silver, it was a painfully close distance. The prospect of it actually excited me with the World Champions around the corner, because I know I have it in me to win it. I have the consistency, I have the right edges, I have everything I need. I just need to skate clean, and I can finally prove myself to the world. 

********

If I’m completely honest with myself, I have had a good season. I took gold in my first two Grand Prix events, and silver at the final. I took bronze at nationals, silver at Europeans. To some people, it’s still not enough. The nasty comments on my social media won’t stop until I stand at the top of the podium. But I’ve come to learn that this season was never about winning, and I don’t mind. _It doesn’t hurt anymore. ___

____

********

____

Rosy streaks covered the sky as the sun began to rise here in Toronto. My mother and I arrived a few days ago, but I haven’t gone back to the TCC yet. Brian said I needed to rest for a few days, get back onto a healthy sleeping schedule. Jet lag has never been a good friend to me. Today I couldn’t resist returning, because he was going to be there. How many months has it been? Yuzu and I have gotten by on phone calls and text messages, but it’s nothing compared to seeing each other in person. 

____

********

____

These past few weeks have been entirely different between us. Talking for hours on end, I’ve gotten him to open up about details of his life. In return, I told him some of my silly dreams and conspiracy theories, which prompted the sound of his laughter. It’s a new start, and it certainly feels like it. The past will always be painful, but I cannot dwell on it forever. 

____

********

____

As I pushed open the front doors of the TCC, I felt a rush of emotion. The last time I was here it was late November, it’s now mid-February. I missed the people here, I missed the smiles and the greetings but most of all I missed this rink. I’ve spent hours on this ice, correcting my every insecurity with my skating, every flaw. There’s still things that needed to be worked on, but I’m in a much better position than I was when I first arrived last summer.

____

********

____

The rink was buzzing with activity even at this early hour, Tracy was on the ice warming up with a few skaters. She glanced in my direction and I let out a smile before it faded, remembering the text message that Yuzu had sent me.

____

********

____

_Tracy heard our phone call from the plane, at least my side of things. She hasn’t brought it up, I don’t think she minds… ___

____

****____ ** **

____

My heart was racing when I first read the message, but I’m simply overreacting. We aren’t even together, and if she had something to say about it, she would’ve. Nevertheless, I feel the tension throughout my body. My practice session is in two hours, I have plenty of time to blow off some steam. And so I grab my bag and make my way upstairs towards the gym.

____

****____ ** **

____

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

It was still pitch black outside as I walked into the rink, I was the first person here. No other skaters would even begin to show up for another hour or so, in the meantime I made my way to Brian’s office. 

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

I’ve dreaded this moment for quite sometime. I owe Brian so much of my success, I can never thank him enough for all he’s done. But I haven’t been exactly honest with him these past few months, something extremely rare. How could I tell him when I’ve only just figured everything out myself? There was never a good time to do so. The feeling of guilt begins to wash over me, how could I keep something like this from him…

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

Brian’s door was wide open as he sat at his desk, going over paperwork and schedules. He was always a busy man, he wanted to make sure everything was right for every skater in the club. I heard from the front desk that he arrives at the TCC at four in the morning everyday, and I believe it. Dedication takes time. 

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“Good morning.” My voice came out a little strained, cautious perhaps. I could only think of a few reasons he’d want to speak to me at this time.

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“Hello, Yuzuru. I know I said it over the phone already, but congrats on your Four Continents win. You must be happy.”

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“Yes, I am very happy. I had a lot of support from you and Tracy.” 

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“And Evgenia, apparently.” The words feel like a shock to my system as they leave his lips. I had a feeling that’s where this conversation was going to end up, but I still wasn’t ready for it. 

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“So, you know we’ve always been honest with each other. Tell me the truth, Yuzuru.” His voice was quiet but earnest.

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

I stood there for a moment, pondering what to say. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also wanted to keep what happened private. It still pains me to think about it, and I wouldn’t hurt Zhenya like that by telling other people. From what I’ve gathered, only Javier and Alina know about that night. I’d like to keep it that way. But what do I tell the man whose been my coach and mentor for years? 

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“We aren’t together. I love her, and I told her that much. She told me she needs time. We talk often, before and after competitions. The support is beyond beneficial.” That’s as much as he needed to know, the full picture didn’t need to be put on display. It was scary to admit that I’m in love with someone, but I can’t hide it anymore. Not from the people close to me.

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“Yuzuru, she’s so young. This season has been so tough on her - is this really wise?” 

____

****__******** _ _ ** **

____

“If I’m honest, I don’t know. But it feels right.” Kissing her felt right, talking to her feels as if it is the most natural thing in the world. When I’m with her, I feel like I can put down the facade, I’m not pretending anymore. So much of my life is based off of how others perceive me. _The two time Olympic champion can’t possibly have time for love, right? He’ll never crack under pressure, there’s no way. ___

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

“I knew this was always going to happen. Not necessarily between you and Evgenia, but in general. You’ve been here for 7 years and never once mentioned anyone romantically. It was only a matter of time before you couldn’t suppress that part of you any longer. I just have to ask you one thing, are you ready?”

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

“Ready in what sense?” His question slightly intrigued me, I wasn’t sure what he meant. 

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

“Ready for your life to change. You know what I’m talking about. Things like this don’t stay private for long. You will have to accept that every interview you do, they will ask about your relationship. It would probably make national news in Japan. The cameras would multiply for you, and I can’t even imagine for Zhenya. She might be more affected by all of this than you. So I just have one request - don’t blow up your life. Follow your heart, I cannot stop you from loving someone. But be smart, be careful. Now, go warmup, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

I nodded my head and walked away, feeling the anger sizzling in my skin. I already knew how being in a relationship would affect my life, but I haven’t spent much time thinking about Zhenya’s. Brian’s right, the media attention and the cameras would be even more intense for her. She’s strong and I love her, but she won’t be able to handle it. I’ve had years of patience to handle that kind of attention, but she has not. It would surely erase her newfound happiness in life.

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

It’s moments like this where I wished I lived a normal life. I knew the price of my gold medals, but I still struggled under the weight of them. The reality is no matter what happens, our lives will never be the same once people find out. Keeping it a secret forever is no way to live, it would be just as difficult. Then I remembered, we aren’t even together. Maybe in the end she won’t feel the same. 

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

My irritation and rage seemed to be growing stronger by the minute. This was the Yuzuru Hanyu that no one ever sees, the one with so much frustration and pent up anger. People only see the smiles and the pooh-bear, but that’s not an act. It’s just only a small part of who I am. Nobody sees the entire piece. 

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

I quickly find my way to the gym and flicked on the lights. It’s been seldom used in the past few months, I can tell by the thin layer of dust settled on a few shelves. No one really comes in here, except for me. These walls have seen my anger and my screams. I quickly fix the boxing gloves over my hands and let my mind take control. Each hit is a release of anger, the sensation is incredible. My mind begins to drift to the memory of watching Zhenya do the same thing, how captivating it was to watch. 

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

Just as I connect my first to the bag once more I hear footsteps behind me. _It’s been too long. ___

____

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m almost at 200 kudos, I can’t believe it! Thank you guys so much, I wish I knew all of you in real life so I could give you a big fat hug:) I hope you enjoy this chapter, I’m really excited for tomorrow chapter *wink*. As always, every read, kudos, and comment means so much. So I hope you have a goodnight/good day, and enjoy <3


	21. And So We Meet Again

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

His skin is glistening with sweat, his muscles contracting with each blow to the punching bag. This is the first time I have seen him in months, and the speech I had prepared in my head is seemingly gone. All I can focus on is the image in front of me - I feel my mouth going dry. 

********

I must have shuffled my feet or had a sudden intake of breath, because Yuzu suddenly stopped and immediately whipped around. His chest was rising rapidly up and down, the muscles in his stomach more prominent than I can remember. My eyes took in every inch of his body, admiring the veins that protruded in his arms to the slenderness of his torso. This man is beyond captivating, my heart rate increases just at the sight of him. 

********

“See anything you like.” He laughs as he takes the boxing gloves off and walks towards me. He was always playful and teasing, but this felt different.

********

“I can think of a few things.” I gulp, unable to hide how utterly attractive he is right now. Yuzu is always beautiful, but this is another level. Why can’t I control myself right now? This isn’t what I should be thinking of, I am supposed to be having civil conversation with him. Like normal people do after difficult situations. But then again, Yuzu and I have never been normal.

********

“And so we meet again, Zhenya.” He smirks as he pulls me into a tight hug. The contact of his hot skin against mine makes me flush, my breathing rapidly increasing. I should pull away, I told myself to take things slow, but I can’t ignore the way every single nerve in my body is electrified under his touch. I barely get a chance to look up at him before his mouth is on mine.

********

His fingertips press into my hips as I run my fingers through his sweat-soaked hair. My tongue follows his as we desperately kiss, fighting to be closer. I move my hands along his torso, feeling every inch of his skin. His head dips down and leaves a trail of kisses from my ear down to my neck, nipping at the skin just above my collarbone. I moan in response and he bites down harder, sure to leave a mark claiming me as his. His hands tug at my shirt, I break contact to swiftly remove it before colliding my lips against his once again. His hands travel up my body, grasping my chest as he pins me against the wall.

********

“Yuzu” I breathe into his ear, eliciting a moan from him. I never knew a sound could be so sexy, but it was euphoric. My hands reach down to his abdomen before lowering further downwards, but he catches my wrists and moves them back up before we could get to the fun part. 

********

“As much as I would love that, not here.” 

********

He’s right. We are in a public gym that anyone could walk in at anytime. Furthermore, there’s probably security cameras strung across this place. The thought of someone watching us in such a private moment makes my skin crawl. I take a step back from him, taking in the details of his appearance. Yuzu’s face is red, his breathing even more rapid than when he was hitting the punching bags. My eyes glanced downwards at the bulge in his pants and I quickly look away, although my cheeks flush once again. 

********

I grab my shirt off of the ground and toss it over my head, hoping he will stop looking at me. I really need to calm down, but I can’t with his eyes raking up and down my body. What’s happening right now? I simply wanted to say hello after not seeing each other for months, after we have just started growing back together. It only took a minute for his lips to be on mine, and I kissed back. It felt so good, the sensation is exquisite - how could I resist? 

********

His laughter soon breaks my thoughts and I turn to him, a puzzled look across my face. 

********

“I talked to Brian earlier today, he knows about us. Not everything of course, I wouldn’t do that to you. But he told me to not blow up our lives, to play it safe and be careful. And yet here we are, practically having sex in a public gym.” His voice sounds amused before his face drops, likely realizing that there is no humor in this situation.

********

I gulp and my head swirls - Brian knows? I mentally count in my head, Alina, Javier, Brian, Tracy, and who else? If anymore people find out about our… relationship. We aren’t even in a relationship! I sigh to myself and sit down on a bench, trying to sort out my thoughts. Yuzu and I aren’t together, right now at least. That means we shouldn’t have to worry about people finding out, but if we keep having hot and heavy make-out sessions in public places that might change. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I’ve clearly became more irrational these past few months. It’s a small price to pay for my newfound happiness in life, but still it’s quite the cost. The World Championships are in a month, should this really be my concern? My mind tells me no, but my heart says something different.

********

“What’s on your mind, Medvedeva.” His hand grabs a piece of my hair and pushes it behind my ears. 

********

“How much of a mess our lives would be if we got together.” I can’t even begin to fathom the media scrutiny. “You must think about that all the time, Yuzu.” 

********

“You have no idea. I’ve spent so many hours of my life letting that thought eat away at me. It’s why I didn’t allow myself to fall in love with anyone. It’s why I couldn’t admit to myself that I love you. But then I realized that I’m human, it’s a risk I have to take. Or else we will be miserable for the rest of our lives.” 

********

My heart flutters at his declaration of love, but it pains me at the same time. I know how badly we wants me to say it back, but I still can’t. If I do it now, it won’t be natural. I’m still healing, still adjusting to this new life I’ve been thrusted into. In the meantime, I should probably keep my mouth off of his, although I’d kill to feel his lips once again. 

********

“Do you really think we could do it, do you think we could be together?” 

********

The question slipped out, I was unable to stop it. If he can be so sure about us, then it will be easier for me to follow my heart. 

********

“I wouldn’t have written you that letter if I didn’t think so.” 

********

“Am I crazy for not knowing if I’m ready for something like this? Even after all this time? There’s just so much that could happen. And we still have worlds next month.” The paranoia was clear in my voice, I am beyond terrified. I feel like I’m on the edge of saying the words, but there’s still a roadblock stopping me from letting them out. 

********

“No, you’re completely sane. I know the prospect of everything seems so terrifying, especially after all that’s happened. I’ll tell you what, how about we wait until after Worlds. Maybe then it will be a little easier.” His voice was soft and understanding, I could feel the fear evaporating off my skin. It’s true Yuzu was impulsive and not one to have the greatest patience, but he wasn’t going to rush me on this. 

********

“I’m happy you’re here.” I whisper to him as he pulls me into a tight hug. This time I don’t feel the fire of his touch, just safety and comfort. 

********

I wanted to badly to tell him what was on my mind.

********

_I don’t think I can face the future without you ___

****____ ** **

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

****__******** _ _ ** **

Being reckless isn’t a part of my life, but sometimes you need to let yourself go. That way you can stay calm and collected when you need to be. Seeing her for the first time in months pushed me over the edge, I couldn’t resist my actions. Hearing her voice simply wasn’t enough, I craved her touch and affection. When Zhenya appeared behind me - it’s like every worry disappeared, every word Brian spoke to me was nothing. I know that couldn’t be further from the truth, but at the moment it feels like it. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

My fingers run through her hair as I hold her still, wrapped in a hug. While I enjoyed what was going on ten minutes ago, this felt just as good. Her hair snags and I gently tug it free, realizing my necklace was the culprit. Zhenya seemingly has never taken it off, I remember seeing pictures of her competing with it around her neck. The though makes my heart flutter and I smile as I kiss her forehead gently. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

Her eyes glance upwards following the gesture and she looks at me with a conspicuous expression.

****__******** _ _ ** **

“What’s going on in your head, Yuzu.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“How happy I am that you’re wearing my gift.” The necklace looked flawless on her, it hung down perfectly and complimented the paleness of her skin. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“How could I not wear it? It’s the best present I’ve ever gotten. Truth be told, I’ve never received many gifts in my life. Mostly skating equipment and accessories. Maybe a few plushies here and there as well, but not something like this. Never anything as personal and unique. The letter is the only thing I can think of that would rival the necklace, but the letter probably wins.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

Zhenya’s small confession gave me more joy than she could know. I spent so much time staring at what I had written on that piece of paper, wondering if it was enough. I spent hours picking out each charm, making sure each detail was flawless. Perhaps it comes from the perfectionist trait I so clearly inhibit, but I wanted everything to be right. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

I feel her grip around me loosen, signaling it was time to release from our hug. Although I wanted to stay like this forever, I knew that we still had an entire day ahead of us. I want the world title just as bad as she does, which means it’s time to get to work. There’s still so many goals I’d like to achieve in figure skating, I know Zhenya feels the same. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“Alright, I should probably go stretch now. Before Brian or Tracy goes looking. He would probably be upset if you completely disregarded your talk today.” She was absolutely right, he told me to be careful and I was anything but that today. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

This was going to be hard to do, but I know I’m making the right choice. Balancing my love life and skating will always be a challenge, but I’m sure it’s worth every second of effort. I’ve gotten through the pressure and the injuries, she has too.

****__******** _ _ ** **

“Things will get better, Zhenya. Everything will come in time, my quad axel, your Olympic gold. We can’t be afraid of the future like we used to be. Whatever happens, we will get through it.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“Do you promise.” Her voice was filled with uncertainty. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“I promise.”

****__******** _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve hit 4000 views and 200 kudos! I cannot believe it! This is so incredible, this story is not even a month old. I cannot thank everyone enough. 
> 
> This chapter took a wild turn, I hope you guys like it haha. I’m so sorry these are posted so late in the day, I work late nights so this is my only timeframe. I’ll see you all tomorrow and I love you guys ;)


	22. Treasure

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

I grit my teeth as I glide backwards, preparing to launch myself in the air. My toe pick taps the ice and I spin around, landing perfectly. That makes five in a row. 

********

My quad lutz has become more consistent than ever, a far cry from what it used to be. I remember my desperation to master the jump, how badly I needed it to stay ahead of my rivals. Then came the injury, because I rushed it when I shouldn’t have. 

********

Stepping off the ice, I grab my skate guards and place them over the blades. Today’s work has been long and fruitful, I’m more than satisfied with the progress I’ve made. This would be the last day for final preparations and my last time in Canada for a few months.

********

The prospect of the World Championships being in Japan this year delighted and frightened me at the same time. I was going home, but that meant facing even more cameras then usual. I’d have the support of almost the entire stadium, but that also means I’ll have all the pressure. I’ve been putting off the worries for months, telling myself that I’ll deal with it when it’s time. The flight out is tomorrow, and now I’m forced to face the situation head on. 

********

I turn around to look at the ice and admire the woman flying across it. Zhenya and I haven’t spoken much the past few weeks, but it’s a mutual understanding. We have been so focused preparing for worlds, it’s hard to find the time for anything else. I think back to when she first arrived at the TCC, how frail she was physically and mentally. She was still healing from her injuries, her technique needed a copious amount of work. Evgenia’s mind wasn’t fully sane from the events of the previous months. But now, she’s a entirely different person. There’s so much speed in her skating - the jumps are much higher and the landings are much softer. Her lutz is a shallow outside edge, which is the biggest improvement by far. You can’t expect to go from a deep inside to a deep outside edge in under a year, but the progress she’s made already baffles me. Zhenya’s skating looks almost effortless now, but I know that’s far from the truth. It takes an indescribable amount of energy to do what she does on the ice.

********

It’s not only the skating that’s changed, her perception of life and her emotions has as well. She’s matured in ways I haven’t, despite me being five years her senior. All the pain that’s she’s been through has changed her in a way that she will never be the same. This is an entirely new Evgenia Medvedeva.

********

I glance down at my phone, the time ticking to four. It was early enough to still get a few hours of daylight in, I wanted to take some time out of the rink. Sometimes I just needed a break from everything, some fresh air. I should take her with me.

********

“Zhenya.” I call out to her, other skaters glancing in my direction. She swirls around confused, not recognizing where I’m standing. Her eyes finally find mine and she glides towards me.

********

“Hey.”

********

“How would you like it if I took you out right now? Have you ever walked the shores of Lake Ontario? I can promise you it’s very peaceful.” Her face flushed as I finished my words, clearly intrigued by the idea.

********

“That sounds nice but I need to practice some more. We are flying out tomorrow, I need to work on my…”

********

“Stop.” I interrupt her. “You’ve worked incredibly hard these past few weeks, you deserve a break. We have difficult days ahead, can’t you find the time for a few hours of peace?” 

********

“I guess I can.” She grins, eagerly stepping off the ice and rushing to take off her skates. “Wait… what if someone sees us, Yuzu?” 

********

“It’s called a hat and some sunglasses. That’s how I usually get around Toronto, although that disguise probably wouldn’t work in Japan.” 

********

She nods and continues to pack up her equipment, slinging the bag over her shoulders. I grab my own things and we make our way out of the rink before she grabs my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. 

********

“We can’t walk out of the front together!”

********

“There’s a back door, but what we can’t do is leave without saying goodnight to Brian and Tracy.” She shakes her head in agreement and we continue towards the front, where the offices of our two coaches are located. 

********

Tracy had her eyes glued to the desk, going over last minute paperwork. I clear my throat and her eyes shoot upwards, a smile forming on her face as she notices Evgenia by my side. I owe this woman so much in life, she has always supported everything I’ve ever done.

********

“We are leaving for the day, we wanted to say goodnight.” Zhenya speaks. 

********

“I’m glad you guys came by. Now, don’t be too crazy. We have a early plane to catch tomorrow. Have a good evening, the pair of you.” Tracy spoke through the grin on her face, delighted by the prospect of her two students finding happiness in each other. The thought makes me sign in relief, since I fear the reaction of anyone who finds out about my feelings for Zhenya. I wish it didn’t have to be that way…

********

We made our way out of Tracy’s office and into Brian’s, the pit in my stomach suddenly growing. The words of our conversation play in my mind.

********

_Are you ready? ___

****____ ** **

He stood up from his desk and let out a small smile that quickly faded as I appeared behind Evgenia. A stern look was directed towards me, I could feel the tension in the room. I glanced down at her, hoping she’d be the one to speak.

****____ ** **

“We are leaving for the day. Yuzu and I just wanted to say goodnight, and we’ll see you on the plane tomorrow.” Her voice was quiet, I’m sure she could tell Brian was indifferent about this as well.

****____ ** **

“I want you guys to understand something. It’s not that I don’t want you to be happy, I just want you to be careful. I will always want to protect the two of you. Just keep that in mind, be smart, be safe. Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow.” His voice was understanding, I felt the tension in the room lessen. Brain simply wanted the best for us, and he cannot help what happens if this all gets put out in the open. 

****____ ** **

**Evgenia’s POV ******

****__******** _ _ ** **

“I look stupid.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

The sunglasses were too large for my face, the hat looked silly on my small head. I glanced over at Yuzu, who was adjusting his own “disguise.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

The car ride was spent in relative silence, we were both deep in thought. My head swirled at the words Brian had told both of us, he was absolutely right. We needed to be careful, what we were doing right now is anything but. And yet, I still can’t run away from Yuzu’s offer. After spending hours in the rink, I need fresh air. I’ve never even been to one of the Great Lakes - I was beyond intrigued. New experiences are always refreshing. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

The car slowed to a stop as he pulled into a parking space. His hands reached into his pocket, pulling out a few quarters. After filling the meter for two hours, we made our way down to the shore line. The sun was slowly beginning to fade away into the horizon, the reflection on the water looked incredible. There weren’t too many people around, allowing me to hear the sound of the water and birds flying above. Yuzu was right - this is beyond peaceful. I’m a few months shy of living in Canada for a year, how have I never been here? 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“What do you think.” His voice pierces my thoughts.

****__******** _ _ ** **

“It’s beautiful.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

I glance over towards him, a smile across his face. He reaches down to take off his shoes and I do the same. The sand is cold and the shoreline is a bit rocky, but not uncomfortable. His hand finds mine as we walk along the water. The action makes my heart flutter, Yuzu is the only person who can make me feel this way. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

I take the time to observe my surroundings. A few teens play volleyball by the shore, a few kids build sandcastles while their parents look on. Some families picnic together as they watch the sun set, other couples walk along the water, the same as us. I know why Yuzu picked this spot to take me - we can be normal here. Everyone is happy and enjoying themselves with those closest to them. There’s no cameras here, no pressure. It’s just Yuzu and I. It’s truly calming in a way I rarely ever feel.

****__******** _ _ ** **

We continue to walk in silence, although I don’t mind. There’s no need for words, just being next to him is enough. I almost momentarily forgot how hard the weeks ahead of us are going to be. I push the thought to the back of my mind, right now I don’t need to be stressed. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

A small child walks into our path, holding a strange machine. Yuzu glances at me, an amused look across his face. I approach the child, curious as to what he’s doing. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“Hey buddy. What’s that you got in your hand?” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“It’s a metal detector. I’m trying to find treasure!” He shrieks, seemingly happy that someone has asked him. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“Oh that’s nice. I’d like to find treasure too.” 

****__******** _ _ ** **

“Really? What.” The child glances up at me.

****__******** _ _ ** **

_An Olympic gold metal ___

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

“Maybe some diamonds!” I reply, suppressing my true answer. 

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

“Ooooh that’s cool. You’re really pretty.” I blush, because little kids don’t lie about these things. I look up at Yuzu, who has his own words to say. 

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

“She most definitely is.” 

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

I let out a laugh and turn back to the child in front of me. My eyes glance around to find his parents, who are sitting and watching further from the shore. Facing back around, I find that the little boy is now conversing with Yuzu.

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

“Have you ever found treasure?” The small child looks up at him.

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

“I have. She’s right next to me.”

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you guys are having a good day, here’s the next chapter! I found a really interesting interview that Zhenya and her mom did with Pantene. The interviewer asked if Zhenya has ever fallen in love, and she replied yes, saying it helped her a lot. I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but I want to so bad haha. The video can be found on YouTube, but it’s only in Russian. I have the translated moment of that clip here https://zamchala.tumblr.com/post/171428481007/1-2-3-41-42-5-that-look . Once again, thank you guys for the support! I got so many kudos after yesterday’s chapter:)) Thank you everyone, I love you all! And a special shout out to those who always leave comments, I love to read them always <33


	23. Flying High

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

"Thank you." I whispered to Yuzu as he put my bags up in the overhead bin. He was amused that I was too short to reach.

********

"Of course." 

********

The plane was relatively empty, Brian and Tracy sat up near the front. Other members of the cricket team filled different areas of the plane. Translators, interns, skaters, and coaches made up this flight. I always sit in the back of airplanes, and Yuzu being the antisocial child that he is does as well. 

********

"I call the window seat!" I practically screech. He looks at me and shakes his head, suppressing a laugh. I can't stand not sitting by the window, because I love watching how the world gets smaller as you get higher. I love watching the cities from above, I love flying through the clouds. It's a small and simple pleasure.

********

I look at the man sitting besides me and take in his appearance. He looks exhausted, as if we've already competed at Worlds. I can't imagine the pressure he's under, skating at home. How does he do it? It's almost inhuman how he hasn't broken down. Perhaps he's a ticking time bomb, there's only so much one person can handle. The thought scared me more than I’d like to admit. 

********

"Yuzu, take this stuff. Go to sleep." He nods as he grabs the neck pillow from my hands along with earplugs. Sleep is hard to come by during times like this, if you have a chance you better take it. His eyes shut and I rest my head against window, peering out as the sun begins to rise. 

********

The plane leaves the terminal and slowly moves onto the runway. I glance at Yuzu, who is already fast asleep. Even through the sound of the jet engines, I can still hear him snoring lightly. He must have been even more tired than I originally thought. The plane jerks forward as we gain speed, quickly lifting off the ground. He is still deep in slumber, unfazed by the movements. I wish I could fall asleep and stay asleep like that. I spend hours tossing and turning in bed every night, my thoughts keeping me awake. The only time I remember falling asleep quickly was when he was in bed with me. 

********

The pilot announces that we can take our devices out and I find myself reaching for my phone. I seldom use social media anymore, simply because I don't have the time. Sometimes I miss it, because I love seeing the posts of my fans. Other times I remember why it's almost better to stay off of it. My feed is filled with videos from my friends training hard for worlds, while others are simply enjoying life. I like a photo of Misha choreographing an exhibition for a skater, then I like a post of Javier and his girlfriend. They seem so happy - what will be my life after skating? Will I find the same joy they seem to have, will I be contempt with retirement? I haven't even begun to fathom what the next chapter of my life will be, I can't imagine doing anything else at the moment. My heart will always belong to the ice, it's where I'm meant to be. But I know even at the age of 19, my time is running out.

********

I move to the explore page and scroll through posts from my fans. A grin appears on my face as I see their messages wishing me a victory at worlds. Their support means so much, if only I could hug each and everyone of them. It's an indescribable feeling to know that you mean so much to a stranger, sometimes I can't comprehend it. I move my finger and slide down further, which proved to be a mistake. My eyes scanned the posts that pertained to me in a negative light. I couldn't look away, instead I sat there reading every comment. My heart sinks and I felt the vile in my throat rise up.

********

_She should just give up. She'll never beat Alina and when the juniors become seniors next year she won't even make the team! ___

****____ ** **

_The shame of Russia! Zhenya cannot win any longer. She must retire before she makes a fool of herself. ___

****______ _ _ ** **

_I've barely seen any improvement in her skating. Where's that deep outside lutz? She's nothing like Yuna... ___

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

Unable to tear my eyes away from the screen, I keep scrolling. I feel the blood in my skin boiling, the fear beginning to sink in. These people can't be right, I won't let them. They'll see in time that I can win! My eyes begin to water slightly and I sink into my seat, I've gone so long without crying. 

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

"Zhenya stop!" I feel the phone being ripped from my hands.

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

**Yuzuru's POV ******

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

I quickly shut her phone off and put it to my side, keeping it out of her reach. I had only just woken up before I glanced over and looked at her screen. Most of the comments were in Russian, but the few ones in English were not very nice. I'm guessing the other ones weren't either.

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

"Why would you keep reading stuff like that?" I turn to her, wanting an answer. She knows how nasty some people can be, I can't fathom why she'd even spare a glance at those comments. 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

"I don't know I was just scrolling past and... I couldn't look away." Her voice was soft and timid, surprised by my harsh tone.

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

There's a reason I don't have any social media - because it can be so toxic. I know my fans love and support me, I don't need a post to confirm that. But there's so many hateful people hiding behind a computer screen, wanting to tear you down. The fact that Zhenya was reading such hurtful things makes me upset, I don’t want her to feel terrible. I never want to see her smile fade away.

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

"I know it's hard to look away, but you have too. Otherwise it will ruin your spirit." She nods her head in agreement and sighs, still visibly upset. I plant a kiss on the top of her forehead and she looks up at me, a smile forming on her face. 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

"Thank you." She whispers. "Can we watch anime now." 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

I groan and shake my head in agreement as she quickly grabs her laptop out of her bag. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I rather make Zhenya happy. The screen quickly lights up with Yuri on Ice! and I chuckle to myself, because the main romance is between a Japanese and a Russian skater. 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

I get up from my seat and grab a blanket from my bag in the overhead compartment. The plane is extremely cold, I sit back down and spread the blanket out over Zhenya and I. Her head rests on my shoulder as she hits play. My hand soon finds hers, and this is how we remain for the next few hours. 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

...

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

"Yuzu, do you think I can win worlds?" Her voice is small and breaks the long period of silence. I know that this is what has been on her mind for the past couple of weeks. 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

"I'm positive." 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“So you believe in me?” Her eyes find mine.

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Always.”

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

Zhenya smiles and sinks back into my chest, my arms instinctively wrap around her. Her laptop dies and she pushes it off to the side as we somehow find the room to lay down on the narrow plane seats. My feet almost hang out into the aisle, our bodies are squeezed together in an attempt to make more room. Her head buries into my neck and her eyes slowly shut. One of the seatbelts is uncomfortably digging into my skin, but I don't dare move. Not when she's like this, in my arms and hastily falling asleep. I'd sacrifice my comfort for her any day. 

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

We still have several hours left on this plane, but I'm not eager to step off of it. Because I don't know if I'm ready to face what lies ahead.

****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little on the shorter side (sorry!) but I’m excited because we have some drama coming up ahead of us ;) I won’t say anything more because I want it to all be a suprise. Anyways, as always, thank you guys for everything. I had a pretty rough day today and I’ve been in a terrible mood. However, I logged onto here and read the amazing comments you guys leave and I’m feeling much happier:) The reads and kudos I’m getting baffles me as well, this story is just over three weeks old! I love you all from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much <3 
> 
> I also wanted to do a quick shout out to the other writers on this tag because I love your stories and reading them makes me so happy as well.
> 
> Lastly, out of curiosity, do you guys like the hot and heavy chapters? This story is mature and I’d like to keep it that way, but I don’t want to go too far. So if you want to see more let me know and I’ll see what I can do haha. I hope you all have a great day/night, I’ll see you tomorrow!


	24. I Feel the Same

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

Three days. That's all the time I have left before I will be one the ice, performing my short program. In four days someone will be crowned world champion. There's never enough time in the world for anything, especially this. But I have no choice - I must be ready. 

****

The music played loud into my ear as I felt my blood pump. I swirled around the ice, landing jump after jump. I've struggled for so long to get back to this point, and I feel as if I've finally reached it. I know what I'm capable of, and that's all I need. 

****

The practice session was winding down for the day and I found myself messing around. Doing crazy combinations were always fun, so long as you didn't injure yourself. But with the adrenaline running through my veins I felt more daring than ever, setting up for a quad salchow. I've never landed one in my life, and I've only ever attempted it a few times. My feet moved quickly across the ice and I pushed off of it, spinning quickly in the air. 

****

It only took a few seconds for my body to hit the floor, but there was no pain. I simply got up and laughed, I never expected to land the attempt. To do so on my first try would be a miracle, but somehow I felt as if I made the rotation. A small and all too familiar voice confirmed my suspicions.

****

"Zhenya, you made it all the way around!" Alina appeared behind me on the ice.

****

"What." 

****

"The salchow. It was quick, but I counted them. It was definitely four complete rotations. I wish you landed it, that would've been incredible." 

****

I let out a smile and my head started to swirl. Could this be my future? I've always wanted to do something insanely difficult, but I knew I had to be realistic. There was still plenty of work to be done on my current jumps before even attempting a quad. Maybe in time I'll be able to make the vision a reality. But for now, I'm prepared to settle. 

****

"Trust me, I wish I had landed it as well." I laughed. "Alina, do you want to go get some lunch?" 

****

Her eyes left mine and glanced down on the floor. "No, I'm not hungry." 

****

I nodded as she skated away, somehow knowing she wasn't telling the truth. I understand though, when you're so focused on a practice or competition you often forget to take care of yourself. It wasn't until I came to Brian that I snapped out of that habit. I glided towards the boards, fastening my skater guards over the blades. My stomach rumbled and I made my way out of the rink, before another voice stoped me. This one sent shivers down my spine.

****

"Zhenya, come here please." Eteri spoke calmly. "I want to talk to you."

****

A part of me wanted to keep walking, but I knew that wasn't the answer. No matter how much pain this woman has caused me, she's also brought me great victory. I wouldn't be where I am now without her, as much as I hate to admit it. And so I find myself picking the mature choice - turning around and facing her. 

****

"Hello." My voice was quiet, my throat barely opening enough to allow me to speak. 

****

"Come back, Zhenya." Her eyes rise up to meet mine. "Come back to us, back where you belong." 

****

Suddenly I can't think, my brain unable to process the words. All I do is shake my head no.

****

"I saw you try to land that quad. If you come back to Russia, I promise you I will help you land several. You know I can. It just takes hard work, I'm sure you know that already." Her voice becomes harsher as she continues. "You're failing this season, Zhenya. If you were still with me, you would have been at the top of the podium already. Instead you've been bested by your former training mates." 

****

I resist the urge to scream, noting the people around us. But I feel the fire inside me burning hotter, unable to believe the words I've just heard. I'm not naive anymore, I won't believe what she has just said. It's not true, nothing has ever been true.

****

"Can't you see it? This season was never about winning for me!" I try to remain composed, but it becomes more difficult by the second. "Brian has opened up a entirely new world for me. I don't have to be embarrassed by my lutz anymore, I don't have to hide it in a corner. You refused to help me fix my flutz, you said the judges never called it anyways. At the time I believed that mentality since I had so much trust in you and your coaching. But know I know better." 

****

She looks at me, no expression across her face. The silence is deafening on her part, but I'm not done.

****

"My skating has more speed, my jumps have better technique. I don't need to backload to get points anymore, my goe's make up for it. You know what else? I've gained weight. You always told me I should stay a certain number, that I shouldn't eat past six. And yet, I'm stronger and healthier. I'll learn quads when I'm ready, and I'll do it the right way."

****

She laughs and glances down before finally speaking. "Who will teach you the quads? Brian or Hanyu?" 

****

My heart skips a beat. "What?" 

****

"Don't lie to me now after you've just gave me that speech. I saw you yesterday, during the men's practice. I saw the way you glanced at him on the ice, and they way he looked back. You've had a crush on that boy for as long as I can remember, there's no use in hiding it now. You're a fool, there is no time for love in this sport." 

****

"We aren't together." I swallow my pride, but I'm telling the truth. She can't know how he feels about me, or the feelings that I'm rapidly growing for him.

****

"Yuzuru will drag you down. His fans will never let you live in peace. This isn't a game, Evgenia. You're too young for this. Your life will become a living hell, you will see. He will be the end of you." 

****

Her words don't have enough time to settle for me to form a response. Instead I stare at her, the woman who practically raised me up. The woman I spent so many hours listening to. I don't recognize her anymore, this is a different person. Or perhaps it is the same person, I've just grown out of her shadow enough to see the truth. 

****

"Goodbye, Eteri." I whisper as I walk away. My hunger is suddenly gone, my ambition reduced to dust. All I feel is the weight of her words on my shoulders. 

****

_Yuzuru will drag you down. His fans will never let you live in peace. ___

**____ **

All my life, she's twisted so many things into my head. Even now it's hard to separate the truth from a falsehood. But I know deep down that she's right about his fans. Darkness threatens to wash over me, but I think back to everything Yuzu has said to me. That we will get through everything together. I choose to listen to his words instead, and I feel relief flooding my body. 

**____ **

It's not a game to me.

**____ **

…  
_2019 World Championships | Men's Short Program ___

**______ _ _ **

I hold my breath as his name is called to the ice. My hands move to my ears to guard them from the piercing screams. The entire stadium is here for him, the sea of Japanese flags just proves the fact. How can he possibly compete under this pressure, knowing how disappointed everyone will be if he falters? Sitting among the crowd, I can feel the expectation in the air. Everyone wants him to be perfect. 

**______ _ _ **

I shouldn't be here, I should be on the ice at my own practice. I told Brian I wouldn't come, but this morning I found myself asking the event organizers if there were any spare seats. There was only one left, and it wasn't a very good one. But beggars can't be choosers. It seems that no one in Japan would pass up the opportunity to watch Yuzuru skate. 

**______ _ _ **

The music starts as he glides backwards, one stroke of his skate generating so much speed. His arms flawlessly move along to every beat of the song, picking up the pace as sets up his first jump. You can almost hear the pin drop as he leaps into the air, before the roar of the crowd takes over.

**______ _ _ **

The quad lutz-triple toe combination was almost godly, it appeared so effortless. I know how hard he's worked on it and it has surely paid off. The height, the distance across the ice - everything was perfect. A small smile appears on his face.

**______ _ _ **

Yuzu works his way across the ice and enters a flying sit spin. He makes such a simple element look so graceful. There's no other man in the world who can do what he does, not even close. He has musicality, transitions, and his technical elements are just as extraordinary. Everything he does is quality, everything comes together and makes a complete package. Yuzuru Hanyu is truly the greatest skater of all time.

**______ _ _ **

The audience erupts in cheers as he lands a quad toe, before leading up to his final jump. The height he gets in his triple axel is unreal, I smile to myself knowing that the quad axel is such a huge possibility. It will be hard for him, but once Yuzu sets his mind to something you cannot stop him. The tempo of the music picks up and he begins his step sequence. My eyes cannot be torn off of this man, he's got me in a trance. 

**______ _ _ **

The entire stadium stands to their feet as he finishes the final spin. My memories flashback to watching him perform his short program at the Grand Prix final. I can't even fathom how far we've both grown from that time. He broke a world record there, he surely will do that here. 

**______ _ _ **

My eyes finally break off of him to look around at the audience. Some people are in tears, moved by such a beautiful performance. I feel the same. Small kids look on in awe, how many of them see him as their idol? These children will grow up with him as their ideal image, something to strive for. Yuzu means so much to these people, it's so easy to see it. My mind jumbles, what does he mean to me? 

**______ _ _ **

I think of the support and comfort he's given me in way that nobody else can. I think of how he inspires me to captivate audiences like he does so often. I think of how my life has become better with him by my side. I think of how I've finally realized that I'm in love with him.

**______ _ _ **

_No. You're the fool, Eteri. ___

**______ _ _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder, this is a fictional story and the way I potray certain characters may be completely wrong. I don’t know the truth about Eteri and her coaching style, everything I wrote is purely fictional. Although Evgenia herself said she was not allowed to eat past six, that is why I included that in the dialogue.
> 
> …  
> Anyways, I really like this chapter and I hope you guys do as well. How about that ending ;) I’m really excited for the next few chapters. Thank you guys for all the comments, kudos, and reads - they always inspire me to write even when I’m feeling a little lazy ha! Much love for you all, I’ll see you tomorrow <3


	25. Expectations

**Yuzuru's POV ******

********

The headphones in my ears conceal the shouts and screams of the crowd, but they don't calm my nerves. Whatever I do to try to calm down, it's no use. The pit in my stomach grows and the feeling of uneasiness washes over me. Tonight, everyone will expect me to be perfect. 

********

I have felt this way several times throughout my career, but I never get used to it. I only tolerate the pressure, but never embrace it. My mind takes me back to over a year ago, in Pyeongchang. I felt the same way I do now, yet I managed to do enough there. Will I be able to that here? I want to believe I can, but I have a history of making mistakes that cost me the gold. Tonight was no exception, I had to give it my all. 

********

I want that world title back, I want my world record back. I want to continue to write my name into the history books. They say that I'm one of the greatest figure skaters of all time, but that's not enough. I must be the best of all time, I won't settle for anything else. Perhaps it's my ambition or tendency for perfection, but I always crave more. The records, the quad axel, another Olympic gold. I have only shared by desire to stand atop of the Beijing podium with Brian and Evgenia. There's still three years until then, but I will be ready. In time I will inform the world of my plans, but for now I'm okay. I need to take things one day at a time, starting here. I want to be the world champion. 

********

The small room I'm in doesn't do much to calm me, I begin to feel trapped. I'm the last to skate out of the final group, and so I find myself pacing back and forth in the changing room. The door is locked, I don't want to be bothered. Not by any of my rivals, not even by Brian right now. My mind is torturing me but I must put up with it myself, I always have. 

********

The music pumping through my ears cuts off as an incoming call comes through. The sound startles me, I slightly jump up in response. The caller ID reveals it to be Javier, and I briefly consider ignoring it. I said I always deal with these things by myself, but perhaps I don't have to anymore. Javi is no longer my rival, but he's always been much more than that. He's been a confidant, a brother. 

********

I slide my finger over the screen and hit answer. "Hello Javi. I didn't expect you to call at a time like this." 

********

"I'm watching live right now, I know you skate last. Sorry I couldn't be there in person, I just wanted to see how you're doing. It must be tough, huh? Your first worlds without me. How will you ever cope?" His laughter fills the call. 

********

"Actually, I'm doing fine." I lie. It's incredibly hard to be here without Javi, and Zhenya isn't here as well. I'm alone, and it's the most difficult thing in the world. Yes I have Brian, Tracy, and the fans, but they don't know me as well. They don't know my deepest darkest secrets.

********

"I bet you're pacing back and forth backstage like always." This man knows me too well.

********

"Actually I'm in the dressing rooms, try again." I chuckle. 

********

The other end of the phone remains silent for far too long, I almost hang up. "Are you there Javi?"

********

"Yes, sorry I was sending a text. So it's just you and pooh-san panicking in the room I gather." 

********

"Pretty much. Although pooh-san is far more calm than I am." I sigh. 

********

"Just imagine I'm there with you right now, competing. You'll do fine, I'm sure of it. If you set your mind to something you'll get it, you always do. I mean that in the best possible way." 

********

I do tend to get what I want, but it's never easy. I'll never forget the fatigue and stress I endured leading up to my second gold. I'll never forget the pain and guilt that has led me to this point with Zhenya. The worst times may be over for those things, but there's still so much ahead of me.  

********

"I want the gold, Javi. But I can feel the pressure weighing me down. Being here at home, it's even worse than usual." 

********

He pauses for a second and then replies. "I know. I know it's hard. Perhaps you need someone to help you calm down."

********

"There's nobody..." my words are cut off by a knock on my door. It's probably Brian, we must be getting close to my turn. I glance at the clock and shake my head, it's too early. There's still four skaters ahead of me.

********

Javier laughter fills my ear. "You can thank me later! Good luck Hanyu-San."

********

"Wait!" The line was already dead, he had already hung up.

********

I put my phone on top of the table and padded to the door, hesitant to open it. I don't know if I'm ready to face the world yet. But Javi's words replay in my head - him sending a text, him telling me I can thank him later. Suddenly I know exactly who is behind the door, and I couldn't be more relieved.

********

She rushes through the doorway and wraps her small arms around me as I sink my head into her shoulder. Zhenya and I stand in silence for what seems like an hour, just holding each other. This is exactly what I needed, in her arms I feel like anything is possible. I know that she'll support me no matter what. The shouts of the crowd finds its way into the room, but all I can focus on is the sound of her heartbeat. It's more calming than any song. 

********

My grip around her lessens and I look down at the girl in front of me. Her eyes meet mine and I feel my breathing become irregular. I take her chin in my hand, slowly lifting her face up to meet mine. Zhenya wraps her hand around the back of my head, pulling us closer together. Our lips meet and suddenly the weight on my shoulders is gone.

********

The usual fire of our kisses is absent, instead it's replaced by a warm and tender feeling. We take it slow and gentle, but somehow this feels better. Her lips are soft and I lightly tug on them as my hand cups her cheek. My body is electrified, fluttered with this feeling inside of me. This must be what it feels like to be comforted by someone you love. 

********

Zhenya pulls apart from me and presses her head into my chest as I hold her. In this small room, with her in my arms - the rest of the world has faded away. It's just us, and I wouldn't change anything. 

********

"Thank you." I whisper. She must know that her support means a lot to me, but I don't think she realizes how much she has calmed me. I'm not nearly as panicked, the pressure isn't threatening to crush my body. 

********

Her eyes look up to meet mine. "You'd do the same for me. I would've came earlier, but it was too dangerous and I didn't know where you were." 

********

"I'm guessing Javier informed you?" I laugh. 

********

She nods her head. "He wanted to make sure you had someone." 

********

"I do now." 

********

We remain in silence for a little while longer, before I glance at the clock. If everything has been running on time, there are only two skaters left before I have to go. Brian will want me out in a few minutes to talk. She glances at the time and sighs, knowing the same thing.

********

"I'm bad with words, but I know enough to wish you good luck. Although I know that doesn't mean much when you have the expectations of an entire country on your shoulders." Her voice is filled with empathy.

********

"Don't worry about me now. I'll be okay. I want you to go to practice and work hard like you always do. As much as I want the world title, I want you to have it even more." 

********

Zhenya deserves it more than anyone. She has spent the whole season fighting, barely trailing behind Alina. I know the nasty things people say about her, I know it won't stop unless she wins. But that's not why I want her to stand atop the podium. I wish her this victory because she's given everything to get to this point. Countless hour of hard work, endless tears. There's only one final push that she needs.

********

"Yuzu, you'll know I'll fight for it. But there's no guarantee for either of us. Still, I know we can win. We are both so strong, we've been through so much. The only person stopping us is ourselves." She smiles.

********

I look down at the ground and sigh. "I don't know about that. I tend to make stupid mistakes in my free skate sometimes." 

********

"You won't" 

********

Another knock at the door startles us both, it's time to go.

********

"How can you be so sure?" I ask. It's seems like everyone believes in me, even when I don't believe in myself.

********

Her hand pushes the door open, revealing Brian and Tracy. For a quick second I fear she will leave my question unanswered, before she turns around one final time.

********

"Because I love you."

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I logged on today and saw that I hit 5000 reads, all I can say is wow. This story is still a few days shy of one month old, yet I’m on my way to 300 kudos and I have all these incredible comments. I cannot thank you guys enough, you’re actually amazing. Thank you for taking time out of your day to give this story any type of attention. Even to the silent readers who lurk, I love you guys as well. Honestly, thank you everyone.
> 
> This chapter focused on Yuzu’s inner feelings a lot and I think he’s very ambitious in the story and in real life. He has said in a interview that sometimes his mind becomes a battle between the pressure and the ambition, so I wanted to highlight that here. And now they have both said those three words to eachother;) 
> 
> We have a few chapters left before we enter the second phase of my story with a whole lot of new drama hehe. I’m so excited, but I won’t spoil anything.
> 
> I’ll see you all tomorrow <3


	26. Above All Others

_The 2019 World Figure Skating Championships has brought a wealth of surprises. Evgenia Tarasova and Vladimir Morozov claimed gold in the pairs field, ahead of favorites Sui Wenjing and Han Cong. In ice dance, Gabriella Papadakis and Guillaume Cizeron defended their title. In men’s, Yuzuru Hanyu went on to claim gold in a world record breaking free skate, defeating last year’s champion Nathan Chen. And now we move on to our final event, the ladies - starting with the short program. ___

____

**Evgenia’s POV ******

_******** _

The shouts of the crowd add to the fire blazing underneath my skin. This is it, my chance for redemption. This may only be the short program, but I’m no fool. Every point counts in the end, I must be the very best.

_******** _

I turn to Brian for his final words. He had already given me a speech earlier, there wasn’t going to be enough time now. “You know what to do, kid.” He smiles and I nod my head. 

_******** _

_Representing Russia, please welcome Evegenia Medvedeva. ___

_****____ ** ** _

The ice feels good under my feet and my senses feel sharp. My confidence on the ice has been slowly growing back over these past few months, but I’ve never felt as good as I do now. Everyone’s eyes are on me, expecting nothing less than perfection. I don’t feel the weight of that, instead I feel eager to prove to these people what I can do. 

_****____ ** ** _

The soundtrack of Spirited Away fills the arena and I feel the music pulling my body effortlessly into the choreography. I start with a spin, simple, yet something to ease me into the performance. 

_****____ ** ** _

I rise up and gain speed quickly with minimal effort, evidence of my new coaching. I hold my breath as I transition into my first jumping pass. I’ve done this a million times, there’s no excuse now. 

_****____ ** ** _

My feet quickly finds the ice again, steady and soft. The triple-flip, triple-loop was flawless, I could feel it in the air. I had the height, I had the distance. The judges were going to reward it well. 

_****____ ** ** _

There was still more to come, after finishing my lay back spin I entered an ina bauer into a double axel. The jump has never been a strong point of mine, my memory flashbacks to my fall at rostelecom. But that was more than a year ago, this was now. Despite the difficult entrance, I easily push off the ice into the air, surprised by how effortless it is. I’ve spent so much time on my lutz, I didn’t even realize how my other jumps have improved as well. 

_****____ ** ** _

The lutz was still a fear of mine, even now setting up for it. It’s hard to admit it to myself. Yes I’ve improved, but I can’t erase the years of scrutiny over it. I can’t erase the fact that I had a coach who wouldn’t help me fix it. 

_****____ ** ** _

I took a deep breath and leaned towards that outside edge, digging my toe pick into the ground. A second later I was back on the ice, perfectly upright. It was faultless. A smile appeared on my face, the hardest elements were done. I allowed the tension in my body to release, I let my body flow along with the music. 

_****____ ** ** _

The step sequence has never felt as riveting as it does now. I let my mind take control and let the sound of the music move my feet. I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed performing my short program this much. It was all too soon before I finished my flying camel spin, the music coming to an end.

_****____ ** ** _

The cheers from the audience is almost deafening, it couldn’t have been that good, right? But the smile on Brian’s face told me that it was more than enough. I did everything I could and it shows through the reactions of those around me. My fingers press against my lips and I touch my hand to the ice, I want to cherish this moment. Right now, I feel peace.

_****____ ** ** _

Sitting at the kiss and cry usually brought on anxiety, but right now there was nothing but joy. This was what I’ve been trying to accomplish all season, a performance I could be proud of and perfectly contempt with. I whispered a thank you to Brian and Tracy, before moving my eyes on the screen above me.

_****____ ** ** _

_The short program scores please. Evgenia Medvedeva has earned 87.62, a new seasons best. She is currently in first place. ___

_****______ _ _ ** ** _

A gasp escaped my lips, it was a world record. I could work with that score, I was two points ahead of Alina. It wasn’t much but it was a chance. I waved to the crowd, thankful for their shouts. The Russian flags waving around struck a cord in my heart, I’ve done my something right by my country. 

_****______ _ _ ** ** _

I had only a few minutes to calm myself before I would be dragged into several press conferences, I sat down on a bench and texted my mother. She was still in Canada, she could never quite stomach watching me compete. It always made her nervous and I never wanted to disappoint her. I did no such thing today. 

_****______ _ _ ** ** _

_I did it, mama. There’s only tomorrow left. ___

_****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shadow lurking. It was too dangerous to approach each other, there were far too many cameras. He understood that. But the shadow let out a smile, and I knew I did well. 

_****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

…  
**2019 World Championships | Ladies Free Skate ******

_****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

The tightness in my chest was threatening to tear my beautiful dress. It was black with silk, embroidered with beautiful red and orange gems. My dance was that of a tango, and there was no room for a misstep tonight. 

_****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

My head begins to rush, I haven’t felt this way since the Olympics. I will be skating last, just as I did there. Perhaps the strongest similarity is my desire for gold, I felt it then and I feel it here with me now. It barely fell out of my grasp last time, but I won’t make that same mistake again.

_****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Minutes felt like hours as I played through various songs, anything to calm myself. He couldn’t be here right now, I had to shut my mind and deal with this myself. Brian nods to me, letting me know that there’s only one left before me. I take the headphones out of my ears and do a few last minute stretches. I don’t dare look up at any of the scores, I didn’t want to see what I have to measure up to. My only wish is to do the best that I can, which will be enough. It has to be. Otherwise, I don’t know what else I can give.

_****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

My name is called to the ice and I take a final look at my coaches and around the stadium. The Russian flags are flying, I hear the shouts echo through my bones. All their eyes are on me, and I won’t disappoint. The music begins and I let my emotions run through, every memory of the last few years rises to the surface. As well as everything I’ve grown to learn.

_****______******** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_You fought through your injury to the best of your ability. ___

_****______****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Triple flip, triple loop.

_****______****____ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_You risked everything to move halfway across the world to become a better skater. ___

_****______****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Triple lutz. 

_****______****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_You let your past knock you down but you’ve come back stronger. ___

_****______****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Double axel, triple toe. 

_****______****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_Your career is not over, it’s only just begun. ___

_****______****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Triple flip.

_****______****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_The people who support you outweigh those who doubt you. ___

_****______****____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Triple salchow.

_****______****____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_Winning isn’t everything, it’s about the journey and the progress._

_****______****______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Triple lutz, double toe, double loop. 

_****______****______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_It’s ok to be afraid, it’s the most natural thing in the world. ___

_****______****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Double axel.

_****______****________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

_You fell in love, and there is nothing wrong with that. ___

_****______****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

Step sequence.

_****______****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

I let the sass of the music guide my arms and every inch of my body. Each beat ran through under my skin, I swirled around the ice like I was born to be on it. And perhaps I was, because this felt right. I have never felt more free. I am my own person, and I have changed beyond recognition. This is a new Evgenia Medvedeva, and I have to let the audience see that. 

_****______****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

My dance came to an end as each spectator stood to their feet. I momentarily felt as if I was in a dream, as if they were standing for someone else. I blinked a few times, expecting the image to go away. It never did.

_****______****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

I did this, a product of all my hard work and tears. All the effort and bloodshed was worth it. I understand that now. These people are standing because I have created something unforgettable. A smile forms across my face, one big and true. 

_****______****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

I hold my breath as the score flashes across the screen, the shouts of the crowd drowning my ears. When all is said and done, I am world champion.

_****______****__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story Zhenya’s short program is to Spirited Away, but in real life it will be to Orange Colored Sky. Her long in this story and in real life will be a tango. 
> 
> I’m sorry that this is being posted so late, I had to work for a quite a bit today. Saturday and Sunday’s chapter will also be up a bit late for the same reason, but I’ll have them ready for you guys :) As always the support means so much and I hope you guys have a fantastic day/night.
> 
> Much love <3


	27. You Grew on Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two songs for this chapter: Crazy For You by Adele and Everything You Are by Ed Sheeran (recommend by Lilly;)

**Yuzuru's POV**

Even through the screen of a television, I can feel the happiness and relief exuding off of her. She holds the Russian flag up, letting it wave in the air. I felt the same sense of pride only a few days ago.

_Evgenia Medvedeva and Yuzuru Hanyu. World Champions._

Those words sounded like music to my ears, this is more than what I could’ve hoped for. We both set a new short, long, and combined score world record. We both defeated our rivals who had seemed so certain to defeat us once more. Not this time, not here.

I want to hug her, to kiss her. I want to celebrate our victory with Zhenya in my arms. But right now I’m watching the ceremony on a television, sitting in the dimly lit area backstage. I couldn’t risk being spotted, there were too many eyes and far too many cameras. Even being back here was risky enough. There wasn’t going to be time to see her until much later, she will have hours of press conferences to go through.

I don’t mind, I will wait for her. I always will.

I head up to my hotel room and take a quick shower. The hot water burns my skin but relieves the tension in my muscles. Watching her skate had made me so nervous, I’ve never felt that way before about someone else. I didn’t doubt what she could do, I just didn’t know if it was going to be enough. Therefore it felt like the longest four minutes of my life, but I’ll never forget it. How Zhenya so effortlessly danced across the ice, flawlessly following every beat of the music. It was art in motion. I would’ve given anything to dance by her side.

The water soon turns cold and I step out and dress in my night clothes. The sun had already set hours ago, in fact it was nearing midnight. Fatigue slowly crept into my body and I fought it the only way I knew how - music. Music can soothe me in a way nothing else can, it can make me fall asleep or send my blood pumping. I put on my favorite pair of headphones and let the sound fill my ears, consuming my thoughts. Thankfully the volume wasn’t too loud, or else I would have missed the knock at my door. I don’t even have the chance to say hello before Zhenya jumps into my arms, wrapping me into a tight hug.

“I did it.” She whispers

“I know.”

We remain this way for several minutes, holding each other. I listen to the way her heartbeat quickens ever so slightly when I pull her tighter. Her head shifts upwards and I move my eyes down to meet hers.

“What?” She smiles.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“The look on your face... it’s suspicious.” Zhenya laughs and moves her head onto my chest.

“Well I’m happy and…”

“And what?” She glances back upwards.

“I wanted to dance. Especially after seeing you tonight.”

Her grip on my body loosens and she reaches into her pocket, grabbing her phone. I walk to the other side of my suite, turning on the electric fire place and flicking the lights off. My hand grabs hers as I lead her towards the room.

“Do you have some songs in mind?” I question.

“I do.”

I nod my head as she turns the volume up, resting her phone on the table. The previously cold room is enveloped in warmth, the fire place providing the perfect mood and lighting. My arms latch around her waist as Zhenya places her arms around my head. The sound of the music soon fills the room as we slowly dance across the floor.

_I didn't mean to break your heart, I was just lonely_  
_And everybody falls apart sometimes_

The singer sounded familiar, the words of the song already striking a cord in my heart. It’s hard for me to focus on the lyrics instead of the girl in my arms, a few lines pass before I manage to hear the words again.

_And I will stop trying to fall in love again, and keep it a secret_  
_It never works out anyway_  
_But I am not anything like I was_  
_Cause you are the only one for me, yeah yeah_

I suspect that she played this song to reference her own feelings for me, but the chorus told me the opposite.

_Cause maybe I don't wanna lose a lover and a friend_  
_In one night, if that's alright_  
_I shouldn't have fucked with your mind_  
_And your life too many times_  
_And maybe I don't wanna be lonely_  
_Darling, you are my only love_  
_Behind my truth lies_  
_Everything you want_

The lyrics cause a pang of guilt to flash over my body. I almost lost her all those months ago, due to my own selfish reasons. I caused her pain that nobody should have to go through. The song represents my regret, but also my love.

“Zhenya.” I whisper.

“I understand, Yuzu. I forgive you, because I know you love me. I know you regret doing that to me. But I don’t look back on it with pain anymore. I love you.”

The words send shockwaves through my body. I never expected to be forgiven for the hurt I caused, I didn’t even know if I deserved it. All I know is that she loves me, just as I do her. That’s all I need to know.

“I love you more than you could imagine”.

A tear leaves my eye as I pull her closer, the next song starting to play.

_Found myself today singin' out loud your name_  
_You said I'm crazy, if I am I'm crazy for you_  
_Sometimes sittin' in the dark, wishin' you were here_  
_Turns me crazy, but it's you who makes me lose my head_

I am always crazy for her, longing for her to be by my side. She’s not only a lover, she’s my best friend.

_And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible_  
_You drift into my head_  
_And turn me into a crumbling fool_

It doesn’t matter what’s happening, Zhenya is always in my head. During practice, competition. She’s always with me. I don’t mind.

_Tell me to run and I'll race_  
_If you want me to stop I'll freeze_  
_And if you want me gone, I'll leave_  
_Just hold me closer, baby_  
_And make me crazy for you_  
_Crazy for you_

I’m head over heels for this woman. My hands slowly grip her waist harder and my head dips downwards to taste her lips.

_Lately with this state I'm in_  
_I can't help myself but spin_  
_I wish you'd come over_  
_Send me spinning closer to you_

My head rushes and every nerve in my body electrifies. Her small hands reach under my shirt, tracing my skin. I entangle my fingers in her hair and push her head closer to mine, desperate to close any space between us.

_My oh my, how my blood boils_  
_It's sweet taste for you_  
_Strips me down bare_  
_And gets me into my favourite mood_

I lift her shirt over her head revealing the glistening skin underneath. I slowly nip at her collarbones, leaving a trail of kisses around her neck. My mouth moves down towards her breasts as she unclasps her bra, allowing me to admire her bare beauty. I’ve never seen anyone more perfect in my life, and I never will. Zhenya’s hands tug at my shirt and I quickly toss it aside before enveloping her once more. Our bodies are pressed together, her skin against mine.

_I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away_  
_But the more I do_  
_The crazier I turn into_

I pick her up and carry her to the bed, pinning her body under mine. She reaches up to kiss my neck as I remove the last of our clothing. I take a quick pause to admire her every curve. I admire the shape of her breasts, the way her chest pumps up and down from her rugged breaths. It was an exquisite site, I must be the luckiest man alive.

“Are you sure.” I ask, hesitating to go further.

“I’ve never been so certain.”

Her small body climbs on top of mine and I get lost in the sensation.

_Pacing floors and opening doors_  
_Hoping you'll walk through_  
_And save me boy_  
_Because I'm too crazy for you_  
_Crazy for you_

_…_

My eyes flutter open, the morning light beginning to peak through the curtains. Zhenya is still fast asleep, curled up by my side. I don’t dare move, I wouldn’t want to wake her.

I take the time to listen to her soft breathing, the faint sound of her heart beating. I take time to relish in the warmth and comfort her body is providing mine. If I died right now, I would be okay with that. Because this moment, right here, right now - it’s perfect.

Minutes pass by and I feel the bed shift, Zhenya slowly waking up. My eyes meet hers and I plant a kiss on her lips, pulling her closer. I wanted her to know that I won’t run from her. Not now, not ever. My hand find hers and I squeeze them tight, dreading the moment I’ll have to let go.

“What’s on your mind.” Her voice breaks the silence.

“How much I’m in love with you.” I answer honestly.

She smiles. “But you didn’t always, right? Like your letter said?”

I paused to think of the answer to her question. Perhaps I’ve always loved her but not romantically. My feelings for Zhenya took time to develop, but I’ve always cared for her since the moment I met her.

“No.” I finally answer. “You grew on me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we have here… some heartwarming stuff huh ;) I hope you guys like this chapter as it was the celebration a few of you were hoping for. I’m so sorry this is up late (even more so than I originally planned). As compensation tomorrow’s chapter will pick up immediately after the end of this one *wink* 
> 
> I love you all and I will see everyone tomorrow! Thank you <3


	28. Calm Before the Storm

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

_You grew on me. _His words echoed through my body on constant replay. Just like after my free skate, I had to shake my head and blink a few times. Is this real? But every time I opened my eyes back up, he was still there.__

****____ ** **

It’s hard to process the events of the last twenty-four hours. I have to separate my thoughts from the pure facts. I am world champion, this a a true statement. 

****____ ** **

_I am world champion. ___

****______ _ _ ** **

It has only now begun to dawn on me, the victory sinking into my skin. I was in shock after the free skate, unable to process what I had just done. All throughout last night I couldn’t believe that the gold medal had gone to me. It’s everything I wanted for this season. But now it’s over, and I don’t know what happens afterwards.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Yuzu.” I whisper softly, still in a groggy state.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Zhenya.” He relays back.

****______ _ _ ** **

“What now.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Well we can kiss and repeat last night if you’d like.” He reaches over and starts kissing my neck and I laugh at his misinterpretation.

****______ _ _ ** **

“No you crazy man. What happens now - with us, our careers.” I question.

****______ _ _ ** **

“I am crazy.” He answers and looks into my eyes, his hand reaches up and lightly caresses my check. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“To answer your question, I don’t know. There’s still three years to Beijing, and we both know that in this sport that’s a long time. As for us, that’s up to you and I to decide. I’m happy right now like this, but I only make up half of the relationship.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“It’s only been one year.” I gulp. This season has felt like it’s been a decade between every competition. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted from everything that’s happened over the past year. Yuzu is right, there’s still another three seasons before Beijing. How am I going to survive? I’ve been fighting through the motions currently, but I’m running low on energy. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I know it seems like a lot, you’re not wrong about that. But we will take it one day at a time, work together and become stronger. It’s not just three years of waiting, it’s three years of improving. We just have to strive for that.” He speaks softly while knotting his fingers through my hair, providing me comfort. 

****______ _ _ ** **

I think of how fast the seasons went by before Pyeongchang, but I suppose things move quicker when you’re always winning. Eteri told me it’s easier to play catch-up than to stay ahead. The girls becoming seniors this upcoming season will be far ahead of me technically, and for a while I will lag behind them. But they will find it much harder to improve when they have already reached their peak, whereas I have so much to learn. I thought I had peaked under Eteri, I was so consistent and I had a steady technical setup. Now I know I haven’t gone anywhere near my full potential. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Yuzu?” I break the silence. “Do you think I can land quads, like my teammates?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

He sighs and pauses for a moment before he speaks. “Yes, I think you can. You spin quickly in the air, especially on your edge jumps. I just don’t…”

****______ _ _ ** **

“Don’t what?”

****______ _ _ ** **

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He admits. “I know you’ll have to become much stronger technically if you want to stay ahead. It’s just quads do so much damage to your body, I have quite a bit of experience with that. I wish it just wasn’t so hard for you. The Russian ladies field is so much deeper than anything in the skating world. If one girl collapses, there’s a thousand more ready to take her place.”

****______ _ _ ** **

I nod my head although his words are just things I already know. There a hundreds of skating schools in Russia filled with little girls. The talent is endless, but at the end of the day there’s only three places on the team.

****______ _ _ ** **

Yuzu’s voice breaks my thoughts. “You never told me what you want for us?”

****______ _ _ ** **

I move my head from his chest and sink back down into the pillow. My eyes close and my mind spins. What do I want from our relationship? I’m happy with what’s happening right now, his body besides mine. Do I want more? Perhaps in time. But I don’t want to have to deal with the burden of hiding a relationship on top of dealing with my skating career. Brian and Tracy already know the full extent, they heard me tell Yuzu I love him. Besides them, no one close to me knows. I haven’t told Alina, I haven’t even told my mother. Somehow I doubt that she’d be happy about this, she always supported Eteri’s notion that love isn’t an option. And Yuzuru’s family… something tells me they wouldn’t be happy. I’m not a traditional Japanese girl, I’m far from what they want for him. I’m far from what the world wants for him. I can already picture the controversy…

****______ _ _ ** **

“Zhenya.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

I snap out of my trance and turn to him. “The truth is I don’t know either. Like you said, I’m happy with the way things are now. But maybe in the future I want there to be more. I don’t want to hide anything from our friends and family.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I know.” He answers. “Maybe what I said earlier about our careers can apply to this as well. We will take it one day at a time.”

****______ _ _ ** **

My head finds it’s way back to his body, resting on his chest. Yuzu’s hand sneaks around and joins with mine and I lay there listening to his heartbeat. I wish we could stay like this forever and not have to worry about what comes next. But I know that once we leave this room we will be forced to face reality.

****______ _ _ ** **

Yuzu shifts upwards in the bed, sitting upright. I push myself up and look towards him, confused by the sudden end of contact.

****______ _ _ ** **

“What is it?” I ask

****______ _ _ ** **

“It’s just uh.” He pauses, unable to get the words out. “You’re not gonna get pregnant, are you?” His eyes glance down, unable to meet mine. It’s something a small child would do and I somehow find it adorable. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“No.” I laugh. “I take a pill so I uhh… don’t get my woman time of the month. And it also prevents kids.” I say embarrassingly. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Oh.” Is all he manages to say. “So does that mean I can do this?”

****______ _ _ ** **

He flips his body over mine, pinning me down underneath him. His mouth leaves a trail of kisses all over my skin and I feel my blood rushing throughout my body. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Yuzu, as much as I’d love to continue, we have to go to the gala practice.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

His lips break away from my body and his mouth forms a pout. Yuzu really is a man child, but I adore it. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“You know we have to go.” I add. “Besides people might get suspicious if we both don’t show up. Especially Alina.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Alright.” He gives in and gets off of the bed. “We still have fifty minutes before we have to be down there.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I know but I have to shower, get dressed, do my hair, do my makeup…”

****______ _ _ ** **

“Stop.” He rolls his eyes and grabs my hand.

****______ _ _ ** **

“What are you doing?” I question.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Starting your unnecessarily long list. Let’s go shower.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

My mouth falls open. “Together?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Why, you cant handle that much sexy?” He laughs. “I’m just teasing, but seriously lets go.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

This is the side of Yuzuru Hanyu that people usually see. Playful and joking. Of course it’s never about subjects like this, but he is always silly. You can see this side of him during ice shows when he’s surrounded by his friends, not bound by the pressure of competition. I’m glad I can see it now. I know he’s happy.

****______ _ _ ** **

“I don’t know Hanyu. If we shower together we will be late because you don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself.” I giggle.

****______ _ _ ** **

He scoffs. “Hey now, I am a gentleman and I will behave myself. Of course, unless you want otherwise.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Ask me later.” I smirk. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Always, Medvedeva." 

****______ _ _ ** **

And so I take his hand and follow him to shower, the hot water trickling down my skin. His arms wrap around me and he pulls me into a tight hug. We remain there, holding each other while the water drowns out our thoughts.

****______ _ _ ** **

Soon we will have to let go, we will have to leave the safety of this room. The past few days have been perfect, almost too good to be true. A feeling of uneasiness washes over me.

****______ _ _ ** **

There’s always a calm before the storm.

****______ _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is up even later than yesterday… sorry! I don’t work as late on weekdays so the chapters should be up earlier this coming week. I don’t like to keep you guys waiting because I have a big place in my heart for you all ;)
> 
> Tomorrow’s chapter will mark the halfway point of this fic, so prepare yourselves. I’m really excited for it and I know you all love the fluff but I also love drama *wink*. With that being said, I hope you guys enjoyed this one and I’m so happy that you all loved the last chapter. Your comments were really heartwarming and I just can’t thank you guys enough. 
> 
> This story is almost one month old I cannot believe it! I’m already almost at 300 kudos and 6000 reads! That’s insane and I cannot express how grateful I am.
> 
> I’ll see you all tomorrow, goodnight/good day <3


	29. The Gala: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evgenia's and Yuzuru's relationship will soon be tested in ways they could not imagine in the official halfway point of Closing The Distance.

**Yuzuru’s POV**

The constant chatter around me made it difficult to process any actual thoughts. The backstage area was filled with skaters waiting for the gala to start, there had been a problem with the ice so the show was delayed.

My eyes glanced around the room, searching for her. Zhenya was sitting with Wakaba and Alina, laughing. There is so little time to be able to mingle with friends, you have to seize the chance when you get it. With that thought in mind I made my way to Shoma.

My teammate was always quiet and shy, but I am able to relate to him in that sense. It’s hard for me to socialize myself. I’d prefer the company of a few close friends rather than a big group. Shoma often kept to himself, but at the moment he was talking to Nathan.

“Hey.” The American said so casually.

“Hello.” I was slightly taken aback. I had respect for the man, my biggest rival. But we weren’t very friendly. It’s hard when you’re such an ambitious and competitive person to be close to your main rival, I don’t know how Zhenya does it. I couldn’t deny that Nathan was kind and that his technical ability at his age is far beyond mine.

Shoma breaks the silence. “Do you know…when we are…starting?” He struggles to get the words out. I shrug my shoulders and pat Shoma on the back.

“Your English is already better in a month than what I had learned after two years.” I laugh. At Japanese nationals he had mentioned to me that he was learning the language, but he could only speak a few words. It’s so hard to learn English, I especially loathe the language. But it’s how I communicate with those close to me outside of my own family.

“Yeah. You’re bad at it sometimes still.” Shoma adds. I smile in response because it’s the truth. I’m quite famous for sometimes struggling through interviews, but in private it’s different. I find it much easier to use the language when there’s not a spotlight on me. When it comes to speaking with Zhenya, it’s almost natural.

Nathan sighs. “I wish I could speak another language.”

“Which one.” Shoma replies.

“Russian.”

My eyes go wide at the response and I feel my cheeks flare up a bit. I’d like to speak Russian as well, but for my own reasons. Why does he want to speak it?

Nathan glances around the room, his gaze settling on the couch Zhenya is seated on. I’m dumbfounded by this realization, but I can’t even react to it. How could I without revealing our relationship? Before I know it he calls her name.

“Evgenia.”

Her eyes shoot upwards and a look of confusion flashes across her face. I nod my head but she pushes herself off the couch and begins to walk towards us anyways.

“Hey Nathan.” She turns to him.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” He whispers.

Zhenya gulps and glances at me for a quick second before she looks back at him. “Of course.”

I let out a small smile and watch as he pulls her into the corner of the room. I feel my fist ball slightly at my side and I hate the feeling rippling through me. This is how I feel when I stand at anything other than the top of the podium. I’ve never felt it before when it comes to a person… there’s a word for it.

 _Jealousy_.

It hurts to admit it because it makes me feel like a child. I’m sure Nathan has good intentions, of course he wouldn’t know about us. The few people who do know wouldn’t tell a soul. And so I cannot be mad at him, but it doesn’t stop me from already feeling possessive. Zhenya is mine, and I am hers. Even if the world doesn’t know it.

“What was that about?” Shoma breaks my thoughts.

“I don’t know, maybe he is asking her out.” I answer, trying to keep a monotone voice.

“No, you act…weird.”

“Well, you know I can be awkward.” I try to shake off his suspicions. “I was just surprised.”

“I don’t blame Nathan. Evgenia is pretty girl.”

Shoma’s words couldn’t be more true. Zhenya is stunning in every way. I turn away slightly from him to conceal the smirk across my face, because I’ve seen every beautiful part of her. But she’s so much more than that, anyone can see it. She’s fierce and fascinating. How can someone be so strong when they’re given so many unfortunate circumstances? Zhenya fascinates me, I’m always trying to figure out what’s going on inside that head of hers. She’s too good at hiding emotions, putting that wall up. But once she lets them down, there’s no stopping the tears. The fact pains me. Of course, only a few people know that. I cannot blame the American boy for taking an interest, even Shoma. Evgenia Medvedeva is a wonder of this world.

I turn back around to face the pair of them. Nathan smiles as she walks away, sitting back down with Wakaba and Alina. Within a minute he’s back with us, unable to wipe the pleased look on his face. I fight the urge to say something, but that is not my decision. It must be between her and I.

I excuse myself from the trio and walk out of the room, further backstage. The area begins to look familiar, the dim lights and cold air. This is where I watched her free skate. I’ll never forget that night, not in a million years. I’ll never forget the emotions running through me, watching her skate like that.

I sit down on a chair and exhale deeply. This is harder than I expected, not being able to express my love for her. It’s not easy, but neither is telling your friends. I don’t think anyone would expect it, and perhaps that’s the problem. Nobody jokes about romance with me because they know it’s a subject I’ve always had very little interest in. While other skaters talked about summer flings and crushes, I sat back and nodded along. No one ever asked me if I had someone in my life, because they knew what the answer would be. It’s always been skating. I’ve blown off countless social activities with the excuse that I didn’t have time for anything else. At the moment I wasn’t making it up, I thought every second of my life had to revolve around the ice. Now I know that’s not true, but how can I reveal that to others? Us figure skaters are a family, we know each other’s struggles better than anyone. But I’ve always been such a closed off and reserved person, I don’t know how to change that.

Through my thoughts I hear the faint sound of approaching footsteps. I turn around to see a figure come out of the darkness.

“Hi.” Zhenya smiles.

I quickly get up and pull her into a hug. “This is hard.”

“What?” She asks.

“Not being next to you all the time.” I sigh. We hung around plenty before, but times have changed. Now that we train together, we have to remain separate. Otherwise I can already see the headlines and rumors being published in the media.

“I know.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze before letting go, releasing from our hug at the same time. “We have to be careful, even back here.”

I nod my head and stare at her, taking in how gorgeous she looks. Her makeup enhances her eyes and her hair is curled in a half-do. There’s no sadness on her face, no sorrow. The complete opposite of the Grand Prix gala. I’d like to think she’ll never be that way again.

“What are you starting at Hanyu?” She giggles.

“Are you happy, Zhenya? Think deep down for a second, are you truly happy?”

Her eyes break contact and she looks at the ground, contemplating the answer. I know she wasn’t expecting that question.

“To be one hundred percent honest Yuzu, I don’t know. Yes I’m happy, but I’m also scared. I’m doing much better than I have in a long time, maybe ever. I thought I was happy under Eteri, but I now know that wasn’t real. You and I, that brings me joy. But my future is so uncertain, it’s hard on me in ways so many people can’t imagine. I think true happiness is something people strive for, but never achieve. There always seems to be something that weighs you down in life.”

I swallow her words and they run through my head. “Unfortunately I think my answer is the same as yours.” I sigh. I think I’m happy with my life at the moment, but I’m also terrified.

“I guess we will just have to live through it, focus on the positive. Not our fears.” Her eyes find mine again.

We stand in silence for a minute or so, before I’m unable to hold back the question. “What did Nathan want to talk to you about?”

She laughs. “I knew you’d ask that. He wanted to ask me if Alina would show any sort of interest in him if he tried to pursue her.”

“Oh.” Is all I can say. I feel the previous tension and anger release from my body. In fact, I feel like a idiot. All that jealousy and wasted energy was for nothing.

“Why, were you jealous?” Zhenya giggles.

“Yes.” It’s hard to admit, but I don’t like lying. “He said he’d like to learn Russian, and then he called your name. I thought for sure he was going to ask you out or something.”

“And what if he did?” She smirks.

“I’d have to fight him.” I laugh.

Zhenya scoffs and swats her arm at me. “You wouldn’t. And there’s no need to lay a hand on any of our friends like that.” Her voice is serious but she’s smiling.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t fight Nathan.” I reply. I don’t tell her that I wouldn’t fight anyone else, because that’s not true. I’d fight anyone for her.

The sound of yelling echos down into the room followed by cheers. The gala must be back on schedule, we are starting. Zhenya dashes off ahead of me and I follow behind her, keeping a distance. The order of skaters is set so that she will be one of the first ones up performing her solo, while I’ll be one of the last. All the skaters will be on the ice for the finale, where I will have to separate myself from her once more.

I settle down in the backstage area, sitting on a couch. The showrunners turn on the television so we can watch our friends, but I shake my head at the idea. I want to see her skate with my own eyes, not on a screen. And so after about twenty minutes, her name is called and I find myself lurking in the shadows by the boards.

_Looking up from underneath_  
_Fractured moonlight on the sea_  
_Reflections still look the same to me_  
_As before I went under_

Zhenya makes her way around the ice, gliding around with simple transitions. Yet I’ve never seen anything so captivating. Maybe it’s because I love her so much, but there’s no denying the beauty of her gentle movements.

_And it's peaceful in the deep_  
_Cathedral where you cannot breathe_  
_No need to pray, no need to speak_  
_Now I am under all_

The vocals from the song are breathtaking, her skating matching them perfectly. She begins to move across the ice with such conviction and power, I cannot look away.

_And it's breaking over me_  
_A thousand miles down to the sea bed_  
_Found the place to rest my head_  
_Never let me go_  
_Never let me go_  
_Never let me go_  
_Never let me go_

She glides past me and her eyes find mine, seemingly shocked. I whisper I love you, even though I know she cannot hear. The feelings coursing through my body are incomprehensible. _Yes Zhenya, never let me go._

_And the arms of the ocean are carrying me_  
_And all this devotion was rushing out of me_  
_And the crashes are heaven for a sinner like me_  
_But the arms of the ocean delivered me_

All I can think about is how much I want to join her on the ice, holding her in my arms. We can fly across the ice as if nobody is watching. I’d like nothing more.

The song finishes and I finally tear my eyes off of her. I’ve grown to understand how people can be so moved by watching someone skate. I never felt that way because my emotions aren’t easily triggered. But watching her is enough to knock me on my knees.

Backstage I can hear the array of compliments.

_“That was beautiful.”_

_“Way to go, Zhenya.”_

_“You almost made me cry.”_

_“How can you skate with that much emotion?”_

_“You’re incredible.”_

The smile on her face grows and her cheeks blush. When nobody is looking, I grab her hand and pull her back towards the cold, dark area backstage.

“Yuzu stop! Not here!”

I can’t help it as I crash my lips to hers, I can’t resist. Not after watching her skate. She doesn’t pull away, instead she wraps her arms around me and pulls me closer. The warmth of her touch and the softness of her lips send shivers down my spine. I get lost in the feeling, unable to hear the approaching footsteps.

“Zhenya?” Alina gasps. Oh no. She knew about what happened all those months ago, but not this.

Before I can say a word I see the girl run off as Evgenia quickly follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Zhenya skates to in this chapter is Never Let me Go by Florence & the Machine. It is a gorgeous song, I recommend a listen.
> 
> I decided to split the halfway chapter into two parts because it quickly became over 6000 words and I am still not done with the second part. This chapter alone is about 2,500, so tomorrow it might be double hehe. I also hope this creates some excitment and anticipation :)
> 
> I hit 6000 reads and 300 kudos - wow. I have so much to say which I will write out tomorrow for my one month authors note. But for now, thank you. I love you guys and I will see you tomorrow. <3


	30. The Gala: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evgenia's and Yuzuru's relationship will soon be tested in ways they could not imagine in the official halfway point of Closing The Distance.

**Evgenia’s POV**

“Alina please stop running!” I beg.

My feet are beginning to tire and I feel fatigue taking over my body, we have sprinted halfway across the venue. Eventually she begins to slow down, we are both running with our skates on and it’s particularly uncomfortable.

“What do you want? I know what I saw. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.” She spits.

“Can we please have a civil conversation somewhere private?” I ask. There were only a few people around, but I didn’t want anyone listening.

She nods and walks towards a maintenance closet. The door is unlocked and we push it open and shut it behind us. The light slowly flickers on and I find Alina staring me down.

“Why didn’t you tell me.”

“Why did you run?” I ask. It seems like an odd reaction, but everyone reacts differently in certain situations.

“You know I like to run when I’m mad.”

I nod my head because I do know that by heart. Whenever Alina wasn’t performing well at practice, Eteri would make her take off her skates and do running drills. She never complained, she welcomed the opportunity to run and blow off the frustrations.

“I understand why you’re mad but…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She cuts me off.

I sigh. “Let me finish talking and maybe you can find out.” I didn’t like this, the tension between us. I didn’t like talking to her in that tone but I couldn’t control my annoyance, especially since I had to run across the venue with ice skates on.

She glances at the ground and her voice softens. “I’m sorry, speak.”

“Our relationship is only a few days old, Alina. I told him I loved him before the men’s free skate and I only realized it a day before that. Then we had our own competition and there was no time for anything else.”

“You forgave him?” She looks up at me with a expression I can’t quite figure out.

“It’s a long story.”

“We have already skated our exhibitions, we don’t have to be back until the finale. I’ve got the time.” She replies.

I sigh and ponder for a moment what to say. “It took time, but yes I forgave him. Yuzuru apologized and explained everything. I couldn’t help it Alina, I couldn’t control my feelings for him.”

Her arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug. “If he ever hurts you like that you know you have to leave.”

I gulp and paranoia sinks into my skin. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me again, right? We are past that stage, we have to handle whatever happens now together. There’s no time for fighting.

“So did he said I love you as well?” Alina asks.

I feel guilty, realizing there’s so much I haven’t told her. A part of me wants to, but I can’t. That letter was the best gift I’ve ever received and I selfishly want to keep it private. My eyes only. More importantly Yuzu poured his heart out into it, and it’s not my place to tell anyone it’s contents.

“He told me a few months ago. I couldn’t say it back because I was still so hurt. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure how I felt, so I didn’t tell anyone. I needed to figure out my feelings first.”

Alina’s eyes dart to my neck. “Yuzuru gave you that necklace, didn’t he?”

“Yes, how did you…”

“I was staring at it the other day, looking at all the little charms. I figured it was a gift, but I knew it wasn’t from your family. Only someone who really knows you could give you something like that. And now that you just told me about his love, I put the pieces of the puzzle together.”

I let a small smile slip and I feel my hands reach up to lightly tug on the necklace. It’s so important to me, I can’t imagine wearing anything else.

“Are you happy with him, Zhenya?” Alina breaks the silence.

“Yes. I’m positive.”

“Then I support your relationship. But when were you going to tell me? Wakaba? Your family?” She questions.

“We haven’t figured that out yet. It’s only been a few days. I don’t even know where to begin.” I sigh.

“Start with your friends, the other skaters. They will understand and keep your secret. Don’t be afraid to hide something like this from the people you love.”

I laugh. “You know, sometimes I question if you’re actually sixteen or thirty. You’re more mature than Yuzu and I.”

“I try to be.” She smiles. “But for you and Yuzuru it’s different. You both are in difficult situations, especially him. I don’t blame you guys for being afraid of people’s reactions. He has some crazy fans.”

I mentally bang my head against the wall, I feel as if this is the hundredth time this week someone has mentioned how crazy his fans can be. It only feeds into my anxiety about this whole situation.

“Yeah, that’s the hard part. But that’s just who he is, that’s a part of his life.” I speak.

“Hanyu is very different from a lot of the male skaters we know.” Alina adds.

Yuzuru Hanyu is far different from any other man I know. He’s so difficult to read, his emotions are so well hidden sometimes. Other times he cannot control them. He can be either secretive or an open-book. There’s so much about him I still don’t know. I hope one day that won’t be the case, but I know it’s hard for him to open up to some things. When you live a life under the spotlight, you have to hide the parts of you that you’d like to remain private. And sometimes it’s hard to dig them back up when the time comes.

“He really is.” I whisper. “Speaking of male skaters, I need to tell you something.”

“Oh god, what is it?” She groans.

“Your crush has mutual feelings.” I giggle.

Her face lights up but then falls. “You’re lying!”

I scoff. “I am not! Remember when he called my name and wanted to talk with me?”

Alina slumps her back against the wall and shakes her head. I can not erase the sudden giddy feeling inside of me, I feel like a child. Poking fun at her crush is refreshing because it reminds me of being a kid again. When I wasn’t under so much stress and I didn’t have any worries. At age 19, I feel like I’ve been forced to grow up and mature in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

“I have a crush on him yes, but that’s all. I’m too young and Eteri won’t let me date anyone.” She sighs. “It’s not that serious, just like a school crush. Not like you and Yuzuru.”

“You have no idea.” I chuckle. “You barely speak English anyways. But you’re pretty, kind and talented. How could he not like you?”

Alina blushes and looks down. “Nathan is still too old.”

“By three years, Zagitova. I don’t even think he knows that you’re still 16, I forget it sometimes. And besides 16 is legal in Russia.”

“Hey! I’ll be 17 in a few months! And you’re nasty. Who corrupted your mind like that.” She giggles.

“The world.” I laugh, but I mean it. I’ve been forced to grow up quicker than I could’ve imagined.

“Well tell him he can talk to me after I retire.” Alina retorts.

“No, you be the mature woman you are and talk to him yourself. And do it fast, because if he asks you out then that will be an awkward conversation.”

I chew on my words for a second and think about my own relationship. How different it must be compared to others. I cannot imagine Yuzu casually asking me out like Nathan would with Alina. Everything that’s happened has been far from normal. Then again, we are far from ordinary people.

“Do you hear that?” Alina breaks my thoughts.

I pause and listen. It’s hard to pick up, but it sounds like… chanting. In fact, it’s making the small storage room we are in rumble slightly. I look towards Alina and she shrugs her shoulders. There is only one person in this country who can make a whole stadium chant their name.

We quickly open the door back up and make our way back to the rink. As we approach, the sound grows. It slowly becomes deafening, and we haven’t even reached the backstage area. I cannot imagine what it is like on the ice with the echos. This is what Yuzuru Hanyu can do, this is the power he has. He can make an entire stadium unify and chant in his honor.

I press my hands to my ears and make my way to the ice. To my disappointment, I’ve missed his exhibition. The cheers slowly quiet as other skaters make their way to the ice, the finale is starting. I hastily remove my skate guards and join my companions as we lap the rink. I glide my way across the ice into my starting position that we had practiced in the group number, and I let the music move my body.

_Secrets_. That is the name of the song filling my ears. It’s ironic really, since I carry so many of my own secrets. They’re a burden to carry, and perhaps Alina is right. Start small, start with your friends. They deserve to know, we are a family. Everything else will come one day at a time, when I’m ready for it.

My eyes dart around the rink, spotting him at the other end. We won’t even come close for this group number, we made sure to choose our positions far away from one another. I may be ready enough to tell my friends, but not the world. That will come with time, once our relationship has matured even further.

I toss out the thoughts of the future and focus on right now. This week has been a blur of happiness. I’ve finally proved what I can do, not just to others - to myself. I’m the world champion, and I couldn’t be more relieved. All the pain of this season seems like nothing now. My life has truly changed beyond recognition.

_So tell me what you want to hear_  
_Something that will light those ears_  
_I'm sick of all the insincere_  
_So I'm going to give all my secrets away_  
_This time_  
_Don't need another perfect lie_  
_Don't care if critics ever jump in line_  
_I'm going to give all my secrets away_

The music dies down and we join in the middle for a group hug. I forgot how good this felt, to be surrounded by so many people who mean so much to you. Yuzuru and Alina have been my biggest support system this year, but I owe so much to everyone. I wish I could pause time, freeze this moment right here. Because I never want the feeling of peace to end.

Skaters begin to exit the rink and I kiss my hand and touch it to the ice, my final goodbye. I make my way backstage, where I know I’ll find him.

“Can I talk to you, Yuzu?”

“Here?” He smiles.

I nod my head yes and we take a seat on one of the couches. Everyone else is busy conversing with each other, I don’t think anyone will pay much attention.

“What is it you’d like to speak about, Medvedeva?” He talks with a serious tone before chuckling.

“I think I’m ready. I know it’s early but I’m confident in us. These are our friends.” I say softly.

“Okay.” He casually replies.

“That’s it?”

“I’m ready as well. I was thinking about it while we were on the ice, listening to that damn song.” He laughs. “I don’t want to hide you from those close to us.”

“You know, you’ve really grown, Hanyu.” I giggle.

“You know deep down that I’ll always be a kid at heart.”

“Yes, maturity isn’t quite you style.” I grin.

“How about tonight, at the gala dinner and dance? It’s perfect, it will just be the other skaters and us. And maybe I can finally dance with you.”

“Finally?” I question.

“I’ve wanted to do that every time they’ve had a dinner and ceremony after competitions. I was always too afraid to ask you to dance.”

A smile escapes my face before I hear the sound of running, and I turn away to look at the source. Event organizers seems to be in some sort of panic, sprinting backstage and to other areas of the venue. The rink should be cleared out by now, but I still hear voices of the audience.

“What’s happening?” I turn back to Yuzu.

“I have no clue. I can’t understand what they’re saying out there. It’s muffled.”

A security guard walks into the room, everyone’s mingling session has been put on a pause. “I need everyone to clear out and get back to their hotels. You all have the schedule tonight for the gala dinner, we will see you there.”

All the skaters look around in confusion, but we obey the orders and pack up our things. I quickly say goodbye to Alina and Wakaba, knowing I’ll see them later. I follow Yuzuru’s lead as we take the back entrance out of the venue and step into a van. Shoma and Gabby join us on the ride back to the hotel.

“Do you guys know what happened?” I ask. Gabby nods her head and Shoma doesn’t react to my words. I wish I knew Japanese. Yuzu in turn asks him and Shoma turns to me.

“No. I don’t. Sorry.”

I reach over and pat his hand, giving him a reassuring smile. It’s so hard to speak English, I’m so proud of the effort he’s making. I turn back to Yuzuru who doesn’t react negatively, instead he gives me a smile. I mouth “I love you.” and his grin grows even further. He never needs to be jealous, my heart is his.

The van slows to a stop at the hotel and we make our way through the back entrance. I have to separate myself from the others now, although I will end up in the same room as Yuzu. There’s too many eyes around here, there could be cameras as well. The walk to the suite is lonely but quick, I swipe the keycard to discover that he is already there.

“We have a few hours before we need to get ready. I can think of a few things we can do during that time.” He smirks and I swat at him.

“You’re such a child.”

Suddenly my feet are lifted off the ground and I’m dangling in the air, his arms holding me up.

“Put me down!” I screech.

“In bed.” He laughs.

Yuzuru carries me to the bedroom and gently lays me down on the bed, but he doesn’t do anything else. Instead he grabs his phone and a pair of headphones, and lays down next to me.

“Do you want to listen to music together and cuddle?” He smiles.

I feel my heart flutter. “Of course.”

And so we lay next to each other, sharing the headphones and letting the music course through our bodies. My hand finds his and I rest his head on my chest. I feel safe, warm, and undeniably loved. This man is my best friend, my soulmate. My eyes become heavy and I feel the world around me blacken.

…

“Is this to much?” I turn around and ask Yuzu. I’m wearing a floor length white gown, it’s classy and elegant. I could be attending a ball with it, it seems a bit much for a dinner.

He turns around and his eyes widen, mumbling slightly in Japanese. “No. God, you’re perfect.”

I smile and turn back around to the mirror, putting on my finishing touches. My makeup is minimal but brings out my eyes. Red lipstick contrasts my pale skin and gives me a haunting look. My hair hangs down perfectly in loose curls. I haven’t felt this good about my looks in a long time. There was only one last touch.

“Do you want to do the honor?” I ask him as I hold up the necklace.

“Of course.”

Yuzu slightly brushes my hair off to the side and gently wraps the necklace around my neck, securing it. His hands move my hair back in place but not before leaving a gentle kiss on my neck.

“Ready?” He sighs.

“Yes. And why that tone?” I question.

“Because I want to kiss you so badly right now, but we will be late if I start that up.”

I laugh and quickly put on my shoes before leaving the hotel room. We separate knowing that we can reunite in the hotel ballroom. I can’t help but feel the pit in my stomach, what will everyone think of us? But I know enough that it’s just my paranoia speaking, us figure skaters are a family. They will understand Yuzu and I.

I make my way into the room, smiling. Tonight will be unforgettable, a step forward into the future. I no longer have to hide this burden from my friends. Upon entering the room my smile soon fades, everyone’s eyes meet mine and the chatter turns into whispers. I hear a few chairs shift as people walk up to me.

“Are you okay?” Alina asks and I shake my head. What?

Shoma appears behind me. “So sorry, Zhenya. It’s not right.”

Another voice fills my ears. “I know this is hard, we are here for you.”

I turn to look at Gabby. “I don’t understand.” I whisper.

Soon I feel the pull of someone’s arms, it’s Wakaba. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m sorry it happened like this.”

I feel my heart ready to leap out of my chest, what is everyone talking about? I cannot contain it any longer.

“Someone please tell me what’s happening!” I scream.

Everyone’s eyes are on me, every skater, every dinner host. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum, in fact I might start one in a second.

“Zhenya.” I hear my name and I stop breathing. I know his voice.

“Yuzu.” I plea, wanting an answer. His face is pale, unable to look me in the eyes.

“Our kiss.” His voice croaks. “That backstage area, there were cameras…someone…they must have posted…”

“No.” I choke. It can’t be revealed like this. I’m not ready. It can’t be true. We were supposed to start slow, start with our love ones. We were supposed to have everything on our own terms. And when the time came, we’d let everyone know.

“The world knows about us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this story one month ago, I didn’t really expect anything to happen with it. I had never written anything before, especially in English. But now I’m here with over 6000 reads and 300 kudos, I cannot believe it. I’m really not sure if that’s a lot for one month compared to other stories, but for me that means everything. I probably wouldn’t have kept on writing if nobody was reading. And I just can’t thank you guys enough for all the support. It’s my favorite thing in the world to log in after a long day at work and see all your comments and how the story has grown. It means so much to me.
> 
> A little about me: My mother in Spanish and my father is Russian. I’ve lived around the world a bit but right now I’m in America, *cue me learning English*. It’s really cool to hear the different areas in the world some of you guys live in, like Brazil, Russia, etc. It’s mind blowing to me that people around the world take the time to read my work :)
> 
> This story is about to pick up the pace and I’m really excited for it. I don’t want to say too much because ~spoilers~. There’s a bumpy ride coming so hold on tight! (I’m sorry that was really cringy.) Anyways, I wanted to let you guys know that I am taking a week break from writing. It probably won’t be a week because I love writing so much, but it will be a few days for sure. Hopefully I will be able to write a few chapters ahead so I don’t have to worry about writing them at work haha. Writing daily is really hard but it’s worth it to me, I really don’t mind. But I need a tiny little vacation. As always, I love you all a lot. Take care of yourselves and enjoy life! Of course I will still log in and check comments so if you have questions or want to chat I’m always here.
> 
> Thank you all for everything, I’ll see you soon.


	31. Escape

**Yuzuru's POV ******

********

The pressure in my chest keeps on building, I feel like at any second I will burst. What have I done? I've created a mess beyond comprehension. But right now I cannot wallow in my own self pity, I must help her.

********

Evgenia looks as if she's seen a ghost, her face pale and eyes blank. I walk up to her and she doesn't react, instead she stays perfectly still. I latch onto her arm and begin to pull her out of the ballroom, taking one last look around. We didn't even get to enjoy our evening here before everything came crashing down. 

********

As we enter the lobby she suddenly regains her senses. "What are you doing?" Zhenya screams and yanks her arm from mine. 

********

My eyes dart around, but there's no one looking. I feel my body tense up. "Please don't do this here. We are leaving this place, end of story." 

********

"Are you mad? We are fleeing the country?" She huffs.

********

"I want you to honestly think about the situation we are in for a second. Japan is the last place in the world we want to be! It's crazy enough when I'm here regularly, imagine now!" I yell, unable to contain my anger. She seems do be in some state of denial, not realizing how dire this situation is. There's reporters who would do anything for a story on this, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them broke into the hotel. It's not safe here anymore, there's no other options. 

********

Zhenya nods her head and doesn't resist when I grab her arm again, leading her to the elevators. We spend the rest of the walk back to my suite in silence and a pang of guilt washes over me. I shouldn't be so angry with her since this is entirely my fault, but it's my responsibility to help her.

********

I quickly swipe the key card and enter the room as she shuts the door behind her. I grab her once more, but this time I pull her into a tight hug.

********

"I'm sorry for yelling, but I need you to trust me. We will figure all of this out, step by step. But we have to leave." I whisper as I lay a kiss on the top of her head. 

********

Her eyes find mine. "I trust you." 

********

My grip on her lessens as she steps back at sits on the edge of the bed. She still appears slightly in shock, and I cannot blame her. We thought we had it all figured out. The plan was to take things slow, let the public know of our relationship far in the future. We were going to control how it got released, and be prepared for the outcome. But this is chaos. 

********

"I'll pack both of our bags. You can lay down and sleep for a little if you want." I offer.

********

She nods her head, instead walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. I hastily pack our things before I pause in my tracks. Where will we go?

********

I'd like to go somewhere nobody would expect to find us, maybe take a nice little vacation to hide out for a while. But I know we cannot run from this. Perhaps she'd be willing to go to Moscow, but I feel like being in her home county will just add fuel to the fire. Toronto is the obvious option, but it won't be entirely calm. I can't imagine what the outside of the TCC is like, hundred of reporters waiting to see if they can get any news on us. But realistically there's no other option, both of our mothers are there and we have to answer to them. There's no way they haven't heard by now.

********

I grab my phone and call around, only speaking to people I trust. I don't care if I have to pay for a private jet, I just want to get out of here. Eventually I'm able to secure a private flight leaving in a few hours to Vancouver, and I accept. We will figure out how to get a connecting flight to Toronto later. 

********

I walk by the window to grab a few clothes that were resting on the couch situated next to it and my heart sinks. The entirety of the street in front of the hotel lobby is filled with hundreds of reporters, no car can get through. There’s police trying to diffuse the situation, but there's no use. This isn't going to die down anytime soon. I shut the curtains quickly, Zhenya doesn't need to see this.

********

I zip up our suitcases and check around the room to make sure I have everything packed. I glance at the time and call someone to come pick us up at the back entrance of the hotel. Zhenya still isn't out of the bathroom, we have to leave in less than thirty minutes.

********

"Are you okay in there." I knock on the door, but there's no answer. "We need to leave, Medvedeva."

********

Silence. Panic begins to seep into my skin, and I violently shake the door handle. No answer. 

********

"Zhenya." I scream, desperation clear in my voice. 

********

My hands pull down on the handle, forcing it to bend. It snaps and the door opens, without a second thought I rush in. 

********

Even from a few feet away I can hear the music playing through her headphones, she must have it on full blast. She wallows in the bathtub as she mouths along to the words of the song, keeping her eyes shut. I hear myself sigh in relief. 

********

"Zhenya." I say again, this time tapping her on the shoulder. She jumps up and water splashes everywhere, her headphones submerging in the water.

********

"You scared me!" She screams. 

********

"No, you frightened me!" I retort.

********

"What?" 

********

I hold up the broken door handle in my hand. "Let's see. You were in the bathroom for over an hour, never making a sound. When I finally checked up on you, I shouted your name with no response. I banged on the door and shook the handle and I still got nothing back. So yes, I was frightened beyond words." 

********

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to relax and listen to music. I didn't mean for you to break a door down." She smiles.

********

"Don't give me that cute look. Never do that again." 

********

"Okay. So what's the plan?" Zhenya rises and steps out of the tub. 

********

"We have a flight to Vancouver in two hours. I have someone picking us up in twenty minutes. So I'd advise you to get dressed." I gulp, staring at the image in front of me. She's completely naked and the water is making her skin glisten under the bathroom lighting. 

********

"Alright." She wraps a towel around herself. "But you owe me new headphones."

********

"Fine." I chuckle at her tone. As she passed by me she steps up on her toes and plants a kiss on my cheek. 

********

A few minutes later she emerges in a pair of jeans and a hoodie. We do one final sweep of the room before leaving, handing a hotel staff member our keycards. We take the staircase down to the back entrance of the hotel before Zhenya suddenly stops.

********

"What is it." I ask.

********

"We never got to say goodbye to anyone. Who knows when the next time we can see our friends again. Our lives are changed forever now." 

********

"I know." I sigh, depressed by the thought as well. We can't be sure of anything at this point, I don't even know if we can do ice shows during the off-season. I would've liked to spend more time with our friends.

********

"It's okay. You're right, we need to leave now." She gives me a sympathetic nod.

********

The car pulls up and we quickly rush in, shutting the door behind us. The window tints are dark enough for us to not be seen. The driver peels out, leaving the madness at the hotel. Soon enough the reporters will realize that we aren't there. Soon enough they'll turn to any sources to try to find our whereabouts. Hopefully we have a big enough head start to get to the airport unbothered.

********

I turn to look at the woman situated to my side. Her eyes are struggling to stay open as she fights a yawn. Zhenya is so young, but so strong. I know she didn't want this to happen, and yet again I've caused her pain. All I can do is once again try to make amends for my actions. I'm not sure whatever I do will be enough this time, this is something bigger than ourselves.

********

Before I know it the car is rolling to a stop at a special wing of the airport. This is private, I wouldn't even dream of going through a public area. I tap Zhenya on the shoulder and her eyes flutter open. 

********

"We're here." I whisper.

********

"Already." She yawns and I laugh. In her groggy state she looks adorable. It takes every inch of restraint not to kiss her right now. That's what got us into this mess in the first place - my recklessness.

********

I step out of the car and gather our luggage, thanking the driver. We head through a secured area to be screened before we are guided directly onto the tarmac where our plane awaits. I take one last look around my home country, knowing I have to leave with so many goodbyes still hanging on my lips.

********

...

********

"Yuzu, wake up." I feel tapping on my arm. 

********

My eyes slowly open, trying to adjust to the morning light. I look over to Zhenya, who spent the entire flight sleeping. My mind wouldn't let me rest, but I'm glad she found a way to. 

********

Our flight landed in Vancouver for a refuel before taking off again for Toronto. I stayed awake, making sure everything was in place for us to be able to go home smoothly. It's now close to noon, and I've gotten about an hour of sleep in the past day. There's no time for rest now, we are finally here. 

********

"What now." Zhenya whispers.

********

"We go home." I answer 

********

"Is it bad that I'm afraid to go home? This won't sit well with my mother." 

********

I sigh. "Mine won't like it either. But we have to at least check in with them. And then maybe we can fly to the other side of the world if you'd like." 

********

"I'd like that very much." She giggles.

********

I look around and quickly plant a kiss on her lips. "I love you, I'm so sorry..."

********

"Don't." She cuts me off. "Don't blame yourself. This was bound to happen eventually." 

********

I kiss her again, this time on the top of her forehead. The simple gesture triggers a smile on her face.

********

"I love you, Yuzu." 

********

The grin on my face is hard to hide as we step off of the plane into a car. The ride is only a few minutes long, they are taking me to my own vehicle. I can't have anyone take me to my home, I can't risk that. On the bright side, our driver doesn't seem to know who we are. I don't think he'd follow us or secretly record us.

********

"Where are you folks heading today?" The older man asks. 

********

"Parking garage D, row 17." I reply

********

"I've never picked anyone up from the tarmac before. Are you some sort of celebrity?" He questions.

********

Zhenya smirks and before I can stop her, she's speaking. "We are government scientists." 

********

"Woah. That's crazy. So top secret stuff?" The man replies.

********

"Unfortunately I cannot inform you of that." She speaks, barely containing her laughter. All I can do is shake my head at her and try to suppress my own chuckles.

********

"Here we are. It was a pleasure meeting such important people." The man smiles and I thank him as we exit the vehicle.

********

I quickly toss our luggage into my car and turn on the engine, peeling out of the parking garage. 

********

"You're so silly." I turn to Zhenya.

********

"There's so little time for fun anymore. I try to have some when I can." She replies.

********

I nod my head. "Put in your address." 

********

The rest of the ride is spent in silence until we approach her apartment building. I can feel the tension building in the car.

********

"Are you sure you can face her on your own?" I ask.

********

She gulps. "I have to, she's my mom. I'll be okay." 

********

Zhenya plants a swift kiss on my cheek and leaves the car, grabbing her luggage. I watch her until she disappears out of my eyesight, slowly driving away.

********

It was time to face my own mother, who will be anything but pleased.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo everyone :) How I missed uploading, even if it was only five days haha. Here is the first chapter of the last half of this fic, I hope you all enjoy it. As always I cannot thank you enough for the support, it’s my #1 motivater <3 
> 
> Until further notice, updates will now be every other day. Example: Today I’ve uploaded this chapter, but tomorrow I will not. But the day after tomorrow a chapter will be uploaded (basically two day intervals). Once my schedule gets a little less hectic I’d like to return to daily updates, hopefully that will be soon.
> 
> Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a fantastic day/night. I’ll see you in a few:)


	32. Mama, Please

**Evgenia's POV**

"Hello, mother." I say too coldly, too formal.

She nods and walks towards me, enveloping me in a hug. I sigh in relief, I almost immediately expected a screaming match.

"Let me see it." She whispers.

"What?" I question.

"The medal."

I release from the hug and quickly dig through my suitcase. I carefully pull the gold medal out and admire how it glistens in the light. Without hesitation, I run over and place it in my mothers hand.

"I'm proud of you, Zhenya."

"Thanks mama." I smile.

"Is it worth it?" Her voice suddenly loses its warmth.

"What?" I question.

"Is it worth potentially ending your career so you can fulfill the fantasy of dating a boy you've crushed on forever? Is it worth it, knowing that this may be the last medal you get?"

I stumble backwards into the table, seemingly unable to breathe. For a few minutes I truly thought she didn't know. How could I be so naive?

"You have nothing to say to me!" She yells.

"I don't... I don't..." My throat closes up, I cannot speak.

"Do you realize the situation you've put yourself in? This has made the National news in Russia!" Her voice grows even louder. "I drop you off everyday at practice so you can fool around with a grown man? You're still a teenager!"

I back up into a wall and sink down, sitting on the floor. I feel the tears streaming down my face and I so desperately wish I wasn't here right now. I rather face the mobs in Japan than this. Because being hurt by someone you love stings like nothing else in the world.

"I'm not leaving until you say something." She huffs.

"Mama, please." I cry. I don't have the energy to do this right now.

"You've never been one to be weak. Why now?" My mother questions, softening her voice just a hint.

"You have no idea what I am." I retort.

I love my mother will all my heart, she's sacrificed everything for me. But I've grown up my entire life at an ice rink, seldom in my own home. Whenever there was time to talk it was strictly about skating. My mother simply wishes to see me succeed, and there's nothing wrong with that. But it's cost us the mother-daughter relationship that most other people have. I've never been able to confide in her, she wouldn't understand. She doesn't understand my interests in anime or Kpop. She doesn't understand the choices I make. She wouldn't understand why I would risk so much to fall in love with Yuzuru.

"I know who you are. A three time world champion. A two time Olympic silver medalist."

"That's the problem." I whisper. "That's all anyone sees me as, even you. I'm human mom. I didn't expect to fall in love when I came here, but I did. It's helped me in more ways than you could know. I've grown so much, as a person and with my skating."

"Love?" She laughs. "You think you're in love with him? You're nineteen. Don't make the same mistake that I did with your father."

I felt the sting of her words on my skin. "So that's what this is about. My dad."

"No, this is about you and the mistake you're making with your career." She replies.

"How can dating someone be a mistake? Have you seen my skating? It's improved beyond recognition. Our relationship won't effect that."

My mother laughs once more. "I know you're skating has improved. But the news of your improvement and victory has been replaced. You may never be able to recover from this. Every interview, they will bring it up. You'll never escape this moment. In time you will see that it will come back to haunt you."

My tears flow down my face and threaten to choke me. It hurts, because I know she's right about a few things. Everywhere I go I'll be asked about Yuzu. This moment will follow me for years to come. I just can't let it affect me, although I know it's nearly impossible.

"I won't let that happen. I won't let my career end." I huff.

"Maybe you wont. But that's not up to you anymore. He will drag you down." My mother spits.

Her words sink into my head and I flash back to Eteri saying the exact same thing. I cannot handle this anymore, I feel at any moment these four walls will close in on me. I kick my heel into the ground and quickly get up, sprinting to the door.

"Where are you going!" My mother screams. "If you leave now, don't bother coming back!"

_"You cannot leave me Zhenya, I've been your coach for over a decade. This will be a mistake. You must accept your loss and wear it with pride, it will push you to be a better skater. In the meantime you need to heal, we must get you to learning quads as soon as possible."_

_"I've made up my mind, Eteri." I cry._

_"What will Orser offer you? His last female success was almost ten years ago! He won't make you any better of a skater. He cannot offer you programs with the most challenging technical content. Stay, Zhenya. And I promise we can make you a champion again." Eteri huffs._

_"You're right. Maybe he cannot teach me quads in the time that you can or he won't have as challenging programs. But he knows the right technique, he knows how to keep his skaters healthy and happy. Under him I can truly be proud of my results. I won't have to hide my lutz in a corner where the judges cannot see."_

_"You don't mean that. You're just hurt and bitter right now." She spits._

_"I do. Goodbye, Eteri. Thank you for the last ten years." I make my way for the door._

_"You're not leaving!" She shouts, but I continue on. "If you leave now, don't bother coming back!"_

"I'm sorry." I choke as I close the door on my mother and in my memory, Eteri.

It's almost the beginning of April and the last of the snow is almost completely melted. The sun is shining bright but it is still cold, I feel myself shivering underneath my hoodie. Here I am, locked outside of my own home with nowhere to go. I reach into my pocket and retrieve my phone, dialing his number.

To my dismay, there's no answer.

My tears have mostly dried but I still feel like I'm on the verge of collapse. It can't be anymore than a hour walk from here to the TCC, and that's what I'll have to endure. It's the only place where I know someone will care for me.

I pick my head up and begin the long walk to my training home. I take the time to access my situation and separate fact from fiction in my mind.

_My mother is beyond upset at me_. This is a true statement.

_My mother doesn't love me anymore_. This is false, it's just my paranoia. But I don't ever remember her being so angry with me in my entire life.

_My life has completely changed in the course of a day_. Unfortunately this is true, I still haven't fully processed what has happened. But once it sinks in, I don't know how I will handle it.

_Your career will end because of this_. This is false, it has to be. I trust my instinct, I know I made the right choice to fall in love with him. Even if the rest of the world thinks otherwise. I've gone through so much in my career already, I won't let this be the end.

_I have no where to stay tonight_. This is true, and it's a problem that I have to face at this very moment. I cannot stay with Yuzu, his mother wouldn't agree with it. Jason and Gabby are still in Japan. _I'm truly lost._

Before I know it I am no more than fifteen minutes away. My feet are sore, I look down to realize I'm wearing house slippers. They are soaked from the melted ice on the pavement and they have holes in them. My grandmother gifted these to me and I feel guilty for ruining them.

The sun is quickly setting and I've finally approached the club. My eyes seem to play tricks on me, just another scheme of my mind or paranoia. But every time I look the hundreds of reporters are still there, waiting outside of the entrance. This isn't a dream or a trick. This is my new reality.

I put my hoodie over my head and I realize how numb my body is. The minimal warmth the sun had provided completely disappeared and I'm shivering to my core. I cross the street hastily and move through the shadows, reaching the back area of the TCC. I desperately bang on one of the doors, hoping someone will answer. But nobody does. Of course nobody would answer, this place is crawling with reporters. I can't risk going to the front entrance, I can't risk going anywhere. There's no other way to get in.

I check my phone again and I notice that it is now dead. Tears begin to stream down my face once more, I'm locked out of my home, out of my club. There's no one I can reach out to now. I will spend the night back here outside by the dumpsters, because I don't see any other options. I fold my knees together and sink down, trying to conserve the little body heat I have remaining. That's when I hear a door opening and a flashlight shining on me.

"Ma'am you cannot be on this premises, this is private property!" The security guard shouts at me.

"I'm not..."

"We will have to get the law enforcement involved if you do not leave, the same with all those paparazzi."

"My name is Evgenia Medvedeva!" I practically scream.

He takes one good look at me and studies my face and clothing. I understand why he didn't recognize me. My clothing is minimal to be out in the cold, my shoes torn. My face must be puffy from crying and my hair a matted mess from trying to use it as a scarf.

"Holy shit." He scoffs, tearing his coat off of his body and placing it around me. "Let's get inside, I'll get Brian."

I want to speak but my throat is too dry. My legs are shaking from being so cold and I cannot move them. Suddenly I feel myself being lifted off the ground, into the warmth of the indoors. The lights are bright and it takes a minute for my eyes to adjust. The security guard runs into a nearby office and retrieves a blanket around me on top of the coat.

"Stay right there, I'll be back." He hastily orders and runs off.

My mind wanders to how I needed up in this situation. I didn't expect my mother to be so angry, angry enough to say that I can't come back. But alas, things never happen the way I plan. I should now that by now.

I wonder where Yuzu is. Is he worried about me? Did he ever get my call? He must have tried to reply, but I wouldn't know. Suddenly I hear voices approaching from the hallway.

"I'm losing the last of my hair over this situation!" Brian huffs.

"Sir, I found her by the dumpsters, alone and shivering."

"What do you mean you..." Brian's words cut off as soon as he sees me.

I don't know why I expected him to be upset with me, I just assumed that would be everyone's reaction. But I watch as his face takes on a whirl of emotions. Sadness. Concern. Sympathy.

And as if I were his daughter, he rushes over to me and pulls me into a hug, thanking god that I'm safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the drama... ;) I know a few of you expected Yuzuru's POV for this chapter, but that will be on the next one *wink*
> 
> Of course, this story is a work of fiction and so I have no idea what Zhenya's dynamic with her mother is like. From the interviews I have seen, they seem to have a very loving relationship and that makes me very happy. I just took some creative liberties here and I hope you all don't mind. As a whole, people tend to say things they don't mean out of anger, so I tried to capture that in this chapter (with the comparison with Eteri, etc). 
> 
> Lastly, I HIT 7000 READS?!? This story is barely over a month old, I cannot fathom this at all. Thank you for all the comments, kudos, and overall support. I will see you in two days <3


	33. The Right One

**Yuzuru’s POV**

********

My hands fumbled with the keys before finally unlocking the door to the place I’ve called home for eight years. I hold my breath as I push the door open.

********

The house was immaculate, as always. My mother always had a eye for cleanliness and perfection, perhaps that’s where I inhibited the trait from. I take off my shoes and tuck them neatly against hers, not wanting to make anything out of place. My eyes scan around the living room and kitchen, but find nothing. 

********

I make my way up the stairs and I hear the faint sound of a television. She must be in her bedroom, which is odd for this time of day. The door is cracked open just enough for me to peak through, allowing me to hear and see what’s on the screen. My stomach drops once I realize what it is.

********

The video of Zhenya and I kissing flashes across the television, followed by reactions of the news anchors. They discuss the situation as if it were a natural disaster. This can’t be the only Japanese news station playing this, likely everyone was airing this clip. I suddenly feel sick and on the verge of collapse. How can people exploit such a private moment? Why must something like this make national news? _This isn’t a story, this is my life. ___

****____ ** **

“Okaa-san.” I call and bow as she turns around to look at me.

****____ ** **

My mother stands up and returns the gesture before walking towards me. “Tell me it’s not true.” 

****____ ** **

“What?” I question.

****____ ** **

“That you are not together with that girl.” 

****____ ** **

“I am.” I whisper. I knew she wouldn’t like this, but there was still a part of me that was hoping otherwise. That she would support this decision. 

****____ ** **

“She’s not the right one. Her reputation is no good for you.” 

****____ ** **

“To me she’s …”

****____ ** **

My mother cuts me off. “Do you remember Koharu? You went to school with her back in Sendai. I would like you to marry her once you retire from skating.” 

****____ ** **

I take a step back, unable to process the words. “What?”

****____ ** **

“Koharu is a lovely girl, she comes from a very good family. A beautiful and traditional Japanese girl. Perfect for a man of your status.” 

****____ ** **

“I know she is beautiful and lovely, but I’m not marrying her. I don’t love her.” I reply.

****____ ** **

“Arranged marriages are a part of our history, our culture. Of course nothing is set yet, I was just hoping you’d agree with me. I won’t force you to do anything. I just want you to see that this is a better option then that girl.” 

****____ ** **

“Her name is Evgenia.” I retort, angered that she is unable to say her name. “I love her.”

****____ ** **

“I know her name.” My mother sighs. “You both need to focus on your careers. She will be a distraction to you, and vice versa.”

****____ ** **

“That’s not true. You know better than anyone how hard I work when it comes towards my skating. Zhenya is the same. We understand the job we must accomplish.” 

****____ ** **

“I just want what’s best for you.” She chokes. “Look at the news, the mess that has been made. This is not what I wanted for my son.” 

****____ ** **

“I know.” I whisper. 

****____ ** **

Tears begin to fall down my mothers face and I wrap her in a hug. I owe so much to her and the support she’s given me over the years. I never gave it much thought, but it must be so hard to be a parent. You want the best for your child but you also want them to be happy, and sometimes you can’t have both. She’s right, it would be much less controversial if I married a simple Japanese girl. But nothing in life has ever come easy to me, love is no different. I’m willing to fight for her, even against the wishes of others. 

****____ ** **

“Excuse me.” She sobs and releases from the hug, walking out of the room. I’m left in her bedroom with those images still flashing across the television. I quickly turn it off and throw the remote across the room. Seeing my mother cry has struck a cord in my body. _I never wanted to hurt you. ___

****______ _ _ ** **

A knock at the front door brings me to my senses. I quickly run down the stairs and pull the door open, without even looking. Nobody ever comes to visit, hardly anyone knows our address. I gasp when I see the man standing in front of me. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I’m here to rescue you.” Javier laughs. “I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help this time. Maybe I can fight off a few fan girls?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Javi?” I shake my head in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

****______ _ _ ** **

“Making sure one of my best friends and his girl are okay.” He smiles. “How are you doing?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Well, my mom is in tears and I feel terrible. So not good.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Your mom doesn’t support it?” He questions.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Not exactly.” I sigh. “Come in.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

Javier steps through and removes his shoes, placing them next to mine. I quickly retrieve a pair of house slippers for him and start brewing tea. “Do you want anything to eat?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

He shakes his head. “No thank you.”

****______ _ _ ** **

I glance at the time and notice that it’s already been two hours since I dropped Zhenya off at her house. I silently pray that it has gone better than what has happened in my home. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“So what did she say?” Javier breaks the silence.

****______ _ _ ** **

“You could probably guess.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Evgenia won’t be good for your career, she’s too young, too untraditional.” He sighs. “How did I do?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Unfortunately, spot on.” I gulp. “She told me that she wants me to marry a girl back in Sendai. One I used to go to school with.”

****______ _ _ ** **

Javier chuckles. “Yeah that’s not happening. You’re too stubborn, if you want Zhenya then nothing will stop you. You’ll make sure of it.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

I let out a sly smile, because it’s the truth. I fight so hard for the things I want. The Olympic gold medals, the girl I love. I’ll do anything to get them. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I just don’t know what to do. This is my mother, who I love and respect. How can I make this work?” I question. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Take that tea you’re making for me and bring it to her. Talk to her, you have to keep trying.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

I nod my head and pour the warm tea into a glass, placing it on a tray to bring outside. I quickly fasten a coat over me and walk towards the backyard, where I know my mother will be.

****______ _ _ ** **

The harsh Canadian winter has taken a toll on her garden, the flowers dead and the shrubs brown. She always spent so much time out here, tending to the plants and landscape. We modeled it after traditional Japanese garden because we wanted something that reminded us of home. A few years ago I gifted her a pond with Koi fish, which symbolizes good luck, abundance, and perseverance. I’ve never seen my mother smile so much at a gift before, except for when I bring home my medals. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Okaa-san.” I approached the bench she was seated on. I cleared off the melting snow and sat down next to her, passing her the tray of tea. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Thank you.” She sniffled and turned to me. “I’m sorry.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Sorry for what?” I ask.

****______ _ _ ** **

“For everything. I know how hard this is on you.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“I know you just want the best for me. I understand why you wouldn’t want us together.” I nod.

****______ _ _ ** **

“It’s more than that Hanyu-San.” She smiles. “I think it’s time for me to go home.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“I’m okay if you go to Sendai for a few months. Pooh-San and I can watch the house.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“I think it’s time for me to go home for good.” My mother sighs.

****______ _ _ ** **

I gasp slightly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to push you away I just…”

****______ _ _ ** **

“You’re twenty-four now. You don’t need me to take care of you. There’s another woman in your life now, I can see it in your eyes how much you love her. You’ve matured into a wonderful young man, I can leave and know you’ll be alright. I miss Sendai, I miss it so much.” She declares.

****______ _ _ ** **

I feel my eyes water slightly. “I do love her, but I love you no less. I’ll always need your support. Do you remember when you used to make my costumes? Or when you had to manage my schedules? You’ve done so much for me my entire life. You helped take care of our family after the earthquake. You told me not to give up on my dream of skating.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Ah yes, those were stressful times.” She laughs. “I will always support you, even when it doesn’t seem like it. I am so proud of you, and everything you’ve done. I’m so happy to call you my son.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

My mother wraps her arms around me. I close my eyes and go back to when I was a little boy, scared of the world. The only comfort and reassurance I had at the time was my family, especially her. When my town was reduced to ruins, she was the one who told me that it wasn’t the end for us. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Are you really leaving?” I whisper.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Yes, I have been thinking about it for quite awhile. Evgenia can move in with you if you want, as long as she respects the house.”

****______ _ _ ** **

I pinch my arm to make sure the situation I’m in is real. “Are you being serious.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I would still prefer you to marry a girl from back home. But I can see how happy you get from me just speaking her name. I know it now, I know how much you love her. And if she makes you happy I cannot come between that.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Thank you.” Is all I manage to say, still in a state of shock.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Now, let me enjoy the air and what remains of my garden. Your friend is waiting for you.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“How do you know Javier is here?” I gape.

****______ _ _ ** **

“He asked me before coming here. Apparently you don’t have your phone on.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

We exchange goodbyes and I quickly dash back into the house, the cold air making me shake. I pull my phone out of my pocket and realize it’s dead.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Well?” Javi stands up from the couch. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“It’s more than I could’ve hoped for.” I smile. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Tell me in the car, I wanna go get something to eat and visit Brian.” He replies.

****______ _ _ ** **

“As long as you have a phone charger in there.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

I put my shoes on and add on layers underneath my coat as the sun goes down. Javier gets in the car and turns on the heater while I shut the door. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“This weather is making me want to run back to Spain.” Javi exclaims. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I like the cold. It makes you feel numb.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Gosh I forgot how much of a downer you could be.” He laughs. “It’s been over a year since we last saw each other in person.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I know.” I say solemnly. “If I had time I’d…”

****______ _ _ ** **

“Don’t worry about it. Now tell me what your mom said.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“She’s moving out, going back to Sendai. And while she rather me date a traditional Japanese girl, she’s made peace that I’m with Zhenya. She knows how much it makes me happy.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“What did you slip in the tea that made her change her mind?” Javier chuckles.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Nothing! I swear, it was probably Pooh-San!” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“I bet.” He shakes his head. “So what next.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“She mentioned Evgenia moving in with me. I don’t really know what else to do. If you couldn’t tell, I’m trying to run away from this whole mess.” I sigh.

****______ _ _ ** **

“You can come to Spain for a wedding.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“What wedding?” I question.

****______ _ _ ** **

“My wedding.” Javier beams. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Javi!” I practically scream. “That’s amazing! When did you ask her?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“A few weeks ago. Her family and my family know so far. I guess you do now. I was gonna come to Japan and surprise you over there, but then everything happened and so here I am.”

****______ _ _ ** **

I couldn’t put into words how happy I am for him. I don’t know if I would’ve made it through this past year without Javi, or my entire career. He challenged me to become a better skater, even when I thought I had reached my full potential. Like so many people in my life, I owe him everything.

****______ _ _ ** **

“When’s the wedding?” I ask.

****______ _ _ ** **

“In two months. I hope that’s enough time. I’d like for you to come. Be my best man?” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“Gladly.” I beam. 

****______ _ _ ** **

“It will be private, I’d like for Evgenia to go as well.”

****______ _ _ ** **

“I’d like that too.” I remark. 

****______ _ _ ** **

My phone buzzes in my hand as it springs back to life. I don’t even know how long it’s been dead, likely hours. My lock screen reveals that I have three missed calls, all from Zhenya. I quickly dial the numbers but there’s no answer.

****______ _ _ ** **

“She’s not answering.” I huff.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Want to swing by her house?” Javi asks and I nod my head. 

****______ _ _ ** **

A few seconds later an incoming call comes through and I jump to answer, although it’s not the voice I expected.

****______ _ _ ** **

“You better get to the TCC, right now Yuzuru. You kids are going to be the end of me.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

“What’s wrong Brain?” I feel the nerves building underneath my skin, anticipating his answer.

****______ _ _ ** **

“Evgenia is here.” 

****______ _ _ ** **

Those were the only words I needed to hear before shouting at Javier to drive as fast as he can. Everything about Brian’s tone hinted that something happened, something went wrong. The feeling of guilt eats away at me, I didn’t answer her calls. _She needed my help and I wasn’t there. ___

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Fuck.” Javier huffs and I look in front of me before ducking down. Hundreds of reporters were lined up outside of the TCC. How do they even know I’m back in Canada? Maybe that old man did know who we were…

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

“I don’t know what to do Yuzuru.” He yells.

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

“Park towards the back and and give me your hat.” 

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

The reporters seem slightly curious at our car but their attention is directed back towards the police trying to escort them off the property. I take the time to dash out of the car towards the back of the TCC. I don’t ever remember running so quickly, or feeling so much adrenaline in my veins. 

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

All I know is that nothing will stop me from getting to her.

****________ _ _ _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was time to bring Javier here in person :D 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I ended up writing a lot more than I originally planned hehe. Once again I have no idea the dynamic that Yuzuru and his mother has in real life, but I imagine it would be similar (she wants the best for him but also wants to be happy). On a side note - I included Japanese gardens into this chapter because I recently visited one and they are so stunning. Definitely recommend visiting one if any exist in your area. 
> 
> Another side note: In Japanese culture couples don’t usually move in before marriage, but we will see the reasoning behind Mama Hanyu suggesting that later*wink*
> 
> As always, thank you guys for every read, comment, and kudos. It makes my day to log on and see all the support I’ve gotten. Much love, I’ll see you in two days <3


	34. Luna & Pooh

**Evgenia's POV**

"Are you warmed up now?” Brian asks and I nod my head.

He found a spare change of clothes for me and ordered someone to make me soup. It's getting late now, the rink is shutting down but he is still here, caring for me.

"If you don't want to talk, that's fine by me. But I'd like to know what happened so I can help you better. I never want to see you collapsed by the dumpsters again." He speaks.

"I can I just... I need a second." I whisper, trying to find my voice.

"Take all the time you need." He nods sympathetically.

What has happened with my mother and I is beyond personal. It goes back to even bigger problems with our relationship, back to when my father left. Things I've never told anyone else, not even Yuzu. But for some reason, sitting here in front of Brian, I feel like I can let it all loose. I trust him.

"My mother and I fought, really badly. We bicker often but this was different." I sigh. "She doesn't want me with Hanyu, not now, maybe never. Apparently I'm incapable of loving someone at nineteen."

"Maybe she'll come around? In time perhaps she could see the effect you two kids have on each other. Then things won't be so bad." Brain questions.

"No. This is deeper than that. This is about her past and my future. She's scared that I'm making the same mistake she did with my dad. She's scared Yuzu will end my career, and then leave me."

"Then we have an entirely different situation." He replies. "I'm sure you tried telling her otherwise, and that didn't work."

"Something like that." I mumble.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I tried to tell her, I tried to explain how I felt. There's so much more I wanted to say but between her yelling at me and my tears, I just wanted to leave." I utter.

"You have to be a hundred percent honest with her, Evgenia. If you can't put it into words, write a letter. But you have to let her know exactly how you feel, you have to say everything. Your mother is just worried about you, but you have to convince her things will be alright."

_A letter_. Like the one Yuzuru wrote. _People always say it's easier to put words on paper than it is to speak them._

"Will things be alright." I ask?

"In time yes. Right now it's a war zone out there, I can't even get to my car. But for things to be better, you have to promise me something." He pleas.

"Anything."

"Once you charge up your phone again, I want you to delete every social media app you own. I don't want you to look at any online forum, any news articles. If people message you about it, don't reply or simply say you wouldn't like to speak about it. No interview, no exclusive comments. You must cut yourself off from the media. If you cannot read it, it won't affect you as much." He orders. "And no stolen kisses in dark corners, no being near that boy in public. If you kids don't say anything or do anything, the media won't have any stories to write."

I take a second to let the words sink in before I realize how valuable they are. "I agree."

The internet will be toxic right now, I can't even imagine it. Brian is right, if I don't breathe life into the stories then they will hopefully fizzle out. Any attention from Yuzu and I will just worsen the situation. I already know from experience what reading hate comments does.

"Evgenia, I know you said you had to leave the house, but why walk all the way to the TCC?" He questions.

"My mother said if I leave, don't bother coming back. And I left. I didn't know where to go, Yuzu didn't pick up his phone. Jason, Gabby, Tracy - I knew they were still in Japan. The only place that I knew people would help me is here. The walk wasn't too bad, just cold."

"That was very dangerous to do, especially as the sun was setting. I'm glad I came back to Toronto early, I'm not sure if the other staff would've known what to do with you." Brian shakes his head.

"I have nowhere to go." I cry.

He stands up and pulls me into a hug, before excusing himself to make a few phone calls. I glance at the time and realize that it's getting close to nine. Is my mother worried about me? Does she know that I'm safe? She can't. She has no idea where I'm at right now.

Brian enters the room once again. "The rescue team is on their way."

"What?"

"Who do you think?" He smiles.

I feel relief flooding my body and I sink back into my seat. _Yuzuru is coming for me_. His phone must have been off when I tried to call him all those hours ago. It makes sense, he was with his mother. Hopefully he had a better experience on his end than I did.

I still can't fully process how furious my mother was. The anger in her eyes, the spite in her voice. Even when I told her I wanted to leave Eteri, she was more concerned then mad. Why must everything in life be so hard for me? _I never get a break._

Through my muddled thoughts I hear the sound of footsteps quickly approaching. _He's here_. I sit up from the chair and eagerly look at the doorway, anticipating him bursting through. But it's not Yuzuru who does.

"Javier?" I choke.

"She's over here!" He yells, loud enough to make me flinch.

Eventually I hear another set of footsteps and it only takes a few seconds for him to appear in front of me.

"Zhenya!” Yuzu throws his arms around me. "What happened?"

I go to move my mouth but no words come out. Instead I simply nod my head, not knowing what else to do.

"I'd like to talk to you Yuzuru. Now." Brian startles all three of us. He stepped out of nowhere and his voice was... authoritative? Angry? I couldn't place the tone but Yuzu instantly untangled his arms from my body and followed Brian out of the room. Javier and I are left in silence.

"I'm not gonna make you talk, I know you don't want to. I can tell." He speaks.

"Thank you."

It's odd to see him here, it's been so long. Whilst I was never close to him I always admired his skating and the support he gives to others, especially Yuzu. I can only imagine how strong their bond is, comparing mine with Alina's. It's hard to have a friend as your rival, but it motivates you like no other.

"I have a gift for you." Javier chuckles, reaching into his bag. He carefully pulls out a Winnie the Pooh plushie and Luna from Sailer moon. They are sewn so that their "hands" are together. I know exactly what it represents.

"I don't know what to say." I tear up. I've received so many plushies in my life, but this special.

"I thought you might be feeling a little down. But Sailor Moon and Pooh-San are stronger together than apart."

I jump out of my seat and throw my arms around Javi. He returns the favor and I'm enveloped with a feeling of comfort. It's similar but at the same time different from when Yuzu hugs me.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"Anything for you and Yuzuru."

He releases from the hug and hands me a tissue. I feel the fatigue beginning to seep in. Today has been a long, long day.

"When do you think they'll be back." I yawn.

"I don't know. Brain looked upset, kind of like a angry father. He could be cursing him out or giving him a good beating for all we know."

"Javi!" I giggle.

"Ahhh I'm joking. But Brain told Yuzu to be careful and from the looks of that video, he wasn't."

"You watched it?" I try to hide the disappointment in my voice. Of course he did, I don't know why I would think otherwise.

"It's viral news, unfortunately. Hard to avoid."

I nod my head and my eyes drift around the room, curiously settling on the shiny ring around Javier's finger. He has a girlfriend, right? I remember seeing pictures of them. But if he has a ring on his finger...

"You're engaged." The way I say it is more of a statement than a question.

"Yes." He beams. "Come to my wedding in a few months?"

"How could I refuse?" I smile.

Despite my relatively horrible day, I'm able to feel genuinely happy for Javier. It feels good, to have some joy, even if it's not my own.

"It will be good for you, Zhenya. Hanyu as well. A little getaway in Spain. It will be private, I can promise you that. You can just be a normal couple there." He speaks.

I envision the scenario in my head and my heart leaps at the prospect. Yuzu and I taking a trip to Spain, just the two of us. In a country where if we are smart, few will recognize us. We can dance together at Javi's wedding under the stars. Like any other couple in love. No worries, just happiness and joy for our friend.

"I want that more than anything."

The door to the room suddenly jolts open and Yuzuru appears, seeming slightly shaken.

"Javi, can you take Zhenya and I home." He timidly asks.

"Yeah of cour..."

"I can't go home." I cut him off.

"I know, Zhenya." Yuzu nods. "We are going to my home."

"Ok." Is all I can muster up. The prospect thrills me and absolutely terrifies me, because his mother is there. And I already know deep down that she isn't pleased with us. But I have no other options.

"Let's leave then." Javier shifts awkwardly.

"Wait we can't just walk out of here!" I shout. With my hoodie on and my ratty appearance I was unrecognizable dashing to the back of the TCC. I pray that they weren't spotted coming here. That would only add fuel to the fire.

"We got one of the security guys to open the gate to the back. My car is parked there. Anyways, throw on a hat and look down. We should be fine." Javier reassures me.

Yuzu grabs the blanket I was originally covered with and wraps it around me, hiding my face and upper body. His eyes rake up and down, puzzled if it's enough. He then finds the plushie in my hand.

"Javi gave it to me." I whisper. Yuzu glances around and quickly plants a kiss on my forehead. He examines the plushie and can't hide the smile on his face.

"Let's get out of here."

We quickly make our way to the back entrance and I already feel sick at remembering how this all started. As we dash out I stare at the dumpsters and cringe. How hopeless I was, how ready I was to sleep in the bitter cold.

"I didn't say bye to Brian." I say, hesitating to get in the car.

"He left already, Zhenya. I said I'd make sure you were safe." Yuzu replies.

"What time is it?" I ask as I climb into the backseat.

"It's almost eleven." Javier answers.

Yuzuru climbs into the backseat with me and shuts the door as the car peels out and onto the highway. I clutch the plushie and hold it close to my chest like a child. Javi's words come to mind _Sailor Moon and Pooh-San are stronger together than apart._

I shift closer to him and rest my head on his shoulders. My body has begun to ache and I feel exhausted. My eyes water, dry and sensitive to any light. I didn't mean to, but I let out the faintest cry of pain.

"I love you, remember that." Yuzu whispers.

"Always."

It seems that only a seconds had went by before we were rolling to a stop in front of his house. I tried to contain my shock - it was beautiful. Nothing like the apartment my mother and I reside in. _He's Yuzuru Hanyu, a perfect man. Of course he'd have perfect home._

"Thank you, Javi." I say as I step out of the car. He smiles and wishes me a goodnight. I wish I could tell him how many ways I am thankful for him, not just tonight. He has helped shaped Yuzu and I's relationship in ways I cannot even fathom. He's been there for the both of us when we need it the most. Saying a simple "thank you" was nothing.

I watch as his car disappears over the horizon, as I still clutch the plushie. I turn to Yuzu, who has an unreadable look across his face.

"What now?" I ask timidly.

"We hope for the best." He answers as he takes my hand and walks towards the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry that this chapter is being posted so late compared to my previous ones. I know some of you were waiting and I apologize. 
> 
> I HIT 8000 VIEWS. You guys are incredible, I can’t believe how fast this story is growing. I’m getting about 1000 views per week and it blows my mind. Thank you to everyone who clicks on this story, comments, and leaves kudos. It means everything to me a writer, especially a first time one. 
> 
> This chapter leaves a lot of unanswered questions and I’m excited for the next one because it’s very very very different to anything I’ve done so far. And if you guys don’t know, Luna is from Sailor Moon and it’s the plushie that Zhenya carries around at competitions.
> 
> I’ll see you in two days, I hope you all have a wonderful day/night. Much love <3


	35. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brian’s POV is in the past. Everything else is right after the events of the last chapter.

**Brian's POV**

"I'd like to talk to you Yuzuru. Now." I try to hide the fury and disappointment in my voice.

I understand being impulsive, I understand being reckless sometimes. But actions have consequences and I warned him that this would be one of them.

"Shut the door." I order as we exit the room. I can trust Javier will watch over Evgenia for the time being.

Once we walk far enough away I turn to my student. "What were you thinking?"

Silence.

"Don't disrespect me like this. One more time. What were you thinking!"

"I don't remember." He whispers and looks down.

"Do you have any idea what you've caused? Do you know what people are saying?" I shout.

The cruelty of this world never ceases to amaze me. In all my years I've never seen something like this. Evgenia is a girl of nineteen, she doesn't deserve this hatred. My mind recalls all the posts that I had read earlier.

_I knew she was just coming for the TCC for Yuzuru. I'll give it to the girl, she's persistent. Move halfway across the world for your crush._

_She's not worthy of him. She will be nothing in a year after those Russian juniors take her place._

_Flutzgenia must have drugged Hanyu or something. He would never fall in love with a girl like her. I don't understand._

"You don't know, do you?" I ask and Yuzuru shakes his head.

"I haven't read anything. I don't want to. I know what they'll say."

"Not just that, but how Evgenia ended up here." I reply.

"I don't know."

"Her mother..." I gulp. "Her mother was extremely angry, told her she couldn't come back home. She walked all the way here through the cold in a thin hoodie and house slippers. We found her by the dumpsters, collapsed on the ground. Where were you?"

My only response is light sobs escaping from him. I've never seen him cry tears of sorrow before, in all my years as his coach. He is a determined and hopeful individual, showing strength in dire situations. Especially after his injury before the Olympics. But everyone has their breaking point.

"My phone was dead... I didn't know!" His temperament changes and he's suddenly consumed with anger. I watch as he kicks a table, sending it crashing to the ground.

"Hey! Hey! Stop acting like a child!" I grab his shoulders and sit him down. "You're going to keep you mouth shut and listen to what I have to say!"

He nods and lets out a sigh.

"The first thing I need you to do is to make sure Evgenia is safe at all costs. There are some crazy people in the world, and if she gets hurt I don't know how any of us will handle that. She comes first, always. This isn't about you anymore. Secondly, in time you will have to make a statement. You've lived your life denying rumors or staying quiet when your fans were ripping into someone. Not this time. I won't let you stand by as I watch these people harass one of my students. I'll give you a few weeks to plan that."

"I'll do it." He agrees.

"Good. Hopefully you will listen to what I've said this time. I warned you and you didn't listen. Now the world is in chaos and I can barely help you two."

"I'm sorry." Yuzuru chokes. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I will try to fix everything."

"I don't know if you can." I sigh.

"I don't know either. All I know is that I love her."

"You've always been one to analyze your work, perfect every flaw. Analyze this situation and do whatever you need to do. You and Evgenia mean the world to me, you're more than just my students. But you messed up big time here." I reply.

"I promise I'll listen to you this time."

"You better." I pack up my things. "Also, I expect you to be at practice in three days. We need to get started on that quad axel, maybe that will shut a few people up."

And just like that Yuzuru Hanyu finally flashes a smile.

 

**Evgenia's POV**

I can feel my pulse racing, my breathing rapidly increasing. The closer we get towards the front door, the more anxiety I get.

"Wait." I blurt.

Yuzu turns around. "What is it?"

"I don't know if I'm ready. And I don't have any clothes or any of my things."

"Do you want to stop by your house really quick?" He asks.

I nod my head and he reaches into his pocket, pulling out keys. I back away from the door and walk towards his car. I'm going back home, but I know I cannot stay.

As I climb in I take a good look at Yuzuru. To say he looks exhausted is an understatement. His eyes are bloodshot and drooping slightly. His face looks pale and cheeks hollowed. When was the last time he slept, or even ate?

I glance at the time and realize it's past midnight. It's only been a day since we started to flee Japan. It's felt like an eternity and the thought cripples me. How can I handle this everyday? If I doesn't get better, I don't know how I will survive.

"Do you remember where my house is?"

"Yes." He mumbles.

"Did Brian tell you what happened to me? What did he say to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Zhenya." He sighs.

"We can't just go on not talking about things and running from our problems. As much as we want to."

"I understand, but not now. Please." Yuzu begs.

I turn away from him and keep my mouth shut for the rest of the car ride. My head is throbbing from the lack of sleep and the closer we get to my house I feel nauseous.

I don't even have a key to get in - there's no way my mom would leave the door unlocked. This trip is a waste of time but I don't say anything. There's still a part of me hoping that my mother wanted me to come home.

The movement of the car ceases and I glance up to see my apartment building.

"Do you want me to come in?"

"No." I nod my head. I will go up alone.

My eyes burn from the street lights above and I hold my breath as I climb the stairs. My entire world seems disoriented, like I'm in a dream. Once I reach my door I shakily place my hand on the knob, turning it as slow as possible. To my surprise, it opens.

The house is dark with a single lamp left on in the living room. The luggage that I left on the ground is gone. On the kitchen table there's plates and silverware set up where I usually sit.

I slowly walk to my bedroom and begin to grab everything I could possibly need. It's only then that I notice the clothes folded back in my drawers, my equipment neatly placed in the corner. My mother has unpacked my luggage, and here I am filling it back up. The action pains me.

I take one last look around my room and run to grab one last thing - the letter that Yuzuru wrote me. I quickly stuff it in my suitcase and shut the door behind me, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. This isn't goodbye, but why does it feel that way? I just don't know if things will ever go back to the way they were. In many ways, it's impossible.

Once I'm back in the kitchen every detail fully hits me. The door left open, the table set up, my bed made, by belongings unpacked. She did want me to come home. I owe it to her to tell her that I did, and that I'm safe. Brian's advice plays in my head.

_If you can't put it into words, write a letter. But you have to let her know exactly how you feel, you have to say everything._

And so I will.

_Dear Mama,_

_This past year has been the most painful and joyous experience of my entire life. I have had countless sleepless nights laying on my bed, starting at the ceiling and wondering why things happen like this. I asked myself over and over if I am capable of redemption, capable of being a champion once again. I started to feel hopeless, like there was no future for me. Another Russian phenom that disappears as another takes her place._

_As the season went on it only grew worse. I felt alone, because I couldn't speak to anyone about the pain and fear I had inside of me. Yuzuru and I had a falling out, but them things started to change. He convinced me that this isn't the end of the road for my career. He motivated me to become a better skater. And watching him - it inspired me in every way possible._

_If you knew how much I was suffering you would know how much he saved me. I was broken in every aspect, but he helped me put the pieces back together. I began to laugh and smile. I was proud of my skating, even when I didn't win. I felt worthy again. As time passed, I fell in love with him. I tried to push the feelings away mama, I really did. Yes, I've always had a crush on Yuzuru. But looking back it was a mere fascination. It was the idea of him I found desirable, a Olympic champion and one of the greatest skaters of all time. But then I got to know him for what he really is, a kind and caring man. Someone who knows me better than I know myself. Someone who will support me no matter what direction I go in life. That's how I know this is real, that it's true love. I love every aspect of him, not just the image of Yuzuru Hanyu. He's so much more._

_I know you say that I don't know what love is at nineteen. I know that's the age you first met dad. It's okay to be afraid, I understand why you reacted the way you did. You have to trust me and let me follow my heart, you don't have to protect me from this. I didn't come here to fool around. I came here to work, and that's what I've done. I've produced results beyond my wildest dreams. I can continue to grow, I just need support. I will always love you and be grateful for everything you've done for me in my life. But I cannot stay here, please understand. Not until you can come to terms with my decision._

_I promise you I'll stay safe. I love you, mama. I'll see you soon._

Tears runs down my cheek and I move the piece of paper away so I don't ruin it. I set in on the kitchen table and grab my belongings, quickly running out of the house. My legs are shaking beneath me as I sprit as fast as I can to his car. _Get me out of here._

"Zhenya!" He opens the door and leaps out. "What happened?"

Through my sobs I can only find a few words. "Hold me."

Yuzu wraps me in his arms and squeezes tightly. I already dread the moment that he will let go. Right now I feel safe and warm. Not only that, I feel loved. The sound of his heartbeat soothes me and I slowly feel my eyes shut. I hear him whisper my name, but the world fades away.

**Yuzuru's POV**

"Medvedeva." I shake her lightly. There's no response, but I can feel a pulse and hear her faint breath. A few seconds later a light snore arises. It can only be exhaustion.

I lift her up into the air and carry her to the backseat of the car, laying her down. I shut the door and put her belongings in the trunk before I climb into the drivers seat.

It's been two days since I last slept. I feel on the verge of collapse, but somehow I still have enough energy to get us home. Today has felt like a nightmare that just never ends, no matter how hard I try to shake it.

The drive back is agonizing as I struggle to keep my eyes open. This is beyond dangerous, I promised Brian I would keep her safe and this isn't it. I won't last much longer, but I stay focused and keep my eyes on the road.

I finally pull back up to my home and notice that all the lights are on inside. There's no way my mother is up at this time, right? Although she's probably waiting for me. My eyes are burning and I begin to feel lightheaded. After parking the car I quickly scoop Zhenya into my arms and carry her inside. Her belongings can be retrieved tomorrow.

I struggle to open the door and eventually kick it open. It shuts behind me but I can already tell it won't fully lock. I'll have to repair it.

"Are you okay?" My mother startles me as I turn the corner.

"Okaa-San." I try to bow with Evgenia in my arms but I end up collapsing into the ground. My mother reaches to help me but I deny it.

"No. Help her." I plea. She will always come first.

To my surprise my mother reaches down and carefully picks Zhenya up, I forget that she's so light. Even after the fall she remains fast asleep, looking like a small and frail child. I take the remaining ounce of strength I have left and push myself off of the floor.

"Take her to a bed." I beg.

"I will take care of her. You do the same for yourself."

I nod and walk over, planting a kiss on my mothers cheek and then on Zhenya's forehead. The world around me starts to spin and I grasp the walls as I rush towards my room. As soon as my body hits the bed the world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little crazy with all three POV’s and I apologize for that, unless you like it then let me know! Brian’s POV was short but I wanted a different, more levelheaded approach to their conversation. 
> 
> As always thank you for everyone who reads, comments, and kudos. I’ll see you in two days. Much love and take care :)


	36. Time Will Heal

**Evgenia’s POV**

It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the brightness of the room. The sun shines through the large window, hitting my face. I slowly take in my surroundings, the earthy color scheme and minimalistic decor. The bed is low to the ground and a single lantern hangs from the ceiling. This room is simple, but beautiful.

I move my face out of the direct sunlight, pushing myself up from the bed. But I immediately sink back down, my body feeling fatigued and unable to move. The events of last night rush back into my head although I don’t remember anything past running out of my house.

The door creaks open and I’m unable to see who it is until she peers above me. I quickly try to sit up once again but my body denies me the energy.

“Please, don’t strain yourself. Rest.” She whispers.

“ _Ohayō Gozaimasu_.” I quip, trying to hide how hoarse my voice is and trying to leave a good impression.

“It is no longer the morning.” She replies.

I nod my head and take a few seconds to study her face. Yumi Hanyu, like her son, is beautiful. I can see the resemblance so clearly, from their eyes to the feeling of intimidation that oozes off of them.

“Is Hanyu-San still here?” I ask.

“Sleeping.” She hastily speaks before walking out the door, leaving me alone.

I let the minutes tick by to ensure that she is not coming back. After a while I take a pillow and press it to my face, hoping it will muffle the sound.

And then I scream at the top of my lungs.

I’m frustrated beyond words. Only a few days ago I was crowned world champion. I was happy. How can your life go to shit in three days? Nothing makes sense anymore, everything is strange and unfamiliar. Almost how I felt when I first moved to Toronto.

The pillow must not have shielded my scream as much as I had hoped because she reappears in the doorway. There’s no smile, no warmth in her face. _I’m sorry I’m not the girl you want for Yuzuru._

“Hungry?” She questions.

I nod my head in response, fearing that my voice will betray me and make my emotions known. Truthfully, food is the last thing on my mind. However I can’t remember the last time I ate and it wouldn’t be wise to refuse.

“I’ll have lunch ready for you in ten minutes. There’s slippers by the door.”

“ _Dōmo arigatō_.” I thank her.

Once she leaves I slowly roll to the edge of the bed, hoping I’ll be able to push myself up. Instead my body crashes onto the ground. Although it hurts at first my limbs feel alive again and I stand up, grabbing the wall for support.

_What now?_

I walk around the room, examining each wall. I pull back a panel that reveals a closet, and to my surprise it has my belongings. Everything is unpacked, neatly folded. My skating gear is organized and some of my training clothes are hung up. Most importantly, the plushie that Javier gave me sits on a small table. I pick it up and grab it, realizing that Yuzuru’s letter was underneath.

Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach. It wasn’t Yuzu who unpacked all of my things so carefully, this was the work of a mother.

His mother.

I don’t even have to read the letter anymore to know what it says. I have every word memorized. Since the first time I laid eyes on it, I must have read it a million times. But I will never lose track of this piece of paper, it means the world to me. It’s so personal, I want to believe she didn’t read it. I want to more than anything. However I’ve learned we don’t always get what we want.

“Zhenya?” Yuzuru’s voice startles me. “How are you feeling? You scared me last night.”

“I’m okay. You scared me too, I’ve never seen you look so tired. What happened?”

“You tell me. You ran out of your apartment crying and then you passed out in my arms.” He sighs.

“It’s hard to explain. What happened after that? How did I end up in this bedroom? Did you bring my luggage in and unpack it?” I pester, wanting my questions resolved. Although part of me fears the answers.

“Take it easy, Medvedeva.” He laughs. “I drove you here, and I practically collapsed once I got inside. My mother carried you to the room. As for your luggage, I left it in the car.”

“Look around.” I choke.

His eyes meet mine. “I guess my mother brought it in… what’s wrong?”

I hold up the letter in my hands and his face pales. I reach up to tug on my necklace, an awful habit I’ve developed. Yuzu stays silent and I turn around to carefully put the letter back in my empty suitcase.

“I don’t think she read it.” He professes. “My mother is very respectful. Why would you pack it?”

“That letter is the first time you ever told me that you loved me. It’s everything to me, I wasn’t going to leave it behind.”

To my surprise he grabs my waist and pulls my body against his. Our lips collide and I reach up to entangle his hair in my hands. His kisses are warm and gentle, I can taste the faint flavor of mint on his tongue.

“Yuzu.” I gasp, out of breath.

He dips down to kiss my neck as his hands grip on my waist. I lose my balance and we tumble backwards, his body pinning me against the wall. I fight for control, pushing his lips off of my neck and back onto mine.

“Zhenya.” He moans and the sound makes me shudder. I run my hands up his shirt, feeling the hot skin underneath and his contracting muscles. I move my hands further downwards before I quickly stop, remembering where we are.

“We can’t.” I whisper, turning away from him.

Yuzu steps away from me and I look at him. His hair is ruffled and face flushed. His eyes have a wild look to them. I smile knowing that I have this effect on him. It brings me a sense of confidence.

“You’re right. We can’t have sex in the closet, especially at my mother house. Very rude.” He smiles.

“Hush! What is wrong with you?” I giggle. “You’re the one who started this.”

“I can’t help it. It’s felt like months since we’ve been able to slip away like that. Besides, you're hard to resist.”

“It’s only been three days.” I sigh. “I just want a normal day, one calm day.”

“I can arrange that. I promise, we will make that day today.”

“As much as I would like that we have so much to talk about and figure out I don’t see how…”

“Stop.” He cuts me off. “Trust me, I know we have a lot to talk about. But can’t we push it off for one day?”

“Fine.” I agree, because I’m exhausted as is and I don’t want to deal with this mess right now.

“Good. Now let’s go eat before my mother starts to suspect us.” He chuckles.

“Ok.” I reply as he takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen.

The table is set and filled with delicious looking food. I can name a few, but others I cannot. Yuzuru sits down and I look around for his mother, but she’s nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s the bathroom?” I ask.

“By the front door.” He answers.

I nod and walk towards the front of the house, leaving his sight. Before I reach my destination I’m startled by a figure appearing out of the shadows. I quickly bow and she returns the gesture.

“Medvedeva-Kun, please come with me.”

How could I refuse? She hands me a coat and I hastily put it on. We reach a side door and I take off my slippers, replacing it with shoes I had packed. I follow Yuzuru’s mother outside into the cold as we walk around their backyard.

The plants are browned and the flowers dead from the cold winter, but it’s still beautiful. I can only imagine what it must look like in the spring, which is fast approaching. Although it’s cold outside all the snow has finally melted, revealing beautiful paths throughout this garden. In the middle lies a pond filled with different types of fish, who seem to be doing fine despite the temperature.

“Is this all of your hard work?” I ask.

“Hai.”

“Everything is beautiful. The house, this garden.” I say in awe.

And for the first time, Yumi Hanyu finally flashes a smile. Albeit a quick one, it calms me.

“I’m hoping you can take care of it when I leave.” She softly speaks.

“When you leave?” I question.

“It’s time for me to return to Sendai, for good. I want to very much. Will you take care of him for me?”

The questions breaks my heart. “I will, I promise. But it will never measure up to the care you’ve given him over the years.”

“There’s no need for that talk.” She replies. “Have you eaten? You’re looking a bit frail.”

“Uhh…not yet. You asked me to come out here before I sat down.” I stutter through the words, not trying to sound rude in anyway.

“I see. I apologize for that, go on.”

“Thank you.” I bow and walk back towards the house.

“Evgenia.” She yells and I turn back around. “Time will heal.”

I nod and burst through the door, my chest feeling tight from the cold air. _Time will heal_. What does she mean? She could be referring to me and my mother, but she can’t know about that unless Yuzu told her. The other option refers to the mess that our relationship is in right now when it pertains to the public. But somehow I don’t think she’s talking about that. The only other options seems so improbable I can barely fathom it.

Could she possibly mean our relationship? That over time she will heal and learn to care for the woman her son loves? It must have hurt, when she first found out about all of this. I can only think of how much my own mother was hurt.

I enter the kitchen and find Yuzu has already finished eating. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

“I wouldn’t normally suggest this, but can you eat in the car? We need to get going.” He asks.

“Yes. Where are we going?”

“To practice. You said you wanted something normal again.” He smiles.

“I do.”

No, it’s not a date to the movies or a walk along a lake. But that’s never been a part of our lives like skating has. I understand what he’s trying to do. Over the months you get on a schedule of training, it becomes a normal part of your life. That’s what I want to feel again, something familiar. Getting back onto a routine will bring back some sanity into my life.

I quickly dash into the room and grab my training clothes. I slide the tights over my legs and throw a black shirt over my head. I finish off with zipping up my team Russia jacket and grab my skates. I’m happy to be doing this again.

The car is already on and warmed up when I climb inside. Yuzu hands me a plate with sushi and rice, which I gladly indulge in. Japanese food has always been my favorite next to my native dishes, and this tastes like heaven.

“Enjoying yourself over there?” He laughs at me.

“Yes, and I will more so if you keep the car from jerking.” I retort. “Unless you’d like to send the food and these chopsticks flying.”

“No, I don’t want to disrespect my mothers cooking. It’s too good.”

“It’s incredible actually. How come you’ve never cooked for me?” I giggle.

“You’ve never asked. It can be arranged if you’d like.” He smirks.

“Deal.”

I finish my meal and my mind starts to wander to the task in front of us. The sun is shining brightly and we can easily be seen trying to walk into the TCC. There must be tons of reporters in front of the building still.

“How are we going to get in?” I huff, realizing the predicament.

“The same way we did yesterday.”

I wince at the mention of yesterday and how I ended up at the TCC. Cold, shivering and hopeless I snuck by all those photographers. Yuzuru’s right, we will just have to do it the same way for quite a while.

The rest of the car ride goes by quickly and to my surprise there’s no reporters in front of the TCC. The cops must have scared them off the property with legal action, because I don’t see any other reason why they would leave. The same security guard who saved me from sleeping outside opens up the gates and lets us into the back. We grab our gear and dash through the back door, directly into the rink. To my horror we are met with Brian’s disapproving eyes.

“What are you kids doing here?”

“Training.” I shrug.

“Yes. Training, nothing else.” Yuzuru agrees.

“Let me get this straight, you were both in distress and tears last night. Now you’re here in a good mood and ready to train. Even with all this mess going on.”

“Yep.” I quip. “It’s because of this mess.”

“Fine.” Brian sighs. “What do you want to practice today?”

“Quad axel.”

“Quad salchow.”

All three of us laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter ending on a happy note? It must be a miracle :) These past six chapters have only covered three days of events and I am excited because we are about to pick up the pace! 
> 
> As I am writing this I am sitting at 398 kudos. I imagine it will soon be 400. I cannot believe it, I don't even know how to say thank you. To everyone who reads, kudos and comments on this story I wish I could hug you all (I know that would take a while but I would still do it). I enjoy writing this story so much because it is fun to see your reactions as well as the fact that so many people wait for my updates. It's so crazy to me! And my english is becoming so much better from this story honestly I owe you guys so much.
> 
> I could ramble on forever but I will stop now. There's still a bumpy/exciting road ahead, I can't wait. See you in two days <3


	37. With You

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

“I think I’m ready, Brian.” I confess, wanting to try it without the harness on.

********

“If you think I’m going to let you risk injuring yourself, you haven’t been listening to me for the past eight years. It’s barely been two weeks, Yuzuru.” He huffs. 

********

I knew he was right, but I still was eager to try it. The triple axel has always been my strongest jump, I could do one standing completely still. The quad axel would only need a little more speed, a little more height. I thought I could go straight to attempting it, but Brian shut the idea down and forced me to practice with a harness. I have landed it wearing one, but I know it’s completely different when you’re out of it. 

********

I glance over at Zhenya who is being guided by Tracy in her own harness, practicing a quad salchow. For the past two weeks we’ve been on a strict schedule of waking up, going to practice, and going to sleep. We haven’t let anything else bother us, we’ve shut out all our problems. This cannot be done for much longer, so we might as well enjoy it while it lasts. 

********

“How’s the quad going?” Stephen Gogolev skates up to me. 

********

“I haven’t done it out of the harness yet but I’ve…”

********

“I was talking about Evgenia’s.” He cuts me off.

********

My jaw clenches and my young training mate bursts out laughing.

********

“You should of seen your face!” He wheezes.

********

“You little punk!” I tease and chase after him, falling into a fit of laughter too. 

********

“Are we bullying each other over here?” Zhenya glides up to us, looking beautiful and radiant. It’s amazing how someone can flourish when the stress of the world is absent. 

********

“I was innocently asking him how your lovely quads were going, but he decided to make it about himself and talk about the quad axel.” Stephen chuckles.

********

“That is not what happened, do not believe a word out of this kids mouth.” I scoff.

********

“I’ll see you when I turn seniors Yuzuru!” He laughs and skates away.

********

“Yeah right!” I shout, not wanting to admit that it scares me a little. I couldn’t land quads like he can at 14, I can’t imagine what will happen as he gets older and stronger. 

********

“What’s that look on your face?” Zhenya pokes my cheek and smiles. 

********

“Stephen Gogolev came to the TCC at age 11, and he can land every type of quad except for the axel. I can’t even land a quad flip. He’s going to be a senior next season. Some people call him the next quad king.” 

********

“Do I detect fear?” She gasps. “Could it be you’re scared that you have a new rival?” 

********

“Maybe.” I sigh. “It seems that training mates make for the hardest rivals.”

********

“Yeah, I know a thing or two about that.” Her smile fades away and her voice softens. 

********

“Tell me about the salchow.” I quip, trying to change the subject. I shouldn’t have said that, I hate seeing her sadden.

********

“I think I can get it!” Zhenya jumps up and down like a child and I pull her into a hug. 

********

She can absolutely nail a quad salchow. Edge jumps have always been her strength, with her increased speed and height there’s no doubt in my mind that she could land one. It will only take time.

********

“Hey! No cuddling during practice.” Tracy yells from across the ice. I look up and she winks in our direction, letting us know it’s a joke. She arrived back from Japan last week and is always checking up on us, especially Zhenya. I think that’s the reason Tracy is so eager to help her with the salchow, she knows it’s a distraction. 

********

I know all of this is a distraction.

********

Evgenia’s mom has yet to reach out to her daughter, and I know it’s eating away at her. My own mother is packing her belongings, which is harder to see than I anticipated. We’ve pushed back everything to the point we can no longer ignore it. I’ve yet to tell her what I promised Brian, but I guess I have to now.

********

“We need to talk after practice.” I whisper, still embracing her in a hug. 

********

“Okay.” 

********

I smile as I let go, planting a quick kiss on her cheek before I skate away. Brian nods in my direction and I strap myself back in the harness, ready to get back in my zone.

********

…

********

I feel the aches of my muscles slowly start to creep in after winding down for the day. But it’s nothing compared to the feeling of uneasiness I’ve developed over our looming conversation. There’s so much to be said.

********

The rink empties out one by one and I tick down the minutes until Zhenya will appear out of the locker room. I hastily take off my skates and pack up my equipment, eager to get started. I’ve spent hours thinking about the best way to approach this, analyzing specific details I have to address. It’s almost like I’m perfecting my program, not a conversation. 

********

The sound of footsteps approaching prompts me to stand up and turn around. I can’t help the smile that’s starting to grow on my face. This happens every time I see her, even if it’s only for a second.

********

“Are you and Pooh-San ready to talk?” 

********

“Of course.” I chuckle, retrieving him from my bag.

********

“May I ask where were are talking.” Evgenia questions, looking around. Although no one says it, we both know it would be terrible to have this conversation here. 

********

“My car?” I offer. 

********

She shakes her head and we make our way out of the club. The sun has already set, offering concealment. Photographers have resorted to camping across the street since they cannot be on the property. There’s still tons of them, but they seem less numerous than two weeks ago. I can only hope they will continue to disperse.

********

We dash out of the back door one at a time, pulling a hoodie over our heads. I let her go first and I quickly run after a few seconds pass by. I dream of the day when this will no longer be necessary, but I’m not sure if it will ever come. 

********

“Are you okay?” I ask Zhenya while trying to catch my breath.

********

“Yes.” 

********

Once I shut the car door the tension quickly arises. We remain silent for several minuets, suddenly the game plan I had in my head is gone. It’s replaced with anxiety and paranoia, since I have no idea how this will sit with her.

********

“Say it.” Evgenia speaks up.

********

“You say it.” I retort. 

********

“What happened with Brian?”

********

“What happened with your mother?”

********

“We are not doing this.” I groan. “Let’s not act like children for once, both of us will speak and that’s final. You can go after me if you’d like.” 

********

“No.” She sighs. “I’ll go first so I can get through it and bury it back into my mind.” 

********

That’s all these past two weeks have been, us burying all the dark thoughts into the back of our head. I didn’t expect to push this off for so long, and I’m starting to regret it. Now it’s even more painful to bring back than when it was fresh in our memories.

********

“You obviously already know that she was repulsed by the idea of us, hence why I’m living at your house right now.” 

********

“I got that part.” I whisper.

********

“She’s scared, Yuzu. My mother is scared that this will effect my career in a negative light, or worse, end it. Mostly, she’s scared you will leave me or our relationship will end in shambles. Like hers did with my dad.” 

********

The words don’t sit well with me. I can understand why her mother would be afraid of the negativity effecting her career. But me leaving Zhenya… it pains my heart to even think about doing such a thing. No matter how hard things get. At the same time, I have no idea what happened with her father. She’s never told me anything. It makes it hard to sympathize with her mother thinking that way. 

********

“Why do you never talk about your dad with me.” I nervously ask.

********

“The same reason you don’t talk about the earthquake with me.” 

********

My throat begins to close and I can’t find the words to respond. All I know is that I understand. When something’s so painful, sometimes it’s just easier to keep it buried. I’ve spent so much time talking about my experience all those years ago, the suffrage of my people in the aftermath. And every time I do I feel as if I’m reliving the situation, I feel the emotions all over again. When I’m with Zhenya it’s easier to not talk about those things, it’s easier to slip away and stay happy. Her laughs cancel out the noise of the dark memories that swirl in my mind.

********

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that. I know what happened with my father doesn’t even compare to…”

********

“It’s okay.” I reassure her. “We all have suffered, some worse than others. We all have different fights.” 

********

“No it’s not okay.” She responds. “Parents get divorced all the time. But what happened in Japan, that’s not something that happens everyday. I remember it, Yuzu. Yes, I was young, yet those images stuck in my head. I remember coming home from practice and turning on the news. I saw the buildings in shambles, the cars swept away by the tsunami. I cried when I found out how many people had perished. To compare that with my dad leaving in unacceptable.”

********

Images flash through my head of entire towns being swept away by the violent water, my rink reduced to rubble. And suddenly, I can’t breathe.

********

“I need a minute.” I gasp and frantically open up the car door, trying to take in any oxygen. I drop to my knees and the impact of the concrete stings. Without noticing, small arms wrap around me and she pulls her to her chest.

********

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have brought this up!” 

********

Hearing her cry brings me back to my senses, and air back into my lungs. I turn around to face her and the tears rolling down her cheek.

********

“Shhhh, it’s fine. I’m okay.” I wipe the droplets away gently with my thumb.

********

“How about we save the conversation about your dad and the earthquake for another day?” I ask.

********

She nods her head and I lift up her chin in my palm. I gently lean in, pressing my lips onto hers. The kiss is warm and salty, a mix of tears and desperation. In any other circumstance this would send my heart racing, but right now it has the opposite effect. I feel calm and collected. 

********

Zhenya pulls away and clears her throat. “I didn’t tell you everything. I wrote my mother a letter, like the one you wrote me. I told her exactly how I felt, it was Brian’s advice. That’s why I ran out crying to your car, it was all too much. She wanted me to come home, she left the door open, unpacked my clothes… I just don’t know why she hasn’t said anything.”

********

“I don’t know either.” I sigh. It’s been two weeks, there has to be a reason.

********

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” She pleas.

********

“It’s okay, it’s my turn now. I’m going back to Japan next week.” 

********

“What?” She gasps and stands up from the ground. I push myself up from the concrete and get back into my car, gesturing for her to do the same. As soon as we are both back in, I speak.

********

“My mom is going back to Sendai next week. I’m going with her, and then I’m doing an ice show.” 

********

“Are you insane? Do you know how bombarded you will be with questions?” Zhenya shakes her head, unable to believe I’m doing this. 

********

“I’ve never been sane. Of course I know it will be a frenzy, that’s part of the reason I’m going. I’ll be making a statement about our situation, per Brian’s advice. He’s right, I cannot sit back and hide from this.” 

********

“Is that what you guys talked about? Making a statement to the press?” She questions.

********

“He wasn’t happy with me, Zhenya. He has every right to be upset. I promised I wouldn’t be reckless and I was. Now it’s my responsibility to try and put some of the fire out.” 

********

“Won’t you just make things worse?”

********

The thought has crossed my mind more than I care to admit. If I answer a few questions, maybe the speculation will stop. The biggest story is if we are actually a couple, or if it was just one kiss. But nothing will stop the hate and disapproval. I have to try though, I won’t forgive myself if I don’t. 

********

“Brian has seen the news, Zhenya. He’s seen the nasty comments. Do you think if he thought I’d make things worse he’d suggest this?” 

********

“No.” She answers. “But what will you say to the press? You already know they will dissect every word, you have to be so careful.” 

********

“I haven’t figured that out yet.” I huff. This has already consumed me for the past few days, I have no idea what I will say. There’s only a week and a half until the ice show. It seems like plenty of time, but I know that’s a lie. 

********

“I guess this is a good time to tell you that I got an offer for an ice show in the US. I figured I might accept it, since it might not be so bad. I want to see our friends.” 

********

I pause to consider what the offer means. In the US, figure skating is not very popular. Even among fans, Nathan Chen’s popularity outshines mine in his country. They don’t seem to focus so much on relationships and all that sort. Zhenya would find it a lot easier to do a ice show there than in Japan. 

********

“Accept it.” I nod. “It will be good for you, hopefully Wakaba or Alina will go.” 

********

I don’t want to run this entire summer, I don’t want to hide. I know she doesn’t either. Evgenia Medvedeva is a wild spirt, beautiful and strong. I’m not sure if you could hold her down for long. 

********

“Are you sure? Do you want me to come to Japan with you? I could stay here if you think that’s a better idea. Should I ask Brian?” She rambles.

********

“I’m positive. Now let’s get home and eat some of my moms delicious cooking.” I laugh. 

********

“Yuzu, this will be the first time we are apart since everything happened.” 

********

The car turns on but I don’t move, instead I reach over to the passenger seat. My hand fidgets with the necklace around her neck and I plant a kiss on her forehead.

********

“It may not be physically, but I’m with you all the time.” I smile. “Even when it doesn’t feel like it.” 

********

“Wait for me when you get back?” She asks and I sigh, because Zhenya should know this by heart. 

********

“Always.”

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not expect to work so late… I apologize for this chapter being uploaded later than expected. I know you guys are understanding but I hate to keep people waiting :) 
> 
> Anyways… 9000 READS?!? This story is not even two months old, this is insane. I love you guys so much and I’m glad you all enjoyed the last chapter so much. This chapter is very dialogue heavy and sets up future events *wink*. As always, I love and appreciate anyone who is reading this right now. I hope you all have a good day/ goodnight and I’ll see you in two days (hopefully on time) <3


	38. No More Pretending

**Evgenia's POV**

_Please wait until the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign before standing. Thank you for flying with us, enjoy your stay in Salt Lake City._

A quick glance out of the airplane window was enough for me to know that spring was here in Utah. The sun was strong, I could feel the heat radiating through. It was the complete opposite of Toronto, where it's finally warming up after a frigid winter.

The flight was public and I made no effort to hide my appearance. Not a single person batted an eye at me, which was expected. I could never do the same in Russia or Japan. But here in the United States, I was just an average person. I liked the feeling.

Passengers began to stand up and grab their luggage from the overhead compartments. I followed their lead, although I had to step up on my toes and struggled to reach my bags. Usually Yuzu would help me do this, although he wasn't here now. He was thousands of miles away in Japan, confronting the storm.

Going through customs was quicker than I expected. The airport was easy enough to navigate and I made my way out of the terminal. Despite the fifteen hour time difference, I send Yuzu a quick text message, telling him I made it here safe. My phone buzzes in response but it's not him.

_Parked by the taxi area. Black Volkswagen_

_I'll be right there_

My feet move faster and reach the pickup area within minutes. There's a sea of cars and the sun is blinding, making it difficult to see. I hear my name being called and I slowly follow until I reach the source.

"Are you okay? You look a little out of it." Nathan pulls me into a hug.

"Yes. The sun is just inhumanly bright." I chuckle.

"I'll get your bags. You can climb into the car. I have the air conditioning on."

"Thank you." I sigh in relief. The heat and the sun was making me nauseous, especially after a long flight.

Nathan puts my bags into the trunk and situates himself into the drivers seat. This is the first time I've seen him since... since everything happened. I haven't talked to anyone, I've been dodging texts and calls. Now that I cannot hide from my friends anymore, I feel guilty. They deserved more than what I've done.

"So how do you like Salt Lake City?" Nathan asks.

"I haven't seen much yet. But it's hot."

He shakes his head and looks as if he's suppressing a laugh. "You have no idea. It's not even summer yet, this is nothing. Does it not get hot in Russia?"

I scoff. "Contrary to popular belief, it does get quite hot in Russia. We have cold winters and sometimes scorching summers. They compliment each other I guess."

"Are you going back during the off-season?"

"I don't know." I answer honestly. I haven't thought much about returning to Russia with everything going on.

"Well, I think you should. It's good to go home when you have the chance." He smiles.

"Maybe, but I can't imagine Moscow is the best place for me to be right now. Although it's likely calmer than Japan."

The car rolls to a stop as we hit a red light. Nathan turns to me and sighs. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it. But I'm so sorry this happened to you guys. A private moment like that should never be aired for the world to see. Just remember that we still support you and your fans still love you. You should see some of the messages they have left over the past month."

The light turns green and he turns his attention back to the road. I sit in silence while I replay his words. My friends and my fans, who I've left in the dark, still love me. I can't forget that. The reassurance gives me confidence that one day, possibly, I can return to social media. That my life can become familiar again. Even more so, if I can fix what's broken with my mother, I can form a resemblance of what my existence was before all of this mess.

"Nathan." I whisper. "How bad is it... the comments. Are they getting any better?"

He gulps and is unable to look me in the eye when he glances at me. That's how I know the answer isn't good.

"I think people are just confused, Zhenya. Just like I am. You guys haven't said anything and that's your decision. The hate comments are there, but there's a lot of love too. I feel like if there was clarification things could get better."

I don't tell him that Yuzuru is going to make a statement, because I haven't even come to terms with it myself. It needs to be done but the idea of it still doesn't sit well with me. Instead I focus on Nathan admitting his confusion about our relationship.

"What made you confused?" I timidly ask.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but everyone was shocked when we found out. Nobody expected it. Yuzuru and you live and breathe skating, it seems like there's no room for anything else in your life."

"There wasn't room. Until one day there was, if that makes sense." I reply. "I don't think we realized how much we were drawn to each other until we couldn't hold back anymore."

"I'm glad, because you both deserve happiness. I've cracked under pressure...but you guys don't seem to. I know you feel it every second of everyday."

"We do." I sigh. "And you've dealt with pressure as well. One bad skate doesn't define you, Nathan."

He lets out a sly smile and we remain silent for the rest of the car ride to the venue. I remember telling Alina the same thing after she failed to perform at worlds. She was so devastated, to be under that amount of pressure at fifteen is no easy task. It makes me sick that some people thought I'd enjoy to see her fall. And I make myself sick realizing I haven't responded to any of her calls.

"Here we are." Nathan breaks my thoughts.

The Maverik Center looked lovely, and it's where I'll be preforming for the next two days. I'm anxious and excited since this will be my first time on the ice again in public.

Nathan guides me through the building until we reach some sort of conference room. Tables are filled with trays of sandwiches, soups, and other lunch items. Skaters begin to pile into the room and my heart almost explodes.

They look like they've seen a ghost. I can tell that they did not expect me here, that they weren't told I'd be participating. I quietly accepted the offer last minute and never made a formal announcement. I feel like crying when I see Wakaba, who has tried to reach out to me and Yuzu countless times. We stayed silent.

I feel overwhelmed with emotion and excuse myself from the room, running to a bathroom and locking myself in a stall. I reach out and call him but there's no response. Instead I get a notification that I have received a text message.

_I can't talk right now but I can text, are you okay?_

_I can't do this. So many people that I've ignored are here. How do I even begin to apologize?_

_They'll understand Zhenya. Don't stress about it too much. I wanted you to do the ice show to be happy and enjoy yourself._

_If only it were that easy._

_It is, you just can't make it harder on yourself. Trust me, it was plenty awkward when I saw Shoma again. But he understands why we ran and hid_

_Speaking of Shoma, how is everyone? It seems like every skater is either here in the US or in Japan._

_Everyone is doing great. They're worried about me and you. Alina's here, she won't look me in the eye. I'm afraid she might punch me._

I laugh and then quickly cover my mouth. I'm in a public bathroom stall, people probably think I'm weird. But I'm sure others think much worse.

_If she punches you I won't be mad. I'll have a good chuckle._

_She'll probably punch you as well. You need to talk to her soon._

_I know, don't remind me. I already feel terrible about it. There's a lot of people we need to talk to._

_In time._

_You sound like your mom._

_I'll take that as a compliment._

_Are you ready for Spain?_

_What?_

_We are flying directly there after we finish_ _up at our respective ice shows._

_I thought we were flying back to Toronto first?_

_It's easier to fly straight to Spain. I already have our hotel room booked._

_Our hotel room? :)_

_Don't start thinking about those things._

_You're the one who can never keep his hands to himself._

_Don't accuse me of things, Medvedeva._

_It's the truth. Also, I can't go directly to Spain. I don't have enough stuff packed, I don't have a dress to wear to the wedding._

_I'll buy you one. You look incredible in anything anyways._

_As do you. What should we gift Javier?_

_I haven't figured that out yet. I haven't figured a lot of stuff out yet._

_Like what?_

_Such as what I'm saying to the press in ten minutes._

I cover my mouth again to hide the audible gasp that just escaped my lips. Yuzuru Hanyu, who analyzes everything, doesn't have anything prepared.

_I don't believe you. Please tell me you're lying._

_I'm not._

_How can you not have anything ready! You can't wing something like this._

_Yes you can. Every time I tried to write a speech, it didn't sound right. It felt forced. I want to be honest with these people._

_How can you be so sure?_

_Because I love you and whatever happens, we will push through it._

_I love you, but you're crazy._

_So I've been told. I have to go do this now. You have to trust me._

_I do. Just be careful._

_I will, and besides Pooh-San is with me. And you are too, just in my heart._

_Stop being so cheesy. Seriously, you have no clue what you're going to say?_

_Yuzu?_

_Pooh-San?_

I turn off my phone and stumble out of the stall. No matter how hard I try to imagine it, I can't see this turning out well. What he says will be dissected by everyone a million times. How could he risk this and not have anything prepared? It doesn't make sense to me, but if he feels that it's right then I trust him.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and cringe. My eye bags have returned and my skin has lost its glow. Ignoring everyone and everything had brought me back to life, but that was just playing pretend. This is reality and I have to face it now. I know I cannot live in a dreamland forever.

Pushing the door open, I exit the bathroom and make my way back to the conference room. I hold my breath as I walk in.

Everyone is eating lunch, but they are quiet. My eyes look up to see the television screens turned on. Yuzuru looks as beautiful as ever, the spotlights focused intensely on him. My mind is foggy and I can't process his words.

Until he says my name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I used to get chapters up on time? Those were the good olé days… hopefully I can get back to that soon. (Someone tell my boss I’d like a day off) 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as it sets up the next one which is absolutely incredible. I’m really excited for the next few chapters and I’m sure they will make some people very happy. I can’t say anymore because ~spoilers~ but :) 
> 
> Also, I hope you guys don’t mind the whole text message part of this. I’m experimenting and I don’t know if I like the layout or style of it… we will see. But definitely let me know if you love/hate it haha. 
> 
> I will stop rambling now and wish you all a goodnight/good day. I love you all, and I’ll see you in two days *hopefully on time* <3


	39. Answers

**Yuzuru's POV**

The intensity of the lights burn my eyes as I struggle to look directly into the camera. It was only decided a few seconds ago that I will speak English for this statement, which makes it even harder. Not only that, this will be broadcasted live.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see the countdown has begun. I quickly wipe the beads of sweat off my forehead and sit up. I've never cared much for interviews, but I've never struggled this much before it even began. Something tells me it won't get better.

The countdown reaches less than a minute and I watch as the press scrambles to get into position. I'm seated at a table, with five reporters in front on me. They will be asking the questions while those in the back will record and write their stories. After the questioning, I'll make my final statement. It's just a matter of surviving until then.

Five, four, three, two, one...

"It's a beautiful morning here in Japan and we are here with NBC sports, interviewing two time Olympic champion Yuzuru Hanyu."

I rise from my seat and bow. "Hello."

Once I'm seated back down the questions begin, first from the original announcer.

"You has a great season Yuzuru, winning worlds and setting a new world record. How have progressed from that?"

"We are only a month into the off-season, so I'm not training at full intensity yet. But I'm very happy with the way last season ended and I want to build on that." I confidently answer.

The next question comes from a man whose face is recognizable but I do not know by name. "You've completed one season and are getting ready for the next. Does this mean we will see you in Beijing?"

This is a question I've avoided answering but I've known all along. I knew after my last Olympic free skate that I wanted to do it again. Four years is a long time, I didn't want to make any false promises. Deep down, I want another gold.

"I can only say that if I remain healthy, I will stay competitive and compete in Beijing."

The next interviewer sends a shiver down my spine. I heard her speaking Japanese earlier. She's going to cut straight to the chase, she wants to know.

"Five weeks ago a video of you and Russian skater Evgenia Medvedeva kissing surfaced. Can you make a comment on the situation?"

"Evgenia Medvedeva and I are in a relationship."

I can hear the gasps around the room, and a clanging sound that can only be someone dropping a camera. Nobody expected me to blurt out those words, in fact they likely expected me to deny a relationship. To say it was simply a stolen kiss, happy after our victory at worlds.

The mood in the room changes and the tone of the interview follows. The woman was armed with several more questions. "And when did this relationship begin?"

"Only a few days before the video surfaced was when we started our relationship."

"But there must have been romantic ties before that, possibly when Medvedeva made the move to Toronto? Or even before that?" She questions.

"No." I deny it. "Nothing romantic happened until after the Grand Prix Final in December. I was the one who set things in motion."

When I hear people suggest I was the reason Zhenya came to Toronto, I become agitated. If only they knew how badly she needed a change, how her old coaching situation was slowly ruining her. They don't understand that she would have left anyways, regardless if I even existed. I still remember her calling me when she asked if leaving Eteri was the right thing to do. I remember her tears, I'll never forget it.

The fourth interviewer, another man, clears his throat and begins to speak. “This comes as shock to many since you've stated in the past that you'd prefer to save relationships until after retirement. What has changed leading up to now?"

"This is a difficult question." I pause. "I didn't expect to fall in love, it was never my intention. It just happens and I'm not upset by it. We are all human beings, we cannot shut off our emotions, even if we want to. What's changed is that I've learned it's possible to manage a career and a relationship. In fact, it's beneficial."

I look over to the fifth person, and suppress a smile. Johnny Weir, someone who has been good to both Zhenya and I. I don't have to fear his questions.

"Can you tell us about how you came to fall in love with Evgenia Medvedeva. We all know she's amazing of course, but I'd like to hear your thoughts."

Maybe I should have feared his questions. This was more personal than I had prepared for, and even more difficult to answer than the previous questions. But maybe if people heard what I had to say, if they know how much she means to me, it might be easier to accept my decision. And so this answer must come from my heart.

"I've always admired her skating, her passion for life and everything that it has to offer. She's very consistent and mentally tough. I got to know her better as the months went by, and I began to see the person underneath. That's when I saw how much we had in common, that we were one in the same. And from that point I just fell for her."

It was easy to see that all five interviewers and the press were in shock. I've never been this open regarding a personal matter before. Surprisingly, it was effortless to talk in front of the camera. Maybe it's because my feelings for Zhenya are so strong I can translate them into words with ease. Or maybe I've finally stoped fearing what the public will say about who I love.

"Those were very touching words. Do you have a final statement you'd like to share?" Johnny asks.

"Yes." I clear my throat. "May I speak Japanese?"

The producers look around at each other, nobody knowing how to answer. It doesn't matter, because that's how I will address my people no matter what. Out of respect I wait for a nod of approval and begin.

_"To the people of Japan, no duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. I'd like to take the time to remind everyone that I am forever in debt to the support I've received over the entirety of my career. Starting with my family, who helped raise me to be the man I am today. To my former coaches, who helped shape my career and develop my passion for skating. To Brian Orser and Tracy Wilson, who have transformed me in every way possible. To my friends and those I love. Lastly, to my fans who have reminded me that there's always light at the end of the tunnel._

_To the people of Russia, thank you for providing me with another source of light. Evgenia Medvedeva is a priceless gem, I am privileged to be alongside her. To Zhanna Devyatova, thank you for raising a wonderful daughter._

_It's not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even - or rather, especially - when we'd prefer not to be. With that being said, I want to ask for respect and privacy relating to my relationship with Medvedeva. I will continue to represent Japan at the highest level and I will do so with pride. Thank you for your time."_

The room is silent and I can see the reporters have their eyes glued to a screen. My words were translated to English in real time, everyone in the room understands what I have spoken. Many still look as if they are in a state of denial, others look thrilled. They know that they have a story to write.

"That is all the time we have for today. Thank you for joining us, Yuzuru Hanyu. NBC sports will be back with another exclusive interview after this commercial break, with special guest Shoma Uno."

Just like that we are off the air and I'm being ushered out of the room so they can prepare for Shoma. My eyes have a hard time adjusting to the change in light level and I stumble slightly into the wall. I feel a tap on my waist and a small voice that accompanies it.

"Are you hurt?" Her Russian accent is strong.

I look down and see the small child, no older than ten. In the darkness she bares a striking resemblance to the pictures I've seen of Evgenia as a child.

"I'm okay." I smile. "And what's your name?"

"Galína, after a famous Russia ballet dancer."

"That's a pretty name." I reply. "Your English is very good."

"My mama says it's important because many people speak English. Like you and Zhenya."

"Your mother is very clever. English is very hard, I wasn't good at it until a little while ago." I chuckle.

The little girl looks down at her feet and ponders what to say. How did she end up here, in Japan? At an ice show interview? Sometimes it's better to not question everything, so I drop the thought. I don't mind her company, I've always loved children. Perhaps it's because I scarcely think about having any of my own. That's something my career truly won't allow.

"Where's Zhenya?" She finally asks.

"In another country." I sigh. Soon we will be together, under the stars in Spain.

"When you see her can you tell her I said hi? She is my idol."

"Of course." I nod.

"Thank you!" The the girl springs up and hugs me before running off. I laugh at how adorable the interaction was.

Sometimes I find myself wishing I could be a child again. Perhaps that's why I have the tendency to act like one on occasion. But I wouldn't dare go back in time, because I wouldn't want to change a thing.

 

**Evgenia's POV**

_"...That's when I saw how much we had in common, that we were one in the same. And from that point I just fell for her."_

I've heard words like these before, but under much different circumstances. The letter, a few confessions. _You grew on me._

Now millions of people were hearing those words. It hasn't quite sunk into my skin yet, this situation doesn't feel quite real. I told myself I'd stop pretending and yet I still feel like I'm in a dream. I can feel the emotion he's exuding, even through a television screen. Going unscripted has made him give honest and personal answers.

Not a single person in the room is eating their lunch. Everyone is taking in every detail of Yuzu's words, absorbing what they mean. I can hear the faint gasps through my muddled thoughts. They aren't shocked that we are together, they are shocked that he's saying this in front of a camera. I am too.

_To the people of Russia, thank you for providing me with another source of light. Evgenia Medvedeva is a priceless gem, I am privileged to be alongside her. To Zhanna Devyatova, thank you for raising a wonderful daughter._

I drop my head down to hide to pink color flushing my cheeks. His words will always have this effect on me, no matter how he says them. In person or through a television, there's no difference.

I don't catch the rest of his statement because I didn't read the subtitles and I mentally curse at myself for not speaking Japanese fluently. Whatever he said must have been powerful, because a few skaters look even more taken aback. It's no matter, this interview will get millions of views and be translated in hundreds of languages within the hour. All I had to do was wait.

The camera switches back to the announcer and then to a commercial break. Just like that, it's over. Someone shuts off the television and awkward silence fills the room. It only takes a few seconds for everyone's eyes to settle on me.

Are they expecting me to say something? I should, shouldn't I? These are my friends and I owe them that much. If Yuzuru can go on camera and profess his love for me, I can apologize to the people in this room that I have wronged. With the thought in mind I stand up and observe each and every one of their faces.

"I'm sorry." Is all I manage to get out at first. I knew it wasn't acceptable.

"I'm a terrible person, honestly. I know that you all called me, more than once. Almost everyone left beautiful and thoughtful messages. And I didn't reply to a single one. I have no excuse to have ignored everyone like I have, the same with Yuzuru. It just felt easier to hide from the situation than face it. That's exactly what I did and I hope you can forgive me for leaving you all in the dark."

"You're not terrible Evgenia, not even close." Boyang Jin pipes up.

"I would've done the same thing if I was in your situation." Nathan replies.

"There's nothing to forgive." Wakaba smiles. "We know it was hard, we know you still care for us."

"Wakaba is right, there's nothing to forgive because we understand." Kaetlyn nods.

For the hundredth time I feel on the brink of tears, overwhelmed with emotion. This is another reason I will love this sport until the day I die - we are a family. I feel someone reach around me and pull me into a hug. Before I know it more arms wrap around me until the entire room is surrounding me. _This is friendship, this is love._

"Alright you're going to smother her."

I recognize that voice...

"Misha?"

"The one and only." He announces from across the room.

"What are you doing here?" I shake my head, not understanding how he's in front of me right now. Only a few days ago I heard he was in Japan, helping choreograph for an ice show.

"You see, I took a plane and then..."

"Ugh, shut up." I giggle. Truthfully I miss our sarcastic banter.

"Okay, you got me. I wanted to make sure my little sister was doing good."

"I'm fine. And I actually mean it this time."

I told Misha I was fine after I lost the gold medal. I told him I was fine after I left Eteri. But I've never actually meant it before. Right now, I honestly do.

"That's good." He replies. "We need you in good spirits for the exhibition I'm going to choreograph you."

"What?" My jaw drops. "I was just going to reuse an old one."

"That's no good." He laughs. "You need to show the world something new."

"Fine." I groan. "Any ideas?"

"Not yet, so feel free to roam around this hot wasteland of a desert."

"Take that back!" Nathan shouts but quickly chuckles.

"I'm sorry, feel free to roam around Nathan's birth city." Misha retorts.

"You both are kids." I smile. "But I will take up that offer to roam around."

I turn to Wakaba, who was already waiting for me to ask.

"Would you like to accompany me?" I quip.

"You already knew I was going to say yes." She giggles.

I take her hand and we skip out of the room, heading towards the exit of the venue.

"Where are we going?" She questions.

"Dress shopping." I answer. "I have a wedding I'll be attending."

_A wedding and a weekend for just the two of us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the first one being posted on time in a while and I am very happy about it :) 
> 
> We are closing up a story-line here and moving on to the next... there's a lot coming. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I would like to credit Josh Radnor for that beautiful quote about kindness. Hopefully I can keep this up and post on time, I will see you all in two days. Much love for everyone reading this <3
> 
> Side note: David Wilson (Choreographer who works with team TCC) did an interview and it made my heart flutter just a tiny bit. Here is that snippet...
> 
> Wilson thinks having both Hanyu and Medvedeva practice together each day presents an ideal situation.
> 
> “Having Yuzuru and Javi for over four years, and getting through that so well with one having won and then the other having won,” Wilson commented. “There were very few problems at all."
> 
> “Having a really top female and a top male skater is kind of perfect, because they are not competing against each other. They can just simply be inspiring to each other. And they both have a compatible work ethic."
> 
> “They are both tigers. So that’s great. I think there is a mutual respect.”


	40. Wedding Waltz

**Evgenia's POV**

I twirl around in front of the mirror, admiring how the crystals illuminate in the light. The dress hangs just below my knees and the material extenuates every curve of my body. The shade of maroon matches my Anna Karenina dress, which leaves me with a nostalgic feeling.

The lack of space in this airport bathroom makes it difficult to get ready. My flight was delayed and I arrived in Madrid ten hours later than expected, meaning I have to get ready for Javier's wedding in a cramped stall. I struggle as I try to lay out my makeup, carefully applying it to my face. For some reason there's an outlet in the bathroom as well, and so I plug my curling iron in and begin to work on my hair. The end result is phenomenal despite the circumstances. My skin is glowing and the natural makeup compliments the intensity of my dress. My hair hangs down my back gently in loose curls. I haven't felt this confident about my appearance in a long time.

I shove everything back into my luggage and haul it out of the bathroom. There's no time for me to make a stop at the hotel, and so I have to bring it along with me to the wedding. As I head our of the airport a few people make an odd face in my direction. I'm certainly not dressed as if I just came off of a plane, they don't think so either.

"Hello." I greet a taxi driver standing mindlessly, waiting for someone who needs a ride.

"Hola!" He exclaims and gestures me to the cab where he puts my suitcase in the trunk. It becomes apparent very quickly that his English is minimal, and that my Spanish is non-existent.

I climb into the car and he waits for me to speak, but I don't know how to tell him anything. Instead I find the wedding invitation and give it to him, allowing him to read the address.

"Yes." He nods and doesn't say anything else. The car jerks forwards and I silently pray he knows where we are going. The wedding reception starts in less than a hour and I am already running late as is.

As we drive through the city I take the time to admire the beauty that is Madrid. The buildings are architectural works of art, rich with European history. A city full of culture, it reminds me so much of how I feel whenever I roam Moscow. As we grow further into the off-season, my longing for home deepens. Being here in Spain is the closest I've been to Russia in months.

"Close." The driver mutters and I nod my head. Peering into the front seat I can see a photograph hanging from the dashboard. There's two children and what appears to be him, only a bit younger. _I've always wondered what it would be like to have a father in my life._

The car slows down and I glance out the window, my jaw dropping in response. The garden seemingly stretches for miles and a vast array of flowers decorate the pathways. The colors are vivid and everything is perfectly manicured, it's almost like a dream.

"Gracias." I smile at the driver. That was practically the extent of my Spanish, but it was a small gesture of gratitude on my part. He returned the smile and I handed him much more money than the ride cost.

"No need. Too much money." He shakes his head.

"Please, keep it. Enjoy yourself." I insist.

He sighs and looks down at the picture of his kids. "I cannot thank you eno...enough."

"No problem."

He runs out and opens the door for me, and then quickly retrieves my luggage. He thanks me close to ten more times before I finally part. With my suitcase in tow, I make my way towards the reception area.

In the middle of the garden is a huge clearance with several tents set up. One appears to be for the dinner service, another one for the ceremony. The brightness of the flowers matches the elegant white fabrics of the tents. Everything simply looks stunning, detailed flawlessly.

Two tables were set up away from the main events - one for gifts and another for personal belongings. I slid my luggage under the table after retrieving my presents for the bride and groom. For Javier, I bought a custom football jacket from Real Madrid. We have played football together when doing ice shows and such, I know he's a huge fan of the sport and the club. I made sure that the name "Fernandez" would be sewn on the back. Buying a gift for Marina was much more difficult. I've never met her, only seen pictures of her online. That makes it especially hard to find something she will enjoy. Javi mentioned she likes earrings, and so I picked up a pair that matches the sapphire wedding ring on her finger. Even in photos I can see how beautiful it is, she's truly lucky.

After placing my gifts on the table, a box with the name _Hanyu_ on it catches my eye. _He's already here_. I frantically comb through the large groups of people in search for him like a madwoman. There's easily over a hundred guests at this wedding, Javier mentioned Spanish weddings can be grand occasions.

I stopped after a few minutes of searching with no luck to truly observe my surroundings. Deep down I knew where he would be, and I was right. Off a beaten path Yuzu was aimlessly walking, captivated by the beauty of the garden. I took a moment to gape at how handsome he looked. The suit was perfectly tailored, not a single flaw could be seen. Of course Yuzuru Hanyu never wanted anything less than perfection.

The crunch of the rocks beneath my feet make it impossible for me to sneak up on him. Instead he turns around and his eyes meet mine. They then quickly take in every inch of my appearance, analyzing my every detail.

"Zhenya." He whispers and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're beautiful."

"Do you like the dress?" I cautiously ask. It's gorgeous, but definitely more outgoing than my normal attire. I want to get out of my comfort zone, and this was a start.

"I... yes." Yuzu stutters and his face flushes with color. "I have to kiss you now."

Our lips press and the familiar feeling of warmth envelopes me. No matter how often we kiss, the fire under my skin always ignites from his contact. There's no other man in the world who could possible have this effect on me. His tongue runs across the bottom of my lip and my hands caress his face. His grip on my hips suddenly strengthen and I stumble backwards, barely keeping upright.

"This is why you need to keep your hands to yourself, Hanyu." I laugh uncontrollably. "I don't want to explain to Javier how I fell and hurt myself."

"You won't fall, if you do I'll catch you." He chuckles. "I'm sorry I just can't... have you looked in a mirror?"

"Yes."

"And what did you think of yourself?" Yuzu questions and I ponder the words.

"I thought I looked pretty. I feel that way too."

"Exactly. Don't get me wrong, you look absolutely phenomenal. That dress looks so good that I'd like to take it off of you. But you look even more stunning because of the smile on your face. You're feeling beautiful on the inside and on the outside. The combination is too hard for me to resist."

"You have a romantic way with words." I giggle. "Should we get back to the tents?"

"Yes, I think it's starting in a few minutes actually. My bad." He smirks.

Yuzu reaches down and grabs my hand, interlocking it with his. My heart flutters as we openly walk in front of over a hundred people like this. None of them pay any attention to us, but it's still nerve wracking. And then I remember that we don't have to hide anymore. There's no need for it when everyone knows.

"Where do we sit?" I panic, trying to get in place as quickly as possible.

"I'm guessing the only two empty seats near the front."

The two chairs had our name on it and we quickly sat down. A light breeze blew through the tent and I briefly shut my eyes, admiring the sensation. My head found its home on Yuzu's shoulders and even through the chatter all I could focus on was his faint breath. His hand squeezed mine and my eyes fluttered back open, realizing Javier was now standing up front.

"He looks so happy." I smile.

Yuzuru doesn't stay anything, instead he just stares. His face has a permanent grin and I wonder what today must mean for him. Javier and Yuzu have been friends and rivals for years, but in the end they alway want the best for each other. To see Javi so happy must be a relief, especially after their years of hardships.

Guests begin to stand to their feet and I watch as Marina makes her way down the aisle. She looks incredible and the tears have already started to stream down her face. Javier appears to be doing the same and my heart is bursting with joy. These two deserve the world.

We stand and watch as the ceremony is conducted. Yuzuru's hand snakes back to find mine, never letting go. When they kiss he glances at me for a quick second, his expression difficult to comprehend. _If only I could read his mind._

After the reception everyone jumps at the chance to talk to the newlyweds. Yuzuru and I approach Javier with open arms.

"Look at you guys. You're both smiling!" He chuckles as he hugs us.

"Look in a mirror." I sarcastically reply. I've never seen a grin so big on his face.

"What can I say? I've married the most beautiful woman on earth." Javi beams.

"That's an opinion." Yuzu interjects and looks at me, grabbing the same strand of hair and tucking it behind my ear again.

"Remember when you guys ignored each other? How far you've come from that. Is your wedding next?" Javi smirks.

"I don't want to remember that." I answer truthfully. Those were some of the most difficult times of my life. It surely would have been easier if Yuzu and I talked it out, but we were both scared and hid from one another. It was a painful ride to get to the point we are now in our relationship. Although I don't want to remember it, I don't regret it. Marriage is another topic all together, I'm still only nineteen. And we've never talked about it.

"Maybe." Yuzu surprises me by answering and I audibly gasp. He frowns a bit and clarifies his answer. "In time."

"The photographer wants us to take photos, I'll catch you guys in a bit. Dinner will be good, I promise." Javier nods and walks away.

Yuzu and I stand awkwardly together and I can't handle the feeling. "I'm going to go talk to some people."

"Ok." Is all he says. "I'll see you at the dinner reception."

After an hour of mindless chatter I find myself wandering the gardens, settling on a rose bush. My hand reaches up for one but a thorn catches my finger, a small dot of blood forms in response. It's only a reminder that beautiful things can be dangerous too.

The sun slowly starts to disappear over the horizon and I find myself back at the tents. I'm in awe of how they've been transformed for the night. Lanterns hang down from the ceiling providing an intimate glow. Colorful lights decorate pathways, matching the flowers. Soothing music fills my ears and a cool breeze tingles my skin. The wedding guests have already taken their seats at the tables, I am embarrassingly late.

"What did I miss?" I ask Yuzu as I take my seat.

"I don't know. Javier was saying some stuff but I don't understand Spanish." He chuckles.

"The food looks good though." My stomach rumbles since I haven't eaten in several hours. Once my plate is filled I take pleasure in clearing it, and I do so quickly. The rest of the dinner service goes by fairly fast and people begin to move outside to the dancing area.

"Aren't there supposed to be speeches? Like in western weddings?" I ask.

"No. There's no "bridesmaids" and that either. Javi asked me to be his best man but then he told me that's not part of a traditional Spanish wedding. He said he meant it "in spirit."

"I'm sure he did." I laugh. "Everyone's going outside the tent to the dancing area. Should we go?"

"Let's follow the masses."

This time he doesn't grab my hand and I'm slightly disappointed. I make my way out of the tent and Yuzu trails close behind me. I know something is bothering him, I just can figure out what it is.

It is now fully dark outside and I can see the full effect of the lights illuminating the garden. It almost doesn't seem real, every detail is breathtaking. A woman comes on the microphone and makes an announcement, although I do not understand what she says at first. That's until a song plays and I see Javier lead his new bride in his arms, dancing back and forth.

"It's beautiful." I whisper quiet enough that only I can hear. The atmosphere, the song, everyone happy and laughing. Everything about this wedding has been perfect.

The song ends and another one begins to play, this one is in English. I watch as people join the newlyweds and dance together.

_Settle down with me_   
_Cover me up_   
_Cuddle me in_

Yuzu pulls me in close, leading me to the dance floor. His arms are warm and comforting. I rest my head on his chest as we begin to sway back and forth.

_Lie down with me_   
_And hold me in your arms_

The sound of his heartbeat soothes me and I glance up to admire how beautiful he is. His eyes meet mine and he smiles.

"What is it?"

"I'm just admiring you." I grin.

_And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck_   
_I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_   
_And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_

"Why did you gasp earlier when I replied about marriage."

Now I know what was bothering him. "I was just surprised that you were so quick to say that we can get married. I want to in time of course, I just didn't know you felt the same."

"Why wouldn't I feel that way? I love you more than you could know."

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_This feels like falling in love_   
_Falling in love_   
_We're falling in love_

"I love you Yuzu." I press my lips against his. "What you said in that interview..."

"I meant every word." He stops me. "I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to lie to anyone. I wanted everyone to know how much you mean to me."

_Settle down with me_   
_And I'll be your safety_   
_You'll be my lady_

I press my lips against his again but don't dare pull away. The kisses are soft and gentle, opposite from the usual fire. It's almost better this way, I feel truly and utterly loved. We have been through hell and back but somehow we are still surviving.

_I was made to keep your body warm_   
_But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms_

His mouth moves to my neck and gently nips at the skin above my collarbone. I frantically look around but not a single person is looking in our direction. And so I let myself get lost in the sensation.

_Oh no_   
_My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck_   
_I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_   
_And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_

"Yuzu." I breathe.

His mouth leaves my neck and we return to swaying in each other's arms. All I can focus on is the way his hands feel on my body.

"We can finish this later." He whispers and I nearly lose my mind.

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_  
 _You wanna be loved_  
 _You wanna be loved_  
 _This feels like falling in love_  
 _Falling in love_  
 _We're falling in lov_ e

"I'm okay with that." I smile.

"I booked us the honeymoon suite at the nicest hotel in Madrid."

"You what?" I gape.

"When's the next time we can slip away like this? I want our short time here to be perfect."

"We could be staying in a shed and I'd still be happy." I shake my head. Once again, in true Yuzuru Hanyu style he's gone above and beyond my expectations to do something so perfect.

_Yeah I've been feeling everything_   
_From hate to love_   
_From love to lust_   
_From lust to truth_   
_I guess that's how I know you_   
_So I hold you close to help you give it up_

"Zhenya, I'd be happy anywhere. As long as I'm with you."

His hand leaves mine and reach us to my neck, fidgeting with the necklace.

"I remember how scared I was to give this to you. The letter as well. I didn't know if you'd hate it." He whispers.

"You had nothing to be afraid of."

"I had everything to be afraid of."

_So kiss me like you wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_This feels like falling in love_   
_Falling in love_   
_We're falling in love_

"Yes. You had everything to be afraid of. Not anymore, because I love you and I'm ready for whatever happens next. My mother, your family. The entire county of Japan. We can handle it. I'm not afraid, I'm not scared. You're not either, I can tell. You wouldn't have gave that interview if you were. I don't think you realize how much you've grown over the past few months. You're finally free."

"I am." He nods. "For so long I had to hide so much, always staying quiet. Never allowing myself to love. Looking back, I don't know how I lived like that. The pressure, it can kill."

"There's still pressure. That won't ever go away." I frown and he swiftly places a kiss on my forehead.

"When we get back to Toronto, you're landing that quad salchow. And I'll land the quad axel. We will thrive next season, it's our time."

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_You wanna be loved_   
_This feels like falling in love_   
_Falling in love_   
_We're falling in love_

The rest of the night is a blur, most of which is spent in his arms. Under the stars, song after song, we moved across the dance floor. I saw his ability to interpret music come alive during the wedding waltz, where he guided me in a manner I've never seen. I danced a little with Javier while we poked fun at Yuzu dancing awkwardly with Javi's mom. After some more time, guests started to say their goodbyes and we watched as the bride and groom happily drove off to their honeymoon.

Even after the dance floor cleared, Yuzu and I still remained. We held each other close, listening to our heartbeats. Eventually he grabbed my hand, my luggage, and led us to our paradise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This past weekend I came down with a lovely case of Strep throat… I felt like death. After a lot of sleeping, soup, and antibiotics I feel a bit better. 
> 
> What did make me feel better was the fact that I hit 10,000 views. This story is about 3~4 days shy of being two months old. I still cannot believe the reaction I’ve received and the support and love. It means so much to me and I cannot thank you all enough. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this, a rare fluff chapter. The song that goes along with this is Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. I can happily confirm that the next chapter is also a fluff chapter so hehe. 
> 
> To the people who left beautiful comments on the last chapter, I’ll reply to them in a day or so. Right now reading makes me a bit nauseous and I couldn’t even reread what I wrote for this chapter (I apologize in advance for any mistakes.)
> 
> I’m sorry for keeping everyone waiting and for always making these endnotes way too long. I’m not sure if I’ll get another chapter up in two days, but I really want to so we will see! I love you all and thank you for everything.
> 
> Have a good day/ good night <3


	41. Closer

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

“Do you want to walk to the hotel? It’s only a few miles.” I suggest to Zhenya. 

********

“As long as you can haul my luggage.” 

********

I nod my head and grab the heavy suitcase from her hand as we stroll down the street. The lights of the city illuminate our trail and the sound of laughter occupies my ears. Madrid’s nightlife is filled with music, the smell of food, and the chatter of intoxicated people. I find it curious and slightly fascinating. 

********

“What is it?” Her voice peers into my head.

********

“I’ve just never really explored many cities I guess. Especially at night.” 

********

My travels have been practically restricted to competitions and ice shows. I’ve seldom ever traveled for personal leisure, unless I was going home. 

********

“I have. I’ve seen Moscow and Tokyo. After I won my first Worlds in Boston, Eteri let me explore the city with Misha. Alina and I explored Vancouver after the Grand Prix Final. There’s a lot of beauty in the world that you’ve missed.” Her voice is quiet, like there’s something else she wants to say. 

********

“I know there is. But we all have to sacrifice certain things to get what we want.” 

********

I could have explored all the cities I’ve been to, if I didn’t want to win a gold medal so badly. It’s a compromise I’ve made, never allowing myself time to roam around for maximum ice time and preparation for a competition. And when you stand on top of the podium, it’s worth every second.

********

“Well, we can say we’ve seen Madrid now.” Zhenya grins and I watch as her eyes flicker between every detail of the life before us. 

********

“Yes, and I can conclude I like Spain.” The old European architecture mixed with modern sentiments is beautiful, and very different from Sendai.

********

“We had our first conversation in this country.” Zhenya laughs. “I know it’s not that significant, but it happened.” 

********

“You won your first junior and senior Grand Prix Final in Barcelona. And I won the title both years. I say this country has been good to us.” I squeeze her hand. “I remember you coming up to me and saying hello for the first time. Although this isn’t where we first met.” 

********

“I saw you for the first time at the final in Japan. I was too scared to talk to you.”

********

“I know I can be pretty intimidating sometimes.” I sarcastically remark. 

********

“You know, I really detest you sometimes, Hanyu.”

********

I scoff. “Not true, Medvedeva. You adore me always.” 

********

“Not when you’re being annoying.” She swats her hand at me.

********

“That’s when I’m especially adorable.”

********

When the playful teasing stops I’m able to recognize how Evgenia is starting to drag behind, struggling to keep up. I look down and see that her left leg is limping slightly.

********

“Zhenya what’s wrong?”

********

“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” She looks down. “I’ve been wearing these shoes for the whole day and let’s just say they hurt.” 

********

She peels back the heel of the shoe and I can see the flesh is red and on the verge of bleeding. Why didn’t she want to say anything? 

********

“Alright.” I stand up straight, walking in front of her and turning around. “Hop on.” 

********

“What?” 

********

“You think I’m going to let you walk in those shoes any longer? Or walk barefoot? We still have a mile left.” I try and convince her.

********

“It’s fine, you don’t need to carry me through the streets. I can handle pain, I’ve done it before.” 

********

“Stop being so stubborn. If you don’t let me carry you I’m picking you up and throwing you over my shoulder anyways. Your decision.” 

********

“Fine.” She relents and climbs onto my back. For my personal amusement I spin around rapidly.

********

“Yuzu!” She giggles and I laugh in response. Her grip around me tightens as I continue to whirl around, watching the lights blur the faster I go.

********

“Just making sure your grip is suitable for the rest of our journey.” I finally stop. With Zhenya on my back and her luggage in my hand, I continue our walk to the hotel. It’s not a struggle to carry her, I just regret not being able to see the expression in her face once it comes into view. 

********

“You can’t be serious.” She hops off my back. “I’ve stayed at nice hotels before, but this is…” 

********

“Extravagant.” I finish her sentence. “I only like the best.” 

********

“I know you do. This screams Yuzuru Hanyu. It’s the embodiment of perfection.”

********

“I’m far from perfect.” I whisper.

********

“Yet it’s what you strive for the most.” 

********

I nod my head and stay silent, because her words are true. I like things that are perfect, at least to me. My obsession with every detail of my skating, wanting the most pristine headphones or costume. I try to tailor everything in my life to be flawless to make up for the fact that I cannot be. Others call it being human, I still call imperfections a weakness. 

********

“Are you going to stand there or do I have to carry you now?” Zhenya laughs. 

********

“No, that’s not happening. Let’s go.” 

********

Despite it being close to three in the morning, the lobby is bustling with activity. Many guests in extravagant clothes lounge around, drinking wine that must easily be hundreds of dollars. I’ve never cared for alcohol. 

********

A light tap on my shoulder causes me to turn around. “Don’t we have to check in?”

********

“No.” I answer. “I already did so I could put my belongings somewhere. That’s why I didn’t have to bring a suitcase to the wedding.”

********

“So we are good to go straight up?” She grins.

********

“Yes.” 

********

Once we enter our suite, my breath is taken away. The view is even more stunning at night. I can tell Zheya feels just as awed, she drops her suitcase on the floor and walks towards the large window. For a while, we simply just stare, admiring the beauty of the lights. 

********

“Yuzu.” She shakes her head. “This is incredible. The room, the view. You really do aim for perfection.” 

********

“I did this for you.” I answer truthfully. 

********

“If my feet didn’t hurt so much I would keep on standing and then I’d kiss you.” She chuckles and proceeds to jump onto the bed. 

********

“Who said you have to be standing to kiss me?” I smirk. 

********

“No one.” 

********

I sit on the edge of the bed and admire how adorable she is right now. “You know we need to go shower. We’ve been outside, sweating and dancing all night.”

********

“I’m too lazy.” She mumbles. “You have to help me.” 

********

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” 

********

I scoop her up into my arms and she buries her head into my neck. Once we are in the bathroom I sit her down on the edge of the tub. It’s once of most intricate ones I’ve ever seen, there’s at least 10 different settings for the jets alone. 

********

“Bathtub or shower?” I ask.

********

“Whatever’s more romantic.” 

********

I hit a few buttons and the tub begins to fill with water. “Are you going to get undressed or do I have to do it for you?” 

********

“You can.” Zhenya lets out a sly smile. 

********

I reach over and gently brush her hair off to the side. My hands tremble slightly as they grab ahold of the zipper and pull downwards, revealing soft skin underneath. I gently leave a trail of kisses down her back as I zip down further, before the dress bunches as her waist. 

********

“You have to stand now.” I whisper. She obliges and the dress falls to the floor. It was beautiful, no doubt, but I prefer the view in front of me. The light shining on her pale skin.

********

Across the world there’s different standards of beauty. Women are expected to look a certain way in every country. None of that matters to me. Some people might not find Zhenya to be the ideal type, but I do. Her slenderness is graceful and the slightest curve of her hip is perfection to me. If there’s a flaw on her body, I don’t see it. 

********

“Are you analyzing me, Hanyu?” She tugs at the bottom of my shirt. “Taking in every detail?” 

********

“Yes.” I stutter and allow her to unbutton my dress shirt, pushing it off my shoulders. 

********

“I like this.” Her hands feel around my torso before she stands on her toes, pressing her lips against mine. 

********

Her mouth tastes like mint and it’s heavenly. My hands gently tug on her hair and I press her against the wall. Our kisses are teasing, each person fighting for control. 

********

“Are we going to get in the tub or are we going to let it overfill?” She breaks away from our heated embrace.

********

I peer over her should and see that the water level is nearing the top. “Alright, lets get in.” 

********

Zhenya climbs in to the tub and I finish removing the rest of my clothes. Her eyes goes wide when the dip below my waist and she turns away so I can’t see her blushing. It’s such an innocent gesture that I have to suppress a laugh.

********

“You’re looking a bit flustered, Medvedeva.” I say as I sit down in the warm and soapy water. 

********

“Maybe I am.” She bites her lip. “It’s just it’s weird to feel… to feel so wanted. You’re the only person whose made me feel that way.” 

********

“What do you mean?” 

********

“Well, I don’t think people find me attractive.” She sighs.

********

Who hurt her confidence? How could anyone on earth not find her stunning? 

********

“You’re wrong. You have no idea the effect you have on people. It’s not just your appearance that’s captivating, it’s every part of you.” 

********

“I love you, Yuzu.”

********

“Come here.” I gesture and she moves from the opposite side of the tub towards me. I wrap my arms around her and gently message her body.

********

“I love you.” I whisper into her ear. My hands soon move from her collarbones, down towards her breasts. She trembles slightly as my hands explore every inch of her skin. 

********

“This is why I don’t bathe with you.” She moans. “You can’t keep your hands to yourself.” 

********

I turn her around and silence her with a kiss. It only takes a few seconds to feel the familiar burn of fire. Her small hands run up and down my body and I almost lose control. 

********

“Can we dry off and move to the bed?” I breathe into her mouth. There’s a lot of things I want to do, there’s just not enough space in the tub. 

********

“Mmm.” 

********

I detach myself from her and quickly dry my body off with a towel. Once I’m satisfied, I pick Zhenya up and carry her off to get lost in each other. 

********

…

********

The sun illuminates the room too bright for it to be early morning. “What time is it?”

********

“I don’t know, you have me trapped.” Evgenia groans and I see that our bodies are entangled, my arms holding her against my body. 

********

“I’m not letting go.” 

********

“At least let this arm loose. I can grab my phone with it.”

********

“Ok.” I relent and she does exactly that.

********

“It’s three in the afternoon.” 

********

“Oh god.” I sigh. “I guess we had too much fun last night.” 

********

“We did.” She smiles. “What do you want to do today? We have to fly out in a day.” 

********

“I don’t want to leave.” I huff. Last night was a dream, the wedding, the moments of passion. There’s a certain calm that’s existed on this trip that neither of us have had in months. 

********

“We could explore the city a bit more?” She suggests.

********

“Or we could order room service and lay in bed all day.” 

********

“I like that idea.” She grins. “And we can watch anime?” 

********

“Of course. We can also do other things.” 

********

“I wouldn’t mind that either, but right now can you release me so I can go pee.” 

********

“Fine.” I remove my arms from her body and let her stand up. Before she walks away I grab her hand and pull her towards me, planting a swift kiss on her lips. After putting on a robe she disappears and I wallow in how happy I feel right now. I must be one of the luckiest men on earth. 

********

The sound of a phone ringing breaks my peace. It’s not my phone, it’s not my ringtone. I sit up from the bed and glance at the nightstand. 

********

“Your phone is ringing!” I yell. 

********

“I’m coming!”

********

All of the sudden I feel a knot in my stomach. I don’t know whose calling, but I have a strange feeling washing over me. My suspicions are confirmed when Zhenya walks over and looks at her phone, all color draining from her face. With the slightest hints of hesitation and fear she presses the phone against her ear and begins to speak.

********

“Mama?”

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for the well wishes, I’m feeling much better! 
> 
> I would have had this chapter up sooner if Mr. Yuzuru Hanyu hadn’t dropped the media day bomb on us! I’ve been on social media all day watching clips and reading interviews. You can spot Janny in the background of a few and in the group practice picture. 
> 
> On the quad axel: “My biggest motivation now is the quad axel and I would like to land it this season, but I haven't landed it perfectly yet. My Loop jump is in better shape than it was during the Olympics."
> 
> His new programs and layout: (SP “Otonal” 4S, 3A, 4t-3t  
> FP “Origin”- an original touch to Plushy’s “Tribute to Nijinsky”  
> 4Lo, 4T, 3Lo, 4S-3T, 4T-Lo-3S, 3A-2T, 3A)
> 
> On his choice of programs: “I had to meet my expectations, and I had a lot of pressure to get the results, but now I'm off. I wonder if I can skate for myself from now on. I want to skate back to my origin.”
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because it’s just a lot of fluff with dashes of drama (especially at the end). Since I’m feeling better I hope to be getting back on an actual two day posting time. I love you all and I’ll see you soon :)


	42. Fixing the Pieces

**Evgenia’s POV ******

********

My heart pounds immediately when I see the name. “Mama?”

********

“Zhenya.” She answers and I flinch slightly. “I want to talk to you.” 

********

“You should have done that a month ago.” I try to hide the resentment in my voice. I’m still undeniably crushed that I didn’t hear a word from my own mother for such a long time. But right now, all I feel is anger. 

********

“I know I should have. You need to hear what I have to say. Are you at the rink right now? I can pick you up and we can go home.” 

********

“No.” I gulp. “I’m in Spain. With Yuzuru.” It slightly pains me to realize my own mother doesn’t know where I am. 

********

“Oh.” 

********

For a long time, there’s only silence. I don’t think that’s the answer she expected. 

********

“When are you coming back?” 

********

“We fly out tomorrow. I’ll be back in Toronto late at night.” I answer. 

********

“Spend the night here. I insist.” 

********

“Mama I don’t know if tha…”

********

“Please.” She cuts me off. “Bring him over if you must, he can stay in the guest bedroom. Just come home.” 

********

“I’ll go. I’ll go on my own.” While I’d prefer to have Yuzu with me, I know it’s not right. The problems between my mother and I go beyond him and that’s up to us alone to resolve. 

********

“Thank you. Do you want me to make you dinner?” 

********

“It will be too late. I’ll just pick something up from the airport.” I reply. 

********

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

********

“Goodbye, mama.” 

********

“Goodbye, Zhenya.” 

********

The line goes dead and I sink back into the bed. There’s a whirlwind of emotions running through me right now, but I can only name a few. Anger, frustration, confusion, and fear. The most important is the willingness I feel to fix what’s broken. Because deep down, I miss my mother. I miss her so much. 

********

“What did she say?” Yuzu whispers as he pulls me into a hug. 

********

“She wants to talk to me. I’m staying the night tomorrow.”

********

“Zhenya.” His voice is like a warning. “The last time you were there …” 

********

“I know.” I stop him. “This is my mother, I have to hear what she has to say. I don’t think she will kick me out of the house again. I have to do this.” 

********

“If that’s your choice, I will respect it.” 

********

I nod. “It’s what I want to do.” 

********

“Alright. What do you want to do for now?”

********

“I was thinking we can cuddle and watch anime?” I smile. 

********

“Or we can cuddle and do something else.” 

********

“Pleaseeee.” I pout like a small child.

********

“Fine, only because you’re adorable and I love you.” 

********

I leap off the bed and skip towards the television. Once I’ve hooked up my phone, I begin to play Assassination Classroom. It’s an anime that’s always looked interesting to me but I’ve never watched. 

********

“Have you seen this?” I turn to Yuzu, who has already made himself comfortable on the bed. 

********

“I haven’t.” 

********

I take a moment to set up the subtitles since there’s a variety of languages to choose from. When I spot Russian I instantly click on it. Reading them in English is fine as well, it’s just slightly harder.

********

“Is everything okay over there?” He asks me.

********

“Yes. I’m just putting on subtitles.” 

********

“I don’t need any.” 

********

“I didn’t know that.” I sarcastically remark. “I’m sorry I don’t speak Japanese.” 

********

“Not yet.” 

********

“What do you mean?” I scoff. “You’re going to teach me?” 

********

“Hai.” 

********

“I like that idea.” I beam. I know a fair amount of Japanese, but no where near fluent. I’ve always wanted to learn but I could never find the time to do so. 

********

I climb into the bed and press play, snuggling against Yuzu’s side. We spend the entire day in bed, hugging, kissing, and watching various anime. It’s our last day in Spain and I know we should be out exploring the country. And yet I wouldn’t change anything. 

********

…

********

“Zhenya, wake up. We are landing.” 

********

My eyes slowly flutter open to the darkness of the airplane cabin. The buckle seatbelt sign flashes and I remove my head from Yuzu’s shoulder. I fasten it just in time as the entire plane jerks when the wheels touch the ground. 

********

“Welcome to Toronto.” The pilot announces. Although it doesn’t feel like a homecoming, instead I feel uneasy. 

********

We mindlessly gather our things and leave the terminal. The flight was long and filled with unsettling thoughts, as well as screaming children. The combination didn’t sit well in my head. 

********

“How are we going to disguise ourselves?” 

********

“What?” His question came out of nowhere. “Why would we need to? Everyone already knows about us.” 

********

“I’m sorry.” He stutters. “I forgot. It’s habit.” 

********

“It’s okay.” 

********

He surprises me by taking my hand and holding it. Doing this is Spain was different, no one paid any attention to us. In Toronto there’s sure to be a few who can spot us, maybe snap a photo of the gesture. But I don’t care anymore, especially if Yuzu doesn’t. There’s more important things to occupy my mind. 

********

“Where did you park?” 

********

“The second level of the parking garage. It’s not far.” He answers. 

********

Each minute that ticks by it seems my anxiety grows. I have no idea what to expect from this at all. I can tell it’s bothering Yuzu as well. 

********

“Here it is.” The car lights flash and I climb into it. I instantly reach into my bag and grab my headphones. Music is essential to my life, especially before competitions. It’s the only thing that can keep my nerves at bay. It will be of similar use now. 

********

I shut my eyes and keep them that way for the entire ride. Instead of focusing on my mother, I focus on the words of the songs. My body is able to relax for the first time today and I relish in the feeling. Until I feel a tap on my shoulder.

********

“We are here.” Yuzu sighs. 

********

“There’s no way.” I shake my head. It’s only been a few songs. I check again and realize it’s been much more. 

********

“Are you sure? Are you ready?” 

********

“Yes.” I answer, although it’s a lie. It doesn’t matter, you can never be ready for something like this. 

********

“Zhenya, if you don’t feel comfortable…” 

********

“Yuzu, please.” I beg. 

********

“You have to understand it from my point of view. The last time I dropped you off here… I don’t want to talk about it. It made me feel horrible that I left you in that situation. I still feel guilty sometimes.” 

********

He’s being entirely rational and rightly worried. Memories flood back of me walking to the TCC, soaked and chilled to the bone. Collapsing by the dumpsters. I remember returning to get my belongings, and then writing the letter. I ran out crying both times. No wonder he’s scared to leave me here. 

********

“I understand. But I’ll be fine this time. I promise.” I plant a swift kiss on his cheek. 

********

“I love you, Medvedeva.” 

********

“I love you. If it makes you feel any better, you can wait here.”

********

“Always.” He grins. “If anything goes wrong just run out, I’ll be here.” 

********

“Hai.” 

********

I shut the door and walk up to the apartment, not bothering to grab my things just yet. I get an eerie feeling as I climb the steps for the first time in a month. 

********

When I finally reach the front door, I pause. All the courage I have to knock is suddenly gone and I stand there frozen in place. It’s no matter, because the door opens anyways. 

********

“Zhenya.” 

********

“Mama.”

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is on the short side and I apologize for that (as well as leaving it on a cliffhanger). Thank you guys so much for 11,000 views. I’m losing track at how fast this story is growing and it still blows my mind. I sneakily was writing this chapter at work today and also watching snipits of Yuzu’s new programs. I’m so excited for the new season oh my god! 
> 
> Evgenia is due in Moscow for the Russian test skates on September 9th. We will see her new programs there! We will also see both Yuzu and Zhenya at ACI in a few weeks. 
> 
> I love you all and the support you always give me. I’ll see you in two days with a emotional chapter *wink* <3


	43. Unconditionally

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

I don't have enough time to react before my mother pulls me into a hug. It's rather suffocating, but I don't fight it. Instead I wrap my arms around her like it's the last time. 

********

"I missed you." She sniffles and it takes every ounce of strength for me not burst into tears with her. To go a month without talking to my own mother, it was difficult. I can't imagine what that's like as a parent. I should still be angry, furious even, that it took so long for her respond back. But right now I can't find any anger inside of me. 

********

"I missed you too." I admit. No matter what happened, she's still my mother.

********

"I need to tell you something." She pulls me to the coach and we sit down. 

********

"What is it mama?" 

********

"I went back to Russia for some time." 

********

I didn't know what she was going to say, but I didn't expect that. I'm slightly disappointed that I wasn't able to go with her and see my grandmother. Maybe I could have seen Alina and some old friends. I had my reasons to want to return, but what were hers?" 

********

"Why?" I ask.

********

"I went to see your dad." 

********

Just like that, all the air is knocked out of my lungs. I never thought I'd hear those words in a million years. I haven't even seen my father in years. We message each other and call a few times a year, but not much else. The support and love is there, but we are busy people. He runs his businesses and I skate. But my mother was never present for our meetings. 

********

"Why?" I ask again, too shaken to come up with a different response. 

********

"To find closure. To forgive. So that I might be able to see your relationship in a better light." 

********

"Did you find it?" My voice breaks. 

********

She nods. "We sat down, and talked. About what went wrong in our relationship, the misunderstandings from when we were together. It became obvious that my bitterness towards you was unwarranted. I was the same age as you when I met your father, but no where near as mature. That's everything, to be emotional ready for a relationship, to be completely sure and give it everything. I wasn't, but I can tell you are beyond ready." 

********

Tears slowly cascade down my cheek. "And my letter?" 

********

"I read every word. I knew you truly loved him when I read it. I hadn't accepted it quite yet, but I felt guilty for my words. For making you leave. I didn't know that he meant so much to you." 

********

"He does." I whisper. "When you hadn't accepted it... does that mean you do now?" 

********

"Do I have a choice?"

********

"No." I smile. At this point, there's not a single person on earth who could change my feelings for Yuzu. 

********

"Then I guess I do accept it now. With a grain of salt of course. Time will aid my opinion. I know he loves you." 

********

"How." I shake my head. "You've never even met him."

********

"I don't like under a rock, Zhenya. I saw the interview he gave. I don't think Yuzuru Hanyu would go in front of millions like that if he didn't love you." 

********

"Did you see what he said about you?" 

********

"I did." She suppresses a grin. "He thanked me for raising a wonderful daughter. You are wonderful." 

********

I reach over a pull her into a hug. "What took you so long to call?" 

********

"I didn't want to hurt you again by fighting more. I didn't want to speak to you until I truly understood. It was the most painful month of my life not speaking with my own daughter." 

********

I pull away slightly and gently swipe the tears off of her face. "I love you, mama."

********

"I love you, Zhenya. As a mother it's my job to support you always, and I failed. I'm so sorry." 

********

"There's no need to apologize, I understood your reaction. We can start over now, on a different note. A happier one." 

********

"I'd like nothing more." She smiles. "I never want to live in a world where you're not apart of my life. I couldn't bear to live." 

********

"I'll always be your daughter. Always apart of your life if that's your wish." 

********

"It's a need, not a wish." She nods. "I'm want to be a bigger part of your life. I don't want to just ask you about skating anymore. You were right, I saw you as the world does. A champion skater. You're so much more." 

********

"You can start now." I laugh slightly. "Better late than never." 

********

"Ok." We sit back down. "What have you been doing the past month? Where have you been?"

********

"I moved in with Yuzuru and his mother. I started training again, practicing quads. I'm very good at it, albeit on a harness. I went to Salt Lake City for an ice show and I saw Misha! And then I went to Spain for Javier's wedding."

********

"I'm pretty sure Misha was in Russia." She shakes her head.

********

"He was. Then he went to Japan, and then the US. Apparently he's in China right now.  You know he teleports." 

********

"Yes he does." She laughs. "How is it living with Hanyu and his mother?"

********

I take a second to come up with the answer. "It was strange living with his mother. We didn't speak much, but there was a mutual respect. Whilst I was there she was packing up for Sendai. She's not coming back."

********

"Why not?" 

********

"She misses it. Never acclimated to Canada perhaps. She stayed here to support him, but he can support himself now. Do you miss our home in Moscow?" 

********

"No." She chuckles. "I like it here although my English is terrible. I'll learn it one day. Toronto is different and fresh. Besides you're here and that's what makes it home for me." 

********

"I miss the food." I laugh. 

********

"There's something else I need to tell you."

********

"What is it?" I ask nervously. Her responses have all surprised me and I expect this to be no different. 

********

"Your grandmother is moving here. I visited her in Moscow and she's having a hard time managing a home by herself."

********

"Really?" I shriek in excitement. My grandmother means the world to me and would love to have her so close to me again. 

********

"Yes. This household will be quite full now, unless you still want to live with Hanyu."

********

"Is it bad if I do?" I whisper, feeling a tad bit guilty. 

********

"Not at all. You're turning twenty this year and you're both adults. Where is he anyways? I'd like to have a word with him." 

********

"Uh." I stutter. "He's downstairs in his car." 

********

"Why?" She questions. "We have been up here for almost an hour." 

********

"He was waiting for me in case..."

********

"In case you had to run out again." She finishes the sentence. Her face falls and I can tell that makes her feel horrible. That I had an escape plan. 

********

"I'll go get him." I walk towards the front door. 

********

"Zhenya!" Mama yells. "Are you coming back?" 

********

"Yes, I promise." 

********

Once I shut the door I sprint down the stairs as fast as possible without falling. Just as he said, he's sitting in the car. Waiting. 

********

"Are you okay?" He rushes out and accesses my mood. "You're...smiling." 

********

"Hai."

********

"It went well?" 

********

"More than well." I answer. "Let's go upstairs." 

********

"What?" His eyes almost bulge out of his head. "You want me to meet your mother now? It's almost midnight and I'm not appropriately dressed." 

********

"That's the fun of it. We can bring our bags up as well." 

********

"You're crazy." He laughs slightly. "Alright, lets go." 

********

The sound of our luggage clinging against the stairs prevents me from focusing on my thoughts. I feel the butterflies in my stomach, but I know they can be ignored. I shouldn't have anything to fear about this moment. And yet when we push the door open to the apartment, I hold my breath. 

********

My mother is nowhere to be seen but I see the light on in her bedroom. Yuzu is taking in every detail of the place, analyzing every inch of my home. The walls are bland minus a few pictures hanging on them. The colors are mute besides a brightly colored red rug on the living room floor. It's small, nothing compared to his house. Nothing stands out or is extraordinary, but it works for both my mother and I just fine. 

********

Suddenly my mother appears from around the corner and Yuzu snaps out of his trance, immediately bowing down to her. 

********

"Hello." He nervously speaks.

********

"She doesn't know English." I whisper. His face falls and he tries hard to maintain his composure. He must have had a whole speech prepared in his head, some idea of what to say to my mother. But he can't do it directly.

********

"Zhenya." My mother says. "Tell him that it's nice to meet him. 

********

I turn to Yuzu. "My mom said it's nice to meet you." 

********

"Tell her that I'm honored to get the chance to meet her and to thank her for welcoming me into the home." He smiles. 

********

"What is he saying." She asks. 

********

"A lot of gentlemen stuff." I laugh. "He's honored to meet you and he is thankful you invited him inside." 

********

"He should be honored by my presence, that much is true." She chuckles. "We can skip the rest of the greetings and such, I just want you to ask him one thing for me."

********

"Anything." I reply. 

********

She walks up to him, looking him right in the eye. Yuzu tenses up and I can tell he's taken aback by this. My mother knows he won't understand until I translate it, but she still utters every word to his face.

********

"As long as you're in a relationship with my daughter, you must follow my words. You will protect her with every inch of your ability. You will be faithful and true, never betraying her trust. You will love her unconditionally for who she is, as I failed to do at one point. You will cherish her. And regardless of if you're in a relationship, you will support her no matter what." 

********

My mother backs down and I find it nearly impossible to look him in the eye. These words are powerful, a true declaration of love. When I find the courage to look up I begin to speak.

********

"My mother says that as long as you're in a relationship with me, you must follow her words. You will protect me with every inch of your ability. You will be faithful and true, never betraying my trust. You will love me unconditionally for who I am, as my mother failed to do at one point. You will cherish me. And regardless if we are in a relationship, you will support me no matter what." 

********

He grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. "Always. Hai. Yes." Yuzu drops my hand and turns to my mother, uttering one of the few words he knows in Russian. "Da." 

********

She smiles. "It's late. You two can stay the night. But he's sleeping in the guest bedroom, I don't want to hear it." 

********

"I don't mind. Thank you mama. I love you." I almost cry. 

********

"I love you too. There's a surprise for you in your bedroom, be quiet because she's sleeping." 

********

My jaw drops and Yuzu awkwardly stands there, not understanding anything. Mama bids be goodnight and I take his hand and sprint to my bedroom. 

********

"Jerry!" I scream and pick up my dog who I've missed so much. She goes crazy and her tail wags faster than I've ever seen it. After petting her for five minutes straight, she finally notices him in the doorway. Jerry curiously walks up to him and he crouches down, happily petting her.

********

"It seems I've meet two of your family members today." Yuzu laughs and she jumps up and starts licking his face. The moment is too cute to resist, I pull out my phone and snap a photo of the moment. 

********

"What did your mom say afterwards?" He questions once Jerry leaves him be. 

********

"That we can stay the night." 

********

"Oh, that fine by me. I'm too tired to drive anyways." He yawns. 

********

"But you have to sleep in the guest bedroom." I add.

********

"Do you know how hard it is to sleep under the same roof as you and not be in the same bed? I couldn't even do it when you where at my house for two weeks." 

********

"Well, I don't think your mom cared as long as we kept our clothes on." I giggle. "But do you really want to test my mom when she just gave us a blessing?”

********

"No." He sighs. "Where's the guest bedroom."

********

"Right next to mine across the hall. If you want, Jerry can sleep with you. She's good at cuddling." 

********

"I don't think she'll leave your side." Yuzu looks down and observes her falling asleep at my feet. 

********

"That's true."

********

I glance at the time and realize it's almost one in the morning. I creep into my mothers room to grab a few clean towels from the closet. She's a very heavy sleeper, and I can tell by the light snoring that I won't wake her. After shutting the door I bring Yuzu clean sheets and a towel as I show him the guest bedroom. 

********

"It's not much, but it's a bed." 

********

"It's fine. It's more than some people have." He reassures me. 

********

"Well, if you need me I'm across the hall." 

********

"Zhenya." He grabs my hand. "Are you still going to live with me?"

********

There's an uncertainty in his voice that somehow makes me sadden. "I am. I want to, you must know that." 

********

"I know, I just thought you would want to be with your mother." 

********

"I'll still see her all the time. But it's time for me to grow up and be on my own. We can experience that together." I press a light kiss against his lips. 

********

"Ok." The grin on his face is big. 

********

"You can go shower first, the bathroom is down the hall." I remark and turn to leave again, but he stops me once more.

********

"What if we don't take turns?" He smirks. 

********

"What?" I scoff. "You're a madman. What if she wakes up?"

********

"Do you think she will?"

********

I know deep down she won't. Once I shattered my glass of water next to her as she was asleep on the couch and she didn't budge. 

********

"No." I whisper. 

********

"Then it's settled." He picks me up in his arms and carries me to the bathroom while I hold the towels that I had retrieved.

********

"Yuzu!" I giggle as quietly as I can. Once he puts me I speak. "Seriously, we can't. I'm not risking it. We can do that when we live together." 

********

"Fine." He pouts like a child. It's so adorable, like a small child. Without thinking I reach out to poke his cheek. 

********

"Nope." He grabs my hand and pushes it down. "If you had agreed to shower with me I might have agreed." 

********

"Alright." I groan and shut the bathroom door. "This is going to be a quick shower."

********

He smiles. "I knew you'd give in." 

********

"How?" I ask. "Because you know I can't resist your cuteness?" 

********

"I know that. Also because you love me." 

********

"Yes, I do love you Yuzuru Hanyu." I hastily kiss his cheek and turn the water on, letting the bathroom steam up. 

********

Today has exceeded my expectations. My life finally resembles what I've always dreamed about. My relationship with my mother is on good terms, even more so than before. Yuzu's mother doesn't mind. We are moving in together, by ourselves. The world knows the truth and I'm no longer scared by that. Our friends support us. Everything finally seems steady and normal.

********

Everything is perfect. For now.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I’ll stop working closing shifts and I can get these chapters up earlier *sighs*. This chapter was a little hard for me to write and I took a lot of creative librities here as I tend to do a lot with this story, hopefully no one minds. 
> 
> Jerry! I wanted to get Zhenya’s dog back into the story for a while and it makes me laugh that this is how I wrote her back in. I know Jerry is a boy name but the dog is actually a girl! And Yuzuru Hanyu + dogs is a match made in heaven. 
> 
> As always, thank you guys for every read, comment, and kudos. They always make me smile and it’s still amazing to watch this story grow. I’ll see you in about two days (I have to start estimating now sadly). Much love to everyone! <3
> 
> And as a reminder we get to see Zhenya’s free program in five days. 
> 
> I am gonna lose it xD


	44. Twelve Months

**Yuzuru’s POV ******

********

The sound of voices wakes me from my slumber. Outside of the small guest bedroom, I hear Zhenya and her mother. They’re talking rapidly, and for a moment I try to understand what they’re saying. Until I remember that it’s pointless when I don’t know the language. 

********

A knock at the door brings me to my feet and I hastily push it open, revealing her mother. 

********

“Follow.” Is all she says, her accent thick and difficult to understand. 

********

I nod and shut the door behind me, quickly padding over to the kitchen. Evgenia is seated on a chair, her eyes scanning the screen in front of her. 

********

“Good morning.” I stand there awkwardly between the two women. “How do you say that in Russian?” 

********

“Yuzu, the Grand Prix assignments are out.” She beams.

********

I quickly rush over to the computer. “I completely forgot they were coming out this month.”

********

I struggle to find my name as my heartbeat quickens. Where you get assigned and with who means everything. I finally spot my name under NHK trophy, and Rostelecom cup. 

********

“Japan and Russia.” I whisper to myself. 

********

“Rossiya.” Her mother repeats. “Zhenya too.” 

********

I look over to Evgenia. “Russia, and where else?” 

********

“Japan.” She smiles. 

********

“We have the same assignments.” I pull her into a hug. Last year it was so difficult to be on opposite sides of the planet during the Grand Prix series. We didn’t have any assignments together, and now we have both. It makes me wonder if it was luck or an intentional act by our federations. 

********

She wiggles her way out of my arms and looks down at the ground. The smile on her face is completely gone and I question if I had done something wrong. 

********

“What is it?” I cautiously ask.

********

Her mother begins to speak and I kick myself for not knowing any Russian. I so badly want to understand, but the only thing I catch it a name. Trusova. 

********

“Trusova?” I repeat. “Where did she get assigned?” 

********

“Japan.” She sighs. “Shcherbakova got Rostelecom. Alina has to face Kostornaya in Canada. There’s so many juniors rising up this season, there’s no choice but to pit us against each other before the final.” 

********

I don’t even know what to say. I know that this is the last thing she wanted, that she will have to go against quad jumping girls immediately into the season. There’s just not enough time, we are already nearing July. 

********

“We’ll figure it out. Don’t stress yourself out too much now.” I reassure her. 

********

“Okay.” She exhales. “Can we go train today? I’m sure Brian will want to talk to us.” 

********

“Yes. We need to stop by my house first to get a few things.” 

********

Zhenya shuts the laptop screen and walks away, leaving me in the kitchen with her mother. I silently curse to myself in Japanese. It’s almost unfair how deep the field of ladies in Russia is, there’s so much talent but no room to shine. In Japan it’s the opposite, Shoma and I have always had our spots secured. There’s never much worry about anyone from our country taking our place just yet. 

********

“Drink?” Her mother’s voice breaks my thoughts. 

********

“No.” I smile. “Thank you.”

********

I admire the effort she’s making. I recognize the stage of learning she’s in, when you don’t know any phrases, only individual words. Learning English was almost as hard as learning a new quad for me. I still detest the language, except for the fact that I use it to speak to the girl I love. 

********

Only a second later Zhenya appears out of the corner. She changed out of her adorable Sailor Moon pajamas into training clothes. Both of our suitcases are in her hands, I stand up and grab mine. 

********

“I’m ready.” She looks up at me.

********

I nod and start walking towards the door. When I turn around, I see that she’s enveloped her mother in a hug. Jerry comes and joins, trying to jump up at Zhenya. The sight of it all makes me happy. I know how hard it was to have her relationship with her mother be so broken. 

********

“I’ll wait in the car.” 

********

The brightness of the sun burns my eyes and I feel the intensity of the heat on my skin. Winter in Toronto could get bone chilling, but in the summer temperatures can get extreme. I’m used to it by now, and I’m sure Zhenya has too. She’s been here for… for a year.

********

It’s been a year since she first arrived at the TCC. It’s been a year since the events that’s changed both of our lives started to unfold. I was still in Japan at the time, listening to all the news of her arrival. I was thinking of all the ways I had to avoid her. There wasn’t an option for me at that point, I wasn’t even going to be friends with her. 

********

That plan didn’t work very well. And I’m glad. 

********

How much have both of us changed over all these months? I remember the girl who cried all the time, scared that she was worthless and would never be able to change her career for the better. I remember how I hid my feelings and fears, hurting people in the process. It was selfish but at the time it was the only way I knew how to live. 

********

“Hey.” Her voice startles me. “Why are you awkwardly leaning against your car?”

********

“Reasons.” I mumble. 

********

“Well, if you’re not gonna start the car I will.” 

********

“Okay. You can drive to the house too.” 

********

“What?” She laughs. “You’re joking, right?” 

********

“It’s our house now. You should know how to get there. I’ll navigate. Now let’s go so we can get to training later.” 

********

Zhenya suppresses a smile and eagerly grabs the keys from my hands. Once we are in the car, I’m oddly surprised how attractive she looks in the drivers seat. I don’t know why I find it so appealing, but then again I find everything she does captivating. 

********

“What are you staring at Hanyu?” She giggles.

********

“My sexy driver.” I smirk. The remark earns a playful swat from her. 

********

“Both hands on the wheel Medvedeva. No assaulting passengers.” 

********

She doesn’t say anything but rolls her eyes at me and it takes every ounce of strength for me not to reach over and kiss her. It’s not a smart thing to do while someone is driving. 

********

“This looks familiar… do I turn left up here?” She asks.

********

“Yes. And then at the stop sign make a right and it’s a straight shot down.” 

********

“Okay. I know what house it is, so can I turn this navigator off?” Zhenya’s hand pokes my cheek. 

********

“What did I say about assaulting passengers?” I sarcastically remark.

********

“You’re annoying.” She huffs. “You’re lucky I like you or I would’ve made you walk here.” 

********

“I gladly would have. I haven’t exercised much this week besides being in bed with you.” 

********

“Yuzu!” She squeals and swats at me again. 

********

“It’s true.” I laugh and reach over, planting a kiss on her cheek. Her skin flushes in response and I revel in the feeling of how her body responds to me. 

********

“Here we are.” 

********

“I just have to put our bags away and grab a few things. Do you want to wait in the car?” I ask. 

********

“Yeah that’s fine.” 

********

When I enter the home, I can’t help but feel different. Usually my mother would greet me with a hug as soon as I entered. When I said goodbye to her in Sendai, I don’t think it sunk into my sink that she wasn’t coming back to Toronto. And now it is, and it hurts. I make it a point to call her often, but it’s not the same. Although I’m ready for the change, it’s still difficult. At least I have Zhenya. 

********

I hastily change into training gear while I retrieve our skates from the suitcases. I’ve been itching to get back on the ice ever since we left Toronto. The quad axel is always lingering in my mind, like a constant hunger. And it won’t be satisfied until I can land it. 

********

I run back out of the house and open the car door. “I got everything. Did you miss me?” 

********

“You only took five minutes.” 

********

“Exactly.” I chuckle. I like the banter Zhenya and I always have. It’s something that existed even before we developed a romantic relationship. 

********

“It’s only ten minutes to the TCC, I trust that you know how to get there.” 

********

“I do.” 

********

The rest of the car ride is spent in silence while the thought of the upcoming season occupies my mind. I haven’t even spared a second to think about new programs yet, I don’t think she has either. The past few months have been beyond hectic. Now that things are finally slowing down, I can truly start preparing. 

********

“Yuzu.” I feel her hand grab mine. “We don’t have to sneak in anymore.” 

********

“Isn’t it a relief?” 

********

“Yes.” She nods. “Everyday it was such a struggle. To hide.” 

********

“I know. The worst of it is over now.” 

********

Once the car is parked we both leap out, our skates in tow. It’s only been a little more than a week since we were last here but somehow everything feels so different. There’s a weight on my shoulders that’s gone, and it’s changed everything. 

********

“I didn’t expect you two kids today.” Brian walks up to us. 

********

“We like to surprise people.” I reply. 

********

“Well, we have about three months before the new season starts. We must start organizing our time and developing new programs. Any thoughts?”

********

“Not yet.” I sigh. 

********

“I think you should do a tango. Your fans have only been asking for almost a decade.” She announces.

********

“That’s certainly a suggestion we can put on the table. Anything for yourself, Evgenia?” 

********

“I haven’t thought about it yet either.” 

********

“Ok, we still have plenty of time. Yuzuru, you have a ice show in three weeks, correct?” Brian asks.

********

“Yes. In Seoul.” I haven’t told her yet.

********

Brian glances at me and back to Evgenia. “And you have an ice show in the beginning of August in Japan?” 

********

“Yes.” She whispers. It looks like we both are bad at communicating. 

********

Brian chuckles to himself, picking up on the tension. “You two are a piece of work. That’s probably why you fit so well. Alright, we will work around the ice shows and get a schedule developed. For now, what do you want to work on today.” 

********

“The quad.” We answer in unison and smile.

********

“Go warmup and we’ll get you both into a harness. We will talk about the Grand Prix assignments later when I don’t have a headache.” 

********

I didn’t need anymore words than that. It’s second nature to me, it has been for a long time. The headphones I place over my head drown out the world and I mindlessly run through my warmup routine. Once my muscles and body are satisfied I lace up my skates and step on the ice.

********

My triple axel is stronger and higher already from the weeks of training I had before Zhenya and I went to Spain. I worked on it even more at the ice show in Japan. Even in the harness, going for the quad is easier. I land it once in a while and wonder if I’m ready for it on my own, although Brian turns me down. 

********

“There’s no need to rush it.” He speaks. “I know you want to get out of the harness, but you’re not ready yet. There’s so much height and distance, it’s easy to injure yourself trying. Give it time.” 

********

“I’m not good at that.” I sigh. 

********

I look over to Zhenya, who is being helped by Tracy out of her harness. “When will you guys let her try the salchow on her own.” 

********

“Soon.” Brain answers. “Simply because she might need it.” 

********

“Is that what’s giving you a headache? How difficult her assignments are?”

********

“No, I have a headache because I didn’t sleep well last night. The assignments are just making me lose the last of my hair.” He chuckles. 

********

“Is it bad that I’m worried.” 

********

“No.” Brian assures me. “I am too. But this is Evgenia we are talking about. She’s a fighter.” 

********

I nod and watch her lap around the ice, taking note of the mischievous look on her face. The same look she has when she starts jump battles with me. The look of determination that can’t be stopped. And with a few turns she leaps up into the air. 

********

Landing her quad salchow.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two days until we get to see Zhenya’s tango! Brian and David are with her right now in Russia and I’m so excited. 
> 
> I hope everyone is having a good day/ goodnight. As always the support is so amazing. I was re-reading some comments in my inbox from the past month and smiling super hard. My boss actually asked me why I was smiling haha. It’s a good thing I was on break. 
> 
> Much love to everyone, I’ll see you in two days if I don’t pass out from watching her free program. :)


	45. A False Promise

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

The blaring sound of the alarm pierces my ears and I shift in bed, allowing the pillow to block the horrid sound. It's the second time its went off and if there's a third I might scream.

********

"Yuzu, wake up!" I groan, shaking his arm back and forth to no avail. One might assume Yuzuru Hanyu is always punctual, someone who wakes up immediately as the first alarm goes off. The truth is he sleeps like the dead. 

********

His mouth moves and mumbles something, but the words are incoherent. I resort to gently slapping his face, hoping for better results. 

********

"I'm up!" He finally relents and turns the lamp on. 

********

"Your alarm gives me a headache." I huff. 

********

"I didn't want to be late for my flight. You have to wake up as well since you're driving me." 

********

"Yes, but I can just go in my pajamas. You actually need to get dressed and finish packing." I point out. I was for sure not in the mood to be up and ready at two in the morning. Yuzu has no choice. 

********

"Touché. Although you have to put on pajamas first." 

********

"Get ready." I throw my pillow at him and sink back into the bed. In truth I could go back to sleep, we don't need to leave the house for another hour or two. Instead he's intent of keeping me awake, playing music and making as much noise as possible. 

********

"Something wrong?" He smirks when he notices me sitting up and staring at him. 

********

"Yes." I shake my head. "Why are you packing your luggage naked." 

********

"Perks of living alone. Am I too distracting for you?" 

********

"Not at this hour." I yawn. 

********

"That's not true. You're going to miss all of this while I'm gone for the week." He laughs. 

********

"Pooh-San will keep me company, and he will keep his hands to himself since you're incapable of doing that." 

********

"That wasn't the case last night." He smiles and my cheeks flush. I ignore the statement and cover my face with a pillow. Yuzu is right, living on our own has its perks. 

********

I hear the shower start and the bedroom is quiet. My eyes slowly grow heavy before finally shutting. It seems like only a second later he's tapping on my shoulder. 

********

"You shower fast!" I jolt up. 

********

"I was in there for thirty minutes and I finished packing for another twenty minutes. You just fell asleep and it didn't seem long." 

********

"Then I stand corrected." I sigh. "I'll go get dressed." 

********

My reflection isn't the greatest. I stare in the mirror and notice the dark circles under my eye. My mother and I were out shopping late last night, and then I came home. Although of course I didn't go to bed straight away, I had other stuff in mind. Now that all seems slightly regrettable considering how exhausted I am. 

********

I throw on some sweat pants and a shirt, nothing fancy considering I'm just dropping him off at the airport. I've been dreading this moment since I found out three weeks ago. I'm not sure how I survived last season without him, although we weren't together yet. 

********

"You ready?" Yuzu peers into the bathroom. 

********

"Yes." 

********

"Are you hungry? Too tired to drive?" He questions.

********

"No and no." 

********

"I'm assuming you don't want me to cook you anything." He chuckles.

********

Last week he took a day off from practice and I still went. When I came home, the kitchen was a disaster. He tried to cook an array of Russian cuisines, although it didn't end well. Yuzu tried so hard to get it right, for them to be perfect. Even when something almost caught fire, he did his best to salvage it. It didn't matter to me, I was head over heels about the fact that he tried to do something so touching for me. Eventually everything had to be tossed and we went out for sushi. I told him that I love him, and it's okay that it wasn't perfect. 

********

"You can cook for me another time. Maybe start with something easier." I sarcastically suggest. 

********

"Definitely." 

********

When I step outside, I'm thankful that it's night. I prefer the moonlight over the sunlight, especially during the summer. It's nearing August in two weeks and I still don't have my programs, which makes me anxious. Yuzu already found his, including a tango. 

********

"Do you need the directions to the airport?" His voice breaks my thoughts. 

********

"Yeah, just plug it into my phone." 

********

I turn the car on and begin to drive. These past few weeks I've experienced a certain freedom I've never had before. Between living on my own with him and driving, I feel like an actual adult. Not just one I've been forced to become to deal with the world. I'll be twenty soon.

********

"Are you okay?" He asks.

********

"Just thinking." I whisper. 

********

His hand tugs one of mine off the steering wheel and he holds it in his. "If you're talented enough you only need one hand to drive." 

********

"I don't think you need talent for that." I giggle. 

********

"No, but I just want to hold your hand because I won't get to for a week." 

********

"You didn't have to accept the show offer." I know it's not fair of me to say that, since I did the same thing. Ice shows are my favorite, it's where you get to have fun without the stress. 

********

"I know, but I haven't been back to South Korea since the Olympics and I wanted to go. Besides, Misha will be there and he owes me fifty dollars." 

********

"For what?" I laugh. 

********

"No need to concern yourself with it."

********

"Alright." I let it be, too tired to press into the issue. Knowing how mischievous Yuzu and Misha can be when paired together, they probably made a silly bet. 

********

All too soon I see the signs of the airport, and I know that we only have minutes left. It's only going to be a week, we have been apart much longer. I just can't help the feeling of dread washing over me. 

********

"Here we are. On time as well." I try to say calmly. 

********

Yuzu leans into we and looks me in the eye. "Come with me." 

********

"You're crazy." 

********

"No." He shakes his head. "I'll buy you a ticket, I know there's some seats left. We can buy clothes there and you can come and see everyone."

********

"I don't have my skates. You know it would kill me not being able to go on the ice." 

********

"You're right." He sighs. "Alright, then can you get out of the car so I can hug you for a long time?" 

********

"Yes."

********

I'll never get tired of the feeling of being in his arms. It's one of the most comforting feelings in the world. I feel safe and warm in them. Nothing else can compare, nothing comes close. 

********

"I love you, Medvedeva." He whispers as his hands gently tug at my hair. 

********

"I love you, Hanyu." 

********

His chin lifts my head up and our lips press together. This is another feeling I'll never grow tired of. Every time we kiss I'm left wanting more. His lips are soft and his mouth tastes like mint. Our tongues trace each other back and forth until we pull away, out of breath. 

********

"I'll see you in a week." 

********

"In a week." I smile and watch as he walks out of my sight. 

********

When I get back in the car, I instantly feel lonely. I know these seven days will feel like seven months. 

********

...

********

"Good morning, Brian." I suppress my yawn, trying to hide my fatigue. After I dropped Yuzu off I went back to sleep, although I had to wake up for practice three hours later. 

********

"Nice to see you Evgenia. Do you know what today's plan is?" 

********

"To skate, practice the quad, and try to find inspirations for my new programs." 

********

"Yes." He nods. "I need you to specify one of those things for me, just so you understand." 

********

"I will practice the quad salchow in the harness only, and will only do as much as Tracy advises." 

********

"Perfect." Brian nods. 

********

"It was three weeks ago when I jumped the quad, and I landed it. How much longer do I need to wait?" 

********

"I know you did." He sighs. "But you're not consistent with it, even in the harness. You still have a while to go before I'm comfortable with you trying it on your own. Rest assured that will be before the season starts. Give me your word that you won't do it before we say it's okay."

********

"You have my word." All Brian has ever wanted for me is to be happy and healthy. I need to listen to him. 

********

"Now go warmup, I want you on the ice by nine." 

********

I put on my EXO playlist and begin my warmup routine. My back has felt tense these past few days, likely a sore muscle. My usual warmup exercises aggravate it even more than usual, so I tone it down slightly. After stretching and jumping rope, I lace up my boots and step on the ice. 

********

"Good to see you Jason!" I shout across the rink. He was doing a few ice shows in the US and I missed him. 

********

"Zhenya!" He accelerates towards me and suffocates me in a hug. 

********

"I can't breathe." I chuckle slightly. 

********

"Sorry!" He releases. "I heard you've been doing really good these past few weeks. Even landing a quad?" 

********

"I did." I say proudly. 

********

"My only complaint is that I missed it." 

********

"I'm sure you'll see it sometime soon." I need the quad for the upcoming season if I want to stay ahead of the new wave of seniors. 

********

"Let's look busy so Brain and Tracy don't say anything." He laughs. 

********

"Fine by me."

********

I lap around the rink, getting a feel for the ice under my feet. I start small, doing some spins and single jumps. My back hurts from this and I decide to slow down. I reach my hand back and try to massage it, going underneath my jacket. I begin to take it off but it snags on something, and so I tug until it comes loose. That's when all the charms scatter on the floor. 

********

"No, no, no!" I practically scream, dropping to my knees and hastily collecting the charms. Tears prick my eyes as I desperately try to fix the necklace.

********

"Zhenya, are you okay?" Jason skates up to me and crouches down. 

********

"My necklace got caught on my jacket. I didn't know and I just kept pulling... it's broken." I cry. 

********

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm sure you can get a new one." 

********

"I can't." 

********

Jason helps me collect a few charms, inspecting them while he does. "Did your mom give this to you? It seems like a personal gift." 

********

"Something like that." 

********

I didn't want to explain who gave me the necklace, although I really had no reason to hide it. All I know is that this gift means the world to me. Along with the letter, these two presents from Yuzu are priceless to me. They're a declaration of his love. And now one of them is shattered. 

********

"Maybe you can get it fixed?" He hands me the remaining charms. 

********

The beautiful rose gold chain that matches my blades is snapped in half. The charms were so beautifully held together evenly on the necklace, perfectly in my opinion. Yuzu probably spent hours making sure it was that way. And now it's broken. 

********

"Maybe. I just don't know if they can put it back together in exact detail." 

********

"Take it back to the place it was made. If you don't know, ask your mom. She'll understand it was an accident." 

********

I stay silent and think about were the necklace was made. The answer hurts even more. Vancouver. 

********

After the Grand Prix Final, after he walked out of my hotel room that morning. When I was breaking down because I was so hurt. He gifted it to me before I went back to Russia, which means he had it made in the city within those last two days. I can't go to Vancouver for a necklace, I can't put it back together perfectly without him. 

********

"I'll figure it out." I stand up with the charms in my hand, skating off the ice. I find a small plastic bag and carefully put the contents of the necklace inside before I tuck it away in my bag. 

********

My back doesn't hurt anymore. It probably does, I'm just too distracted to feel the pain. I step back onto the ice frustrated with my head in a blur. Through my rage, I start to jump. 

********

The triple lutz was perfect, only minor discomfort from not warming up fully. My body will adjust. Not feeling satisfied, I jump a lutz again, adding two triple loops at the end. 

********

It's not enough. I feel powerful jumping, it serves as a wonderful distraction. I quickly look for the next thrill as I lap the ice, ignoring the shouting of my name. I've done this jump before, why can't I do it again? I leap up into the quad salchow, hitting the ice as I come down. I couldn't hold the landing. For a few seconds, I feel fine. The only odd thing is that my leg feels slightly numb. 

********

It's only when I try to stand that I topple over in excruciating pain.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the drama ensues (I am sorry it had to be this way!) 
> 
> Evgenia skates her short program in front of the federation today and here’s to hoping someone leaks it since it’s supposed to be a closed event. Her free program is tomorrow I’m so excited! 
> 
> As always, thank you for every read, kudos, and comment. I know I say this all the time but I really mean it because it’s so amazing to me. This is my first fic and honestly when I first posted it I didn’t think anyone would read it! So I’m going to say thank you all the time because I love you all <3 I’ll see you in two days with the next chapter. 
> 
> When we finally see her program(s) feel free to drop a comment if you want to talk about it, because I’ll be here! ;) Much love!


	46. Blooming

**Yuzuru's POV ******

********

"Shoma, what are you doing?" I try and hide my amusement. 

********

"I spilt water all over myself. Does it look like I peed?"

********

"Yes." 

********

He was beyond embarrassed by the situation, especially since we haven't started rehearsing the show just yet. There's no time to stop by the hotel and grab new clothes. 

********

"I have a extra pair of pants in my bag." I offer. 

********

"It won't fit. You're too tall." 

********

That much was true, yet he still needed to change. "You don't have a choice, you cannot go on the ice like that. People will be recording our practices." 

********

"Fine." 

********

I grabbed the long black pants from my bag and placed them in his hand. "Here."

********

Shoma disappears from my sight and I sit down, focusing on lacing up my skates. This was my last ice show during the off-season, and my new exhibition is not yet ready. I don't like being ill-prepared, but I only begun working on it with David Wilson last week. 

********

Being back in Korea has also caused a strange rush of feelings. Usually I do shows in Japan, but I wanted to come back to the place I won my second gold. There's pain from remembering how much I struggled in my practices, but there's also happiness. 

********

"Is that Pooh-San I see?" His voice peers into my head, making me stand up.

********

"Hello, Misha." 

********

Despite the look of fatigue in his eyes he appears energetic and sharp. Many people dream of such mental stamina, including myself. It's one of my flaws that I tire out quickly on and off the ice. 

********

"I beat my own record today! I've been to five countries in one week. Two different continents. You see Yuzu, I'm highly in demand." He laughs. 

********

I raise my eyebrows and bite my tongue. "I'm sure you are." 

********

"Don't get sarcastic on me. I'll tell Zhenya you're being an ass." 

********

"Fine, you got me." I relent. "Besides, if you do that I'll tell her you stole that bag of chips from her two years ago." 

********

"Do you remember how mad she was? I thought she was about to go all Sailor Moon on someone. I didn't know someone could get so upset over chips." 

********

"To be fair they were special ones from Japan that I gave her." I chuckle. 

********

Misha shakes his head. "You never brought me any chips. Also can I use your phone? I'm not getting any reception in here." 

********

"Sure." I reach into my pocket and hand him my phone, regretting it immediately as he unlocks it. 

********

"What do we have here?" He practically wheezes. "I'm not sure if I should find this adorable or find it vomit inducing because it's that cute." 

********

My lock screen is one of my favorite pictures of Zhenya. She was sleeping peacefully, curled up into a ball holding the Pooh and Luna plushie. Her hair was swept to the side in messy curls, her mouth slightly open. I remember taking the photo and thinking to myself that I'm the luckiest man in the world.

********

"Are you going to use my phone or are you going to continue staring at the picture?" 

********

"The second option." He smiles. "How is she? I worry about her sometimes." 

********

"I think she's happy. Everything with our mothers are sorted out, we are training. There's no stress to hide the fact that we are together."

********

"You think she's happy?" Misha shifts uncomfortably. "Zhenya is like my little sister, I want her to be happy." 

********

"I'm positive she is. But you know her, she's stubborn. If something's bothering her she doesn't want to admit it." I sigh.

********

"Yes, she's definitely stubborn. Like you. A workaholic as well and quick tempered. No wonder you two get along so well, you're the embodiment of one another." 

********

_Yes, we are one in the same _. "Good to know you can see the resemblance. It's odd that you think we are quick tempered however."__

****____ ** **

"Please tell me that was a joke." Misha jests. "Evgenia gets fired up easily and then impulsively jumps. You do the same, as well as getting frustrated with yourself and lashing out on the ice. Perhaps it's the perfectionist trait you inhibit." 

****____ ** **

"I thought you came here to choreograph, not have an intervention with me." I groan. 

****____ ** **

"Who knows, I could become a therapist after this." 

****____ ** **

Out of the corner Shoma reappears and Misha and I glance at each other, desperately trying to hold in our laughter. My pants are dragging on the floor as he wears it, and they are even more ill-fitting than I originally thought. 

****____ ** **

"Nice to see you Shoma." Misha snickers. 

****____ ** **

"Hello." He replies shyly. All the years I've known him I could never quite bring him out of his small bubble. Some people prefer it that way. 

****____ ** **

The sound of a phone ringing breaks the awkward tension in the room. In his hands Misha still holds my phone, but the sound is coming from his pocket. 

****____ ** **

"I guess my phone picked up reception." 

****____ ** **

"Great." I grab my phone from his hand and take a look at the picture of Zhenya one last time before putting it away. It's only afterwards that I catch his expression. 

****____ ** **

"It's Evgenia's mom." 

****____ ** **

The words make my eyes widen and my breathing slow. Why would her mom be calling Misha? He's a good family friend, she's likely just checking up on him. My paranoia is unwarranted, Zhenya is fine.

****____ ** **

A look of horror flashes across his face and I immediately know my previous thought was wrong. 

****____ ** **

 

****____ ** **

**Evgenia's POV ******

****__******** _ _ ** **

My eyes are not open, but I'm awake. I lay motionless, and through my hazy state I can hear the voices. 

****__******** _ _ ** **

_At least three to four months off the ice ___

****__****____ ** ** _ _ ** **

_Possibly another three months recovery_

****__****______ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

_I'd recommend taking the entire season off ___

****__****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

And suddenly I'm aware of my surroundings. 

****__****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Zhenya." My mother runs up to the hospital bed. Behind her Brian stands solemnly, and another person I do not recognize. 

****__****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"She's a translator." My mother comments, noticing me observing the woman. "No one in the hospital speaks Russian. Orser called her." 

****__****________ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

I don't speak, instead I just nod. My eyes travel down to my leg and I almost stop breathing once I see the enormous cast on my leg.  _It can't be real _.__

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

This can't be happening, this isn't what's planned. I'm supposed to be on the ice, preparing for the upcoming season. Jumping quads to stay relevant. I need to stay strong and healthy, so I can fight to be on the international teams. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

I try screwing my eyes back shut, hoping that when they open again I'll be somewhere else. My nails dig into my skin hoping to wake me from this nightmare. When nothing yields results, I begin to cry. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Can everyone leave the room so I can speak with Evgenia?" Brian asks. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

I don't want to speak with him, because I'm frightened of what he has to say. I didn't listen to him, and now I'm stretched out in a hospital bed. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

Once the room clears out, he shuts the door and I turn away. "Evgenia, there's no need to hide from me like a child. I'm not upset, I'm just confused." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Why are you confused?" I speak for the first time. "I'm the one who should be confused." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"You broke your leg." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

Although it was already obvious that I was seriously injured, the conformation still sends shockwaves through my body. It causes the tears to cascade as well. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Oh dear." Brian rushes over and brings a tissue to my face. "Do you remember what happened?" 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"No. All I remember is the pain."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Yes, the pain. You were in so much pain you actually passed out on the way here."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

I look down at my leg again and it's no less frightening. "You said you were confused. Tell me why." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

Brain frowns. "You gave me your word you weren't going to practice the quad out of the harness. And yet you did. That's not like you. Jason told me you were worked up over a broken necklace beforehand." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"It's not just a necklace to me." I whisper. "It was a gift from Yuzu." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I didn't know that. I've seen you wearing it everyday for months, it must mean a lot." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

There's no reason for me to hide anything from Brian. "He gave it to me the first time he said he loved me. And when he's across the world and I feel lonely, the necklace is the only thing I have from him."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"It broke and you lost control of your emotions. Is that what happened?" 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Yes." I nod embarrassingly. Most people would find the chain of events that led to my broken leg silly. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Hey, don't beat yourself up over this. No one is mad at you." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Is it true I can't compete this season?" I sit up in the bed, praying for an answer that I would like. Although I know it won't come. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"The doctors say no, and I have to agree with them." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

I sink back down and bury my face with a pillow. It seems that I can't go longer than a few weeks of happiness before tragedy strikes. It's a never ending cycle that I can't escape, no matter how hard I try. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Evgenia, talk to me." Brian wrestles the pillow from my face, exposing the fact that I'm crying harder. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I'm afraid." I admit. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"You don't have to be." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"But I am." I push myself pack up. "What if I can't recover from this? All those juniors are becoming seniors this season. I'm supposed to stay ahead of them, and now that's impossible. What if I won't be ready in time for the Olympics?" 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"That's a load of nonsense. This will set us back, that much is true. You cannot be afraid like you were at the beginning of last season. We will help you heal and get you healthy again, it's not the end of the world."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"It feels like it." I mutter. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I know you're afraid, but you must have hope. It's stronger than fear and it will carry you through the darkest of times. Remember that." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Thank you Brian. For everything." I nod. He's quickly become one of the most supportive people in my life.

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

The door opens and my mother reappears, a phone in her hand. My stomach drops when I hear the name. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Hanyu." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I'll let you be." Brian stands up and walks out of the room, my mother trailing behind him. The door shuts and I'm left alone with only his voice to comfort me. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Zhenya? Are you there?" 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Yes." I speak softly.

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I'm catching a flight back to Toronto as soon as I can. Misha told me what your mom said. I'm so sorry, for everything. For all the pain you've been through. For never being there when these things happen." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Stop." I plea. "You don't need to apologize for anything. Please stay in Korea and skate at the ice show, I'm begging you."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I can't stay when you're..." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Yes you can." I interrupt him. "I don't want to take this from you. I want to see you skate your new exhibition."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I'm on the verge of losing it." His voice breaks. "I need to come home, I need to support you and help you."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I have my mother to care for me until you come back, and I can take care of myself. It's my only wish, I want you to stay there. Please Yuzu, skate for me." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"If it's what you want." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"It's what I want." I insist. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Then I will stay, but after the show I am catching the first flight back." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"That's okay." I let out a small smile.

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"What exactly happened?" 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I don't want to talk about it right now." I don't have the energy to talk about the necklace or explain my impulsiveness. All I want to do is sleep and pretend this day isn't real. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Do you want me to go?" There's a certain sadness to his voice that breaks my heart. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"No, I'm just tired."

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Then I'll let you go so you can rest. You'll be doing a lot of that, and it's detrimental to your recovery." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Are you a doctor now?" I laugh. "I've been injured before, so have you." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I don't like to remember that." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I don't either." I agree. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I love you. This will eat away at me while I'm still here, but if you want me to stay I will. Are you sure?"

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"Yes, I'm sure. I love you too." I whisper. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

"I'll see you soon." 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

The line goes dead and my attention shifts to the window in my hospital room. We must be on ground level, because I'm able to see grass and dead plants on the outside. The heat must have killed them, or the lack of water. And yet through the earth a lone flower blooms in spite of the perished ones around it. 

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

_Hope ___

****__****__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** _ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There notes are very long
> 
> Hello everyone! I started my second year of university a few weeks ago and I was really behind on my school work due to my job so I’ve spent the past few days catching up. I apologize for getting this chapter up late, I really do miss the days where I had the time to post daily. 
> 
> EVGENIA’S SHORT PROGRAM is amazing in my opinion. It’s really different to anything she’s done and I can already see some tiny improvements in her skating. Of course she only got to the TCC in July. I saw a lot of hate comments which was hard to see because some people have such high expectations for only two months of work. Her free skate has great potential, and Brian said it’s nowhere near done. Apparently she forgot part of the program and had to improvise! Overall she looks amazing and I’m so proud of her. Brian also said she still has some health issues like back pain so I wish her a speedy recovery. If anyone wants to talk more about her programs leave a comment because if I go in depth this note will be longer than the chapter. 
> 
> ACI is in ~two weeks where we will see Yuzu and Janny :) 
> 
> Thank you thank you thank you for 12000 views on a story that’s only two months old. While I’m writing this I am almost at 500 kudos as well, which is insane. I’m so grateful for everyone who has shown support, even if you silently lurk. I still appreciate you very much!
> 
> It’s my goal to get the next chapter up in two days, three days max if I have work to do. I will see you all then and I hope you have a good day/ goodnight <3


	47. It’s Impossible

**Yuzuru's POV**

"Please welcome two time Olympic champion, Yuzuru Hanyu!"

The spotlights find their way, locking on to my body. The screams bounce through the stadium, echoing off every wall. With the smallest glide I take to center ice, standing and waiting for the music to begin.

_It's impossible, tell the sun to leave the sky, it's just impossible_   
_It's impossible, ask a baby not to cry, it's just impossible_

The simplest of gestures are often the ones most beautiful to the eye. I push off the ice, swirling around slowly as I breathe in the essence of the music.

_Can I hold you closer to me and not feel you goin' through me?_   
_Split the second that I never think of you, oh, how impossible_

I know she's watching, because she said she would be. I wanted this skate to be perfect for her. Maybe if I could captivate her, even for a second, I could take away the pain. I wish I could go back in time and take away every tear.

_Can the ocean keep from rushin' to the shore, it's just impossible_   
_If I had you, could I ever want for more, it's just impossible_

I let my body fly up into the air, floating for what seems like an eternity. The triple axel feels like nothing anymore, just another simple jump. My eyes catch a glimpse of the cameras following my every move. I face them and let the words fall from my lips. _Thank you_. Those words are for her. Without Evgenia Medvedeva, where would I be now?

_And tomorrow, should ya ask me for the world, somehow I'd get it_   
_I would sell my very soul and not regret it_   
_For to live without your love_   
_It's just impossible_

I can no longer imagine a world without the warmth of her arms or the steadiness of her lips. The sound of her laughter. She's provided me a joy in life that I could have never found elsewhere, yet I cannot repay it. I can't stop the unfortunate events that keep plaguing her life, no matter how hard I try.

_Can the ocean keep from rushin' to the shore, it's just impossible_   
_If I had you, could I ever want for more, it's just impossible_

The world becomes a blur as a spin, whirling around on the ice. I can feel the music tugging at each one of my heartstrings. There's nothing more I could want from her, she's given me everything. And I've flourished from her love.

_And tomorrow, should ya ask me for the world, somehow I'd get it_   
_I would sell my very soul and not regret it_   
_For to live without your love_   
_It's just impossible_

_Impossible, impossible_

The noise dies down and I take a final bow, so badly wishing I could say what's on my mind. _I love you, Zhenya. I'm sorry these things keep happening to you. I'm so sorry. I'm coming home to you._

Instead I smile as the crowd cheers, keeping my thoughts to myself as I have my whole life.

When the spotlight dims I run off the ice, out of breath and overwhelmed. I know I will not be able to last until the finale, and so I begin to remove my skates.

"Leaving so soon?" Misha gives me a sympathetic smile. "You were incredible out there. You almost moved me to tears, which means the entire country of Japan is crying right now."

"I like to let my emotions out on the ice."

"I didn't know that." He half-laughs. "I'll be right behind you once you leave."

"You're coming to Toronto?"

"My little sister broke her leg. I remember how miserable she was with her foot injury. It's probably worse now."

"I remember. We messaged back and forth a lot. I know it helped." I reply.

"Exactly, she needs our support. Anime can only provide so much comfort."

"Hey, sometimes I think she'd rather watch Sailor Moon than talk to me." I chuckle.

"Well, go be her Tuxedo Mask then."

I nod a quickly retrieve my phone, booking the quickest flight to Toronto.

...

 

"That will be 19.50"

"Thank you." I place the money in the cashiers hand, grabbing the bouquet of flowers.

I add it to the several gifts I've picked up on my way home. I call it the " _I'm sorry your leg is broken_ " basket. I know it won't erase the pain and sorrow, but I hope it will put a smile on her face.

The hardest gift to find was the Russian chocolates she adores so much. Zhenya buys them from a quaint shop in downtown, yet it took me forever to find it. When I did there was only one box left that was grabbed by a little boy. I bribed him with money double the cost of the chocolate so I could buy it myself. 

After buying new pajamas and some Japanese treats, I'm almost contempt with the gifts. My finale purchase is a DVD set of the show Sherlock with the actor Benedict Cumberbatch, who she seems to fancy so much. I don't see the fascination.

The drive home fills me with anxiety. I know I'm not ready to see her in a cast, bound to the bed. I'm not ready to see her smile and hope diminished, replaced with fear and uncertainty. I don't want her to be the girl she was when she first came to the TCC. Broken. Zhenya is stronger now, but one person can only take so much before their walls come crashing down again.

In the driveway of our home lies an unfamiliar car, which I assume to be her mother's. I should have expected as much, of course she needs help. I was gone. Yet when I enter the house I'm greeted by an entirely different person.

"Hanyu!" Her Russian accent is thick. The older woman catches me by surprise, hugging me and planting a kiss on my cheek.

"Hello." I stutter, still taken aback by the gesture. "Zhenya?"

"Da." She grabs my arm and leads me to my bedroom, where I find Evgenia curled up in bed.

"Yuzu." She smiles, pushing herself up. The slight shift in her leg causes her to wince and the sight pains me.

Her mother is seated on the edge of the bed, taking note of the flowers and gifts in my hand. She nods at me and stands up, leaving Zhenya and I alone in the room.

"I see you met my grandmother." She laughs.

"Yes I did. She is quite friendly." I rub my cheek.

"Is it hard for you to see me like this?"

The question catches me off-guard but I answer honestly. "Extremely difficult."

I carefully approach the bed and sit down next to her, trying my hardest to not cause her any discomfort. I set the flowers and presents down on the table so my arms are free to hold her.

"I'm glad you're here now." She whispers.

"Me too." I gently kiss her forehead. "How did you end up like this?"

"Look into my bag. Front pocket."

I slowly rise up from the bed and trudge over to her bag, reaching my hand into the front pocket. The only thing I feel is a small plastic bag, but when I pull it out my stomach churns. The necklace is in pieces.

"It got caught on my jacket and I yanked on it without realizing it." Her voice breaks. "It broke and I nearly had a meltdown. I lost my temper and started jumping around like crazy. One thing led to another and I woke up in the hospital."

My hands hold each and every charm. I spent hours making sure everything was perfect, that the necklace represented everything Zhenya loved. I know how much it meant to her, but it symbolized so much for me as well. To hold the scraps of it in my palm is agonizing. Not only that, I feel guilty. I wasn't there when this all happened, and my gift was the catalyst for the injury.

"I'm so sorry." I don't know what else to say. "If I could take your place right now I'd do it in a heartbeat."

"Don't say that." She shakes her head.

"Why? You have been through so much already. You shouldn't have to go through this."

"I know I've been through a lot, but I'm stronger because of it. You've been through plenty as well. I didn't want to believe it at first, but it's life. I'll get through it."

"We will get through it. Together." I smile.

"That sounds like a deal." She giggles. "What's with the flowers and the gift basket?"

"They are specially handpicked by Yuzuru Hanyu for a certain woman he happens to love." I place the flowers and the basket in her lap.

"They are beautiful." Zhenya holds the bouquet. "You got my Russian chocolates!"

"Yes I did. I had to pay a little boy double to get them since it was the last box."

"You didn't."

"Oh, I most certainly did."

She unfolds the wrapping and holds up the pajamas in the air. "You got me new ones!"

"I thought your old Sailor Moon pajamas were a little worn. I thought you'd like a new pair."

"I love it." She beams. "And what's this... Sherlock!"

"I've heard you talking about it before, I know you like that one actor as well"

"Thank you, I love all of it so much." She clutches the gifts to her chest. "And thank you for the beautiful skating yesterday. I woke up just to watch and it was worth it. You've really made a masterpiece."

"David and Misha helped me too."

"That's true, but it doesn't take away the fact that it's your skating that gives the exhibition life."

"I was thinking about you." I admit.

Her cheeks flush pink. "I'm very honored."

I pull back the sheets on the bed and climb in next to her. She sinks down and rests her head on my chest while my hands play with her hair.

"Yuzu." She whispers. "Do you think you can fix the necklace?"

"Yes." I was already planning on it. I think it means too much to both of us to let it stay broken.

"What now?" She turns her head, looking up at me with her beautiful brown eyes.

"You heal and comeback stronger. As for me, I'll try my best to stay on top. The new season is starting soon."

"I know." Zhenya looks back down. "How do I even announce to everyone that I'm taking the entire season off."

"One step at a time. For now, let's just lay here."

And so I hold her until a light snore escapes her lips and I know she's at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I lost my mind a little and wrote this entire chapter in the wrong language. When I tried using a translator to turn it into English I gave up because there were so many mistakes so I just re-wrote the entire thing. *sigh*
> 
> One week until ACI I’m getting so excited :) 
> 
> I hope everyone is having a good day! If you’re in the Philippines or have family there, I heard they are about to get hit by a typhoon. I also know that some states in the US got hit by a hurricane. I hope everyone effected stays safe and I am so sorry that anyone has to go through that.
> 
> Thank you all for every read, comment and kudos. Much love and have a good weekend, I’ll see you in the next chapter <3


	48. Fall

**Evgenia's POV**

The days are growing colder and the nights growing longer. I sit in bed for a majority of the day, watching the leafs float down to the ground, scattering on the grass.

I have lost count of all the television I've watched, all the hours I've spent wasting away. Alone in the house with only Jerry to keep me company. I begged Yuzu to let her stay with us, even though he was a little hesitant about letting a dog run through the home. I couldn't have my mom here every day, I didn't want to take away her life. And he had to practice, his first competition is a week away. So it was decided that Jerry is now a member of the Hanyu family.

My phone buzzes and I outstretch my arm to reach it. The text message from Brian reminds me of a task I've put off for over a month.

_You need to announce you're skipping the season. Whether you cite injury or stay quiet is up to you, but you'll need to withdraw from the Grand Prix. I set up an appointment with your Federation tomorrow on the phone, I'll speak to them. But you must address the general public._

_Okay, I'll do it now._

People are growing suspicious anyways. They are wondering why I wasn't on the lineup for Autumn Classic International. They are wondering why I haven't announced my programs, or that I missed Russian test skates. Brian has been covering for me, denying that anything was wrong for the sake of my privacy. But we both know we cannot play pretend for much longer.

I tap download on the Instagram icon. I haven't been on it since the news of Yuzu and I leaked. Per advice from Brian, I deleted it. It was better that way, to not see the vicious comments left by strangers under my post. It's the last thing my mind needed. I kept up with the world, reading forums and occasionally opening up Twitter. While I miss posting, it's taken a large amount of stress away.

When I sign in to my account, I'm overwhelmed. My page has reached over a million followers. My last post has thousands of comments, asking about my whereabouts or Yuzu. I scroll and scroll, reading every word. The negativity reminds me of why I stepped away in the first place, but the positive words makes my heart flutter.

I continue on further, checking up on my friends. Alina hasn't posted much this offseason at all, minus a few photos of Masaru. Javier is happily posting pictures of him and his wife. Other skaters are uploading videos of their practices or announcing music choices. I can't help but feel envious.

Twenty minutes pass and I cannot find a photo to post. I briefly consider the picture of Yuzu and Jerry, but decide against it. Eventually I settle on a photograph I took over a year ago. A picture of the sunset on my first day in Toronto. The colors of orange swirl in the sky with a few Canadian geese flying in the distance. I remember taking the picture, still in disbelief that this was my new life.

**jmedvedevaj** : _One year ago I came to the Toronto Cricket and Curling Club. One year ago my life began to transform in more ways than I can count. It's been a rocky journey, but I have not come close to my destination yet. Recently I have hit another bump in the road, injury. I will be sitting the entire season out to focus on my health and regaining my strength. I have every intention of returning during the 2020/2021 season with further improvements and more technical developments. With that being said, I want to say thank you. To my fans, to my coaches, friends, family, and to Yuzuru Hanyu. You all have showered me with love and support that I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for it. I know it's been a while since I have been present on social media, but I know the kind messages my supporters have left and I'm forever in your debt. I will continue to improve and continue my fight._

_Zhenya_

The second I post it I know there's no taking it back. Likes and comments begin to flood in within seconds, but I turn off my phone. My words are sure to cause a frenzy and my head isn't in the right place to deal with such right now. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling like I'm in a trance. It's only when Jerry leaps off my bed and I hear a car door shut that I become alive again.

The pain is minimal when I push myself off the bed. I don't dare put weight on my broken leg yet, although the doctor said I can start doing so minimally. Instead I hop on my good leg out of the bedroom and to the front door, eagerly awaiting his arms. Everyday I dread the moment he leaves and I anxiously wait for him to come home. Yuzu is perhaps the only person who can keep me sane right now.

"Hello Jerry. Where's your mom?" I hear his voice echo through the house. In response I put my leg down and limp as quickly as I can before I start to lose my balance.

"Zhenya!" His arms catch me and all I can do is laugh.

"How was your day."

"You're absolute madness." His smile makes my stomach flutter. "It was good until you almost gave me a heart attack by falling."

"It's a good thing you caught me."

His mouth lowers to mine and my skin instantly ignites. Even after we've shared thousands of kisses, this feeling never goes away. I don't think it ever will. I snake my arm around his head and entangle my fingers in his hair. He presses into my lips harder, deepening the kiss. My tongue swipes against his lower lip and they part in response. I feel his hands all over my body, his fingertips pressing into my hips before moving to my breasts. The sensation is euphoric, I break away from the kiss and lay back to focus on the feeling. Yuzu takes the opportunity to kiss my neck, nipping at the skin just above my collarbone. His hands tug at my shirt, tossing it over my head. His mouth then leaves a trail from my breasts to my stomach as he takes in every inch of my skin. I begin to explore his body as well, my hands moving against his torso teasingly as I dip down lower.

"Zhenya." He breathes into my ear, his voice wild and ragged. My body reacts from the response and I bring my mouth to his again, enjoying the taste of his lips. Until a sound that cannot be ignored breaks us apart.

"What was that?" I whisper, too flustered to speak any louder. To my surprise, he laughs.

"It was my stomach."

"There's no way that was you stomach!" I shake my head in disbelief. It was far too loud and frankly I didn't think his stomach would rumble while we were... doing things.

"It was, I haven't eaten all day. I was planning to cook until we starting having sex on the floor."

"Oh." I look down, suddenly embarrassed for reasons I cannot decide. "How about we finish this after dinner then."

"Gladly." Yuzu retrieves my shirt and hands it to me. After I put it back on he wraps his arms underneath me and lifts me from the ground, carrying me to the kitchen.

"What's on the menu today, chef Hanyu?"

"Sushi." He replies.

"So you aren't going to almost burn the house down again correct? That was bad."

"Cut me some slack, that Russian dish was hard to make."

"Fine." I relent, although I love to pick on him for that.

I sit at the table and watch him go to work.  He's so precise, his hands moving with ease as he rolls the ingredients together. Yuzu grabs a rag and puts it on his shoulder while he chops vegetables. The sight is oddly attractive and I feel my cheeks flush again.

"You can give compliments to the chef later." He smirks as he sets the food down in front of me. I pick up my chopsticks and enjoy the explosion of flavors in my mouth. Is there anything he can't perfect?

"Where did you learn to do this? It's better than the sushi we eat at restaurants." I ask.

"My mother."

It seemed like an obvious answer, yet it didn't cross my mind before. I silently thank her for the food and for raising the beautiful man in front of me. I hope she's happy in Sendai. Although Yuzu doesn't admit it, I know he misses having her around.

"Did you do what Brian asked?"

"What?" I get confused for a second. "Oh, yes I did. He told you to remind me?"

"Tracy did actually. I don't know what Brian asked you but by the way she was stressing about it makes me think it's important."

"It was." I sigh. "I made my announcement about skipping this season, and I thanked my fans. I'm honestly to scared to go back on and check the comments."

"Then don't. Let's just enjoy tonight, we don't have many like this left. The new season has already started."

"Good. I want to see your tango and all its glory." I grin.

"I promise you will." His hand reaches across the table and squeezes mine. "I miss you at the TCC. I guess I never realized how much you pushed me until you stopped coming. I didn't want to tell you, but I'm struggling again."

"It's the beginning of the season, you're always a mess at this time. You'll fight and when I get back on the ice we will push each other. Just remember you have millions that support you, including me. Even when I'm not there with you."

"You're right, I'm never put together at the beginning of a season." He chuckles. "It's not just me that misses you, Brian and Tracy do as well. Brian is almost completely bald now since you got hurt and Tracy asks about you almost ever hour. They love you."

"They love all their students. Like family."

With a few more bites I clear my plate and Yuzu does so too. I look out the window and realize the sun has almost completely set despite it being only six. It's just another reminder that we are nearing the end of September and deeper into fall.

"Are you okay?" He notices my mind drifting.

"Just thinking." I mummer.

"Well if you want we can both go take our mind off of things."

"I'd like that very much." I admit and stand up. I wince at the pain from putting too much pressure on my leg.

"I hate this." I groan. "I'm sorry my broken leg isn't very sexy."

"Nonsense, I think you look great in the cast." He teases. "Although I think we both agree that being injury free is much better.  But for now we'll work around it."

His arms sneak around my waist and he lifts me off the ground, carrying me off to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random hot time fluff?! I feel like I should write that more often :) 
> 
> Between University and my job it’s really difficult to find time to write which is really hard because I love writing. My professors like to give me a ton of work however so it’s hard to get these chapters out sooner and I apologize for that. 
> 
> On a better note… ACI is in one day. We will see Zhenya’s short program on Thursday, and her free program on Friday. I believe (I don’t know the exact schedule) Yuzu will preform his short on Friday and his free on Saturday. I’m really tempted to call in sick to work on Friday just to watch both of them! I’m so excited and I feel like we have all been waiting for this moment forever. 
> 
> I wish them both the best and a gold medal too <3 
> 
> Much love everyone, I’ll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.


	49. Back to the Fight

**Yuzuru's POV**

**NHK Trophy practice, _2019_.**

"You need to hold that leg position for a few more revolutions on that spin. Straighten it out a bit more."

I nod my head silently in agreement with Brian's advice. The surface is smooth as my blade quickly carves circles on the ice, swirling through the motions. I outstretch my leg more and hold the position just a mere second longer. When I release, Brian shakes his head, letting me know I did not meet his expectations.

"That was one second longer, try two. This is important, you know there's tough competition here."

He doesn't have to say the name for me to understand who he is referring to. Shoma and I are both competing in our home Grand Prix, but at the end of the day there is only one gold. As much as I value his friendship and who he is, I prefer the gold medal to hang around my neck. I hoped we wouldn't meet until the final, but that's beyond my control.

When he rushes past me it's almost a blur.  The off-season treated him well, his skating has transformed. There's more speed, he's stronger, and his jumps look better. I know Shoma has his eyes set on Beijing, everyone in this sport does. And yet that only makes it harder for me. Each year it becomes harder to keep my stamina, it's becomes harder to keep my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is the fire beneath my skin, my selfish desires to always claim gold.

_"Men's group four practice session has ended. Please clear the ice for resurfacing. Ladies group four practice session will begin in fifteen minutes."_

That should be Zhenya. She should be here, ready to take the ice and show the world what she can do. That she can fight among these younger girls and still come out on top. Instead she's at home injured. I catch a glimpse of Alexandra, the girl who can do more quads than I can. I laugh to myself because I'm sure at her senior Grand Prix debut she could compete in men's and win.

I slide my skate guards over my blades and pack my things together. While Tracy thinks the practice was productive, I find it unsatisfying and flawed. The short program is only one day away, there's simply not enough time to make any drastic changes. I want my tango to be flawless, a mix of passion and seduction. It needs perfection. I'm not where I want to be with the program yet.

"Yuzuru Hanyu!" The voice is far away but I hear the footsteps quickly approaching. "Are you available for an interview?"

The woman is red-faced and out of breath. She must have ran across the venue to catch me as I was leaving. I can't find it in me to turn her away.

"Of course." I smile and relief washes over her face, likely thinking I was going to deny her.

"One moment." Her hands fumble with a crumbled piece of paper. " _Ok, uh... your first event of the season was Autumn Classic International where you won gold. Now you're at your first Grand Prix event of the season. What's changed between then?_ "

"We have polished the programs a little more and worked on my stamina. Tango requires a lot of energy for a short program. My long is also very complex and difficult. I hope to perfect it as the season goes on."

_"You stated that you wanted to land the quad axel last season, but you weren't able to do so. Will we see it this season?"_

"I've been working on it much more and have landed it a few times in a harness. We will begin to try it without one very soon. I think landing it this season is much more likely than last year."

_"You shocked the skating world a few months ago by confirming your relationship with Russian skater Evgenia Medvedeva. How are you adapting to the frenzy around the relationship?_ "

"We are just living our life as we always have. I want to thank everyone who has respected our wishes for privacy, it is very important to us."

_"Medvedeva announced that she will be taking the season off due to injury. She was slated to compete here in the NHK Trophy and in Russia. Is she healing? How are you both handling the injury?_ "

"It has been extremely hard on her, as one could imagine. Evgenia's very strong and she's taking it one day at a time. It's hard to see her injured and not have her around at the rink. I'll admit she motivates and inspires me greatly."

_"How did the injury occur? What type of injury are we talking about? When will it heal?"_

"It is not my place to give details. All I can say is she will come back again and be even stronger."

_"You have strong competition here in Japan right now. Is your goal to pull off a gold medal?_ "

"I'd like to very much, but it's the beginning of the season. I often have rough skates in my first Grand Prix's. I hope to continue to build up my strength and peak later in the season at major events."

_"You stated in a interview that if you're healthy enough you will continue to Beijing 2022. Do you still feel the same way?"_

"Yes, although it is getting harder. I'm getting older and there's more work that needs to be done, but I will fight to continue on unless my health holds me back. I wouldn't say for sure I will go, because right now the quad axel is my main goal."

_"Lastly, many fans are happy about your choice to do a tango this season. What inspired that?"_

"I know many have wanted me to do a tango for a long time and I haven't. I decided I'd like to try it this season." 

_"Well Yuzuru, I wish you a wonderful season. Thank you."_

"Thank you." I bow and part from the woman, running into the backstage area. It's the first time I've talked about Zhenya's injury in a interview and I found my throat closing up as the words escaped my lips. Everything I said was true, she inspires me and motivates me. It only makes it harder to know I won't see her for months.

**Evgenia's POV**

It feels strange to walk without the bulky cast encasing my leg. While it doesn't hurt, it's uncomfortable at first. I practice only putting a little pressure down at a time, making sure I don't do any harm.

"How does it feel?" My mom peers from around the corner.

"Weird."

"Weird is good." The doctor nods. "Pain is what we don't want. You should be able to start walking around again normally without the cast."

"How long until I can get back on the ice?" I can't stop myself from asking.

"I would wait another month. You need to slowly get your leg stronger. Start with simple strengthening exercises and slowly build up muscle."

In my fantasy world I envisioned myself getting back on the ice at full strength as soon as my cast was removed. I knew it was just a dream, a stretch of my imagination. Yet hearing the doctor say I need to wait even longer still disappoints me.

"That seems reasonable." I can do it. Just one more month.

"Alright, then we are all set." He smiles and outstretches his hand to shake mine. My mom looks on in confusion since she doesn't understand a single word we have just spoken. I make it a point to translate everything into Russian for her once the doctor leaves.

"So early December?"

"Yes. Around the time of the Grand Prix final I suppose."

"Fitting." My mother laughs. "How's Hanyu?"

"I haven't messaged him yet. His short program is tomorrow."

"He's going to Rostelecom after this. That means he will miss your birthday." She reminds me.

"I know." It's not the end of the world I suppose. Birthday's were never of any significance to me, I was always too busy with competitions to celebrate. I'm turning twenty, officially out of my teens. A woman. Although I've felt like an adult for a long time.

"Let's go do something then. Get you out of the house. Exercise will help your leg as well."

"I'm happy with that." I smile. I've been rotting away in bed for too long. Yuzu has been away since the start of the season and I've found myself feeling trapped. Now the cast is gone and I feel free once more, although not completely. I will only feel that once I can get back on the ice.

"Good. Hanyu's birthday is soon as well. During the final I believe." She adds. "What are you getting him?"

"I haven't thought about it yet." I bite my lip because it's a lie. Only my mother knows me much better now.

"Spit it out."

"How would you feel about me buying plane tickets to go to the final? Not only to see him, but all my other friends." I ask.

"I don't see how that's a present for him."

"I'm the present." I jest. "I'll figure something out."

"Well, I'm fine with you traveling. Just be careful, you're still healing."

"I know. It's just otherwise I won't see him until almost February." I sigh.

"Then go, it will make both of you happy. Just give him a call and tell him you're coming."

"No." I shake my head. "It will be a surprise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m absolutely terrible. I know it’s been almost a week since I last posted a chapter and I cannot apologize enough. University has been taking up a majority of my time and it needs to come first before anything else, I hope you all understand. I finished my work early for the week however and I’m going to try and write a few chapters ahead.
> 
> WARNING: LONG NOTES (about ACI) 
> 
> I’m honestly so proud of Evgenia. No the skate and the programs weren’t perfect, but she fought through it. She didn’t jump for four months straight and started again in July. It’s only been ~3 months since then and she’s still in the adjustment period. I like the SP more than the FS, but I think once they are developed more and she gets comfortable with them they will be masterpieces. They are definitely great vehicles for her to skate to. Her jumps are already improving and it’s so nice to see her smile even though she only got second. I can’t wait to cheer her on as the season goes and see her get stronger. Молодец!
> 
> As for Yuzu, I’m just so happy to see him. I remember the rumors of him retiring after the Olympics but here he is. Both programs are stunning and the costumes are BEAUTIFUL! Of course his preformences weren’t perfect but that’s typical of him during this point in the season. I’m so proud of him and can we talk about his beautiful triple axels? They are even more intricate steps into them + height. 
> 
> I can’t wait to see both of them develop as the season goes on, this is only the beginning. Shoutout to Jason and Cha, team TCC is really on another level. Also I think it’s hilarious that both Yuzu and Zhenya messed up on their spins xD
> 
> Sorry for being so late and for these long paragraphs! I miss having time to write and hopefully things will change soon. I wish you all a goodnight or good day, I’ll see you soon. Much love <3


	50. 20 Candles

**Evgenia's POV**

Twenty candles flicker in front of my eyes, illuminating the space around me. Through the fire I can see my name scribbled in icing on the cake, along with the saying _happy birthday_.

"Can I sing the American birthday song for you?" Jason laughs and pulls a chair from underneath the table, taking a seat next to me. "Or would you rather skip that part?"

"I'd rather skip that part."

"Ok, so now you're going to make a wish and blow out the candles."

"There's a lot more than one wish I'd like to make." I sigh.

There's too many things I want in life to settle on one. There's too many nights I spend awake staring at the ceiling, wishing my dreams could be a reality. Perhaps one day they can. I can wish for gold medals or crowning achievements all I want. I've learned my lesson that there's more important things in life.

 _I wish to be happy_.

"I'm surprised you blew out all of those candles at once." He claps his hands enthusiastically.

"I'm talented you know." I tease.

"How does it feel to be out of your teens?"

"Honestly, not very different." Today feels the same as yesterday, and I don't think tomorrow will be much different. I spend all my time working on healing my leg, becoming stronger. Counting down the days until I can step on the ice again. Between the daily calls with Brian and my doctor, that should only be a few more weeks.

"I still can't believe you live together." Jason looks around the empty house.

"Well, since the Grand Prix season started it's just been Jerry and I. With the occasional visits from my mother and grandmother."

"You can include me in that now. As well as the delicious birthday cakes I bring."

"This is pretty good cake." I scrape my plate until there's nothing left. I've never had much of a sweet tooth, but this will have to be an exception.

"So what are your plans for today birthday girl? You can't tell me you are going to sulk in the house for hours."

"Why not? It's the perfect weather to do so." The first snowstorm of the season came last night, leaving the streets covered in white. The sun hasn't been able to peak through the clouds yet today.

"Zhenya, seriously. If you're not doing anything come with me to the TCC."

"I'm going out with my mother later. And you know I can't go there. It will kill me not being able to go on the ice."

"Fair enough. Then I will sit and watch anime with you until your mother gets here."

"Thank you, Jason. Not for just for showing up at my house with cake or staying with me. For everything."

"I appreciate it, but there's no need." He nods his head. "We all care for you. In case you didn't know, you've been through a lot."

"Oh trust me, I know." I chuckle. "Still, just let me say thank you."

"Fine. Got any snacks?"

"Yuzu usually keeps some Japanese treats around, and I have some Russian snacks."

The hours tick by as we sit and stuff our face with food. I take joy in introducing Jason to anime's he has never heard of. When I find out he hasn't seen Yuri! On Ice, I quickly begin to play some episodes. No matter how many times I've seen the series already I can never grow tired from it.

"Zhenya, your phone buzzing every minute is pretty annoying."

"Oh! Sorry." I quickly reach for it.

In the hours that I haven't checked it, I've missed several calls and messages. Birthday wishes from my friends flood my messages. My eyes quickly scan through the names. _Alina, Misha, Alex, Maia, Javier, Brian, Tracy, Gabby, Shoma, Conrad, Wakaba, Nathan._ One by one I take the time to reply to each message thoughtfully. Although I soon realize that I'm missing one important person.

"What's wrong?" Jason pauses the television.

"Nothing."

"You randomly sunk into the couch, let out a sigh and your face looks like you're holding back tears." He raises his eyebrows.

"Yuzu hasn't called yet."

"It's only three in the afternoon. There's still plenty of time for him to call."

"He's in Russia for Rostelecom. It's only a couple of hours until midnight there."

"I forgot about that." Jason pauses. "I'm still sure he will call. Don't worry about it too much."

"I am unable to stop worrying about it." I laugh. "His short program is tomorrow, I doubt he will stay up late. I don't think he wants to repeat NHK Trophy."

"Yes, hell hath no fury like Yuzuru Hanyu with a silver medal."

A knock at the door brings us both to our feet. "It's probably my mother."

When I open the door, I'm immediately squished between her arms. Despite her jacket being extremely cold to the touch I hug her back with all my strength.

"I can't believe it. Twenty years old. Happy birthday." She whispers.

"Thank you mama."

"Hello, Ms.Devyatova." Jason appears from around the corner.

"Jason!" She smiles and immediately hugs him. My mother has had a soft spot for him ever since he picked us up at the airport on our first day in Toronto.

"I should probably go get dressed really quick. We only have a few more hours of daylight."

"I will wait here with him." My mother nods. Jason and I look at each other in shock. While her accent is very thick and difficult to understand, it's English. She just spoke English.

"Since when did you..."

"I'm learning." She answers my question before I finish. "It's really hard."

"I think that's wonderful." He grins, still taken aback. Whenever Jason and my mother wanted to speak I'd have to serve as a translator.

"Go get dressed before it's dark." My mother demands, this time speaking Russian. I quickly run into the room and layer on the clothes. Judging by the snow falling outside of the window, I grab one of the thickest jackets I own. After resting a hat over my head and pulling gloves over my hands, I'm satisfied with the look and head back downstairs.

"Ready?"

"Da."

"Alright, I think that's my cue to leave." Jason hugs my mother one more time and then turns to me. "Do me a favor and enjoy the rest of your birthday."

"I will. Do me a favor and finish Yuri! On Ice." I jest.

"What do you think I was going to do when I get home?"

"Probably watch some American television."

"Wrong." He hugs me one last time. "I think you have me invested into anime now. When I show up to practice tired can I blame you?"

"Feel free to do so." I giggle. "Anime is a good cause to be tired."

"I guess it is. Goodbye, Zhenya."

"See you later."

We all walk out of the house and climb into our cars. I'm much too frightened to drive in snow, so I let my mother take the keys. The seats are practically frozen from the brutal cold, which is much more extreme than I remember from last year.

"So, where are you taking me?" I ask.

"Somewhere lovely."

The rest of the drive is spent in silence. I can't help but look at my phone every minute, hoping to see his name flashing across my screen. Eventually I shove my phone into my jacket and look up, admiring how the snow has turned everything into a winter wonderland. The surroundings begin to become familiar, as if I had been here before.

"We are almost there."

My stomach flutters when I realize where my mother has taken me. Back to the shores of Lake Ontario, where Yuzu had whisked me away all those months ago. I hadn't even come to the conclusion that I was in love with him yet, I was still recovering. But I remember the feeling of walking along the shore, our hands together. How normal it felt.

Right now I miss that more than anything.

"What is it?" Her voice breaks me from my trance.

"What?"

"You're smiling."

"Reasons." I shrug. I didn't even realize I was making any sort of expression. It's just nice to relive good memories.

Once she parks I step out of the car and follow her. The pavement is still covered in snow, making it difficult to walk. Around me children throw snowballs at each other, enjoying the first storm of the winter. One kid jumps into the bone chilling water after his friends cheer him on. The shores of the lake seem almost as lively as it did when Yuzu brought me here.

I was too busy staring at other people to notice she had stopped walking. I end up running into a girl no older than six, which makes me feel terrible. Before I can apologize she runs off and my mother laughs.

"I remember when you where that age."

"Do you miss it?" I question.

"All parents do. But at the same time, I'm proud of the beautiful young woman you've become. So no, I don't miss you being that age."

She grabs my hand and leads me inside a small cafe. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming. The walls are lined with an array of sweets, ranging from cookies to cakes and assortments of candies. Laughter fills my ears as families sit together and enjoy their treats. I find myself oddly calmed by the quaint place.

"I heard this place has the best hot chocolate in all of Canada. We will be the judge of that." My mother chuckles.

"I will be surprised if it's better than what you make."

A few minutes later we are handed two mugs of steamy hot chocolate. The cashier hands us a few marshmallows as well and I drop them into the liquid, stirring gently.

"Where do you want to sit?" She asks me.

"Is here anywhere to sit outside?" Despite the warmth and fuzziness of this place I prefer watching the kids throw snow at each other. I find it to be quality entertainment.

"Da."

Outside of the cafe there's a few benches, but also a few hammocks. In spite of the snow on them my mother clears them off and we carefully help each other on one of them, trying not to spill the scorching drinks all over ourselves.

"Ready to judge this?"

I bring the mug to my lips and I'm pleasantly surprised. The chocolate is rich and creamy. It tastes like heaven. The warmth feels good against the bitter cold of the air.

"It's very good. But I don't know if it's better than yours, Mama." I wink and nudge her side.

"That's what I like to hear." She smiles.

We lay there together on the hammock, sipping away at the delicious drink. The sun slowly fights and it finally breaks through the clouds. The reflection across the water is breathtaking as it dips below the horizon. Even the children take notice at the beautiful sight.

"Wow." I whisper. I feel slightly disoriented, like I'm in a dream. Simply because what my eyes are seeing looks like a dream. Perhaps it's been so long since I've taken a moment to relax and enjoy what the world has to offer.

"Thank you for taking me here mama. I love you."

"I love you too, Zhenya. Now let's get going before it's dark. Any thoughts about dinner?"

"Sushi?" I suggest. It's not a surprise to her surely, I've always loved the dish.

"It's your birthday."

"Sushi it is." We both stand up and return our mugs, leaving the lake behind.

The rest of the night is just as pleasant. I had forgotten what it was like to bond with my mother like this. Over dinner she tells me about her life, and what she has been up to in Canada. I learn that she went on a date with a man from the Russian grocery store we both frequent. I also learn that she thinks he loves her. I can't hide the huge smile on my face, because I haven't heard my mother talk with such admiration in my entire life. He's the one who is teaching her English.

During the car ride home I open up to her about the last few months of my life. She checks up on me frequently and comes over for dinner, but I haven't been the most talkative during those times. I admit that I've been absolutely miserable not being able to go on the ice. I admit that I miss Yuzuru more than I could image. She tells me those two things were obvious to anyone with eyesight. I continue further, telling her how I spend hours doing leg exercises in hopes to become strong again. I tell her how I'm scared that it won't be enough, that I'll go on the ice and break my leg again.

"No, Zhenya. I don't think that will happen again. You told me your injury happened from a mistake you made. A foolish one. Everyone knows you learn from your mistakes and they make you stronger, not weaker."

"I hope you're right." I whisper. I don't think I could handle another injury. Not when we are inching closer to Beijing.

"I pray that I am."

The car turns back onto familiar streets and in a minute I'm in front of my home. I hesitate to leave, simply because I've enjoyed my evening with my mother so much. I regret not spending more time with her while I was injured, because as soon as I step back on the ice I won't be able to find that time.

"Thank you for the evening, Zhenya. Happy birthday."

I reach over and hug her. "Thank you, mama. I love you."

"Love you. Goodnight."

I shut the car door behind me and the bitter cold burns my skin. Snow slowly falls down onto the ground, covering any footprints I leave behind. When I get in the house I instantly turn on the heater. Something tells me this will be a cold and dark winter.

It's only seven in the evening yet I feel beyond fatigued. As the temperature in the house warms up I begin to peel the layers of clothes off my body, replacing them with my pajamas. The wool socks that cover my feet are replaced with my Sailor Moon ones. I wrap a blanket around myself and sink into the couch, allowing my eyes to shut.

...

"Jerry!" I jolt awake, startled by her licking my face. She lays down by my side and I know I cannot be angry at her for waking me up. Not when she's so adorable.

I force myself off the couch and look outside. The snow is now falling much more heavy, completely blanketing everything as far as the eye can see. The temperature in the house has dropped despite the heat coming from the vents and my body shivers slightly. When I look at the time, I can't help but scream.

He didn't call.

I shouldn't react this way but I'm undeniably hurt. The one person whose voice I was most looking forward to hearing today never came through. There's only two hours left until midnight here and my birthday is well over in Russia. I want to scream again but my throat clenches up from the cold. It doesn't matter, there's no one in this house to hear my voice. Only the walls and my dog are witnesses to my despair.

I climb into bed and spend the rest of my birthday listening to KPOP while I stare at the ceiling. I should go back to sleep so I can watch his short program tomorrow, but my eyes are unable to get heavy. Eventually my music cuts off and the sound of my ringtone replaces it.

"Yuzu?"

"Is that an ear on my screen?" His laughter fills the room.

"What?" I move my phone down and my cheeks flush in embarrassment. "Oh... it's FaceTime."

"We've only been video chatting for the past few months. I've thoroughly enjoyed some of them." He teases.

"Forgive me for being a tad bit tired and forgetful these days. Maybe not as bad as you of course."

"What do you mean?" He tilts his head to the side in the most adorable way possible.

"Let's see... you forgot to do a combination in the short program at NHK, you forgot your passport last month at that hotel, and most recently you forgot..."

"Your birthday." He finishes the sentence. "I sincerely hope you would never think that I'd forget to wish the woman I love a happy birthday. Not in a million years."

"The thought crossed my mind a few times." I admit.

"I need you to go check outside the front door right now."

"What?" His words were random.

"Trust me, just go."

I set my phone down and quickly zip up my jacket from earlier today. As soon as I open the door my exposed skin pays the price from the stinging cold. On the ground is a small box from the post office that I hastily grab before retreating back inside.

"A gift?" I lightly shake the box when I'm back in front of him.

"Open it." Yuzu grins. "I was waiting to call you until it arrived. It's hard to get fast shipping and even more difficult to get things delivered in snow."

"Did you bride someone?" I joke as I slowly tear away at the box.

"Yes I did."

My heart stops for a second once I open the gift, because I know what it is. The smaller box is the same velvety black exterior as the last.

_It's my necklace._

"Happy birthday, Zhenya."

It's no longer broken and shattered into pieces. The charms are once again snug on the rose gold chain, and they look even shinier than before. I carefully examine each one, noticing the placements are slight different. I look over each charm again and again before I realize that there's two new ones. The golden medal with the Olympic rings engraved into it. The heart that flickers under the light.

"It was hard to find the time to go back to Vancouver but it was worth it. I wanted it to be as perfect for you as before. These past few months without you has been so hard, Zhenya. Seeing you on the screen of my phone isn't the same. I crave your touch. I miss falling asleep to the sound of your heartbeat. Yet that makes me feel selfish, because I know it's even more difficult for you. It's easy to lose hope when the near future looks bleak. That's why I added that charm, because the gold medal is still yours. This is only another bump in the road."

"And the heart?" I try to stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

"There's no real reason I had it put on the necklace except for the fact that I love you."

"Yuzu." I whisper. "Thank you, it's perfect. I don't care that it wasn't a new expensive gift or anything. This means the world to me."

"I know it does. You practically broke your leg because of it."

"Yeah, I guess I did." I giggle.

"I have another surprise for you. It's not a gift, just something I think you want to see. Open your messages."

"Okay."

I pause the video chat and open up the message he sent me. It's a video of him on the ice, quickly lapping the rink a few times. I wasn't sure what to expect when he leapt up into the air, but it sure was a surprise.

He landed the quad axel.

It's perfection. Then again Yuzuru Hanyu would never settle for anything less.

"Oh my god." I can't keep the words from spilling out of my mouth. I've seen him do plenty of quad axels with my own eyes, but never outside of a harness. It almost seemed unreal how high in the air he flies, how fast he rotates.

I open the video chat back up and he laughs when he sees the expression on my face. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"What you just did was history."

"Not quite yet, I have to land it in competition. Then it will be history."

"When do you plan to do that?" A selfish part of me hopes it's not at Rostelecom, because I want to see it in person.

"I don't know. I'm still not consistent on it quite yet. Maybe at worlds."

"It's only around six hours in the car from Toronto to Montreal. Maybe my mom and I will come to see history."

"Maybe?" He scoffs. "I will smuggle you aboard my plane, Medvedeva. Regardless of if I attempt it, I'll always want you to be there with me."

"I was just teasing. I wouldn't miss it for the world, Hanyu. Although I might miss your short program if I don't go to bed soon."

"I don't mind if that means I can talk to you for a few more hours. I want to know how you spent your twentieth birthday."

It's almost as if time doesn't exist when we spend over two hours aimlessly talking. I cherish every second of it, knowing that there's few opportunities to let go like this. To truly speak with confidence, to admit every thought that comes to mind. To be able to confide in someone and know that they'll support you no matter what. At the end of the day Yuzu is more than my lover, he's my confidant, my best friend.

"If I hadn't gotten injured, where would I be now?"

It's a question I seldom allow myself to think about, because it's too painful. But I don't hide anything from him.

"You'd be fighting to get to the top, if you weren't already up there."

"But I wouldn't be on the top. Even with a quad salchow. Anna and Alexandra have multiple quads, how could I compete with that?" It doesn't make sense how he could be so optimistic about this.

"I know you could compete with that because that's all I heard going into the Olympics. People began to doubt me. Who could blame them? All I had was the quad salchow and the quad toe, while the others had much more. The same thoughts ran through my head, how could I compete with that?"

"It's different."

"Not in the slightest." He nods. "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."

I never doubted myself until I lost the gold medal, and now it's a never ending cycle. I become hopeful and a few dark thoughts creep into my head, destroying the walls I had built. I'm twenty years old now. I've been hurt physically and emotionally more than anyone could imagine. Each time I heal I become a little stronger. I'm not the same girl I was two years ago. I'm tired of this, always doubting myself no matter how hard I try not to. Perhaps it's human nature, but I know he's right. There's only one thing that can stop me from getting that gold medal, and it's myself.

 _It's time_ _to truly break the cycle._

"I think it's time for me to go to bed. I need to do a few things and just do some thinking." I suppress my yawn.

"I just need to say it one last time, I'm sorry. I remember my mind eating away at me while I was injured. I imagine you feel the same effect."

"Unfortunately. But I'll get over it, I always do. I only have a little while longer until I get on the ice again." I nod.

"I know it's been hours past already, but happy birthday. I hope I've made it somewhat better and I promise to make it up to you in a few months when we see each other again. Thank you for making me smile today. I love you."

"Thank you for the necklace and what must be the thousandth pep talk you've given me over the course of our relationship. I love you and hopefully you can have a clean short program this time."  I poke fun at his disaster skate from NHK.

"I'll try my best. Oh and one last thing... you told me you made a wish today. I hope it comes true."

"Goodnight, Hanyu."

"Goodnight, Medvedeva."

My wish today was to be happy. My birthday ended up being one of the best days I've had in months. I spent hours talking to people I love and cherish. I have goals now, both physically and mentally. There's only two weeks until I can step on the ice again. I have plane tickets to go surprise Yuzu at the final. For the first time in a long time, I can go to bed smiling. Looking forward to the next day.

My wish came true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been... a week! I will admit I am very angry at myself because I had a chapter up and ready 4 days ago, but instead of hitting "post" I hit "save without posting" :))) 
> 
> And so I have combined that chapter and the new one I have ready today. I hope everyone enjoyed the madness that was over 4000 words. I haven't started the next chapter yet but I think some people will be very happy with it *wink*
> 
> Thank you all for being understanding of my situation and how busy I am. Juggling university and work has made me so stressed out these last few weeks. I actually left my current job because I have realized what a toxic environment it was. I just want anyone who is reading this to know that you should never feel trapped by a job or that you cannot do better anywhere else. There is always room to grow and experience new things, don't waste it in an environment that you feel is limiting your potential if you don't have to. I may be a random stranger on the internet, but I believe in all of you and if anyone ever wants to talk to me feel free to do so. (sorry for my mini rant)
> 
> Thank you for every read, comment, and kudos. Much love to all of you, I will see you in the next chapter.


	51. Are you Real

**The Grand Prix Final, 2019**

_Terry Gannon: We are back here at NBC sports covering the men's free skate._

_Johnny Weir: Yuzuru Hanyu leads after the short with a beautiful tango performance. It was his first clean short program of the season._

_Tara Lipinski: He will need to go relatively clean tonight. Shoma Uno, Nathan Chen, and Boyang Jin are all on his trail._

_Johnny Weir: Yuzuru got silver at the NHK Trophy and gold in Rostelecom. He will be the last skater on the ice tonight. I'm sure whatever the result he will be magical._

_Terry Gannon: Time will tell as the six men take the ice for their warmup._

**Evgenia's POV**

The results of the ladies free skate had not been lost on me. It hadn't for her either.

"It will be okay." I hold the seventeen year old girl in my arms. Although she's not a girl, not in the slightest. She hasn't been since the Olympic gold was placed around her neck. The responsibility and expectation that comes with the medal requires someone strong to handle it. To tame it. I don't know anyone who could have done a better job.

Alina skated perfectly today and in her short program. The most difficult layouts possible without a quad or triple axel. And yet it wasn't enough for the gold, it wasn't enough for any medal. Even with a perfect skate she couldn't overtake Anna, Sasha and Alena.

"It won't be okay. Don't you see, Zhenya? There's only three spots for Europeans and Worlds. I cannot learn quads, I've tried. I don't want to fade." She takes the sleeve of her dress and wipes away the tears.

"You won't fade away. You're Alina Zagitova, Olympic champion. People will remember your performances for years to come, no matter what happens in the future. You can't give up now."

"How can you say that when you know how many girls can take our place given the chance?" Alina looks me in the eye. "Especially you. When's the last time you were on the ice? How can you have so much hope when..."

"When the odds aren't in your favor." I finish her thoughts. "It's hard, believe me. I've spent hours awake at night, thinking to myself _how can I compete with those girls?_ The truth is that no matter what happens, we are here to skate. We are here to skate and show what we can do, even if it's not enough. Maybe one day it will be again."

My words don't seem to have much of an affect. Alina stares at the wall, her mind drifting away.

"And is worst comes to worst..." I emphasize "We can switch disciplines and become the first total female ice dancer duo."

Finally, she laughs. Her smile flashes for a second and I realize how long it's been since I've seen it. "I wouldn't mind that actually."

"Alright, Zagitova. I'll tell Brian and you tell Eteri."

"Who is gonna coach us?" She jests.

"Hmmm... we could see if Maia and Alex would like too. Or Tessa and Scott."

"Tessa and Scott." Alina nods.

"Sounds like a plan."

We giggle like small children, simply because such an idea is beyond ridiculous. Although learning ice dance is likely much easier than learning quads.

"Zhenya." The laughter quiets. "I don't know why you're here, but thank you. You've always known how to make me feel better."

"I'll always support you, even if you're halfway across the world or you beat me at another Olympics." I mean every word.

Alina grins and looks down at the ground almost shyly. Her hands fiddle with a plushie that resembles a quite famous dog.

"You still haven't met Masaru yet." She pouts.

"I haven't been to Moscow in almost a year. I don't have any family left there, my grandmother moved to Toronto recently. I don't even know where I'd stay."

"Come with me in a few weeks to Nationals. You can stay with my family and I in Izhevsk for Christmas."

"Seeing everyone at Nationals might be good motivation for me. I'm going to be able to get back on the ice soon." Not only that, _I simply miss home._

"Soon?" Alina questions. "Oh, Zhenya. I knew the injury was bad but I had no idea you still haven't been back on the ice yet."

"Remember when you broke your leg and had to learn to walk again, let alone skate? Now I'm in the process of that."

"I thought you came here to skate in the gala since you weren't competing. I didn't think of any other reason you..." She pauses and laughs. "You know, I sometimes forget you are a couple."

"Is that so?" I chuckle. "That's quite a thing to forget since it made national news in Russia and Japan."

"I try not to pay any attention to that. I still remember when you had the biggest crush on him. Especially after he used his Pooh Bear to kiss you."

"We don't need to discuss that." I say embarrassingly.

Alina smirks at me and then looks at the time. "Aren't the men competing right now? Why aren't you there?"

"My friend called me saying she needed support. I wasn't going to ignore her." I was on my way to the venue when Alina called. The minute I heard her cry, I ran back to the hotel. It wasn't easy to convince the front desk to give me her room number, I had to pull up my own Wikipedia page to prove my identity. After I knocked on the door she cautiously opened it, dropping her phone in shock. She didn't question it, instead she let me console her.

"I had no idea you'd turn up at my door. Everyone thinks you're in Toronto, even Yuzuru."

"It's supposed to be a surprise." I teasingly hush her.

"Then what are you waiting for? Let's go surprise him."

I quickly look up the starting order for the men's free skate. Yuzu is the last to skate and after glancing at the time, there's only fifteen minutes left until he's on the ice. Alina and I quickly throw on our coats and run as fast as our legs can carry us.

 

**Yuzuru's POV**

The sound of the music has stopped but my heart pounding has replaced the noise. My back aches slightly and my leg is coated with ice. _What have I done?_

I was only halfway through the program when the fatigue crept in. My breathing became ragged and every jump felt like a chore. That's when I began to slip. I came here to win gold, now I'm not sure if I'll even be on the podium.

The Pooh bears rain down onto the ice and I take my bow. My mind seems to be in a muddled state, everything seems so disoriented. I see the figures in the stands cheering and screaming, yet I cannot hear them. Still, only my heartbeat fills my ears.  In a panicked state I swirl around the ice hoping that my senses will return to me. My eyes begin to play tricks on me, catching shadows of people I know aren't here. Brian tilts forward over the boards, gesturing for me to leave the ice.

"Are you okay? Did you hit your head?" He rushes to my side.

"No... I don't think so." I pause to identify the areas of pain on my body. My back, my legs, my hips. But my head isn't one of them.

Tracy helps me pull my jacket over my costume as she cautiously leads me to the kiss and cry. Brian tries asking me what happened, but I don't answer. I don't know myself what went so wrong during the free skate. Perhaps it's just a bad day. I know I have the energy to perform, to land my jumps. Yet when the time came during those four minutes it dissipated.

_The scores please_

_Yuzuru Hanyu has earned 176.41 in the free skate. He has a total competition score of 295.72 and is in third place._

Brian and Tracy let out a collective sigh of relief. I've narrowly wormed my way onto the podium, despite all my falls. My record breaking short program proved to be vital in this. I should be grateful, happy even that I'm in third place. It's gold that I wanted here however. In my mind I can't settle for anything less.

"I'm proud of you. You fought for every jump. I could tell you were tired, but you still went for everything." Brian reassures me, and suddenly my sense of reality is returned. His words are clear and I take in the meaning of them.

"We have work to do."

"Yes, there's always work to do. For now, relax and celebrate. Bronze is nothing to be ashamed of." He helps me to my feet as we walk into the backstage area.

"Thank you." I don't know what I'd do without him and Tracy. I don't think I'd be sane.

There's dozens of reporters waiting down the hall. Nathan and Boyang rush down and are swarmed by the journalists. Photographers eagerly kneel down in front of me, the flash of the camera burning my eyes. The event coordinator tells us there's fifteen minutes until the medal ceremony. That's fifteen minutes of quiet and reflective time I can have. I quickly dip out of sight, not in the mood to speak to the media about my disappointing skate.

The flash from the cameras seems to play with my vision. I rush past a girl with striking similarities to Alina Zagitova. When I get to the dressing rooms, it's completely dark although I start to imagine a figure in the corner. When I turn the lights on, I realize my sense of reality has most definitely abandoned me.

"Are you real?" The words fall from my mouth. It was only twelve hours ago that I was on the phone with Zhenya, hearing her talk about how frigid it's been in Toronto. Hearing her laughter about Jerry's shenanigans with a new toy. Yet here she is in the flesh, just as stunning as the last time I saw her. The camera of a phone doesn't do her beauty justice. My eyes are no longer foggy, I can see the light illuminating her soft skin. I can see the way her curls gently fall to her side.

"Are you okay?" She runs up to me. I instinctively reach for her body and wrap my arms around her. The smell of her familiar perfume is intoxicating and the feeling of her skin against mine makes me dizzy. It's been months since I've been able to hold her.

"Maybe I did hit my head." I whisper. I finally feel a slight throb on the back of my skull.

"Do we need to get you to a hospital? Do you think you have a concussion? If you feel ill you don't have to go to the medal ceremony. I can go get Brian right now and..."

"Zhenya." I quiet her by pressing my lips to her mouth. The feeling instantly ignites my body and she pushes into me, deepening the kiss. Months of pent up lust seem to unravel within seconds as we crash into a wall, fighting to get closer to each other.

"Yuzu." She pulls away. "I need to breathe."

I let her catch her breath as I gently kiss her forehead. "How are you here right now?" I whisper.

"I took a plane."

"Really?" I roll my eyes and laugh. I can't tell if I love her sassy and sarcastic side or if it just annoys me. Perhaps it's both.

"I couldn't stand to go another month without seeing you. And I wanted to surprise you since tomorrow is a special day."

"Tomorrow is a special day?" Nothing comes to mind, but clearly I'm missing something.

Her dark brows furrow together, her brown eyes blinking rapidly. The way Zhenya rests her hands on her hips tells me she's not satisfied with my answer. I try to respond, but all I can think about is how much I want to press my fingertips into the soft skin of those hips.

"It's December, Yuzu." She shakes her head, dumbfounded that I still have no idea what she's talking about.

"Yes, there's the Grand Prix final. There's Nationals and Christmas. What else am I missing?"

"Twenty-five."

The number doesn't ring a bell until I realize... tomorrow is my birthday. In the midst of chaos and competing, I completely forgot.

"Well, I'm just honoring tradition. I forgot my birthday last year until my mother and my fans reminded me."

"It sounds like you." Her hand reaches up and pokes my cheek. "Yuzuru Hanyu is so focused on competitions, he completely forgets his birthday."

"He sounds like a very competitive guy." I jest.

A glance at the time let's me know that I only have a few minutes left until I need to be back out in the open. If I don't, people will come looking for me.

My hand lightly caresses her face as I run my thumb across her lips. "I'm afraid we will have to finish this later."

"Okay." Zhenya leans over and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

It isn't enough though, it never is. It doesn't satisfy the never ending lust and hunger I carry inside of me. I bring her lips back to mine, this time she lets them linger. Both of our mouths open at the same time and I slip my tongue inside of her mouth. My hands fist in her hair and she pulls me on top of her as we collide into the wall. No matter long we go without seeing each other, the passion we have never dissipates. The pure fire we have together is incredible and all consuming. In the moment it seems like nothing can separate us, we are one. Until the door opens.

"Hello, Nathan." She giggles and escapes my arms. "You skated great today."

"Thank you, Evgenia." He says awkwardly, taken aback by her causal attitude. It's no secret that we are together, but we were practically ripping each other's clothes off against a wall. I'm no less surprised by her as well.

"I was going to say the medal ceremony is about to start."

"Thank you for letting me know." I nod.

Nathan slowly backs out of the room and turns to Zhenya one last time. "Can you say hello to Alina for me?"

"Of course." She tries hard to keep a straight face. As soon as he leaves the room, she cannot contain her laughter.

"What?" I brush myself off.

"You both looked scared half to death."

"I didn't know who walked through the door. It could have been a reporter." The only thing I know is that I never want to repeat that situation again.

"I guess we got lucky it was just Nathan. I think you should go now before anyone else does come."

"I'll see you tonight. My hotel card is in there and it has my room number." I gesture to the bag hanging up.

"Okay." She bites her lip and I force myself to walk away from the tempting site. My hand reaches for the door and I turn around to catch one last glimpse of her.

"I missed you, more than you could know. I'm glad you're here and I love you."

I don't get a chance to see or hear her response before I quickly dash out the door. The footsteps were just outside and I left with haste. Reporters swarm me the minute I step out of the room, blocking the way as I trudge back to the rink.

The lights have been dimmed as I take my respective place behind Nathan and Boyang. When my name is called the audience erupts into cheers, but somehow that makes me more disappointed. I'm sorry that I couldn't win.

The lowest step of the podium is somehow the loneliest. You're so close to the ice, seemingly detached from the others. Barely off the ground, but still there. Perhaps that's the appeal of a bronze medal, being grateful that you've barely made it. Yet all I can do is look up at the two men to my side and wish I was up in the air like they are. Above all others.

The familiar burn of seeing my flag raised lower than others seeps into my body. No matter how much I want gold for reasons of my own, I will always want it most for my country. _They will still be proud of you_ I remind myself. _Bronze is nothing to be ashamed of._

When I hold the flag in my hands and lap the rink, the pain goes away. I see the white and red flying in the stands, truly reminding me of the support I have. The season is already halfway over. When February comes and passes, it will be less then two years until Beijing. Less than two years until I hopefully hold my flag one last time at an Olympic Games.

The interviews after the ceremony are exhausting. The pounding in my head has returned and I fidget with the beads on my wrists, trying to prevent myself from vomiting. The lights seem to pierce my eyes brighter than usual. Do you have a concussion? Zhenya had asked me. It's clear now what the answer is, yet when the press conferences are done I don't even consider going to the hospital. All I want to do is go to her. Whatever the consequences, I'll deal with it another time.

The hotel room is dark when I open the door. Her suitcases are neatly tucked in the corner and the room is ice cold. I begin to fear that she's gone until I spot the shriveled sheets on the bed. Under them she sleeps peacefully, a light snore escaping her lips. I quietly flick on a lamp adjacent to the bed so I can take a picture of the sight in front of me. A sight that I will never grow tired of. Even in her slumber she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. My hand slowly reaches up, tucking a wild curl behind her ear. In her arms she clutches a plushie to her chest.

I carefully climb into bed next to her, ignoring the aches throughout my body. Ignoring the fact that I'm still fully dressed. Because after everything that's happened today, I just want to lay her next to her and listen to her heartbeat. Feel the warmth of her body next to mine.

It's been a year since the first time our lips collided. Since I felt her soft skin against mine. It's felt like an eternity since then. Remembering how much pain I caused her afterwards hurts more than any concussion or any injury. It hurts more than any bronze medal. And yet it's a reminder of the first time I ever allowed myself to love someone. I now know that learning to love was the best decision I've ever made. She's makes me happy in a way no one else can.

"I love you." I whisper to her even though she cannot hear me.

My eyes shut and the pounding in my head seemingly dissipates as I join her in slumber.

**...**

Somewhere between sleep and consciousness is where I lay. The warmth besides me has disappeared and I stretch out my arms hoping to reach her. Instead all I find are the bare sheets.

I force my eyes open to face the sunlight peeking through the window. My hands push down at my side, pushing myself upwards quickly. The action makes my head spin slightly but the disorientation and pain from yesterday seems largely absent. I already knew Zhenya wasn't next to me anymore, but somehow I am still disappointed when I look to the empty spot on the bed.

The closer I walk toward the kitchen the more I can hear the noise. As I turn the corner, I stand silently and watch. Her curls are wild and out of place. Her shirt hangs over her small frame and bunches up at the side, revealing the skin underneath. She doesn't notice me as I stare, admiring her from afar. On the table Zhenya lays out an array of food with a small gift box in the middle.

"Good morning." I chime and she gasps.

"You scared me." Her eyes glance at the table and then back to me. "I was hoping you wouldn't wake up until I was completely done."

I can tell she's disappointed by the look across her face. "It's okay, I love it either way."

"Happy birthday." She smiles and runs into my arms. "You're twenty-five, you old man."

"Yes, I'll have grey hair and need a wheelchair any day now." I jest.

"Let's go eat your birthday breakfast."

"Okay." I kiss her on the forehead before sitting down.

Zhenya must have been up for hours cooking. Different plates are filled with Japanese and Russian breakfast items. I can't even imagine the time it took to make all of this. After not eating much yesterday due to my nausea, I gladly indulge. She gets up and grabs even more food out of the oven, some type of Russian dessert. I've heard her talk about it while claiming her mother makes it much better.

"How long have you been up?" I finally ask.

"Four hours. I bought all the ingredients last night before I came back to the hotel room and fell asleep."

"This might be the best birthday breakfast I've ever had. Thank you, Zhenya." The smile that forms across her lips makes me want to reach over and kiss them. I've never celebrated my birthday much since it always falls during or right before the Grand Prix final.

"Well, technically this is lunch." She laughs.

"What do you mean?"

"It's one in the afternoon."

I didn't even realize how long I slept. The fatigue from yesterday and my slight concussion must have taken its toll on my body. "It can't be one. The gala practice is ending right now."

"I know." She sighs. "Brian called me and told me to let you sleep. He's worried about you."

"Why?"

"Your head. I'm sorry I had to tell him."

"It's okay, he should know." I reassure her.

"I'm worried too." She reaches for her phone. "Do you have a headache or a feeling of pressure in the head, confusion, dizziness, ringing in the ears, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, sensitivity to light and other symptoms?"

I try to keep myself from laughing. "I had a few of those symptoms yesterday, but right now I only have a headache. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I still think you should go see a doctor."

"I'm sure." I nod. It's endearing that she's more concerned about my health than I am.

We continue to eat, but now in silence. My anxiety rises from the fact that I've missed the gala practice and the actual gala is in a few hours. Brian must have told them that I wasn't feeling good, but I hope he didn't say I was going to miss it all together. Because I'm not, and she isn't either.

"Complements to the chef." I clear my plate. "Did you pack your skates?"

"What?" She shakes her head. "I mean yeah I did, but I haven't been on the ice in months. I don't know why I brought them. It's just habit I guess."

"Perfect. That makes my plans for today easier."

"Plans?" She raises her eyebrows.

"You're going to come and skate at the gala with everyone. Then we are going to get some sushi, come back to the hotel and I can open your present. The rest of the night will belong to us."

"Yuzu." She shakes her head. "I can't skate. I mean I can, but I cannot jump or spin. There's nothing I can do, no performance I can offer. The doctor just cleared me to be on the ice this week. I don't even have a dress!"

"There's nothing you have to offer. No performance, no jumps. Just skating among your friends during the finale. We will figure out the dress."

"It's not going to work. I can't do it."

"That's not the Evgenia Medvedeva I know." I pout for the dramatic effect. "It's my birthday and I wish for you to come and skate by my side."

"Just this once, because it's your birthday." She relents.

"You know you want to get back on the ice more than anything."

"I do." She nods. "I'm just not sure doing it for the first time in months in front of so many cameras is smart."

"You're doing it surrounded by your friends and people who love you. There's no better way to start again."

"I guess you're right."

"Aren't I always?" I laugh.

She rolls her eyes and stands up. It's only then I realize that she's wearing one of my shirts. Only a shirt. Somehow it's one of the sexiest things I've ever seen. This woman will be the end of me. It gives me a few ideas of what I'd like to do tonight.

"So, shall we begin the dress hunt?"

"Yes."

_This is going to be a good birthday._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m alive! These past three weeks have been a whirlwind for me. I’m totally okay and happy, I was just moving into a new house! (On a side note, if anyone has a super secret trick to get paint off of carpet, please let me know. Nothing from the internet seems to be working). 
> 
> I didn’t realize how much I missed writing until weeks had gone by. I hope everyone enjoyed this super long chapter to compensate for my absence. I won’t be disappearing again any time soon unless my house catches on fire or something. 
> 
> Coming back to 14,500+ reads and 550+ kudos is incredible, thank you. The fact that I’ve received messages is also so heartwarming, I cannot express how much I appreciate them. I’m so sorry that I’ve kept you guys waiting and refreshing each day. My life is at a pretty good place right now, I should be able to get a new chapter up every 3-5 days instead of 1-3 weeks now:) Skate Canada is in less than a week I am so happy! Also if you haven't seen the TCC family picture Evgenia posted on her instagram, I recommend it because it warms my heart. Anyways, I <3 you all very much. See you in the next chapter. 
> 
> Thank you, Gracias, спасибо!


	52. Sweet and Bitter

**Yuzuru's POV**

The purple looks striking against her pale skin. The skirt of the dress hangs loosely past her hips. Stiff with embroidery, strewn with pearls, encrusted with gemstones - it's a wonder to look at.

"Where did you find this?" She stands in front of the mirror, taking in her own reflection.

"I used my magical powers." I jest. In reality I called the nearest fine clothing shop around us and somehow convinced Brian to pick it up. The dress, while beautiful, is not a skating dress. It's too heavy and restrictive, she must know that.

Zhenya steps back and twirls around, letting the crystals become a blur. "It fits perfectly. Although I don't think I'll be jumping in this."

"You won't be jumping at all." I say a little to harshly. "I mean, you can't."

"I know." She whispers and looks down.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want you to get hurt again by trying to jump when you haven't in almost five months."

"It's fine, besides I'm sure Brian is going to tell me the same thing when we get down there."

"Everyone is going to be happy to see you." I smile at the thought. "The press and the Internet will go crazy."

"This will be the first time we are on the ice together since the Worlds gala. Since everyone found out."

"Does that frighten you?" I ask her.

"I don't think so." She pauses. "No, it doesn't."

I watch as Zhenya quickly goes to work, lacing up her skates. She does it as if no time has passed. While hesitant at first, she stands up and smiles.

"Let's go give everyone something to talk about."

The walk down towards the backstage area is silent between us. The roar of the audience grows louder as we get closer to the ice, fueling the uneasy feeling in my stomach. _Does that frighten you?_ I asked Evgenia. Maybe I should have asked myself.

"Have they started already?" Her voice breaks my thoughts. The music has now replaced the shouts.

We turn the corner and before I can answer she breaks into a sprint. For someone wearing skates and a newly healed leg, she runs faster than I thought possible.

I go to yell her name but someone does it first.

When I finally reach her she has her arms wrapped around Wakaba and her Russian teammates. Many stand in shock with the exception of Nathan and Alina. They knew she here.

I can't help but notice the grin on everyone's face. Even Shoma, who remains quiet and reserved, seems elated to see Zhenya. I don't think she realizes the effect she has on people, how much she can light up a room when she enters. How her laughter is contagious and her smile can make any man fall in love with her.

I watch the other skaters take turns asking her questions before I slip away.

 

**Evgenia's POV**

"My leg is healed, but I haven't been back on the ice yet."

It's odd having to speak loud enough for the whole room to hear, especially when recounting the painful months I'm recovering from. My throat almost closes up when I try to talk about how I shattered my leg. I give a vague explanation and move on, not wanting to rip open painful memories. I want today to be happy, and telling my friends how hurt I was wouldn't do that.

"Have we all wished a certain someone a happy birthday?" I try to change the subject.

Everyone begins to look around, but he's nowhere to be found. I glance at Shoma who shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. It's not until we hear the thunderous roar that we understand where he has gone.

"The audience is wishing him a happy birthday." Alexandra laughs. "I think he just finished his exhibition."

My heart drops and I feel angry. Why must I always miss him skating? "Alina, when are you performing?"

"I already did. Yuzuru is the last person, the finale is in a few minutes."

"What?" It doesn't make sense. Yuzu had told me we weren't going to be late. He told me the time of the gala, but what he said wasn't true. If it were we would be just starting, not finishing.

Then I realized it. He told me the wrong time so I wouldn't feel guilty. The dress ended up taking two hours to arrive at the hotel. Yuzu sacrificed being on time so I could simply look nice for the gala.

"We are starting." Someone shouts, likely one of the event coordinators. I stand up nervously and smooth out my dress. I thought I wasn't afraid to get on the ice again in front of thousands of people, but what I'm feeling now contradicts that.

I frantically look around for Yuzu as the skaters begin to shuffle their way onto the ice. I swallow my pride and walk out into the open view while remaining behind others, trying to hide in any way I can.

_Why am I so afraid to let these people see me? To let them see how shaky I will be once I step on the ice?_

I am Evgenia Medvedeva. Two time Olympics silver medalist. Three time world champion. I have nothing to be afraid of.

The feeling of gliding across the rink is euphoric. The audience screams so loud, it's almost deafening. All eyes are on me, but all I can do just skate. No jumps, no spins. The sensation of being on the ice is enough to bring tears to my eyes. I've missed this, I've missed this so much. Months have gone by and I've just lived through the motions. This is where I belong, this is what makes me feel alive.

The music for the finale begins to play but it's hard to hear over the shouts. I realize that I have no idea what to do, Yuzu and I didn't go to the gala practice. I skate back towards the masses in an attempt to replicate their movements, but he catches my arm before I make it.

"Take my hand." He reaches out to me.

"Here? In front of everyone?"

_When the world shakes us_  
_Trying to take us out of line_  
_Fear of tomorrow_  
_Feelings we borrow for a time_

I stand there hesitant when I remind myself, _I have nothing to be afraid of._

I take his hand and he guides me around the rink. We move seamlessly as one. Despite the months I've been off the ice, the way I'm skating is if I've never left. Effortless and free. I let the music guide us as we make our own choreography, as we make this stage our own.

_Water so deep, how do we breathe?_  
_How do we climb?_  
_So we stay in this mess_  
_This beautiful mess tonight_

Even through the music and the screams I can hear his laughter, and eventually my own. Like two kids we recklessly twirl around on the ice, ignoring the world around us. Others skaters break away and do the same. In the end, we all skate for ourselves.

_And we don't have a thing to lose_  
_No matter what they say or do_  
_I don't want nothing more_  
_Our love is untouchable_  
_Even in the line of fire_  
_When everything is on the wire_  
_Even up against the wall_  
_Our love is untouchable_

_Our love is untouchable_

**...**

"I think we broke the internet." My hands scroll through the thousands of Instagram comments from the last few hours alone.

The finale of the gala in a sense was a mess. Not a single person following the choreography that was planed. It was wild, but free. Yuzu and I danced as others did backflips. The audience loved it, so I'd say it was a success. Afterwards thousands happily sang to him, _happy birthday_.

"Have we made national news again?"

"Maybe." I can already see the stories being written. Evgenia Medvedeva dances with Yuzuru Hanyu in surprise gala appearance after injury.

"They'll always write what they want." He murmurs. "All we can do is ignore them."

"We are good at that." I whisper to myself.

The temperature outside is below freezing and the hotel room isn't much warmer. We went out for Sushi after the gala and went to walk around but it was simply too cold.

"Can you turn the heat up?" He wraps a blanket around him and sinks into the couch. He hasn't been feeling well in the past few hours.

I nod my head and set the temperature. My eyes glance at the gift sitting on the table, waiting to be opened. I tell myself that I'll join him on the couch and he can open it.

My body shakes and I know that I'll get sick if I don't cover up. I dig through my luggage to retrieve a sweatshirt while I add layers of clothing to my body. After shuffling a few bags around, two white pieces of paper fall to the ground.

Trash is my initial thought. My hands go to crumble it but I realize what they are.

"What is this, Yuzu?" I hold the plane tickets in my hand. "Who is the second one for?"

He stands up off of the couch too quickly, almost falling back down. When he finally stabilizes he looks me in the eye with an expression I cannot understand.

"It's for you. I want you to come to Japan with me for the holidays."

I back away and shake my head. This is not going to go well. "I can't go, Yuzu. I’d love to another time, but I can’t right now.”

His brows furrow together almost angrily. "What do you mean you can't go?"

"I'm going back to Russia with Alina. I'm going to stay with her family in Izhevsk after Nationals."

The air in the room is undeniably tense. His expression was blank but somehow I felt that inwardly, he was seething.

"You didn't tell me." He says it as more of a statement than a question.

"I just decided yesterday. You didn't tell me either."

"I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise! Just as you surprised me yesterday. While we were waiting for the dress I booked the tickets and printed them out. I want to go home. I want you to come with me, Zhenya. To meet the rest of my family.  To spend Christmas with you. I already told them!” He can't hold back his voice anymore.

Anger welled up in my chest. I wanted to go home too. "I haven't been to Russia in a year! How do you think that makes me feel? As much as I want to spend Christmas with you and meet your family, I can't. I'm going home."

"Zhenya." He steps towards me. "Please."

"You don't understand." I say breathlessly. We have had arguments before, but often trivial things. Things we can laugh off five minutes later. This is different. There's a certain rage within him that I haven't seen. A certain irritable mood that has burst onto the surface.

"What's left for you in Russia?"

The question takes me aback. My family might not be there anymore, but my heart will always be. It's the country filled with my friends and my culture. The place I grew up. The place that I will represent until the day I die.

A fresh swell of rage rose in me. "How could you ask that? Even if your family wasn't in Japan anymore, you'd still have something there."

Instead of replying he sinks back into the couch, ignoring me entirely. I stand there angry and disappointed. This was not how this night was supposed to go. This is not the way to resolve this. _This doesn't seem like him._

The tension in the air is unbearable. I can't handle it, every breath feels as if I'm suffocating. As if the very air is thinning out. I rush to shove my belongings into my bags before walking towards the door.

"I'm leaving." My voice breaks, desperate for any reaction out of him. Instead all I get is silence.

I leave, and he doesn't try to stop me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Long notes 
> 
> I’ve been waiting to post this chapter until after Skate Canada was over and after I saw Evgenia’s exhibition so I could collect my thoughts. 
> 
> I was heartbroken when she missed her combination in the short program. She was on fire during the practices, it was so unexpected. I couldn’t stop thinking about it even while I was going my schoolwork. I almost couldn’t watch during the free program, every jump she did my heart skipped a beat. In the end she proved what we already knew, she’s a fighter and she’s not going anywhere. 
> 
> From 7th in the short to winning the free skate and third overall, I’m so proud of her. Only six points away from the gold. She will need to win her next GP to make it into the final and unfortunately the field there will be very tough. Even if she doesn’t qualify, I am so proud of her. I can see how hard she is working and during practice you can see how much she’s improved. I’m glad she can smile even with a bronze. #gozhenya :) 
> 
> Her exhibition was beautiful. She’s grown into such a mature and wonderful woman before our eyes. I feel like I’m watching a different person. And the song was too lovely for me not the put in the chapter (I took out the one I originally had woops)
> 
> That being said, it’s Yuzu’s turn at Helsinki in four days. Hopefully he can break that silver medal first GP curse and win. Whatever happens, I hope he is happy and healthy. The same goes for Evgenia.
> 
> As for this chapter… what can I say? Couples fight hehe. I won’t say anything more because we will just have to wait and see. 
> 
> Thank you all for 15,000 reads, it’s absolutely incredible. Sorry about posting late (again) but I needed to recover from this competition haha. I love you all and hopefully things will get easier for these two brilliant skaters <3


	53. Throbbing

**Yuzuru's POV**

My dreams take me back to a moment that seemed a lifetime ago. I knew the moment she started to cry, she thought she was alone. She cried slowly, with tears dripping down her temples and the soft hum of her own voice echoing throughout the hallway. Evgenia knew she existed and breathed. Yet, she thought she meant nothing to anyone. That she was just another person to fade away. She was alone, sinking deeper and deeper within her own mind.

She didn't know at the time how lonely I felt. How I was struggling to keep up with the expectations on my shoulders. How could she? It had only been a few weeks since she arrived at the TCC. I largely ignored her for the sake of keeping the press and rumors at bay. How far we have come from that.

Yet with the empty plane seat next to me I have never felt lonelier.

Loneliness eats you alive, swallowing every ounce of hope you had yet to spare. It feasts upon any happiness you have left. I never knew how lonely I was until Zhenya came along. It's only then that I realized how sheltered I've lived my life, not enjoying what it has offer. These last few months that we have gone without seeing each other only made me realize this more. I wanted to bring her home with me, to bring the person I love to meet the people who matter the most in my life.

I don't particularly remember what I said during our fight, all I know is that I hurt her. And the only thing more painful than knowing what I did is the throbbing in my head. It is always the same, a crushing pain just on one side of my head that came and went in a pattern. I knew as soon as the plane landed I needed to check into the hospital. I thought I could just skate through the pain, but it started to become more piercing yesterday. I didn't want to tell her that after the gala it was only getting worse. I didn't want to make her worry when she was so eager to make my birthday be the best day I have had in a while. In the end it didn't matter.

The last rays of the late afternoon sun fall slanting through my window as the plane dips down, preparing to land. I've been waiting for this moment for months, but somehow the excitement of coming home falls short. I won't be able to enjoy it as I had planned. Not when I have to compete again in a few short weeks. Not when she isn't here with me.

I feel the wheels hit the concrete and it only feels like a second later I am walking off the plane. Eyes glance in my direction before widening. Phones capture my every move. Finally the screams erupt. It is all quiet one second and then deafening the next, rising to a crescendo. The reporters come after the fans, bearing their never ending questions.

My bodyguards shuffle me out of the terminal and into the car. When I tell the driver I'd like to be taken to the hospital he doesn't react, only nodding his head. My hands fidget with my phone before I open it up, hesitating to dial her number again. My heart skips a beat when I hear her, but alas it's only her voicemail. I remind myself that she's likely still on the plane.

_Call me when you land, we need to talk._

When we arrive I thank the driver for his service, knowing that he will have to wait until I am done here. I hope it won't be more than a few hours until I step foot into the waiting room. Almost every seat is filled. Sick men, women, and children all wait as nurses rush past them, overwhelmed by the amount of people. As the months get colder the flu and other illnesses always grow more rampant. I should've known before I walked into here.

I don't get the chance to say a single word when I reach the front. The nurse almost fell out of her chair when she saw me. No one else seemed to notice, and in a hushed whisper she said my name.

"Hanyu-san!"

I smile and introduce myself, explaining the reason for my visit. She eagerly stands up and escorts me to a different part of the hospital. In the private ward the atmosphere is completely different. The air has a perfumed scent and the seats are plush. Every surface is impeccably clean. The nurses are unhurried as they moved from room to room on their rounds. There are vases of flowers and beautiful framed pieces of art hanging on the walls. That's when I recognized this is all wrong.

"Those people, they must have been waiting for hours now to get into a room. Forgive me but I'd prefer to wait so those people could be helped first."

The nurse who bears a striking resemblance to my mother smiles. "We don't base emergency room entries on the time of arrival, but the severity. From the symptoms you described and the situation you could have a serious head injury. You must get a scan and speak to the doctor as soon as possible."

I go to protest her words but I realize that there is truth to what she is saying. With the pain I am in, who knows what damage I have done? It dawns on me that I should have listened to Zhenya in that room after my free skate. I should have gone to the hospital at that exact moment.

Instead now I find myself here days later in a room all by myself, loneliness creeping up on me.

Outside the window I can see the full effect of the winter sweeping through. The wind howls, piling up snow in drifts, blinding the night with ice-white dust. It seemed like hours came by until there was a knock at the door.

The doctor smiled in the cold and distant way professionals do. There were no introductions, instead he immediately began asking me questions and went to work. Through the examination he gave commands rather than requests. Some things were painful, such as the blinding flashlight in my eyes. I winced as he applied pressure to the side of my skull.

"I'm afraid you have a head injury and I am almost certain it is a concussion. We will have to do further testing. That means you will have to stay the night while we run scans."

"Is it severe?" I ask when in reality the question is ". _..will this affect my career?"_

"We will have to wait until the results come back from the scans to know that."

I nod and he informs me that I will be moved into a room for the night. Nurses stop by with a hospital gown and guide me down the corridors. I excuse myself after remembering I need to make three phone calls.

My driver, Zhenya, and Saya.

 

**Evgenia's POV**

It was strange, being here again after so long. Despite how long I'd been away, I still remembered everything about this place. Then again, Moscow was all I had known for eighteen years.

I took several cabs around town, stopping at the places I had frequented all my life. I return home, return to the same streets and to the same people. I talk to the families who were once my neighbors. I visit the home that once belonged to my mother, grandmother and I. After lunch I make my way to visit lifelong friends that I have failed to keep in touch with. They were beyond excited to embrace me and chatter, catching up like I never went away. Yet I couldn't help but notice the awkwardness that hung over every conversation. Afterwards it was all too obvious that the gaping hole I left in my departure had long since healed and scarred up. I'm no longer part of their lives as I had been.

Since my plane has landed the weather has taken a turn for the worst. In the oncoming blizzard there was no way to know which direction to go, the usual landmarks were hidden behind the white that swirled so densely. I decided it was time to meet Alina at the arena again before I ended up stranded in the bitter cold.

The taxi was warm and welcoming. I gazed straight ahead, only half-aware of the world outside the car, lost in thought. In the moment, that flash of anger protected me from the pain. If I were to relive the fight, I wouldn't run away to spend the night in Alina's hotel room. Leave for the airport only leaving a single text as goodbye. Yet I meant what I said, I'd love to go to Japan. Meet his family even though it terrifies me. But I needed this, I needed to go home.

I click my phone on and sigh at the lack of signal. When I step out of the car and into the arena, there's still nothing.

The ice is filled with ladies practicing for the short program in a few days. Coaches line up along the wall, watching their pupils every move. Russian nationals is a competition of its own caliber. Any of these girls could be on the podium at worlds, yet only three will go. Handfuls of them can land quads. If I hadn't shattered my leg I'd be here among them.

I will be soon. With only two years until Beijing I hear time begin to tick, I feel the sense of urgency begin to seep in. In these next two years I will have to learn to skate again. I will have to go beyond what I was previously capable of. That's the only way I can make it.

I stand at the edge of the rink, watching my friends and rivals alike do some of the most difficult combinations as if it is nothing.

The practice ends and I find myself waiting for Alina so we can go to her grandmother's. Footsteps approach me and my stomach takes on a feeling of uneasiness.

"Zhenya." I knew the voice before I turned around.

Alina remained ducked behind Eteri, unsure of what to do or say. I smiled and said nothing else, too caught off guard to react. "Can I speak with you?"

"Yes." I answered dryly, following my former coach to an empty corridor.

When we stopped I knew it was time to face her. Even though it would have been easier to stare at the white walls surrounding us, I couldn't be a child.

"Are you still angry, Zhenya?"

"Are you?" I ask, my voice breaking.

"No, I am not. We have had years to heal from this. I think it is time we forgive each other."

My head whirls back to a moment almost a decade ago. I was angry with a boy who teased me about my fascination with anime. At eleven years old I found it the most offensive thing anyone had said to me. I yelled at the boy and told him I'd never talk to him again. Eteri sat me down, saying he'd apologize but I'd have to forgive him. I shook my head in protest, saying forgiving makes you weak. She scoffed and turned to me _"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"._

"I am not angry anymore. We can't take back what happened, we can only forgive and move on."

"You always were strong." She lets a smile escape her lips.

"I've had my moments." I whisper. "The thought of competing against your students is a bit scary must I say."

"Strong isn't being free of fear, quite the opposite. Strong is seeing all the issues and problems, knowing you must overcome them. Will you, Zhenya?"

"Always."

We stand in a comfortable silence. There's still so much to be said, yet at the same time there is nothing more to say. We know that our split wasn't ideal. We know we both made mistakes and that we've learned from them. Perhaps now we can truly let it rest.

"Come to Sambo with us, you're welcome on the ice while we work with Alina and Sasha. However I will not offer you any coaching advice or help. I hope you'd understand why I'd say that."

"I do." I must learn to skate all over again, and it must be under the guidance of Brian and Tracy. It won't hurt to become more familiar with the ice again however.

"We must be on our way then." I follow her outside before getting into the car with Alina. The weather has only gotten worse, I fear that by the time we arrive at Sambo we won't be able to leave.

"Your grandmother is going to pick us up in this weather?" I lean over towards Alina.

"Maybe. If not then we are in for a fun night." She giggles.

My phone finally picks up service and I can't help but feel disappointed by the zero calls and messages I have received. I first text my mother, letting her know I am safe. Then I text Brian, telling him that I will be skating.

The response is almost instantaneous. He sends back a long and detailed text message with instructions and exercises for me to do on the ice. At the end of the text message, he leaves a simple request.

_Fight the urge to attempt to jump. If you do, you might get hurt again. I don't think Tracy and I can bare that, we have already missed you too much at the club. Stay strong and enjoy your time at home._

I hold the phone to my chest and smile. Where would I be without my coaches? It's only been two years but they feel like family. Like I have known them my whole life.

A sudden nonstop pinging makes me jump in fear. My phone floods with notifications from the past several hours. Messages from Jason and Tracy. Phone calls from my mother and Yuzu. I've missed all fifteen.

He picks up the phone almost instantly. "Zhenya?"

"What's wrong?" My mind spins at the possibilities.

"Nothing." He pauses. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You called fifteen times to see if I was okay?" My heart flutters.

"I should have called more."

I smile while I lean my head against the car window. Night had fallen fast. No more than an hour ago the sky was painted white with the hues of orange fighting to break through the clouds. But all color had faded leaving blackness with no stars to be seen.

"Isn't it past midnight in Japan right now?" Yuzu was never one to stay up late.

"Hmmm... yes." His voice was raspy.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I am just tired. I know we have a lot to talk about and things to figure out."

"We can do that tomorrow if you want. That way you can get your beauty rest while I skate with Alina." I tease.

"Are you happy being home?"

Happiness is like a radio signal that is loud one moment then gone the next. Happiness is unpredictable most of the time, it often is a complete surprise. Happiness may last for a long while, or it may be gone before we know it. But today I felt myself smile. I felt myself reminiscing of the good memories I had. I felt happiness.

"Yes."

"Ok, that's all I needed to know. I'll call you tomorrow when I can. I love you, goodnight."

"Wait." I shriek, not wanting his voice to go. Yet when the car stops I know I must. "I left your birthday gift on the table, did you...?"

"Open it? No, I haven't. I thought you would want to be there when I did."

"I do." I whisper. "I love you Yuzu, I am sorry your birthday didn't go the way I planned. Goodnight."

The other line cuts off and I sink into the seat of the car, not wanting to move at first. Even after our worst fights and tough moments I will never get tired of hearing his voice. Hearing those three words.

"Zhenya!" Alina shakes me. "Let's get inside before Eteri yells at us or we get buried by the snow."

I finally find my strength in my legs to stand up, my feet plunging into the piles of snow. I couldn't help but feel something was off about our phone call. His voice, it's almost as if there was a hint of denial in a few of his words.

As if there was something wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on time for once? It must be a miracle! 
> 
> I had no idea I had passed 100,000 words for this story, and wow. I still have ~15 chapters to the end of the story, maybe more but unlikely. I can’t believe how huge this story has become and if you would’ve told me in July that by November people would still be reading this I wouldn’t believe you. 
> 
> As someone who isn’t a native English speaker this is such a great opportunity for me to learn how to write better. I read this chapter and then read the first chapter of the book. Now I want to go back and re-edit those first chapters haha. 
> 
> Thank you for every read, comment and kudos. Good luck Yuzu in Helsinki, don’t break my heart :) I will see you all on Monday or Tuesday.


	54. Voices of Comfort

**Yuzuru's POV**

I awake to the wind howling against my window, snowflakes falling and hiding the rays of the rising sun. For a moment I forget where I am and how I got here. Last night seemed like a never ending nightmare as the memories rush back to me. That's when I put the pieces of the puzzle together – I'm home.

The door to the room quietly creaks open. "Onēsan."

"I made you breakfast if you're well enough to get up."

"I'll be right there." I nod and she leaves.

My sister was the one who had brought me to the ice. Being the older one, Saya was my childhood idol in many ways. She did everything first and when she started skating all I knew was that I wanted to do the same.

The sharp pain in my head has subsided overnight after the hospital prescribed me the medication. After my phone call with Zhenya I had a series of fainting spells. For a brief moment between the flashes I thought I was never going to wake up.

_A grade three concussion_ the doctor had told me. _Severe_. Luckily the scans revealed that I had not caused any life-threatening damage. I would simply need to take the time to heal and things will be all right. But that means my withdrawal from Nationals and Four Continents. That means I must be off the ice for at least two months.

I slide the slippers over my feet and begin to walk out of my bedroom. Saya has made a small breakfast and I am grateful. My appetite isn't very large right now.

"How are you feeling?" She helps me sit down.

"Tired." I answer honestly. "The pain isn't as bad as yesterday when you came to the hospital."

"Good. You need to sleep more if you're tired."

There's a kind of tired that needs a good night's rest, and another that needs so much more. My mind is much more tired than my body. It's always consumed in thought. Always worrying about what comes next or what will happen. I spend those nights awake tossing in bed, and without the rest my body will spiral into exhaustion.

I don't say anything to Saya, instead I continue eating. As the sun continues to rise it shines on her, drawing my eyes to her features. Her hair is dark, the sleek strands falling past her shoulders contrasting with her pale skin. Every time I see her she looks more like my mother. The same eyes and the same warm smile. Yet I will always remember the girl who taught me to lace up my skates and the girl who encouraged me to chase my dreams.

"When is Medvedeva-san coming?" The question seemingly echoes throughout the house.

"I told you she isn't coming, she is in Moscow."

"Yes but you're injured, she'd come over wouldn't she?"

"She would if she knew." I whisper.

"What?" Saya practically screams. "How could not tell her? You're going to let her find out from the news that you were in the hospital? You cannot do that!"

"It's on the news?" _Of course it would be..._ how could I think otherwise? So much for patient confidentiality. "I didn't want her to know. I wanted her to enjoy her time home."

"If you don't tell her I'll do it."

"Fine."

Time soon turns into a waiting game. In Moscow it is still the middle of the night. I drag my fatigued body back to bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling above me. Its times like this where I am reminded that I am not the most patient man.

Minutes turn into hours and still all is silent. I try to shut my eyes, to get any ounce of sleep I can. Instead I get nothing. Every once and a while the door opens and someone checks on me. The answer is always the same, _I am fine._

The afternoon sun tries to peak through the windows but I already covered them. The doctor's instructions were clear – stay inside and rest. The latter wasn't possible and I didn't know how long I could stay inside this room until I began to feel trapped. So I sought comfort in the only way I knew how. The voices of other people.

Brian wasn't pleased at first when he picked up the phone. I had neglected to call him yesterday and he said he spent the past few hours in panic after hearing I was admitted. He was even less pleased when I told him about the injury and where it came from. _"Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"_ he had asked me after the disaster of a free skate. I told him no, and now the answer has come back to haunt us. I tell Brain what the doctors told me, that I must withdrawal from Nationals and stay off the ice.

And as he's done several times in the past, he comforts me. Helps me look at the brighter side of things. Reminds me that I have fought through worse. Tells me that there's work to be done when I get back to Toronto. I thank him for his words although there is so much more to be said. Brian has been there for me every step of the way.

Tracy is the next number I find myself dialing. Despite it being close to midnight over there, she picks up just as quickly as Brian did. Her voice is warm and friendly, I will always welcome it. The other end of the line goes silent after I tell her the news, although I can hear the faint sniffles every now and then. It must be hard to be a coach and love your students like they're your own children. To see them suffer under pressure and get injured. Tracy composes herself and admits just that – how hard it's been between my injuries and Zhenya's. How Brain is completely bald now from the stress. I keep myself from laughing, remembering all the hair he used to have. She laughs too. In the end I wish her a goodnight's rest, and she wishes me a fast recovery.

Misha doesn't answer his phone. I cannot even begin to guess where he is at in the world right now. I couldn't be happier to see him so successful. He puts so much thought into his choreography, he deserves every ounce of recognition.

A very sleepy Javier does answer. I give him a few minutes to wake up before I insist on him telling me what he's been up to. I learn that he's happily traveling the world with his wife and that they've been to all seven continents. I can hear the excitement in his voice when he tells me that they're planning to settle down and have children. In a weird way I feel envious, as if that kind of life is out of reach for me.

We talk for almost an hour until he has to leave. Neither of us wanted to end the call, but Javier didn't have the luxury of time. He had to be at a meeting for a new ice rink being constructed in Madrid. One where he would be the head coach.

I call Nobu but the line continuously rings before I give up. I push myself to my feet, wanting to talk to my family. My phone begins to buzz and I chuckle, Nobu was never one to miss my calls.

Instead it was her.

"Morning." Zhenya's voice was hoarse. I miss waking up to that voice.

"Just woke up?"

"Hmm... maybe." She tries to suppress a yawn. "I decided to sleep in."

"I need to talk to you about something." I blurt. I know if I don't say it now I'll keep pushing it away.

"I know Yuzu, I should not have ran off like that. I know you're probably upset and your family as well. That wasn't my intention, but it was so unexpected and in the moment all I could think about was going to Moscow."

"No one is upset with you, Zhenya. That wasn't what I was going to say."

"It didn't seem that way. I had never seen you so upset at me." There's a certain vulnerability in her voice that breaks my heart. I still cannot recall all the words we exchanged that night.

Before I could say anything another voice began to speak. It was faint yet familiar, it was someone who I have heard before.

"Evgenia?"

There was no response. Instead I heard more voices. It's times like this where I want to kick myself for not knowing any Russian aside from a few basic phrases.

"Privettttt?" I drag out the word.

A finally, I get a laugh. "Your Russian is cute. I was talking to my mother and grandmother, sorry."

"They're with you now?"

"Da." She giggles. "Alina's parents wanted me to invite them, and I wished to as well. It makes me feel even more at home. I know my mother and grandmother miss Moscow."

I let out a shaky breath. The dread and anxiety overtook my mind and body. How could I tell her now and spoil this holiday for her? I don't want her to come rushing to Japan when she can spend time with her family.

"Yuzu... you there?"

"Hai."

"What were you going to tell me?"

_I know if I don't say it now I'll keep pushing it away_. The words finally leave my mouth "I'm injured."

The silence is deafening. Poison on my skin. Not a single sound from her. Not a single sound from the dying winter storm. I can hear my own breath and the sound of my heart beating through my chest. I wanted to say something, beg her to speak, but my own words had left me.

"I'll be in Japan tomorrow. I just need to pack quickly and book the closest flight." Her voice betrayed her. The raspy words, the tone. She was holding back tears.

"No you're not." My senses come back to me. "You're staying in Moscow. Please stay."

"How could you ask that of me? I can't stay here when I know you're hurting. You rushed back for me when I was injured."

"Actually you asked me to skate in the show before I came back to you because it's what you wanted. This is what I want, so I beg you to stay."

"It's your head, isn't it?" Her voice is soft and fearful. "How bad is it?"

"Brain is announcing my withdrawal from Japanese Nationals today. I won't be on the entry list for Four Continents, nor will I be on the ice for at least a month or two."

"How bad is it?" Zhenya repeats again.

"No life threatening damage. I can still remember most things, I can still function. I'll be fine."

"That whole time on your birthday, you were in pain? Why didn't you go to the hospital earlier? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want to ruin the day you had planned for me and I didn't want to spoil your time going home."

"And you are stubborn when it comes to injuries." She laughs. "Cup of China comes to mind."

"Don't remind me of that." I groan.

"I suppose that is why you were so... irritable during our fight."

"Zhenya, I don't remember what I said, but I never mean to hurt you. I really did want to bring you home with me. I understand that you really wanted to go home too. For that reason I want you to stay."

"Yuzu." She pauses. "I still want to go, I need to make sure you're okay."

"I'll be fine, my family is here with me. I have you with me as well, even if you aren't here physically."

"You have more than just me. You have Misha, Javi, and everyone at the TCC. You have Nobu and Alex. You have so many people who love you and would talk to you if you just opened up to them."

That was always my weakness. Opening up to people. Perhaps it's the biggest reason I felt so lonely in those months without Zhenya. It's not that I didn't have other people to talk to, I was just afraid to.

"I know."

"How did you survive all these years without me?" She laughs.

"Javier." I admit. In my moments of doubt his words always brought me up. He knew the pressures of having the expectations of an entire country on his shoulders.

"You can still bother him, I am sure he won't mind." She teases.

"Already did."

"How long are you going to be in Sendai?" Her tone is mischievous. "Until February?"

"I might leave a few weeks before and start training slowly again."

"What's to say I still come to Japan and meet your family?"

"Zhenya." I try to speak as clear as I can. "Stay with your family, enjoy your time with Alina."

"I'm was going to leave early January and go back to Toronto. I suppose a pit stop in Japan wouldn't hurt."

"No it wouldn't." I smile. "I can show you around like I have always wanted to."

"The two of us out in the open in Japan?  We are going to need masks and wigs."

"No." I spent so many years dancing with the wishes and whims of others. I wanted to show her the place I grew up, and I didn't want to hide.

"In a few weeks then."

_Yes, Zhenya. In a few weeks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas she will finally be meeting the rest of the family *wink*. This has been something I’ve been building up to and next chapter will be quite huge and I will try not to take forever writing it :) 
> 
> YUZURU HANYU BROKE HIS GP CURSE! Ok I’m sorry I’m just very excited! In this story (I think) I wrote that he broke the silver medal curse. Am I a wizard?!? Probably not or else I’d get these chapters up sooner xD
> 
> I’m almost at 16,000 views and 600 kudos. Every time I come back to check on this story it always grows so much and it always blows my mind. I love all you strangers out there for reading this story.
> 
> I will see you all with a very emotional next chapter (that’s the only hint you will get). Goodnight or goodmorning, thank you <3


	55. Traditional

**Evgenia’s POV**

The warm coat covers my body yet I am still shaking. If I'd stayed up all night before my flight it would have made no difference to my exhaustion. By the morning the bed sheets were in a knot and aside from a few fit-full half hours of vivid dreams, I didn't sleep one bit. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t keep my eyes closed, I couldn’t block out the noise of my mind.

Just stepping out of the taxi makes my breathing rapid and shallow. I can feel my pulse pounding in my temples as I walk down the street towards his home. I have been anxiously waiting for this moment since our phone call all those weeks ago. How will his family react to me? His mother had only just begun to accept our relationship before she went back to Sendai, and she did that for the sake of her son’s happiness. Yuzu’s father… I am sure he wants nothing more for his son than a nice Japanese girl. The only person I don’t fear is Saya, who by all accounts will always support whatever her brother does in life. Including who he chooses to spend his life with.

I've been so lost in constructing scenarios for the evening ahead that I am almost walk past his home. There’s a certain aurora surrounding it, knowing that this is the place a two time Olympic champion grew up. The house itself is beautiful, but not in the kind of modern architecture I was usually drawn to. It was more of the olde-worlde quaint aesthetic. The windows were large to let in maximum light, but likely fashioned so that the home stayed warm in the winter time. Leafless trees aligned the walkway to the front door.

My hands ball into a fist, hesitating to do anything as I stand in front of the door. I can hear voices on the inside, the sound of dishes clinging and a constant chatter. Suddenly the door swings open and for a second I stand there slightly stunned.

“Saya.” I whisper under my breath before bowing. She does the same in return and I can’t help but feel relaxed by her friendly demeanor.

“Medvedeva-san, it’s nice to meet you. You can call me by my name, I don’t see a need for anything else.” Her English is heavily accented, reminding me of how Yuzuru’s used to be.

“I’ve heard nothing but good things about you.” A smile plays on my lips. “You can call me Evgenia, Zhenya, Janny, or any of the million names I seem to have.”

She laughs and steps aside, allowing to me to enter the home.

_“Ojyamashimasu”_ I walk in and immediately take off my shoes, placing them neatly among the others. Saya hands me a pair of slippers and I thank her. Her features are strikingly similar to what I remember of Yuzu’s mother. The inside of the house is impeccably clean, earthy colors are painted across the walls. Just as I had imagined the inside is warm and welcoming, a stark contrast to the bitter cold outside.

I cautiously walk further in, admiring every detail. The dinner table is set for five people and the thought of what’s to come scares me ever so slightly. It’s not until I turn around that I know true fear.

His head cocked to the side, his eyes shifting from the ground to me. My heart stopped and I could barely breathe. Yuzuru’s father was the definition of intimidating. He towered over the room and his expression was unreadable. I clench my fists tightly, until my nails dig into the palm of my hand, but I barely notices the pain. I stop myself and bow “ _Hajimemashite. Watashi wa Zhenya desu.”_

_“Konbanwa.”_ He utters and bows, but not nearly as deep.

Suddenly all my preparations flee my mind, my brain feels full of static and forget everything I wanted to say. Part of me is screaming to turn around, but I know I can’t. Then tension in the room is almost unbearable.

The footsteps approaching are quiet but I welcome them. I bow to Yuzuru’s mother and we exchange a few introductory words. Yumi Hanyu looks even more radiant than the last time I saw her – she is thriving being home again. She looks me in the eye and smiles. Perhaps 'smile' wasn't the correct word for it. The top row of teeth is showing, and there’s a faint curve to her lips, but there’s no crease below her eyes, no movement in her cheeks. On anyone else, it would be a grimace, at best. But to me, the slightest bit of warmth she has shown me is the biggest relief I could’ve imagined.

His smile was different. The way his lips lifted upward. The way his dimple crinkles. The way his teeth are perfectly aligned. I fight the urge to run into his arms and feel them wrapped around me. It’s like a never ending cycle, we are with each other and then we separate – often months at a time. Each time we meet again I fall in love once more and each time is harder than the last. Every time the feeling gets deeper, more complete. Our eyes meet, our lips say hello even though there’s so much to be said. As if he reads my mind, he whispers _later_. We bow to each other before I’m led to the meal.

The dining room was elegant in a minimalist sort of way, yet still echoed the natural tones throughout the house. The table was low to the ground and there were no chairs, only mats. I relax a little bit and pat myself on the back for being somewhat knowledgeable of proper Japanese table adequate. At least enough to be polite.

We take our slippers off before walking on the floors and eventually sitting on the ground in front of the table. The food looks beyond delicious and my stomach rumbles slightly. Yuzuru’s father gives the go-ahead, and after we all say the words we begin.

“ _Itadakimasu.”_

With two hands I pour some wine into Saya’s glass and she returns the favor. After everyone’s is filled we raise them up and cling them together _“kampai!”_

Every bite I take is as savory as the last. I spent the last few weeks in heaven eating Alina’s mothers’ Russian cooking, but I will always find Japanese meals some of the finest in the world. The rice is a little tricky for me to grab with the chopsticks but I quickly adjust.

“You’re making my mother very happy.” Saya leans into me and whispers. “It’s a compliment when you clear your bowl down to the last grain of rice.”

I didn’t even realize I had done that. “What can I say? It’s delicious.”

I so desperately want to hug Saya and thank her for lessening the tension as she makes small conversation. “Do you eat Japanese cuisine often, Zhenya-san?”

_You know the language, Zhenya. Don’t be afraid to speak it_. “I do, and every once and a while Hanyu-san makes it for me. I’m afraid it’s not as good as this meal.”

Laughs erupt from around the table, especially from his mother. There’s a little bit of shock from me speaking Japanese as well. I look over at Yuzu, who can’t hide the grin across his face and the red blush to his cheeks.

_“Gochisosama-deshita.”_ We express our thanks and appreciation for the meal. I offer to help clean up but I am kindly refused and reminded that I am the guest and they are the host. Yuzuru talks to his father as Saya whisks me away, showing the room where I will be sleeping the next few days. When we return he is waiting for me, a coat donned and his boots laced up.

“I thought you’d want to go on a walk.”

“Hai.”

My hair flutters around in the air, my clothes cling to my body, and my arms are tightly wrapped around myself. I felt cold wind stinging my exposed skin, but I felt the warmth of the person next to me.

“I think my father likes you. I think he was surprised that you knew most of the customs and some Japanese.”

“Most customs.” I raise my eyebrows. “What did I mess up?”

“Try not to mix your rice.” He chuckles.

I playfully kick the pile of snow on the ground. I feel giddy from his words, _I think my father likes you_. We continue to walk along the sidewalk through the darkness of the night.

“What else did he say?” I let my nosy side get the best of me and let the words escape my lips.

Yuzu stops dead in his tracks, taking my hand and leading me off a beaten path. After several minutes we emerge into a small park surrounded my leafless trees. The benches are buried in the snow but he clears it off, allowing us to sit before he looks me in the eyes.

“He asked me if I plan to marry you.”

The words make my mouth go dry. I seldom ever thought of it. As I have gotten older I have understood that marriage isn't a ring worn or a paper signed. It’s so much more, yet I still had never imagined it for myself.

“Do you?” I ask hesitantly.

“Zhenya, I’d marry you in a heartbeat.”

I trace his lip lightly with the tip of my finger. It pouts slightly, and I have such an urge to bite it, to kiss it. His hand reaches for mine and they interlock as we kiss tentatively, passionately and then, tenderly. It’s not the feeling of the cold that causes me to shiver in complete pleasure and ecstasy. I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips and, at my grant of access, delved inside my mouth.

I feel the hot breath move to my neck, then the tender brush of lips, burning as they make contact with my neck. A hand runs through my hair, as the kisses become harder and more urgent. Another hand slides around my waist before it quickly retracts.

“I need to breathe.” He pulls away, taking the warmth with him. I can hear the sound of my heart beating through my chest. My eyes drift upwards to admire the stars illuminating the night sky, and when they fall back down I’m staring into his.

“What did he say about it?” My voice is barely audible.

“He didn’t seem indifferent to it. I’ve been talking to him about you for the entire month I have been here. He knows how much I love you.”

“So I was worrying for nothing the whole way here?” I can’t help but laugh.

“What do you mean?”

“I was worried he wouldn’t like me, that he would want a traditional girl for you.”

Yuzu reaches over and brushes his lips on the top of my head. “He did, and growing up I thought I would marry someone traditional. But you’re perfect to me Zhenya, I don’t need anyone else. I am not a traditional man.”

“No, you’re not.” I smile. He’s one in a million.

His hands dig into his coat pocket, pulling out a small box. In the darkness I couldn’t see what it was at first. My eyes squinted and then finally I saw the familiar wrapping. How could I forget? Every day we talked on the phone for several hours these past few weeks. It was my way of knowing he was okay. On Christmas he called and I was reminded of that day one year ago. When I read his confession, when I opened his gift. I told him he could open mine, the one that was meant for his birthday. He refused to do it until I got here, and now here I am. My gift to him in his palm.

“Open it.” I nod.

His hands cautiously tear the wrapping paper and slowly open up the velvet box. Yuzu takes a minute to stare at it, holding it up under the light of the moon and stars. The gold reflects so beautifully in the night as he inspects the little charms. Of course I had to include Pooh-san along with everything that matters to him. I couldn’t resist adding three Olympic gold medals.

“You got me one of my own.” His voice cracks, on the brink of tears. Yuzu slides the bracelet over his wrist, carefully flicking the charms. Without realizing it my hands reach for my necklace, holding it tightly.

“I love it, Zhenya.”

“I thought you would want to carry the things you love with you at all times, like you have allowed me to do so.” I inch forward and press my lips against his cheek.

“I almost wish I opened this sooner.” He chuckles. “I am still glad I waited so I could open it with you.”

“Better late than never.”

His arms rope me in again, our kisses passionate as ever. This time I pull away to whisper those three words.

“I love you.”

…

 

_“Ohayou_.” I greet Yumi Hanyu. We make light conversation as I wait for Yuzu to finish getting ready. My Japanese is rough, and sometimes I have to switch back to English. But nevertheless she seems happy, even eager to talk to me.

“Sorry.” Yuzu makes his way down the stairs. He’s wearing the same coat from our walk last night, but everything else is different. A thick wool scarf covers the lower half of his face while a hat covers almost the rest. It’s not just because it’s cold outside, it’s because of where we are going.

The morning sun struggles to break through the clouds but it eventually succeeds. We blend in with the masses as Yuzu shows me every inch of Sendai. We walk the same streets he was paraded through following the Olympics. He takes me to some of the most beautiful shrines I have ever seen. After a bit of begging, we spend an hour at the aquarium. Time seems to escape us when we realize that the sun will be below the horizon soon.

“There’s one last place I have to show you.”

My heart stops when I realize where we are. He’s talked about his home rink so much, but here it was in front of my eyes. The ice he grew up on.

“I had to take you here.” He leans in. “You understand why?”

“I do.” This was a place that he held deep in his heart. This place holds love and pain for him.

The rink itself was empty. There wasn’t a single person there, not a single worker. I know Yuzu probably requested the rink to close early, but I don’t question it. Instead I let him take my hand and guide me through.

The rental skates aren’t as bad as I had envisioned. Still with my lack of training I don’t dare jump in them. Yuzu doesn’t either – we both prefer to not reinjure ourselves. Instead we glide on the ice in silence before the sound of his cries echoes throughout the rink.

The walls that hold him up, that make him strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fall. He goes with them, collapsing onto the ice. I rush down and wrap my arms around him. He sobs into my chest unceasingly, hands clutching at my jacket. I hold him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soak my chest.

A tiny lapse lets him pull away. “I thought I was strong enough to bring you here, to relive that day and tell you. It just hurts too much.”

Yuzu collapses back into my arms and I feel the tears forming in my eyes. He never liked talking about the earthquake with me, and when he did it was brief. I understood that this brought him pain, so I never pushed him any further. When he talked about growing up in this rink he only told me the good memories he had, the ones he was fond of.

“You’re stronger than you realize.” My voice betrays me and he looks up, his hands wiping away my tears.

“It was the worst day of my life. We were on the ice and I just remember how the building shook so angrily. We ran out with our skates still on our feet. The roof survived, but the ice was damaged. The walls were damaged. I didn’t know if my family was okay. I didn’t know how we’d move on, how my country would recover. The thousands of lives that were lost. Names I knew of trapped in the rubble or swept up by the waves.”

The sound of grief in his voice crushes me. I look around and imagine what it must have been like to go through that. It only makes me begin to sob more. We hold each other, letting our cries slowly quiet and eventually disappear. All that’s left is our two collapsed bodies on the ice, and his words.

“Thank you, Zhenya.”

“For what?”

“For being in my life. For helping me through every injury and every fleeting moment. You’re my one stable force, my one stability in a world filled with chaos and I so desperately need that in my life. I love you for making me laugh and showing me that there’s so much more that life has to offer me. Even in my darkest moments all I need to hear is your voice and I know everything will be okay. You’re the only person who can make me feel the way that I do. You’re the only person I want to share my life. It’s only ever been you, and it will always be you.”

Tears prick my eyes again but this time they’re not of sorrow. “And everything we’ve gone through, we have gotten through it together. We always will.”

He kissed me and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words weren’t. His hand rested below my ear, his thumb caressing my cheek. What he had just spoken replayed over in my head, and I couldn’t keep the request to myself any more.

“Marry me, Yuzu.”

He pulls away, confused at first. But then he smiles. “Are you certain?”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything.” I nod.

“I have to ask your mother first Zhenya, and don’t you want it to happen in a more romantic pla…”

“Here is perfect, right now is perfect. It can be our little secret for a while, my mother won’t mind.”

We help each other to our feet, laughing at the absurdity of what we are doing. I don’t think either of us care. We are young but have been through so much. No matter what happens with our careers, I just know only one thing. It’s him, it’s always been him. This feels right.

“Shall I do a western style proposal? Or would you like some Japanese phrases?”

“Ooh... what are the Japanese ones?” I tease.

“Will you make miso soup for me every day?”

“I have another idea.” I giggle. “Let’s do something just for us, nothing traditional. We couldn’t be further away from that word.”

His arms snake around my waist and lift me up into the air. No, he didn’t get on one knee. It was better this way.

“Evgenia Armanovna Medvedeva, will you marry me?”

“Hai, yes, da.” The language doesn’t matter because my answer is the same.

We kiss and it feels like I am in a dream. There was no ring but I couldn’t care less. Being in his arms was all I needed, and even when I was back on my feet I felt like I was on cloud nine. Hand in hand we lap the rink until I trip and crash into the ground.

“I suppose we need some training.” Yuzu laughs.

“It’s not like we have a flight back to Toronto together in a few days.”

“Together?” He smiles.

“Together.” _Always._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do I even begin…
> 
> Something positive: Happy birthday to our beautiful Zhenya! I hope today is an amazing day for her. Most of all I hope she is happy. It’s been incredible to watch her grow up from her junior days to this incredible woman and I’m so proud to be her fan. She’s so inspiring and gah I just love her so much. Happy 19th! 
> 
> Something negative: Yuzu, I’m so sorry. Everyone freaked out after that fall in practice and then we calmed down because we thought he left as a precaution. And then after the freeskate he was in crutches. I felt slightly guilty as I literally just wrote him getting injured and competing during it. Most of all, I feel so sad that he always has to go through these hardships. It seems it’s injury after injury - I just want him to be happy and healthy.
> 
> On this chapter: It took about a week and it was important for me because I have been planning this for a while. There’s still hurdles to cross but yes, they’re engaged. I wanted it to be a surprise and not just something that happens at the end of the story. I hope I succeeded in that regard. I also hope the fluff of this chapter makes up for this horrid week. Can we just forget Rostelecom? I’d prefer to do such.
> 
> The next chapter will probably take a week unless I die from a heart attack because of France. Zhenya, I believe in you! Get that spot and go to the GPF! And Yuzu, I don’t care if he does. I just want him to heal. 
> 
> Thank you all for 16000 reads! I am sorry I’m always taking so long to update, I wish I could go back to July and August where I was posting a chapter daily, but my life doesn’t allow that right now. I <3 you all very much and I’ll see you soon :)


	56. Promise of Spring

**Evgenia's POV ******

********

********

The sweat was salty on my lips. My legs feel empty - it never ceases to amaze me that the muscles that were working so hard only seconds ago now struggle to hold my weight. The process was agonizingly slow starting from the minute we returned to Toronto. After a shattered leg and six months off the ice, I have had to learn how to skate all over again.

Only doubles have returned to me. I jump triples in a harness but it's clear my body can't handle them yet. Brain promises me they'll come back in time, but I don't need convincing. If there's anything I have learned from my years at the TCC its patience.

I slowly push my blades into the ice, creating gentles curves. Once I feel the energy inside of me I set up the jump and land it without a flaw. While the lutz is only a double, it was a deep outside edge. At my last competition I was able to jump with an outside edge but it was shallow. Now I can build good foundations, I can be even stronger.

"You look fantastic, Zhenya." Tracy compliments me. Being back at the rink with her and Brian has been nothing short of a blessing. They know the right things to say and they know how to help. They also know honesty – Brian was frank with me when he told me that it might be another year before I can get my quad salchow back. He told me I might not be ready for the Grand Prix in the fall. I understood this, I cannot risk injury again. I understood that we are entering the pre-Olympic season and all eyes will be on me. All I can do is fight through it all as I always have.

I slide the skate guards over my blades and walk outside onto the balcony. The air is sweet but not cold. After so long I am surprised by the warmth in the sun's rays, it's only March. This sun is not enough to burn, even for me and my pale skin. But it brings the promise of spring after one of the worst winters in living memory.

"Enjoying the weather?" His voice makes me jump. He reminds me of a cat sometimes, sneaking up so quietly you'd never expect him.

"Isn't it odd it was freezing last week and now it's warm?"

"Perhaps it's a sign." Yuzu leans over the balcony, his eyes scanning the melting snow.

"A sign?" I scoff. "Of what?"

"That maybe good things are finally coming."

This winter has been dark, both figuratively and metaphorically. Between his injuries and mine sometimes I wonder how we stay so optimistic. We cling to the smallest amount of hope even in our darkest times. We push through the pain in order to try to make our dreams a reality.

"Maybe it's just an act of god." I whisper.

I glance over at Yuzu whose hands are examining an angry red mark lashed across his skin. He's been training even more intensely than I have. The quad axel is there, underneath his skin. He's just had trouble landing it.

"Do you think it's smart for me to try it at Worlds?" He asks as if he read my mind.

"Well what did Brian say?"

"If I start landing it consistently again, then yes."

"What about the quad lutz?" As the words leave my mouth he winces at them. It's the jump that injured him before the Olympics, it's the jump that caused his concussion.

"I don't know if I want to continue jumping it. I don't know about jumping the quad axel at Worlds either."

"You're suffering, your memory of it hurts. I know it does." His brain was unwilling to let the images of injury go and in its attempt to analyze them it made him see it all over again. He worked so hard to overcome the fear of the lutz, to start landing it again. Yet now it's haunting him once more.

"I have two weeks. Two weeks." Yuzu repeats. "I think I'll try the axel at Worlds. I won't say anything about it, I don't want the added pressure."

"Keep it a secret then. We are good at that." I smile and he leans over, pressing a kiss against my temple.

We knew this wasn't the time for a wedding. Not now, perhaps not until we retire. The Olympics are approaching far too fast for us to focus intently anywhere else, and so we decided that it would stay between us. The time will come when we will tell our family, our friends – the world. But for now we're happy keeping the news as our little secret.

"Let's get back inside before Brian thinks we ran away." He grabs my hand and leads me back inside the rink.

The Zamboni circles the ice slowly as Yuzu leaves my side to go talk to Brian. I try to keep my muscles moving but it's no use. There are days when tiredness comes in both forms, physical and mental. Today was one of those days. I knew pushing my body would have more consequences than benefits, and so I sat down and unlaced my skates.

"Leaving so soon?" Jason cheerfully sits down next to me. I often tell him that I envy his ability to always stay positive even through the most difficult times. He struggled to learn quads but in the past few years he transformed into someone who can do them without blinking an eye.

"My legs will hate me if I keep skating."

"I am afraid mine will as well. I am going to ask Brian if we can leave early."

"Wait." I stand up. "He's talking to Yuzuru."

"Well I don't want to interrupt them... would you like to do that for me?" He laughs.

"Not particularly, but I will for you."

The door to Brian's office is wide open. I remember how nervous I used to be approaching this door, bombarding him with a million questions to his probable annoyance. Now I often walk in and plop down onto a chair unannounced. How far our relationship has come.

This time I knock on the frame and stand in the doorway. Yuzu pats the seat next to him and I quickly sit down.

"Sorry, Jason wants to know if he can go home early." I feel like I interrupted something important.

"Of course he can, and you're welcome to sit here and listen to the rest of this conversation." Brian chuckles.

"Oh yea?" I giggle. "It must not be that serious."

"On the contrary." Yuzu smirks and I swat his arm.

After sending a message to Jason I put down the phone and wait. "I'm all ears."

"We were discussing the axel." Both of them speak at the exact same time.

Suddenly an outrageous and comedic concept comes to mind. "Perhaps if Yuzuru doesn't do the quad axel, I'll do it."

You could probably hear the laughter from a kilometer away, it was likely echoing through the halls. I don't know why I found myself laughing so hard, but all of the sudden, I couldn't stop. My breath came in quick gasps between my unstoppable giggles. Seeing Brian and Yuzu's face turn red and do the same only fueled my reaction. So the three of us sat with tears threatening to spill over as we snickered uncontrollably.

"You can dream on that one Zhenya."

I swat his arm once again.

"Alright, I don't need you two fighting. I only have a few strands of hair left." Brian jests.

My stomach aches from the laughter and I bite my lip to keep myself from causing more pain. To my relief Tracy walks in and distracts me from what Brian said.

"What did I miss?" She sits down.

"Evgenia is very funny." Yuzu smiles at me and I resist the urge to swat at him again.

"What did she say?"

"I think I mentioned that I will be landing a quad axel."

The expression on her face is priceless. Tracy knows the thought of me doing that is so ridiculous, but true to her character she finds something positive to say. Another outlook. "Maybe a quad axel isn't realistic, what about a triple?"

"I don't think I... it's my worse jump."

"Was." Brian interjects. "Before your injury you were doing beautiful double axels, great height and fast rotation. I was going to help you bring it to a triple. We still can."

"One step at a time." Tracy reminds him.

Everything is going to be one step at a time. I am rebuilding myself from the ground up. Seasons came and went while I was injured. Now it's time to heal those scars. 

"Maybe I can get a little inspiration from someone at Worlds in a few weeks?" My eyes lock into him. The king of axels himself is right here next to me after all.

"If that's what you want to see."

"I think my mom wants to see it more than I do actually." She has been pestering me about seeing the quad axel in competition. I don't mind however, for me it's a blessing. I like to think she's come around to fully welcome Yuzuru as a member of our family. Somehow, deep down – I know she has.

"I can't disappoint your mom then."

"Well than we have a long two weeks ahead of us then. We have a clear goal but we still must be careful." Brians words are firm and reassuring.

Yuzu smirks. "Yes, we have two weeks to get Zhenya ready for competition and ready to land a quad axel."

All four of us laugh again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, France did give me a heart attack. If I ramble on I will end up writing a whole book about how I feel, so all I will say is: This is only a different chapter in Zhenya’s life. She will comeback stronger, she just needs time. 
> 
> Also, I made a Twitter! If you want to be friends, chat with me, or bug me about updating (which I’m okay with!) feel free to follow me. You can also message me if you’re a reader and I’d love to follow back (and if you have commented you can tell me who you are :) https://twitter.com/IsaevaYevelina 
> 
> As always, thank you for the support. 600 kudos? Almost 17000 reads? I’m smiling so hard right now. I hope you all have a goodnight/good day and I’ll see you in (likely) a few days <3


	57. Melodies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter | Between Worlds by Adrian Von Ziegler https://youtu.be/EbftqekNkVY

**Men's free skate | 2020 World Championships, Montréal**

**Yuzuru's POV**

Calm. It's all I feel. The usual fire beneath my skin is gone and all is still. The usual pinch of nerves in my stomach is absent. All that's left is a relaxed demeanor that's puzzling even to me.

Perhaps it because I have finally tamed the pressures of competition. The more the thought crosses my mind, the more I dismiss it. No matter how many years pass by I still feel the quickening of my heart beat before I take the ice, I still feel the anxiety crippling my mind. But today that was all gone.

Deep down I know it's because in this very moment, I have nothing to prove. I cannot produce miracles every time I come back from injury. As I stand in seventh after the short the expectations don't sit so heavy on my shoulders. The taste of gold is there – I know it can be mine. Yet for the first time I have accepted that I will let my past achievements speak for themselves. Right now I will skate and it will only be for me. I will fight and sleep well knowing that I did everything I could, that the end result is only a number.

_This isn't the Olympics. I have nothing to lose._

I had only just begun to bow down in front of Brian before the familiar screams began. My name is called and my countries flag waves in the hands of thousands. I wish I could stop now to say thank you. The banners hanging in the stadium give me the motivation I struggle to find myself sometimes. I glace around in the stands looking for her face but I find nothing.

My skates skid into the starting position and I let the music erase all other noise. Like a poem, every line has a purpose, every movement belongs. Soft and powerful my edges swirl around on the ice leaving the marks etched into the ground.

When I lunge into the axel it's not enough. The four revolutions fall short and my body slams into the ice. The pain is minimal, my arms take the brunt of the force as my legs scramble to return upright. I hear the gasps breaking through my barriers.

_Listen to the music, Yuzuru. Nothing else._

The loop makes it around. Scratchy but stable enough to add a triple toe on the end. The triple axel is blended seamlessly into the choreography as I make the jumps and the performance one. Without forsaking a single gesture I continue on, bouncing back from stable to shaky landings. Eventually I feel the impact of my body on the ice again.

_Focus on the music._

As if time slowed I can see everything around me in slow motion. The lights shine brightly above me, the color white enchants me as if I am rising into heaven. All else around me is a faded, except for her. The glistening brown eyes filled with so much hope and pain stare back at me. I spend hours looking into those eyes, letting them comfort me and bring me happiness. In the split second that I see them I understand what I must do.

I owe it to myself after all the pain I have been through, I owe it to her for all she's suffered. This isn't because I am giving my fans what they want to see. For my own selfish reasons and pure satisfaction it's always been my dream. For her all she has ever wanted from this is to see me happy. In this very moment it's for the both of us.

I'm in the air for what feels like an eternity. When my feet find the ice again I know it was right. The quad axel was perfect. I can only imagine how loud the shouts must be, yet I can only hear the music. Up until the very last note.

I feel something different. Something I haven't felt after a performance in a long time. There's a certain lightness to my steps, a confidence to my stride. My lips are etched into a smile I cannot erase. My heart feels warm and my breath becomes calm.

This is happiness. This is what comes when the battle is over and won.

"I did it." I cannot contain my emotions when I hug Brian.

He repeats words he's uttered before. "You certainly did."

His face is flushed and he wears his pride on his shoulders. In front of the crowds he grabs my hand and lifts it up, shaking it enthusiastically in the air. What a moment this must be for him, to have your student make history once more. The first to do a jump that seemed impossible. I let myself relish in the moment alongside him, letting the shouts and cheers soak in.

Nothing can prepare me for how loud the screams get when I pull Zhenya into a hug. The feel of her soft skin and the faint smell of her perfume remind me that everything is going to be okay.

"You surprise me sometimes." She whispers into my chest.

"How so?" My fingers gently entangle in her hair.

"The axel, this moment right now. We are going to make news with this hug."

"Let them. For now I just want to be in the arms of the girl I love." My lips gently brush her forehead. "The axel was for you."

"No it wasn't." Zhenya pulls away. "You did that for yourself. Perhaps I was slight motivation, but that emotion and willfulness to finally do it was all you."

"Yuzuru." Brian shouts and I run to the kiss and cry. Silence has washed over the audience as the anticipation for my scores take over. When they're finally announced, I don't flinch. I don't feel disappointed.

It's another bronze.

I smile and bow before the cameras. It's genuine. I did everything I could, I skated for myself and for the music. When my eyes wonder off to the side I catch the glimpse of brown again. Her mouth whispers _"I love you"_.

I remind myself of the truth. _Everything is going to be okay._

I am rushed backstage to a storm of media. Dozens of microphones are shoved my way and cameras focus on my every move. I start from the left and work my way through the questions.

"After sustaining an injury at the Grand Prix Final you withdrew from Japanese Nationals and Four Continents. How difficult was this recovery process?" A woman with a heavy Russian accent questions.

"The injury didn't require any physical rehabilitation, only rest. I was able to start training again in late January with minimal trouble."

Next, another woman steps forward. "After the missed combination in the short program you sat in seventh place. We're you worried about being able to podium? How was your mindset entering the free skate?"

"I wasn't very focused on the medals. I mainly wanted to go out and put out a skate that I would be happy with. My mind was calm, my jumps were just a bit of a struggle."

Question after question is asked and my mind almost feels like mush, especially after giving the same answers in different languages. The quad axel is discussed heavily and I can't help but smile whenever I hear _"the first man to do so"_ and " _you have made history"_.  It makes every hour of work and every fall worth it that much more.

Through the chatter I hear a familiar voice. At first I don't believe it until he appears in front of me. Using his phone as a pretend microphone, he steps forward.

"Yuzuru Hanyu, I have a question for you if you don't mind answering."

"I don't mind at all, Misha."

"Excellent." He laughs. "You see, I have heard a lot of questions about the quad axel – your training and how you feel about making history. Yet you haven't been asked what gave you the strength to try it again after your first fall."

"In all honesty, it's something I just wanted to accomplish for me. I found the strength in myself and from Medvedeva-san."

"Well, Sailor Moon does have magical powers."

Talking to Misha lifted up my mood even higher. There's a certain feeling of nostalgia and calmness when speaking to an old friend. Once I skated alongside him, and now he's a world renowned choreographer. We exchange promises of collaborations over the summer before we part. I extend my congratulations to Shoma when I pass by him before the ceremony. Winning your first world title is an unforgettable accomplishment.

When I see Zhenya again it takes every ounce of strength not to whisk her away somewhere and kiss her. Instead I find peace with simply being in her company.

"I have fans that want to meet you." She looks up at me.

"Who might that be?"

Suddenly an older woman appears in front of me and I don't get a chance to ask any questions before she steps forwards and kisses my cheek. I stubble slightly, taken aback by the gesture.

"This is my grandmother." Zhenya giggles and my cheeks turn red from embarrassment. I bow deeply to her and do my best to introduce myself.

_"Privet."_

She turns to Zhenya and speaks. I can understand a word or two but the rest is useless. Russian is a language I still struggle to wrap my head around and after all this time I can only say a few basic phrases. Whereas Zhenya can recite entire paragraphs in Japanese.

"She said your performance was beautiful and you looked like a bird when you did the quad axel – you were flying. She also apologizes if you found the kiss on the cheek strange and said you're very handsome."

" _Spasiba"_ I sound out. "Tell her there's no need to apologize, I was just surprised. I am happy to finally meet her."

Zhenya translates more words exchanged between us and eventually her mother appears. She remains quiet until she whispers something to her daughter.

"I am going to take my grandmother to get something to eat." Zhenya smiles. "I'll see you in a little."

With only a few minutes left until the medal ceremony I am left alone with her mother, a prospect that is terrifying. We stand there in awkward silence before the words escape her mouth.

"You know Yuzuru, I can speak English now."

My jaw drops and she laughs.

"My love taught me."

"Ivan?" I ask. "Evgenia told me months ago that you had met someone from the Russian grocery store by the house. I think I ran into him buying stuff for her."

"That's him." There's a look of admiration on her face when I mention his name that's hard to mistake for anything but love.

"We are thinking of marriage." She speaks and looks directly at me.

"That's wonderful." I try to keep my face warm but neutral.

Once more, she laughs. "Mother's always know, Yuzuru."

"What?"

"I've discussed it with Zhenya several times already. She seems rather intrigued by the topic and I caught her trying on wedding rings when we went shopping last week. Is there something the two of you would like to tell me?"

There's many truths in this world and one of them is that I am a terrible liar. Another is that I cannot lie, especially to someone who I must hold respect for. "I was going to ask your permission first but..."

"You didn't have to, my answer would have been the same."

"What would that answer be?" My voice cracks slightly.

"My daughter adores you. I know you make her happy. I understand I was not the most welcoming at first to this relationship. But I'd be a fool to deny this to the both of you."

"Thank you. Spasiba." I bow in front of her and she pulls me into a brief hug.

"I just need you to promise me one thing." She pulls away.

"Name it."

I can hear the footsteps approaching, the cheers of the crowd. It's time for me to go.

"Promise me you will take care of her and protect her, no matter the cost." The words are rushed but I understand their meaning perfectly.

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank youuuu all for 17000 reads! Thank you for every click, every kudos, and every comment. I’ve had a great week meeting and talking to so many of you on twitter and I feel like I’ve made so many friends <3
> 
> Happy GPF week! This month is going to make me collapse between this and nationals. Hopefully since university is letting out in a few weeks I can write more than one chapter a week! My chaotic self wants to try to go back to daily uploads but I might be traveling so we shall see :)
> 
> Once again thank you and I hope you all enjoy this chapter! (I also finished writing it half asleep so I apologize if there’s more mistakes than usual. I’m very jet lagged)


	58. Burning

**Evgenia’s POV**

********

When my blade hits the ice I let the slightest curve at my mouth's corner form. It's nothing to celebrate just yet, it's only the first successful attempt. Yet it means there's more to come.

********

I landed a triple-triple.

********

It seems trivial to feel so elated to do something I used to practically do in my sleep. But it was only a few weeks ago where I couldn't even do triples out of a harness. I've spent every day at the rink and hours outside of it restoring my body to what it used to be. The sweat and admittedly some tears have been worth every second.

********

Brian nods at the successful triple flip – triple toe combination. It's not the loop combinations I was doing before my injury. It's not the more difficult lutz combo. More than anything it's a start, a reminder that everything will take time.

********

My body begins to ache a little and I know it's time to rest for the day. Forcing myself to jump won't do anything beneficial. Tracy likes to remind me of such but we both know I’ve learned my lesson about pushing myself. 

********

When I walk outside I am met with a dance of colors in the sky. The warm summer breeze feels incredible on my skin as the sun dips below the horizon. I stand there for a few seconds, admiring the calmness and letting my eyes take in every detail. After spending so long inside I welcome this feeling.

********

I roll down the windows in the car to let the sweet air in.  The roaring wind sends my hair flying in a thousand directions. The ride home evokes a feeling of loneliness that I haven't felt in a long time.

********

Yuzuru hasn't been around for a few months. He's came back to Toronto once or twice, but only for a few days. He's been performing in more ice shows than I can count. I got offers to perform in them and I so badly wanted to accept.

********

I couldn't do it. I understand that where I am right now won't put me on a podium. I have to keep working.

********

The sound of my phone ringing invades my thoughts.

********

"Yuzu?" I smile. Despite the distance not a single day has gone by where we haven't talked on the phone.

********

"Oh...no. I'm not him I'm afraid." Alina's giggles.

********

"To what do I owe the pleasure? I am getting a phone call from the Olympic champion." I tease.

********

"Zhenya." There's no playfulness in her voice. "I left Eteri."

********

The words trigger so many emotions in me at once I don't hesitate to pull the car over before I spiral out of control. "You what?"

********

"I knew it was time."

********

I try to process the information yet somehow it doesn't go through my head.

********

"Zhenya?"

********

"Sorry." I whisper. "You've just caught me by surprise. You said it so suddenly.”

********

"That's what everyone says." She laughs softly. "That's not even the full extent of it."

********

"What do you mean? Where did you go?" I shake my head.

********

"Aljona Savchenko. I switched disciplines."

********

Words have left me. I have so many questions yet I cannot form them. I sit there frozen in my seat, watching the final rays of the sun disappear below the horizon. I believe this is called shock.

********

"I know that's a lot to process so I'll explain it for you. I've been thinking about leaving for a while. It's hard to train around so many girls who can do so much more than you. Not only that, my body is... I can't do quads. I can't keep up in ladies singles.  You remember Alexey Erokhov, right? He was the same, his body couldn't do the quads. So one day we were talking and he joked about us becoming pair skaters instead. I know my options. I didn't even go to Worlds. I don't want to retire. It's a chance to continue on and we took it."

********

"It can't be that easy, can it?" I question.

********

"Not in the slightest. We left after nationals and have been working with Aljona since. The only thing we have down are side by side jumps and spins. The rest will take a lot more time."

********

My jaw almost hits the floor. "You left almost seven months ago! How has this been kept quiet?"

********

"I don't know and I don't know how much longer it will be. I didn't want you to find out from the internet. I am sorry for not calling you sooner, I was just scared I was making a stupid decision."

********

"Do you think it's a stupid decision?" I know what it's like to doubt a choice you make, to have it eat you alive. I don't want her to feel that way.

********

"I had thoughts like that but Aljona helped me. I thought it would take years to come as far as we already have. Alexey and I can do double twists and throws. Triples will probably take another year. Surprisingly the hardest thing is doing a step sequence."

********

"Well a huge part of pairs skating is jumping and landing those jumps. In theory, two former single skaters should be able to do just that."

********

'I thought so too but there's much more. Lifts are harder than they look and we can only do very basic positions." I can hear the frustration in her voice.

********

"What's your goal, Alina? The Olympics?"

********

"Am I crazy for having that as my goal? There's less than two years until then."

********

"No you're not." I assure her. "First of all, you train with Aljona Savchenko, a woman who went to five different Olympics until she won gold. She was easily the hardest working pair skater in the world. If there's anyone who can magically teach you to be successful in pairs, it's her. Not only that, you're the hardest working person I know. If you want something you will work as much as you possibly can to get it.  People are going to doubt you and they're going to mock your decision. Your first few outings might be hard. It'll get easier and in the end it will all be worth it. Your dreams and your goals can never be crazy."

********

"What about you? You work harder than I do. I know your dreams and I know people still doubt them."

********

"I'll be okay. I got my triples back. The process is slow and sometimes I feel like collapsing on the ice to take a nap. I know the eyes of the world will be on me when I compete again. It doesn't matter, all that matters is what happens in Beijing." I mean every word. It's not going to be easy and I don't have a lot of time left but I will give it everything I have. I am tired of doubting myself.

********

"I want to take a nap now that you said that." She laughs. "I'm out with Masaru right now, funnily enough we are both wearing your gifts!"

********

"That's what I like to hear." For her eighteenth birthday I sent her a box with an assortment of clothes I knew she'd like. I also snuck in a few pieces of clothing that could fit her giant dog. Instead of calling me to thank me she sent a letter in the post signed by her and Masuru's paw, which was better than anything.

********

"Well while I walk Masuru right now do you want to tell me what you've been doing the last few months?"

********

"Gladly." I pull back onto the road and continue home.

********

I come to realize I have done more these past few months than just living and training. Jason and I explored art museums around Toronto and different markets. He took me to a restaurant with very delicious but very fattening American food. Conrad and Stephen dragged me out to the movies one night and Jun showed up late right in the middle of it. Wakaba came and visited, we ended up going to an amusement park where I discovered I am deathly afraid of anything that goes upside down. Alina laughs when I tell her this but I am to this day genuinely terrified. I tell her how Gabby took me to a bar for the first time and while it wasn't the most pleasant experience, I enjoy her company. It seems that drunk people can be very loud and I prefer something a little quieter.

********

"You did more than in the last few months than I have in years, Zhenya. What about Yuzuru? I saw the video someone posted of him on Instagram. He did two quad axels back to back!"

********

I can't stop the grin from forming on my face. "That sounds like him. He's only been back twice since Worlds and only for a day or two at a time. We usually just spend the time at home."

********

"Oh."

********

"Yea." I bite my tongue.

********

By the time we bid each other farewell I'm parked in front of my home. _Our home _. I remained glued to the seat of the car while my mind replays the details of Alina and I's conversation. The words “I left Eteri” leave an eerie feeling on my skin and a bitter taste in my mouth. Alina, who just turned eighteen a month ago is practically the same age I was when I left. Oddly enough feelings of jealousy creep up on me. She left over half a year ago and nobody knows. All is quiet while she adjusts to her new life.__

****_____ _ ** **

That's more than I ever got.

****_____ _ ** **

Remembering the months following my departure and the media storm still burns ever so slightly. I was stuck in a dream, struggling to get back to reality. I was screaming on the inside as I sank deeper and deeper into madness. All I wanted was quiet, yet my mind was anything but. I knew no-one was going to save me, no knight in shining armor, no Prince Charming. It had to be my own strength to save myself.

****_____ _ ** **

Yuzu told me that one night months ago while we were lying in bed, holding each other in our arms. He told me in that difficult time he may have helped me climb out of that dark place, but the final push was all me.

****_____ _ ** **

It's one of the few truths I know. Those you love can support you during the race, cheer you on and keep your head up. However it's up to you to cross the finish line.

****_____ _ ** **

The air has cooled considerably from when I first got in the car. I fumble with the keys and take off my shoes, gently sliding on slippers. The house is warm still and just as empty as I left it. I always make it a point to sleep over at my mother's when Yuzu is out of town but I love this house too much to stay away for long.

****_____ _ ** **

I nestled in my usual chair, cozy with a blanket, eyes glued to the screen in front of me. The fatigue and restlessness from today takes a toll on my body. Soon the flickering of the television turns to black as my eyes shut, only to burst open at the sound of the front door opening.

****_____ _ ** **

My initial reaction is panic. I quickly jump up and get poised to run if need be. However through the darkness I can see the person taking off their shoes and gently closing the door behind them. That's when I know it's no intruder.

****_____ _ ** **

"You're home." My voice echoes my disbelief.

****_____ _ ** **

"I know you weren't expecting me for another week or so. I couldn't stay away any longer."

****_____ _ ** **

My feet quickly shuffles across the floor until the warmth of his body meets my cold skin. One of his hands clasps around my lower back, the other strokes my hair. When he kisses me it's sweet and gentle.

****_____ _ ** **

"Zhenya." He pulls away. "I need to talk to you about something."

****_____ _ ** **

"Anything." I’m slightly taken aback. It seems it’s going to be twice today that unexpected news will suddenly be dropped upon me without warning.

****_____ _ ** **

"The whole plane ride home I could only think about two things and one of them was how much I want to skip this Grand Prix season." His voice has a shred of guilt to it.

****_____ _ ** **

"What's so wrong about that?" I don't understand. Skaters skip Grand Prix's all the time.

****_____ _ ** **

"I know my federation would prefer me to compete and I know my fans will want to see me."

****_____ _ ** **

"Yuzu." I shake my head. "They'll understand. You've done it year after year. There's nothing wrong with wanting a break.

****_____ _ ** **

"I'm tired." He admits. "It's been so many years. I just want time to rest and train without feeling pressured. I want to spend more time with you instead of flying across the world for hours on end. I want time to re-watch Tokyo Ghoul and learn Russian. "

****_____ _ ** **

"Don't feel guilty. Especially for wanting to watch Tokyo Ghoul again." I laugh.

****_____ _ ** **

"It's hard to not feel guilty sometimes. Especially when I've been doing all these ice shows and you're here training nonstop."

****_____ _ ** **

"That was my own choice to decline all those offers. I need as much time to work as possible. I can't rest when we are getting so close to Beijing."

****_____ _ ** **

"It's incredible how fast time flies, isn't it? Four years ago I was thinking about how I was already close to attempting to win my second gold. Four years later I feel the same. The only thing that's changed is now it will be a third." He smiles.

****_____ _ ** **

I reach my hand up and poke his cheek. "You said you couldn't stop thinking about two things on the plane. What was the second?'

****_____ _ ** **

"You." He takes a step closer. "Phone calls aren't enough. Every night I slept alone in a bed I couldn't stop thinking about how much I missed you. I'm done with the ice shows for the summer. I'm staying here with you."

****_____ _ ** **

I can feel my heartbeat quicken from his words alone. "There's a bed for the two of us."

****_____ _ ** **

He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. With the door closed behind us everything fades away. Yuzuru's finger tips are electric. They must be - for wherever they touch my skin tingles in a frenzy.

****_____ _ ** **

He carefully tugs at my shirt before I toss it over my head, exposing my bare skin. I feel his hand in my hair before it moves down my cheekbones to my lips. Our tongues are entwined in a kiss before he moves down to my jaw, neck and collarbone. My skin feels as if it’s being set on fire, as if it’s burning.

****_____ _ ** **

"Yuzu." I whisper.

****_____ _ ** **

"You're perfect." He says while kissing my chest. "Every inch of you."

****_____ _ ** **

I remove his clothes piece by piece until there's nothing left. His mouth continues to explore my body, leaving a trail from my breasts to the soft skin on my stomach. My hands explore the muscles on his arm down to his chest before I bring his lips back up to my own.

****_____ _ ** **

Our bodies fit together as if we were made for this, to fall into one another, to feel this natural rhythm. I've lost sight of everything except this man in front of me. All I can feel is his hands on my hips and his wild breath against my mouth. It doesn't take long before I collapse from the pleasure.

****_____ _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a ending to this chapter huh? :) 
> 
> I finished my University exams! I have one last assignment to turn in and I’m done with all that mess for a few weeks, which means finally time to write! I’ve been so stressed with last minute studying and work I forgot today was my birthday woops. Anyways, I’m sure the upcoming Russian Nationals will be much more stress inducing… (rumor has it Zhenya has a new short?)
> 
> As always, I am so grateful for everyone of you and I’m so sorry that I don’t update often. I know it sucks waiting for authors to update their stories, but thank you anyways for alway reading and leaving comments/kudos. It means a lot <3\. I’ll see you all around Tuesday after I’m officially done with this term. Once again, thank you!


	59. Media Day

**Yuzuru’s POV**

The leaves have already begun to take on the warm hues. The green of summer is gone, replaced by swirls of red and orange. Each passing day more and more fall onto the ground, leaving the trees skeletal and bare.

Today only serves as a reminder that time never stops ticking, no matter how much you will for it to cease. Time is inescapable, perhaps even your worst enemy. The summer felt like a passing breeze, gone before a blink of an eye. Now I am left to face reality.

Cameras follow my every move as I walk into the TCC. I don’t have much to offer the Japanese media or my fans. I don’t have any programs yet, I don’t have any new jumps or layout changes. I’ve seldom been training either, only enough to keep myself and my jumps in shape. Yet Brian told me all I needed were my words.

Today’s “media day” is nothing like the ones that have come before it. In front of the camera’s I announce that I will be skipping this up and coming Grand Prix season. There’s some shock amongst the reporters, a few gasps and a microphone dropped to the floor. All is quiet until they come to fully realize what I had just said. That’s when the questions start to erupt.

_Injured? Retiring?_ Those two words are the ones I catch the most.

With a polite nod of my head I calm them at once. “Thank you for the concern, but I am not injured nor and I retiring. I have been on the senior level for a very long time and I have never missed a Grand Prix season. It was my decision that I’d like to take a break and perhaps compete in the second half of the season.”

_“If you are not retiring, then what are your plans?”_

“I have every intention to compete in Beijing.”

I’ve said it before. It’s still going to shock some people, simply because they assumed I’d retire. Their points of views are valid – it’s injury after injury. I landed the quad axel. What do I have left to prove? What do I have left to show?

It’s my desire and love for this sport that keeps me going. I find motivation in the littlest and the grandest of things. I haven’t had a clean Olympic long program. I haven’t put the quad axel in combination. They are difficult tasks, maybe borderline impossible. I can’t control fate. Yet there’s no sense in not trying. I’ve made it this far, I will fight for a third gold.

Interviews can be either tedious or enjoyable. As of now it’s the latter and I am grateful for it. They don’t ask me about my personal life nor do they discuss my tumbles last season. It’s a struggle for me still to talk about anything like that. I still get a lump in my throat when asked about the earthquake. My heartbeat still quickens when they say Zhenya’s name. My head throbs slightly when they mention injuries. It seems some things are best left unsaid.

After what feels like a hundred questions answered I lace up my skates and step onto the ice. Practice time has dwindled for me yet I still have all my jumps, including the axel. My body feels better than it has in years. That’s how I know taking this break is nowhere near a mistake.

The free time has allowed me to simply live more. My mother always kept a garden in the back of our home, but with Zhenya and I so busy it fell into despair. This summer we cleaned it up, made way for new life, and tended to it.

The results have been slow. I grew a little impatient at times. She told me that in the end it would all be worth it, that growing something beautiful takes time and patience. I knew she wasn’t only referring to the plants.

I’ve been able to support Zhenya more than I ever had. Cook for her when she comes home. Help her choose her programs and even design the costumes. Do little things that make her happy. Things I couldn’t do when I was so worked up over my own career. It’s hard to do both, I knew it would be. Still, I don’t regret a single thing.

She’s here on the ice now, complete focus written across her face. I notice some of the cameras have shifted from me to her. The reporters are elated, it’s the first footage of Evgenia Medvedeva jumping since her injury almost a year ago. Little do they know she has a rose gold engagement ring at home which would make much bigger news.

If there’s anyone who could argue they’re a victim of time, it would be her. She didn’t go to the Russian test skates in Novogorsk. There wasn’t enough preparation to even be ready for ACI. Her first and only Grand Prix event is Skate America which happens to be first. The federation told her if she wants the empty Rostelecom spot, she must do good there. What they don’t understand is that it’s not easy to come back from breaking your leg and being off the ice for sixth months.

They only care to know if she can bring home medals.

No matter the speculation of her return to the ice or her chances to make the Olympic team, I will never get over the feeling I get from watching her. The flow across the ice, the commitment she has to the music. Evgenia is a gift to this world, one people take for granted.

I don’t have any programs to debut for media day, but she does. All cameras are on her as her music begins. The “Vampire Masquerade” is dark, intense, and beautiful. Her feet have steadied beneath her these past few months, her jumps have taken on a new level of quality. It’s been one step at a time.

After she finishes her run-through of her short program I find the focus of the reporters back on me. For some fun and something for my fans, I do a quad axel. I’ve seem to found great consistency with the jump and so I add a triple toe on the end for good measure. A smile plays on my lips although I won’t celebrate until I land the combination clearly in competition.

“I don’t remember teaching you how to do that.” Brian skates up behind me.

“Well, you taught me the quad axel. Putting a triple toe on the end is simple.”

He chuckles. “You’re absolutely right. Perhaps this is something we can explore using in competitions.”

“I was already thinking about it.”

When I step off the ice again I am back in front of the countless reporters and camera crews. As I look to my left I have to keep myself from making any audible noises in my state of shock. They are interviewing her too.

I don’t catch the question or her response. Only a few words are audible but they are undeniably Japanese. She has begged me the last few months to help her become completely fluent, even though she already had a good grasp on the language. Hearing her speak it makes me fall in love with her even more.

After the minutes pass by we are asked if we’d like to do an interview together. I decline right after Zhenya does. We know doing that together would invite personal questions - subjects we’d rather keep to ourselves and those closest to us.

When we are finally alone, I rush to her side. “What did they ask you?”

“About my recovery and training, where I think I stand amongst my rivals. They asked me about my programs this year and what my free skate was.”

“Did you reveal it?” I ask curiously.

“No.” She shakes her head. “I’ll wait for Skate America and hopefully let the performance speak for itself. The music is dramatic and I know I can be just that.”

“The Bells of Moscow is perfect for you, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“I want to perform it as Mao did. That’s a big task.”

The mention of her name completely takes hold in my mind. Mao Asada and Evgenia Medvedeva were both silver medalists of their games. They were both skaters who changed coaches in search of better technique and then struggled before rising once more. In the end Mao never got her gold.

“In Japan she is still very famous. People love her. They won’t ever forget her accomplishments and performances, and I won’t either.” Memories of watching her skate growing up and eventually being on the international team with her resurface. They’re fond memories of a time when life was much simpler.

“That’s what many people wish for in life. To be loved and remembered greatly.”

“Is that what you wish for?” I question.

“No. I just want to look back with no regrets. I want to be happy.”

“Come here.” I hold out my hand.

I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her close, gently rubbing her arm. She sinks her head into my chest as my fingers gently entwine in her hair. I feel the tension radiating off her skin the longer I hold her.

“I know you’re worried about the Grand Prix. I know you’re performing in less than a month. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I’m not.” Her eyes meet mine. “I haven’t been afraid in a while. I guess I am just anxious… I want to prove that I am still a contender. I want to get back on the ice.”

“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. That mentality just makes it harder for yourself in the end”. After all these years I have only recently come to terms that I don’t owe anyone a clean performance and I don’t need to prove what I can do. Something so small has transformed how I feel about life and my skating.

“I’ll try not to think about it then.” She sighs.

“Let’s get out of here.” My grip around her lessens. “Tonight feels like a good night to watch a movie and drink hot chocolate.”

“It’s not even that cold.”

“I’ll have you know I sponsor Ghana chocolate and it’s very good at any temperature.”

“Oh I know.” She giggles. “What movie are we going to watch? The Magnificent Nine? I heard there’s this guy named Yuzuru Hanyu in it.”

“Alright that’s it.” In one sweeping motion I pick her up and throw her over my shoulders.

“Put me down, Yuzu!” Zhenya screams and laughs at the same time.

“Nope.” I hold her as I gather both of our bags and say goodbye to Brian and Tracy. And with our skates still on our feet and both of our stomachs in pain from laughter, we get in the car. The entire way home is spent discussing hot chocolate and eventually her hopes for the season. That’s when I realize I only have a few more weeks of this before she’s gone. Once the season starts, her mind will be somewhere else.

Time has truly slipped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I really hate myself. This chapter was supposed to be up dayssss ago but I hit “save without posting” instead of “post” :)))) I’m so sorry. 
> 
> Russian Nationals was one of the most insane competitions I’ve seen in years. To me, Evgenia’s freeskate almost brought tears to my eyes because I thought it was magical. It was the performance we’ve all been waiting for. It wasn’t perfect but seeing her fire in her step sequence and her smile after the performance was everything. I look forward to what comes next. Молодец!
> 
> As a personal apology for my always random and late updates, I have a present for everyone tomorrow. I want to say thank you to everyone who has read and supported this story, so I’ll be releasing a very lovely one shot on the 25th which I understand is when many celebrate Christmas (in Russia it is often celebrated in January). Not only that, I’ll be uploading a new chapter to this book. I’ll see you then! 
> 
> Original notes to this chapter: 
> 
> Russian Nationals ladies short is in a little over a day… I’m trying not to panic. 
> 
> I’m flying back to Moscow and I plan to write a lot once I get settled down and get used to the time difference. Hopefully I won’t get caught up because I really want to update more! 
> 
> I’m almost at 18,000 reads, I cannot thank you all enough! I’ll be updating in a few days, I’ll see you then! Thanks for everything <3


	60. Not Enough

_**Skate America - Ladies Short Program** _

**Evgenia’s POV**

The lights seem too bright. All the voices are too loud. My heart is beating too fast.

Here's the moment I thought I was looking forward to. My return to competition after over a year of absence. The practices were good enough although I know that means nothing now.

My music starts with a clap of thunder – into a waltz. Cautiously I move on the ice, easing into my footwork. The tempo is quick meaning there's no second-guessing when I step up into my double axel.

I land steadily.

As I spin there's no rush of calm over me, no relief. The double axel was successful, but there are more elements to come. Instead I feel the fire under my skin, an eagerness to gain momentum.

Two crossovers, a back counter and an ina bauer lead me into my combination.

_Hold it, hold it, hold the outside edge and up!_

I'm back solid on my feet.

_Up, up, up!_ I soar into the toe loop.

Steady.

The music quickens further, my final jump has to be timed perfectly. Suddenly that rush of adrenaline leaves me all I am left with nothing but fear.

_In three, two, NOW!_ I miss the timing for the flip.

My body hits the ice.

I find myself dazed. The lights now seem abnormally bright. The ice is cool to the touch and I welcome the feeling on my warm skin. I feel like I am at practice... what are those shouts?

I turn my head to see Brian screaming.

"Get up! Get Up!"

What am I doing? _Get up, Evgenia._

I had already missed over half of my step-sequence. I salvaged what I could knowing the points were already gone. I close my eyes when I enter my final spin, hoping when I open them I will be anywhere else besides here.

Except that doesn't happen.

All I can focus on is Brian right in front of me. He doesn't appear angry, only confused. I am too. It was going perfectly.

I reach down onto the ice and pick up a large teddy bear. I latch onto it, holding it to my chest like a scared child. That's because right now I feel fear.

"What happened?" Brian hugs me.

"I don't know." I answer honestly. "I just lost focus."

Tracy joins me in the kiss and cry. She hugs me up until they announce my name and scores.

_70.02_

"That's not so bad." I gasp. "I don't understand."

"You did a beautiful double axel. You should have seen how huge your lutz-toe combination was. Your spins were good too. The fall on the flip and the step sequence probably cost you ten points. Nothing to worry about it, we will work on it."

I'm in third place with two left to skate their short programs. The placement isn't ideal but I am not that behind either.

There's hope.

After the women's short program ends I sit in fourth place, twelve points away from first. I don't sulk about the results. This is only one portion of the competition, all the fight will be tomorrow. I will prove that I deserve that second Grand Prix spot. I will prove that I can make it to the final.

In the meantime I sneak my way into the men's short program, flowers in hand to throw on the ice after Jason skates. I forgot how thrilling it is to spectate a competition. All the mundane worries of my life have been muted and replaced by the sound of screams from adoring fans.

When Nathan takes the ice it's deafening. The American flags wave back and forth in the hands of hundreds. I find myself gripping the seat before he jumps and taking a sigh of relief when he lands. When he falls on the triple axel I can't help but wince. The people in the stands, everyone watching right now at home – they can't know what that feels like. They don't know the pain of hitting the ice and knowing that it might cost you everything.

His score is still high enough to keep him in medal contention. In fact right now he's in first place. Rafael pats him on the back, whispers a few words of advice and leaves him to gather his thoughts.

The shouts are just as loud for Jason. He doesn't know I'm here right now, he couldn't possibly know that. It makes no difference to me. No matter where I am I will always cheer him on.

The quad toe was pure perfection. He's always struggled with quads but you wouldn't know that from watching him today. The triple axel let him down from time to time, but not here. Every jump, every spin, and every move is flawless.

I stand a few seconds before he even finishes.

The flowers cascade onto the ice, including mine. When his scores are announced I can't hide the smile across my face. Jason is in first and I couldn't be more proud.

I want to tell him how astounding that skate was. I want to tell him that it's truly incredible how far he's come. Making the Olympic team is not some far and outstretched goal for him anymore. I consider it a reality.

There's no time for me to run up to him to give him a hug and tell him all these things. Jason is in first, meaning he will be attending the press conferences. I send him a quick message with a promise of meeting up when we can. I find myself alone and end up walking back to my hotel room.

I had every intention of diving into the bed sleeping for the rest of the day. However it only took me a few seconds to realize that sleep wasn't going to happen for me. My mind is just as restless as my body.

I sit down on a chair in front of a small desk, propping my phone up in front of me. The call rings and rings – I fear it will go unanswered. A second away from my finger tapping the end call button, my screen flashes.

"Medo-chan, I have bad news."

"That's not a good way to start a Skype call, Yuzu."

"I'm sorry, it's just why I took so long to answer."

"Is it worse than what happened in my short program today?" I ask.

"No."

"Go ahead then." I sink into the chair.

He holds up a pair of clothes. The call is full of lag and not the best quality, but once it focuses I recognize a pair of my pajamas in his hand.

"I was doing some washing and I am sorry to say your favorite Sailor Moon pants has torn."

"That's the bad news?" I can't help but laugh a little. "You know I can sew it back together, right?"

"I know. I just wanted to take your mind off of things even for a few seconds."

"What?" I pause before remembering.

"See? It worked." He smiles. "In all seriousness – I just want to know one thing. Are you okay?"

I don't answer right away because I don't know how. One clear emotion I feel is disappointment with hints of anger. When you make a mistake, you get up! Instead I sat on the ice like a fool. Like I didn't know to continue on. At the same time, I am calm. I know if I do well I can podium. What happened today isn't the end of the world.

"I think I am... no, I am. I'm okay Yuzu." I nod.

"Just okay?"

"Yes." It's as if my disappointment and hope cancels each other out, leaving me with a feeling of contempt.

He takes a deep breaths and stares at the ground for a few seconds. I know what he's feeling right now, I have felt it a million times. When you love someone all you want to do is comfort them when they need it most. But that's difficult to do when they're a thousand miles away from you.

And it hurts.

"There's a lot of things I want to say right now, Zhenya." He admits.

"I'm not going anywhere. I am staying here, on the phone with you."

"The program was beautiful, even with the mistake. Even with the missed step-sequence. You came alive today. I just thought you should know that."

"I didn't even try to give my best performance. I was so worried about the jumps." I shake my head.

"That's the point." He chuckles. "You didn't need to try. It comes to you naturally and you don't even realize it."

"Perhaps I followed the Yuzuru Hanyu guide to musicality and beautiful skating." I jest.

"I'm flattered, but I think you followed the Evgenia Medvedeva guide. I heard it includes hard work and difficult decisions that lead to something great."

"Hard work is an understatement." I whisper.

Suddenly his face disappears as my phone flashes with my mother's picture. I answer and to my relief she's not panicked at all. We don't talk a lot about what happened today, only a few words here and there. Instead my mother humors me with a story about Jerry's adventures at a local dog park today. My stomach hurts from the laughter and I thank her for it. In the end she tells me to go to bed early and that she loves me.

"I love you too, mama."

"Goodnight, Zhenya."

When I hang up I realize how darkness has overtaken the room. I take a moment to lay there in silence, my eyes glued to the ceiling. The darkness in a way is a sanctuary, a place to relax and forget everything that has happened today.

As the minutes tick by I force myself to flick the light on and close the curtains. The temperature in the room has dropped suddenly and I reach for the biggest blanket I can find. After I wrap it around my body I sit back in the chair, once more propping my phone up in front of me. I call him back and we end up talking for the rest of the night.

So much for going to bed early. _Sorry, mama._

 

**Skate America – Ladies Free Skate**

"You're in charge, you know what to do." Brian sends me out onto the ice.

For a brief moment my mind takes me back to what seems like a lifetime ago. My first senior Grand Prix was right here at Skate America. I remember how badly I wanted to win and how badly I wanted to prove I wasn't just a little girl out of juniors.

Now I am trying to prove something entirely different.

I quickly get the feel of the ice under my feet and get into my starting position. When the music starts it's as if I've entered another world that only I inhibit.

The double axel felt good – _it felt perfect._

After a few transitions I threw caution to the wind and didn't hesitate to sink my toe pick into the ice.

Triple Lutz! _Now up again, Evgenia!_ Triple toe.

I felt the outside edge and I held it right up until the second I was in the air.

The combination spin is mildly uncomfortable. Ever since my injury, there's certain stretches and positions that cause the muscles in my leg to cramp. Right here, in the middle of competition, I make a mental note to talk to Brian and Tracy about changing it.

During the same stretch of music Mao did her spiral sequence to Bells of Moscow, I do my step sequence. I let the music guide me through each and every turn. My arms wave from side to side creating a gentle movement. My dress flutters as I whirl around. Yuzu is right, it really does feel natural.

The double axel straight out of footwork feels just as easy as the first. Perhaps this dream of a triple isn't only a stretch of my imagination.

Right after my loop enter a layback. It doesn't hurt anymore. Over the years I've been with Brian I've been able to get healthy, to repair the damage that was done. Breaking my leg wasn't part of that plan, but in the months off my back was able to heal more than ever before.

I do a few crossovers which gives me all the speed I need for my second combination. I wish I could go back to doing the flip-loop, but I am not yet ready for that. You need to start somewhere.

Triple salchow – triple loop

_One more combination, Evgenia. Focus._

Triple flip – double toe – double loop

I can see the end. _One more jump._

Triple flip

I couldn't have done anything more than what I just did. Every jump felt so steady, so perfect. My heart is beating faster and faster as I begin my choreographic sequence.

As if everything is in slow motion, I can see the faces of the crowd. I can see the expressions written across their face. That's how I know I've given a performance.

After my final spin I can see Brian jumping up and down. I can't hide the smile across my face. The joy I feel right now is deeper and more profound than anything I have felt in a long time.

"I'm so proud of you." Brian whispers as he pulls me into a hug.

"Your mom will be happy." Tracy adds.

Everything I see and feel in the kiss and cry is so vivid. I know this isn't a dream yet I feel like I am not really here. When my scores come up, I pinch myself to be sure.

_"Evgenia Medvedeva has earned a total of 150.98 points in the free skate. She has a total score of 221 points and is in third place."_

"Third?" I shake my head when the cameras are away. There's still three left to skate. That's when I remember Anna is here, and so is Rika.

"No matter what happens Zhenya, remember where you were a year ago." Brian assures me. "You couldn't even walk! Look what you've done today."

"Even a performance like that couldn't help me enough. I need the quads. I know I was injured. The rest of the world didn't stop while I was recovering all those months, and ladies skating kept growing technically."

"In time." He nods. "Today was just the first step, no matter if they give you the empty Rostelecom spot or not."

In the end I finish where I was originally – fourth. The federation let me know I wouldn't be getting the second Grand Prix spot. The worst part is that I was less than a point away from the podium.

It hurts to be so close, yet what you want is out of reach.

I carry that pain back home with me to Toronto where I start to train more than I ever have. I can't lose sight of what really matters.

_Beijing._


	61. Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted two chapters today, make sure you read the previous one first :)

**Yuzuru’s POV**

“You're now legal in America!" Jason turns to her.

"I thought eighteen was legal in America?"

"It is." He clarifies. "But you can't drink until you're..."

"Until you're twenty-one." I finish.

"I feel like an old lady." Zhenya groans.

I roll my eyes sarcastically in response. "I feel even more elderly than you."

"Yes, you and Jason are everyone's favorite skating uncles!" She giggles.

"Hold on now." I pause. "I'm a what?"

"Don't worry about it." She teases.

It's only six in the morning yet I am eager for the end of the day to arrive. I don't have anything grand planned for her birthday except for our usual sushi dinner and movie. I wanted to do something different, a vacation of some sort.

She deserves it after spending day and night training.

"Jason." I run up to him. "I need advice."

"Of course." He yawns, which is understandable given the time.

"I need a place I can take Zhenya for a day or two. Maybe a city in America."

"A road-trip? It depends on how long you're okay with driving, but I'm sure she'd love that. Evgenia practically lives in this rink."

"I know." I bite my tongue.

"Ottawa in a little over four hours away, and Montreal is a little over five if you want to stay in Canada. The major American cities are quite far."

"How far can New York City be?" I shake my head. We are less than a hour from the state itself.

"Well." Jason chuckles. "It's easy to underestimate the size of the United States. It's about eight hours in a car."

That's further than I was expecting and for a brief moment I decide against it. Yet an eight hour car ride means eight hours with her.

"Thank you, Jason."

I quickly run to find Brian, who is in his office. I can sense his exhaustion from the two cups of coffee at his desk and wonder the reason for it.

"Good morning, Yuzuru." He looks up before I even get a chance to say anything.

I quickly bow. "I wanted to ask you something."

"I already know your question and its answer." He laughs. "Go ahead, take Evgenia somewhere. I know it's her birthday."

"Thank you." I sigh in relief.

"If you could even get her to take off tomorrow that would be great. I love her, but she needs a break and I can't seem to convince her of that."

"I know she can be quite stubborn." I smile. "I’ll try my best."

"Stay safe and make sure she's happy."

"Always." I whisper under my breath.

I run back toward the rink and pray she hasn't already gotten on the ice since that will make this even more difficult. I end up being lucky - she only has one skate on and laced up.

"Zhenya."

"Hai?" She looks up at me.

"Let's go home."

"You're funny." She reaches for her other skate.

"I mean it." I sit on the bench beside her. "I want to take you somewhere. Let's go home and pack some clothes."

"You know I can't, Yuzu." She stands up.

"It's your birthday." I retort.

"That doesn't matter. You know I need as much training as I can get. Why suggest this?"

"Fine." I throw my hands up. "It's because I am selfish, Evgenia. It's because I miss you and I want you back, even for a day or two. I know you've been working hard. I know you've been practicing the triple axel, the quad salchow, and the loop combinations. I don't want to tear you away from that but ever since Skate America you've practically been here from dawn to dusk. Every day of the week."

"You said you denied yourself so much for your two golds, why can't I do the same?"

"I don't want you to be like me." I shake my head. "You don't understand how unhappy I was at times. How lonely I felt. I don't want that for you. You can still live a life and prepare for the Olympics at the same time. It's only two days, I promise you'll be ready for Russian Nationals all the same."

"Where are we going? She smiles, finally giving in.

"What if I told you it's a secret?"

"I'm okay with that I suppose."

After she takes off her skate and gathers her things, I grab her by the hand and lead her outside.

…  
"Are we there yet?" Zhenya stares at me from the passenger seat.

"Not even close."

"I know I said I was fine with not knowing where we are going, but we've been in America for two hours and we are nowhere close?"

"Like I said, not even close."

Zhenya fiddles with the radio station, switching back and forth between the same channels. Eventually she finds a new station and the sound of KPOP fills our ears. I wish I could have taken a picture of the adorable expression on her face.

"I love this song!" She yells, turning the volume up. "Do you want to hear about the drama with this group?"

"I'd love too." Even though I don't care for it, I just want to listen to her talk.

From time to time I notice how her Russian-accent isn't very prominent anymore when she speaks English. It's there, only extremely subtle. Perhaps enough for people to not notice that she isn't a native English speaker.

She rambles about how one of the group members was involved in a cheating scandal and how another left. I sit there smiling to myself before grabbing her hand and bringing it to my lips.

"I'd kiss you right now but I don't want to crash the car. You going off about anime or KPOP is one of my favorite things on earth."

"Really?" She blushes.

After a few seconds she leans over and kisses my cheek. "Well, you should hear yourself when you talk about Tokyo Ghoul!"

"Trust me, I know." I chuckle.

I glance at the time and realize another hour has past. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the sparkle on her finger.

"You're wearing your ring?" I ask surprisingly.

"Yeah, I grabbed it before we left. I wish I could wear it more, but I know what happens if someone takes a picture of us.”

"Didn't that happen to you before?" I recall a story she had once told me.

"After the Olympics my family gifted me a very nice ring. Everyone thought I was engaged. Some of the Russian bloggers where saying it was you."

"Well they were right." I laugh. "Just a few years off."

"Yuzu..." Her voice gets timid.

"Spit it out." I encourage her.

"When are you going to tell your family? My mom and grandmother knows."

"I am going back to Sendai for Christmas. I want to tell them in person."

"Oh." She gulps.

I knew she wanted to be there too. Yet Russian Nationals falls around the exact same time. I don't want to hide this from my family anymore.

"Can I ask you something else?"

"You don't have to ask for permission, Zhenya." I shake my head.

"Yes but I feel like I am pestering you." She laughs. "Did you mean what you said earlier? That you missed me?"

"I meant every word. For the last month you've woken up, went to the TCC, came home and went to bed. I only train a few days a week, and I know you're working hard – but I still missed having lazy days off with you."

"I'm sorry. I go through phases like that were I live on the ice. It happened to me before the Olympics."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, I just wanted you to take a small break." I grab her hand again, this time holding it in mine.

"Ok, I have another question."

The questions go on for another hour until she slowly grows quieter. When I glance over I see that she's sound asleep, curled up with a blacket. The sight of it alone makes my heart flutter.

Eventually I look out the window and watch the sun fall below the horizon, painting the sky shades of red and pink. A few more hours has passed since Zhenya fell asleep, and now we're here. In the far distance, the silhouette of the skyline pierced through the warm glow. It's quite incredible.

Traffic begins to pile up and at one point we are in almost a complete standstill. I role down my window letting the cool, windy evening air in. I reach over and lightly tap her shoulder.

"Wake up, Zhenya."

Her eyes flicker open, dazed and confused. She sits up and then they widen at the sight. The skyline in front of me is alive with lights, like someone had taken a handful of glitter and thrown it as far as the eye could see. It was too dark to make out individual buildings, but the lights were enough for me. It's just as grand as Toronto and Tokyo.

Eventually the traffic lessened, allowing us to enter the city. My plan ended here. I have no hotel booked, although I spot a few nice looking ones and decide they'll suffice. The entire time her eyes are glued to the world outside of the car like curious child.

"I've always wanted to come here." She whispers.

I park the car and head into the hotel. We only brought small bags and we are both in sweatpants. The lady at the front desk looks at us oddly. As it turns out, this is a five star hotel.

"Good evening sir, can I help you?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Do you have any availability?"

Her hands type away quickly on the computer in front of her. "We only have one room available for two nights. It's the penthouse suite."

"That will work." I hand over my identification and credit card.

Zhenya's jaw drops and I keep myself from laughing. Instead I mouth those three words _I love you_.

"Here you go, congratulations to the both of you."

"Thank you." I smile.

When we walk far enough away, she stops me. "Yuzu, we could have found another hotel. Or you could have let me pay for..."

I quiet her with a kiss. "Let's put are stuff in the room and explore the city."

"Ok."

The suite is massive. I have stayed in nice hotels before, but this tops everything. In fact it might be bigger than the house we currently live in. Everything you could dream of being in a hotel room was here.

"Look at this!" Zhenya shouts. "This the fanciest bathtub I have ever seen in my life!"

"Oh, we are going to have fun in that." I smirk.

She swats my arm and I laugh. "Later then, how about we start with Times Square."

I walk toward the door, but she grabs my arm and stops me.

"I love you, Yuzu. I never imagined doing something like this on my birthday. You're right, I needed this. Thank you."

"I'd do anything for you, you know that right?" I plant a kiss on her forehead. "Happy birthday."

The streets of New York City are chaotic. It seems there's a hundred people on the sidewalk at any given time. When we reach Times Square, they all fade away.

The lights are so bright you could almost mistake it for daytime. There's so much life here, so much color. It's different from what I've seen on the television and in pictures. The best part is Zhenya and I are just another ordinary couple here.

Hand in hand we explore other parts of New York as she makes a list of all the things she wants to do tomorrow. The Central Park Zoo, museums, the Statue of Liberty, and the list goes on. I haven't seen her this excited in a long time and that's how I know I've honored Brian's wish.

_"Stay safe and make sure she's happy."_

"Do you want to do the Empire State building?" I suggest.

"Of course."

I thought I knew everything about Zhenya, but during the elevator up I learn she is scared of heights. She claims it's only a minor fear but the look on her face tells me otherwise.

"I doubt there's even a chance you can fall." I assure her.

When we get to the top I am proven right. She relaxes and instead looks around in awe.

"I've been to so many cities, why does this feel different?"

"I don't know." I hug her. "Maybe it's because we are here together."

She leans in towards me and I gently press my lips against hers. This kiss is soft, my hands lightly caress her face.

"Eww!" A tiny voice breaks us a part. A little boy, no more than five looks at us with a disgusted look on his face. Zhenya bursts out laughing.

"I am sorry." A woman, presumably his mother runs up to us.

"It's okay." Zhenya smiles.

We continue to walk around the city after getting something to eat. Eventually our feet start to hurt and we make our way back to the hotel. In the last ten minutes I carry the birthday girl in my arms.

"Look, Yuzu! You can control all the lights in this suite. They can change colors too." She fidgets with some remote when we finally get back to the room.

"Can you change the lights in the bathroom to something cool?"

"Let's do purple." She giggles.

I have to agree with what she said about the bathtub earlier. It's the most luxurious one I have ever seen in my entire life. There's settings for jets, different scents of soap, temperature, and so much more.

"Remember what I said earlier?" I ask.

Zhenya puts down the remote and walks into the room, straight into my arms. Her hands slowly move from my back to my chest, lingering for a while. Eventually she tugs at my shirt, throwing it over head.

"I remember."

She removes both of our clothing, one by one until there's nothing left. Then she takes my hand and leads me into the warm water, letting it envelop us.

"Zhenya." I breathe.

"Yes?" I can feel her hands on my skin.

"I forgot to say something back to you earlier."

"What?" Her lips are just inches from mine.

"I love you too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I was originally planning to spend the three weeks of my holiday writing a bunch of chapters but I ended up spending the time with my family instead. I hope you all were able to do the same and be surrounded by your loved ones. I apologize for my absence, I am now back in America for University but the work isn’t crazy yet thankfully.
> 
> While I was in Russia I wasn’t on social medial much but I want to say THANK YOU! My story grew so much in these past few weeks and I didn’t even know! I appreciate all the support and hope you enjoyed these two chapters!


	62. Valentine's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a flashback that occurs between “Traditional” and “A Promise of Spring”, after Yuzuru and Evgenia get engaged in Japan.

**Evgenia’s POV**

The yellow flames flickered and danced, enchanting my eyes. I could feel the heat warming my skin, and I welcomed the feeling. The bitter cold outside was unforgiving, even for me.

“Here you go.” Yuzu carefully hands me the mug filled with creamy hot chocolate. It’s dark, rich and coats my tongue thickly before going down my throat.

“Thank you.” I whisper. To my side sits a pile of pillows that he quickly tosses to the other couch. For a brief second the cold creeps up on me until his hand moves around my middle, warm and soft. His arms wrap around the rest of my body, the heat causing my skin to flush.

Perhaps I didn’t need to turn on the fire place after all.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” He whispers softly.

I had almost forgotten the holiday entirely. I was only reminded when I saw a man braving the frigid air, dashing out of a store with chocolates and flowers in hand while I was on the way to practice. Yuzu stayed home.

“Did you get me any chocolates?” I tease. “It’s fine if you didn’t.”

“So you wouldn’t be upset if I said I forgot?” His hand lightly caresses my cheek.

“No.” I shake my head.

Yuzu abruptly gets up, taking all the warmth with him. He stands there on his phone before a few seconds pass and I hear the sound of the speaker turn on.

“What are you doing?” I pout. I was enjoying the cuddling session.

“Something we haven’t done in a while.” I hear his phone connect to Bluetooth. “Dance with me.”

This man never ceases to surprise me.

I carefully set my almost empty mug on the coffee table, and slowly push myself off the couch before I walk directly into his arms.

“I’m warning you ahead of time, no crazy moves or the hot chocolate I just drank will make a reappearance.” I laugh.

“No crazy moves.” He repeats, placing his hand around my waist and pulling me in.

_Come a little bit closer_  
_Hear what I have to say_  
_Just like children sleeping_  
_We could dream this night away_

I bury my head into his chest, allowing me to listen to the sound of his heartbeat. I forgot how much I crave moments like this. Moments where I can just forget about the outside world.

“Thank you.” I whisper.

_But there's a full moon rising_  
_Let's go dancing in the light_  
_We know where the music's playing_  
_Let's go out and feel the night_

Yuzu gently lifts my chin up. His eyes are so different in moments like these, more soft than I knew his eyes could be. The intense, focused man is gone and instead it is the eyes of one who loves deeply. They’re calm and warm. There are times when those eyes disappear, when the demands of the world sit heavy on his shoulders.

“Thank you for what?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“For this, for right now. For everything.”

_Because I'm still in love with you_  
_I want to see you dance again_  
_Because I'm still in love with you_  
_On this harvest moon_

“Sometimes it just feels like one big fight.” I go on. “The injuries, the falls, the competitions, the media – it’s always a battle, and it’s harder to do alone.”

“It has been a fight, and it will be for a little while longer. You’re right, it’s harder to do alone.” He lightly presses his lips against my forehead.

_When we were strangers_  
_I watched you from afar_  
_When we were lovers_  
_I loved you with all my heart_

“What happens after this is all over?” Our eyes meet again.

“We live. We get married, travel the world. Anything you want. I’ll be there with you.”

_But now it's getting late_  
_And the moon is climbing high_  
_I want to celebrate_  
_See it shining in your eye_

The memories of our engagement are still so vivid in my mind. The ice rink, the tears. The secrecy it holds. It’s tempting to dream of the day where we don’t have to hide it.

His hand loosens from my waist, raising above my head as he lightly twirls me around. When he pulls me back in, our lips touch. The kiss is gentle, sweet and warm.

_Because I'm still in love with you_  
_I want to see you dance again_  
_Because I'm still in love with you_  
_On this harvest moon_

“I have to give you something.” Yuzu pulls away. His hand disappears into his pocket, tugging a small black box out and placing it in my palm. “I know you told me to wait, but I didn’t want to.”

My chest tightens. I did tell him to wait, but I didn’t mean it. I told him there wasn’t a need for a ring when I could hardly ever wear it. I was in denial of my own feelings, and I’m sure he knew.

I cautiously open it. The gem is strikingly beautiful, glittering attractively in the light. It’s blue, topaz I believe – the gemstone of my birth month. Oval shaped, polished, and cut to perfection. Neither simple nor too grand, the rose gold surrounding the stone is just as alluring.

It’s perfect.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” He kneels down, gently sliding the ring over my finger.

I tried keeping the tears to a minimum. This was better than any damn chocolate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's day! 
> 
> It's been a while (a month) since I have updated. I took a break to focus on my University studies, and I have just started writing again. The next chapter is taking a really long time *cough* it's a good one *cough* but I just wanted to get something short and sweet out for you all. Let me know if you'd like more flashback chapters because they are actually very fun to write!
> 
> Zhenya will be at the Russian Cup Final very soon, fighting for a spot for worlds. I can't make it but my family in Russia will be cheering her on, and I will be from my apartment across the ocean xD. I'm anxious to say the least.
> 
> Lastly, thank you everyone! This story grows even when I am absent for a while, which blows my mind. I received twitter messages asking if I was okay which feels just incredible that I have people on the internet checking up on me haha. Thank you, spasiba, and I will see you in a week or less <3
> 
> (Song is Harvest Moon - Neil Young)


	63. Nothing is a Given

**Yuzuru's POV**

My eyes rapidly glance to the clock on my nightstand. It's midnight in Japan, yet there's not a single drop of fatigue in my body. Instead I pace around my room restlessly, my breath ragged and my heartbeat accelerating as the minutes tick by.

I try to imagine every possible scenario for tonight. My mind is unusually cruel. It whispers to me, _"You know her chances for a podium are slim"._

It's hard to avoid the videos and the press. Last I heard there's going to be over ten girls attempting a quad or triple axel at this year's Russian nationals. It's only an estimate really, one could expect the number to be higher.

None of those attempts will be from Zhenya.

I've skated through the "quad revolution" in men's figure skating. I watched as men who didn't have any quads staggered off the podium. I watched as skaters such as myself, armed with only a few types of quads, be conquered by those who could land practically every type.

Now I will watch as the same happen to the ladies field, where a clean triple program won't be enough. It hasn't been in a while I suppose.

In my state of heightened anxiety I construct elaborate rationalizations for why everything will turn out just fine, but still the nagging voice in the back of my head says the opposite.

" _This is Zhenya_ ," I remind myself " _she will fight and find a way._ "

Five minutes until the first group is on the ice for the warmup. I decide if I stay in this room any longer by myself I will go insane. I can hear the sound of the television lightly playing outside my door, and I know she's awake.

"Onē-san." I quietly approach Saya. Her appearance is slightly wild, a departure from her usual neat look. I can feel the tension radiating off of her.

"I want Medvedeva-San to do well." Her eyes are glued to the screen. "Next season is the Olympic season."

"I know." I swallow. _I didn't need to be reminded of that._

I don't understand where time has went.

Saya's presence calms me, but I can still feel the lump in my throat. The announcer begins and I can only make out a few words here and there. It's like a puzzle, putting the words I understand together and trying to find the missing pieces.

"They're about to take the ice."

A few seconds later you can hear the roar of the crowd, and there she is.

"She looks beautiful." Saya whispers.

It's true. Even through the television you can see her perfect skin that looked so fragile yet so soft. You can see the slight rosy color to her cheeks, her small waist hidden under her complex costume. The look to her eyes said _"I'm here, come chase me"._

_Evgenia Medvedeva, Moscow!_

She will be first to skate out of eighteen other competitors. I don't think I'll be able to stay awake until the end. I'll have to go to sleep and frantically check the results when I awake.

"I wish she could have come for the holidays" Onē-san interrupts my thoughts. My mind whirls back to when Zhenya came to Sendai last year. When she met my family, when we got enga...

It's time to let everyone know. "I need to tell you something."

"Wait, she's about to skate!" My sister silences me.

How have six minutes already passed? I wasn't prepared to glance back at the screen and see her alone on the ice, saying her final words with Brian. In a giant wave all the anxiety and nerves I had earlier come back at once. It's suffocating, really.

My heart is beating so fast I am sure Saya can hear it. When her music starts, I hold my breath. When she does her double axel I find myself gasping for air.

"Has she landed a triple yet?"

"Only in practice." I answer. The axel was beautiful, fixed and made for a triple. Soon Zhenya will have it.

Next was the flip. I am strangely calm. Perhaps it's the fact that I haven't seen her falter on a triple flip in months, or I just know in my heart she will land it. And she does.

The last jumping pass is where I fail to stay calm. I can't even find it in myself to look at the screen, but at the last second I force my eyes upward.

Triple lutz – triple loop. Clean.

I collapse into the couch, relief flooding my body. Saya does the same. Without the tension and stress, I can fully admire this performance for what it is – a work of art.

If there's one truth in this world, it's that Evgenia Medvedeva loves to skate. You can see it now, the passion in her eyes. The fierceness in her steps. This is where her heart belongs, no matter how difficult times get. She has not let the world break her. Sure she would cry, but she would never let them take her true self from her. She has clung to what she loves with passion. Passion that makes her beautiful.

The crowd is on their feet for her. They adore her. This should be over eighty points. It won't remain in first for the entire night, not with the triple axels to come. But she has made a statement that cannot be ignored.

Saya shifts in her seat. "What were you going to tell me?"

_Look at her smile, how happy she is with that performance._

"I'm going to marry her." I state without tearing my eyes from the sceen.

"What?" She jumps up. "You are going to propose to Medvedeva-San?

"I'm going to marry her." I repeat, and this time she understands.

...

The second I become semi-conscious I jolt upwards, reaching for my phone. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I didn't expect to. I find the results within seconds, refreshing a page I already had open.

4\. Евгения Медведева

As one could predict, the girls who landed the triple axels were ahead of her. The point difference was nothing extreme – Zhenya is only five points away from first. Her fate hangs in the hands of those attempting quads tonight, because there is no doubt in my mind that she will live up to the expectations that always weigh so heavily on her shoulders.

The bright morning sun illuminates every inch of the room. It's been warmer than usual lately, snow has begun to melt and turn into piles of water on the concrete. I can hear the chattering from my family outside the room, Saya's voice the most prominent of them. I know she's waiting for me to come out and say something.

I hadn't anticipated her sudden burst of anger last night, but I understood why she felt the way she did.

" _It's been a year and you haven't told me! Who else knows?"_

 _"Medvedeva-san's mother. We didn't even tell her, she found out on her own._ " I recall my answer.

_"Why couldn't you tell your own family?"_

The answer to that question was more complicated than it appeared on the surface. I wanted to tell everyone in person, but I hadn't gotten a chance to do that since it happened. A part of me was also contempt with keeping it between Zhenya and me.

_"There's many reasons, onē-san, but I am telling you now."_

Her anger simmered and turned into excitement quickly. I was bombarded with wedding questions – when, where, what traditions will be followed. Saya seemed ecstatic that Evgenia Medvedeva will become a part of this family.

_"After the Olympics," I assure her "then we can talk about these things."_

I push myself off the bed, slowing fixing my slippers over my feet. I feel calm, sure of the words I am going to say. Yet when I appear in front of them all I had rehearsed is lost.

"Oka-san, Oto-san." I bow and wish them good morning. Saya looks at me slyly, waiting for me to blurt it out as I had last night.

When I finally work up the courage to announce it, there were only smiles.

 

**Brian's POV**

I try to recall any memories that can compare to what is happening in front of my eyes – but fail to. I've grown accustomed to the occasional "splat fest" that can occur in the men's discipline. As a coach, I've witnessed this countless times. Yet rarely have I seen it occur in the ladies discipline.

Every quad attempt has been met with a crash into the ice. They're hard falls, the kind that can wreak havoc over your body. Falls that make a long and sustainable career difficult if they happen frequently enough. To see this happen to such young women is hard to watch.

I can only think of Evgenia at this moment, who is the only skater here over the age of twenty. We have been practicing quad salchows for months now. It's a process, and it's a jump that is not safe to attempt in competition right now while it is not entirely stable. We have come here and we will fight with what we have.

She remains out of view in her own little world. Her music is playing loud enough that it can be heard standing a meter away. All my students do this. I imagine it helps greatly with nerves, drowning out all the noise and commotion going on. As I've seen with both Yuzuru and Evgenia – it can help ignite a fire within.

It's hard to remember my pre-competition rituals when it's been decades, but I remember music played a sizable role in preparing myself. Except there were no phones to play it off of.

"Evgenia." I gently tap her shoulder. She's to take the ice after the current skater. I help gather her things, carefully picking up Luna and placing the toy cat on the boards. _Watch over her._

I glace onto the ice for a brief moment, where my eyes witness another failed quad attempt. I begin to wonder if the ice conditions are not suitable and tense up. Coaches and skaters alike loathe when something out of their power prevents them from having a good skate.

I can't show the worry on my face. So often a skater is a reflection of their coach. If the coach is panicked or worried, it will reflect on them too. For my students I will always remain calm, even if what I am thinking doesn't reflect that.

I grab the skate guards from her hands and send her out onto the ice. Just as I had requested, she does a few stroking exercises that Tracy has taught her over the years. Once she has a feel for the ice under her feet, then the jumps can come.

When Anna Shcherbakova's score is announced, Evgenia holds her hands over her ears. The number is quite low and I can see she has three deductions. I don't pay any more attention, it's time for her skate.

"You know what to do?"

"Trust my training and know my strengths." She nods.

"You're in charge." With my fists clenched, she skates away from the boards.

_Evgenia Medvedeva, Moscow!_

As soon as the music begins I pace around. I've always found it difficult to stay still, but alas every coach behaves differently at the boards. The double axel is first.

 _Up, up, up!_ I bang my hands down. The landing is confident and secure. I take a step back, before leaning forward to watch her lap the rink for the next jump.

The roar of the crowd when she does her triple salchow is hard to miss. The jump warrants +5s, anything lower is criminal.

Evgenia does another double axel, and then a triple flip. This is the point where people spectating must be confused. We came to fight with what we had, and that involves putting every combination in the second half. It's something we hadn't announced.

For a brief moment, I can calm while she does her step sequence. The years of difficult work can be seen through the quality of the edges, the speed and the precision. I try not to, but memories of Mao resurface. The Bells of Moscow only reminds me of Vancouver, after Yuna had already skated and we patiently awaited the results of her main rival. No it wasn't perfect, but Asada's performance was still superb.

As is Evgenia's right now.

The second half begins and the loop combination is first. The lutz lands nicely, and she flies up into the loop. I clap my hands together, one down.

The flip-toe is tight on the second part, but done nonetheless. The combination looked fully rotated, just lacking a good running edge out of it. I admire her fight to save it.

I have no doubts when she flies into her final jumping pass. Triple lutz into a double toe into a double loop. A clean program, with all combinations in the second half. Her scores will be massive. Podium worthy.

Roses cover the ice.

"I'm so proud of you." I smile. A clean skate feels rewarding for any skater, and any coach.

"I just trusted my training."

In the kiss and cry she happily waves Luna in the air, yelling _"spasiba, spasiba!"_

When the scores flash up on the screen she glances at me, confused. She's in first place with two left to skate.

"I don't understand." She shakes her head when the microphones turn off. "All those girls and all those quads..."

"This is a sport, and nothing is ever a given. Unpredictable things happen. All I know is I think you've just earned a spot on the national team."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Молодец, Женя! Спасибо и удачи! 
> 
> Evgenia skated her first clean short program in a year on the anniversary of her Olympic short. No matter what happens in the free, I am so proud of her. I loved the mama Tracy interactions too! 
> 
> I am very happy to get this chapter up in the one week span I promised because I’ve become very bad at that lately. I purposely left some reactions out for future chapters and flashbacks, because I like a little mystery as to exactly what happened. 
> 
> I’m almost at twenty thousand reads, and I’m at over 700 kudos. Ive seen people talking about this fic on so many different places. I honestly cannot believe that I’d get this far, especially when I starting writing to improve my English. Although these days it’s hard to find time to write, I still enjoy it very much. And I’ve met the most wonderful people along the way, so thank you all <3


	64. Sun and the Moon

**Evgenia's POV**

The path grew wide where the soil was soft and then narrow in the rocky passes. There were times it was barely there at all, nothing more than a mild disturbance in the dirt. I cared little about the wet mud that stuck to my boots and the backpack that dug into my shoulders. The sunlight on my skin and the fresh air were worth the price.

As we ventured further up the path had become slick from the melting snow, leaving behind icy puddles. I began to tire more quickly. It was to find my footing, difficult to keep myself from slipping.

I only needed one simple reminder – _find your strength. Keep going._

In a way it's been something I've been reminding myself for years now. After every success, every failure, the importance of those words stay the same.

"Do you need a break?"

"No." I assure him. "Besides, we need to get to the peak before the eclipse."

It was all anyone could talk about for weeks. On the news, on the streets of Toronto. Even our usual banter at the TCC was replaced with constant chatter about it. Brian told us he would be taking the day off to relax at his cabin with family, and so everyone made their own plans.

"I though you said Rattlesnake point was an easy climb?" Yuzu had suggested it after Jason mentioned he was going camping. It's a little over an hour outside of Toronto and it seemed perfect.

He pauses. "It is easy, just not in this weather. You've climbed mountains before, Zhenya."

No, I never have. He knew that, and I knew what he actually meant.

It's taken me a long time to get to where I am. I came in third at Russian nationals, albeit on a day were almost every girl faltered. A few weeks ago I got my quad salchow back. In a few days I will be leaving for the European Championships with a chance to prove myself for worlds.

These past few years have a constant fight. I've battled through the injuries and the scrutiny. I've fought my way up. There are days where I'm so tired I can hardly push myself out of bed. Yet I always do.

_You've climbed mountains before, Zhenya._

The trees begin to grow sparse. The path wasn't so steep anymore, although the wind blew colder. Suddenly I stood atop the rocky surface and smiled as my eyes scanned the horizon. This place is beyond beautiful.

"It's worth the climb even without an eclipse." Yuzu's thoughts mirror my own.

He sets his bag down carefully and retrieves his camera. For as long as I can remember it sat in a closet in our home, unused and dust settling on top of it. I never asked him why he gave up photography. Then again, he had given up a lot of things in the past.

"Can I trust you not to fall off a cliff while I take photos of you?" He laughs.

"Photos?" I scoff "I look terrible right now. My hair is completely messed up, I'm a sweaty mess and I..."

"Zhenya." He stops me. "There's many ways to describe how you look, and terrible is not one of them."

It's hard to miss how much he enjoys taking pictures. Yuzu seems to have it all mapped out in his head – where he wants me to stand and how he to wants to angle the camera. The lighting in each one is sublime. Is there anything this man cannot do?

"I have something else." He reaches back down and pulls out a small Polaroid camera. "Would you like to take it?"

"Hai."

I take the camera into my hands as Yuzu snakes his arms around my waist. It's hard to angle the camera at first, especially since we are different heights. All my Instagram selfie taking has not qualified me for this.

"Ready?" I look up at him before resting my head on his shoulder.

The photo slowly prints out and I wait for the film to develop. For good measures, I take another photo. This time I reach up and kiss his cheek.

"Let me see." Yuzu gently picks them up.

The first photo has fully developed. You can see the beauty behind us, the fast span of the wintery forest below. It's odd to see us this way in a photograph, so calm and relaxed. We look happy.

Of course, my eyes then focus on my knotted hair thrown up into a messy bun over my head. "Oh god, burn that picture. It looks like there is a bird's nest on my head."

"Not a chance." He laughs. "You'd think for a Pantene girl you'd always have your hair looking flawless?"

I roll my eyes and try to keep myself from smiling. He's right, but I don't want to admit that. Instead I quickly snatch the second photo from his hand.

My heart drops. I would never in a million years burn this. My only reaction is to put this somewhere safe. The expression on his face... I must have caught him by surprised when I kissed him. It's priceless.

"This one we can keep." I whisper.

For the next hour we rest and talk. Everything from quad jumps to Tokyo Ghoul gets mentioned. I had almost forgotten the original reason we had hiked all the way up here.

"How much longer until the eclipse?"

Yuzu reaches for his phone. "A few minutes."

"Then I just want to lay here and watch."

I nestle myself in his arms where I feel warm and safe. Where I can forget about skating, the responsibilities, and the pressures of the world. Where I can watch this phenomenon unfold before my eyes.

In this moment I am reminded of a comment I once saw. It compared us to the sun and the moon. I was the sun, bright and full of life. Yuzu was the moon, dark and mysterious. I've grown used to the comments about us, laughing off the analogies and the theories.

Now the sun and the moon were becoming one, and the comment felt so surreal.

It was magnificent. For a few minutes the world around us went dark. I had never seen anything like it before, and I didn't know if I would ever again. The longer it went on the more it felt like a dream.

The sun and the moon danced together in the sky, and it was beautiful.

Eventually the light began to shine again, and reality set in. It was getting late but I was reluctant to leave. There's a rare feeling of peace here, and I hadn't realized how much I have craved it.

Yuzu and I carefully packed our blankets and gear. I gently put the photos into a small bag, ensuring they won't be harmed. The further we climbed back down all the weight of the world came rushing back onto my shoulders.

I'm no fool. I understand that the Olympics are only a year away. I understand the amount of work that has to be done. In a few day's I will be on a plane to Europeans, and my quad salchow will be joining me.

There's no time left. I know I have to make the world's team and prove my worth. There will be three spots on the team next year.

I have to make sure I am one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only sensible way I can write these notes is by a number list, so bear with me.
> 
> 1\. I love Evgenia Medvedeva. What a class act. Her interviews after Russian Cup where so kind. She knew she wasn’t perfect and she could be better. I’m just so proud of her.
> 
> 2\. I wish I didn’t understand Russian because I don’t even want to begin to describe the comments I’ve seen.
> 
> 3\. Love wins over hate. If you don’t know, thousands of people spamming Zhenya’s Instagram post with hearts and she saw it. I’m so happy she knows that she stills has so many who love and support her.
> 
> 4\. She will be amazing at worlds, and so will Yuzu. I believe in them because they believe in themselves and I know they will fight. (Gold medals for both please skating gods listen)
> 
> 5\. I love you guys. This story is so close to 20,000 views. I’ve made such incredible friends and I just wanted to say how lucky I am to have such support from people across the world.
> 
> 6\. I will post one last chapter before worlds and then I will post one after, unless whatever happens gives me a heart attack. 
> 
> (Sorry for the essay, I just needed to say all that xD)


	65. Chasing

**Evgenia's POV**

_Compose yourself, Zhenya._ I could still feel the remnants of the adrenaline coursing through my veins. My breath hadn't steadied yet either, but I did my best to control it.

The journalists stood in front of me, microphones fidgeting in their hands. I knew how eager the media has been to interview me following my success at the European Championships. I hadn't said much afterwards, instead I returned to Toronto at the nearest opportunity.

"Well, before we start asking questions I would like to congratulate you on your success here in the short program at the World Championships." The reporter was poised, and to my amusement – quite handsome. It then clicked in my head how similar he looked to Yuzuru.

"Thank you very much. I am happy to have a clean performance, and I am happy to be here." I smile, taking every ounce of strength not to laugh in front of all the cameras. _They could be twins_.

"You shocked the world last month at the European Champions when you not only landed a quad, but one in combination during your free skate. Can you tell us what that process has been like?"

"Well," I suddenly feel overwhelmed with emotion. "It took a lot – actually it took everything. I had trained the quad salchow before, and that was the jump that caused my injury..."

"That caused you to miss an entire season?" He enquires.

"Yes. After the injury, I had to learn everything again. It took me months to walk, and even longer to start jumping again on the ice. I spent my days working, becoming stronger. I started with single jumps, and worked my way up. I had only just begun to jump the quad again a few months ago. To land it at the Europeans in combination meant everything to me."

"You attempted a triple axel." He pauses. "But it did not work out. Will you be trying it here?"

"I plan to. I want to show my maximum." I confirm.

"Evgenia, forgive me for saying this, but you weren't expected here, were you? Your placement at the Russian Nationals came as a shock, as did your silver at Europeans."

The question stung. I knew it's what many people thought, it's what many people wrote. But when it's said to your face the effect is much more powerful. As an athlete, you never want to be asked something like that. I looked up at the reporter again... _you may look like him but you don't have a tenth of his respect and kindness._

I had to admit it. "I understand that I won bronze at Nationals when many girls stronger than me had a bad day. I know I placed without any quads or triple axels. As tradition dictates, I still earned a spot to Europeans where I had a chance to prove myself – and I did."

"You certainly did. You didn't place far behind Alexandra Trusova either." He reminds me. "Do you expect a similar result here, on the eve of the Olympic season?"

"I just want..." I couldn't find the words. "More than anything, I want to be happy with how I perform my programs here. I am pleased with my short, and the free is yet to come."

"I hope you find what you're looking for." He says as a final parting, and my anger subsides.

The next round of questions were mostly about my short program here. I stuck to the same layout as Russian Nationals – double axel, triple flip, and my lutz-loop combo. The only disadvantage is that I didn't do a triple axel, which is why there is two ahead of me with one left to skate. But I was clean, and I am happy.

There's just a lot of work to be done tomorrow.

The questions seem to be winding down, and after the crowd clears I can see the final standings for the short program. I sit in third still. It's not a shock, as most leave the quads and triple axels to the free skate.

What is a shock is when I'm stopped and asked, _"How is your relationship with Hanyu?"_

Sometimes I forget that our relationship is public knowledge. It's been almost two years since Yuzu gave that interview and in fact confirmed that we were together. Since then, I've hardly been asked about him. I wasn't sure if it was out of respect, as he did ask for privacy, or the work of our agents. Either way it caught me off-guard.

I stood there for a moment, pondering my choices. To deny to say anything would likely cause a few rumors to fly. I wait a few seconds before I decide to let our fans have a moment.

"He's wonderful, and we're very happy." I smile. _There goes the internet._

When I finally reach my hotel room I immediately dive into my bed. I'll have to rise again soon to eat and for practice, but for now I am happy to just stare at the ceiling and think.

Four years ago, I won gold in Helsinki. I was only seventeen, and all I ever wanted in life was right in front of me. I was undefeated, and I thought I understood how life works.

I don't even recognize that girl anymore. I had never felt pain before, I had never felt hopeless. I hadn't experienced love and color it could bring to my life. I had never experienced defeat, and I didn't understand what it meant to fall apart and have to find the strength to put yourself back together.

There's a few parts of that girl still within me, but mostly everything is gone. Everything I have gone through in the past four years – it's made me a different person.

And I'm thankful for it.

 

**Yuzuru's POV**

The day has been dark and the sky’s overcast, but in seconds it became a wall of water. Late March has brought Toronto an early spring and afternoon storms. The rain begins to fall so thickly that there is an instant covering of water on the street, the wipers cannot keep up and I can hardly drive.

"You can pull over for a little, I am sure they will understand." My mother grips her seatbelt.

"We are only a few minutes away, oka-san. We don't know when the rain will calm and the final group is soon." I reassure her.

I drop my speed down to prevent her from getting any more stressed, but I can barely see more than a meter in front of me. It's only when there's a few seconds in-between wind gusts that I see the familiar apartments.

After parking the car we sit there for a while until it becomes clear that the storm is only getting worse. The first crack of lightening lights up the sky so brightly that I am sure it was just overhead.

I don't have an umbrella, although I suppose it wouldn't be wise to use one anyways. I reach into the backseat, rummaging around until I retrieve Zhenya's little yellow raincoat.

"Here.” I place it in her lap.

I was going to get drenched, but at least she wouldn't. My mother put a lot of effort into getting ready this evening, and I wasn't going to let the rain ruin that.

"Ready?" I ask and in seconds we are racing up the steps.

Before we even reach the door it swings open and Zhanna is ushering us inside. "I was just about to go out and get you two!"

I look down and see the umbrella in her hands. "Maybe it's better if we didn't risk getting electrocuted."

"I guess you're right." She laughs and pulls me into a hug. "It's nice to see you, I know Zhenya will be happy that you're here."

"We are family now." I smile and pull away. "This is my mother..."

"Yumi Hanyu." Zhanna bows. "You're just as pretty as your son!"

"And you're just as beautiful as your daughter. I suppose our grandkids will be otherworldly."

I'm so caught off guard by that statement I stumble backwards and hit the wall. I bite my lip to avoid saying anything, and instead just try to play it off.

"I have the television on already, the current group is almost over." Zhanna tries to ease my embarrassment, and I silently thank her.

I nod and leave her and my mother to continue their introductions. Oka-San had wanted to come visit me for a while, and so was so excited when I told her we could meet Zhenya's family. She practiced her English and even a few words of Russian just for tonight.

I take a seat on the couch, across from Zhenya's grandmother. We exchange what little words we can – mostly what little Russian I can speak. Instead we sit in comfortable silence as I get lost in my thoughts.

This week is the first time I have truly missed competing. Tensions run so high at the World Championships, I miss the excitement and the drama. I miss the fight for the gold.

My emotions right now still don't effect how I feel about taking this season off. I've been competing at the senior level for almost a decade, and I needed time away. My body was practically begging for it – and I had to listen.

So here I sit, watching what would have been my final World Championships. Perhaps that's why I feel so strongly about my absence. I've already decided the Olympics will be the final competition of my career, meaning that last year's Worlds were my last.

_The Olympics..._

It's frightening how quickly four years can pass by. It almost doesn't feel real. Yet Sochi feels like a lifetime ago.

"Would you like something to drink?" Zhanna shouts from the kitchen, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"No thank you." I shake my head. I don't think I could keep anything down, not with how nervous I am – although I could tell I wasn't the only one in the room who felt that way.

Zhenya had once told me her mother couldn't stomach to watch her skate. _"My grandmother is the only one who can, but it's hard for her too"_

I could see what she meant. Her grandmother, even when sat down, could not stay still. My mother took a seat and tried to make smalltalk, although there wasn't much to be said when her English was so limited.

"She skates next." I swallow. I had been so consumed in my thoughts I hadn't been paying attention to the television right in front of me. I even missed the warmup.

Zhanna sits down onto the couch, her face pale and her eyes darting anywhere but the screen. When I look at my mother, she doesn't look much different. That's how I know she's truly come to love Zhenya.

_Next to skate – Representing Russia, Evgenia Medvedeva!_

Four of us sit here in this room, but the only sound is the roar from the television. We're all so quiet that I begin to wonder if we've all forgotten to breathe.

Zhenya looks beautiful. Even through the screen I can see how breathtaking she is. If she's nervous, she's not showing it. Only a faint smile plays across her lips.

Her first jumping pass makes my heart almost stop. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Zhanna look away, and for a moment I ponder doing the same.

I'm glad I didn't. The quad salchow - triple loop was a thing of beauty. She practically floated in the air.

_Give it up judges, that was a +5._

The expression on her face was something I've come to recognize when no one else can. It's a rather mischievous look, and one full of confidence that says "look what I can do!"

That's when I knew she wasn't going to do the triple flip that was planned next.

She lapped the rink quickly, and before anyone could realize it she landed another quad salchow. It was rash and unplanned, but perfect nonetheless. I couldn't help but laugh.

_There's fire in her tonight._

I almost kick myself a few seconds later when she doubles her planned triple axel. I know how much trouble she's had with the jump, I remember her fall at Europeans.

During a spin I take a deep breath, and for a second I glance away to find her mother and mine holding hands, anxiously looking at the screen. I then look down and realize how hard I'm gripping the seats of the couch, turning my knuckles a bright red. _You're killing us, Zhenya._

The crowd roars during her step sequence. She always skates with passion, but I haven't seen her like this since her Olympic Anna Karenina. I finally realize that she's not just chasing a spot on the podium like everyone's assumed, she's chasing the top.

Out of twizzles comes a triple flip, so seamlessly that I hadn't even realized she was going to jump.

"Three more jumps left." Zhanna whispers.

Two of them in combination, I think to myself. I can no longer stay seated, instead I start to pace around, my eyes never leaving the screen.

She has a tight landing on what was supposed to be a triple lutz with a triple toe on the end of it. Now there is no safety net, there's only two jumps left – both have to be put into combination.

If Zhenya is worried, she doesn't show it. The cameras catch another smile, before she launches up into another lutz, with a half loop and a triple salchow to finish it off.

_One left._

Everyone is on their feet. Her grandmother, both of our mothers. We hold our breath and for a second I think my heart will stop.

Triple axel - triple toe.

The commentators start to scream. The crowd is so loud you can't hear the music. Evgenia Medvedeva has shown the world what she's capable of tonight.

We all sit back down, relief flooding over as we watch the final moments of her program. I'm not sure if it's gold – there's many more quads to come; but I'm sure she's won the hearts of millions.

When she finishes her final spin she cries. It's not the same tears from the Olympics. These are tears of joy. In this very moment I wish I could reach through the television screen and hold her, kiss her, congratulate her. Instead I smile so wide my cheeks begin to ache, and I wipe the tears that fall from my eyes.

It's now a waiting game. We wait and we watch as her rivals take the ice. None truly compare to the fire Zhenya had, the quality of her jumps. Perhaps I'm biased, but the judges seem to agree.

And we watch as she becomes World Champion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I write this the ladies short program begins in one hour.
> 
> Good luck Zhenya and Yuzu! May the ice bring you joy and victories. What a year it’s been, and I know they will finish it strong <3
> 
> My next chapter will be after worlds ends. In the meantime I will be trying to balance university and forsake sleep so I can watch my favorites xD If you want to come freak out with me, I’m always checking my Twitter (@isaevayevelina)! 
> 
> As always thank you for every read, kudos and comment. Let’s stay strong for Zhenya and Yuzu. See you all soon <3


	66. Beginning of the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feautures refrences from my one shot, Anna Karenina. This is also truly the beginning of the end, as there are eight chapters left of this book. Let’s enjoy it :)

**Evgenia's POV**

If I close my eyes, I can picture the first time I was here. Even after all these years, I can remember every emotion that coursed through my body. The nerves, the doubts, the excitement – it consumed me. Brian was a stranger to me then, but now he is someone I trust the most in this world.

His office has remained mostly unchanged from the first time I sat in it. The walls are still the same light gray with sunlight illuminating the room. Yuzuru's fan mail still clutters the corner. Brian says no matter how much he goes through, he can't make a dent in the large pile.

It's comforting in here. It's familiar, and it calms me.

I knew that this day, this feeling, couldn't last forever. Things would get difficult again. But that was okay. I've been fighting my whole life. Fighting through injuries, fighting to stay on top. My life's built on it, and I was ready to do it for the final time.

"Good morning, Evgenia!" Tracy chirps. I didn't even notice that she had walked in, but her presence instantly makes me happier.

"Is that coffee I smell?" My mouth waters. After only getting a few hours of sleep last night, I could use the caffeine.

"It is, and it's for you." She carefully lays the cup down in front of me.

"Oh, I can't take it!" I shake my head. "It's your coffee, enjoy it."

She smiles "I already had one, I got it for you. I hope it tastes fine, I know you don't like it too sweet!"

"Thank you." I slowly sip on the hot liquid. I look at Tracy and think about how much I've grown to see her as a second mother. Someone who cares for me and will always be there for me. And there's nothing that could describe the gratitude I feel for that.

Brian walks in a minute later, his face stern and a stack of paper in his hands. Tracy quietly slips out of the room, leaving us alone. I don't pretend to know why he called a formal meeting instead of just talking out on the ice, but I can already guess it's not good.

"What did I do know?" I break the silence. It was a joke, but then I started to question if I really had done something.

"The Russian Federation is breathing down my neck." He sighs. "They are concerned that you haven't picked your programs yet."

"It's only June, why are they so concerned?" I ask.

"You know why."

My heartbeat quickens, "They're thinking about sending me to Beijing?"

"You are the reigning World Champion. I've just been informed that Alexandra Trusova is injured, and Anna Shcherbakova has lost her quads. Alena Kostornaia only has the triple axel, as does Alena Kanysheva. Kamila Valieva and Daria Usacheva have quads and just turned senior eligible, but that leaves one spot open."

"And they want me to get that spot?" I let out a breath I didn't know I was even holding.

"Well, let's not celebrate too soon. But you're the only adult Russian skater with quads who can rival Kihira, Lui, and the others. If you're stable and healthy this season, the door is open." Brian knocks his knuckles on the wooden desk, not wanting to tempt fate.

His words weigh heavy on my shoulders. There it is, everything I've ever wanted dangling right in front of me again.

"It's quite an incredible story, isn't it?" He laughs.

I raise my eyebrows. "Story?"

"What you have gone through." He pauses. "We are our choices, Evgenia. You knew if you wanted to make it to Beijing you had to make a change. In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did. There's a lot of ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known for the sake of something greater. That's exactly what you have done. And here we are."

"And here we are." I repeat. "The final season of my career."

"It doesn't have to be." Brian shakes his head.

"I will always love skating, that will never change. But I'm getting tired of fighting, and I want this fight to be my last."

He nods his head. "That's quite a decision to make, one that belongs to you and you only. If that is your wish, then it will only be a little while longer."

There's a certain tone to his voice, a look of sadness to his eyes. And I knew. "Who else told you those words?"

"Yuzuru, Jason, Jun, and now you. This is my final season with you all."

"I'm sure we'll make it a memorable one." I reassure him.

"Well, I have no more hair to lose. Perhaps that's a good thing." He chuckles. "Let's get you on the ice and on that harness."

"Brian?" I stand up. I couldn't find the words I wanted to say, just as I couldn't with Tracy. So I just hugged him.

"Thank you, Evgenia." I can see how much the gesture meant to him. I imagine this is just as hard for him and Tracy as it is for us.

He knows this summer is the beginning of the end.

As I stretch my muscles I start looking at what lies ahead of me. Alysa Lui, dubbed as the savior of American ladies skating, has just turned senior. She has a quad toe, quad lutz, and a triple axel. Kamila has the same repertoire. Rika and Kaori both have triple axels and quad toes. Daria has a quad flip. There are at least a handful of other girls with these elements, making the fight for gold look bleak.

I understand the importance of peaking at the right time, and I know how many girls just turned senior. They will be at their best this season. As for me, the best has yet to come.

The ice feels good under my feet. I take my time to warm-up today, getting each and every muscle ready. I start small, a single loop here and a double flip there. When I know it's time, I lap the rink and land the quad salchow steadily.

"Are you ready?" Brian and Ghislain call to me. I nod and make my way over, securing myself into the harness.

The next hour is spent with a mix of successes and failures. The quad loop feels easier than the quad toe, but I know the latter will come in time. Step by step.

"Figuring out how to defeat your rivals?" Yuzu appears behind me.

I roll my eyes. "I learned from the best."

"I don't defeat them all the time."

"No, you don't. But I've heard your interviews. I don't know if there's anyone else in this world who is as determined as you to defeat their rivals."

"I only know of one other." He smiles and skates away.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Stephen landing a quad flip. If there's anyone who can breathe down the neck of all the current seniors, it's him. Minus the quad axel, Stephen Gogolev has everything he needs to ruin people's predictions this season.

Yuzuru always thought Nathan was going to be his main rival in Beijing. Perhaps it's someone closer to home.

"Evgenia?" I turn my head to see Tracy standing off the ice. The look on her face alone makes me nervous.

"What is it?" My voice is small.

"It has to be tomorrow. The federation wants your program choices by tomorrow."

My heart sinks and all I can do is shake my head. "Why tomorrow? I can't make such a decision that quickly? There's still plenty of time..."

"There isn't plenty of time." She corrects me. "It will be July in one week. You and Yuzuru are the only ones without programs yet."

"I changed my free program once the season had already started last time. I don't understand why they need it tomorrow."

"You have test skates in Novogorsk early August. That leaves us a little over a month. Needing to tell them your music tomorrow is a lot, but you have to choose." Her tone is serious, which is rare.

"I don't know if I can rush something like this. I don't want any regrets."

"I know." She sighs. "Brian wants you and Yuzuru to go home early and think about it. "

"Alright." I agree. But I can't promise anyone anything.

The thought starts to eat away at my mind. I've been trying for months to come up with music for my programs this year. I have a few ideas for the short, but nothing for my free. I lost count of how many songs I've listened to, rendering them not good enough or not being confident in my choice.

I quickly rip the tape off my skates and untie my laces. Yuzu sits down next to me and does the same, but he says nothing. I know it's been nagging at him too. Choosing the music for the final competitive skate of your life is not an easy decision.

The entire walk to the car is spent in silence, and that doesn't change when we get in. His hands grip the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn a bright red. I can't remember the last time I've seen him so tense, so... angry.

"Yuzu." I shout. No response. "Am I speaking a different language?"

"Unless you have programs for me to submit to the Japanese skating federation by the end of the week, I would prefer not to talk right now." He snaps.

I'm starting to wonder if it's a coincidence or our federations are conspiring together to rush us on this. Yet he gets to the end of the week, and I don't. Perhaps I should be the angry one, but I can't get upset with him.

There is a tenseness to my muscles that makes me more like a mannequin than a human being. I shouldn't have to feel this way, and I silently curse myself out for putting off this decision for so long. At the last Olympics my music, choreography, dresses – they were all chosen for me. It was probably easier for Yuzuru too, considering he used previous programs and costume designs.

I don't try to speak another word for the remainder of the ride. Instead I go over my playlists again and again, reconsidering songs I had already written off. It's no use, I can't picture myself skating over the Olympic rings with any of it.

When the car stops I rush inside, frustrated and tired. I stare at the ceiling as I lay on the couch and a few minutes later I come up with an idea. But it's not for me.

I push myself up to find him and bite my lip to keep myself from screaming. I didn't even hear him come in the house, yet here he is right in front of me.

"I'm sorry." He chuckles and reaches down, leaving a soft kiss on my forehead. "I apologize for scaring you and for speaking to you like that in the car."

I shake my head. "Its fine, I understand why..."

"Anna Karenina." He interrupts me.

"What?"

"Skate to Anna Karenina again." He says softly.

I have to sit back down again before I get dizzy. Returning to that program is something I never considered, and I don't think I want to.

"I know that doesn't sit too well with you." He takes a seat next to me. "Think of it this way – you can tell the story of Anna Karenina again, but it will be yours to tell. Choreography you have input in, a dress you can help design. This isn't my decision to make for you, it's only an idea. I just know how much you love the story and the music. I'll never forget the night you took me to see the ballet."

"In that little pink dress." I smile at the memory. It seems like a lifetime ago.

"I had never seen someone describe something as passionately as you had that night. I had never seen someone so immersed in a story. If I'm honest with myself, I think that was the night I began falling in love with you. I just didn't recognize it, and I pushed the feeling away."

"You've never told me this before." His confession makes my heart flutter.

"I know." He takes his hand in mine. "The final skate of your life should be to something you love, something you can lose yourself in. I don't know anything better to do that to than Anna Karenina."

"There was one track I wanted to skate to, Anna's Last Train, but Eteri said the music cut we had already was good enough." I admit.

The more I think about it, the more I fall in love with the idea. I can tell the story of Anna Karenina how I have always envisioned it. Every step, every beat of the music. It's symbolic really, skating to it at the Olympics again four years later. People will disagree with the choice, mock it even. But this feels right.

_We are our choices, Evgenia_

"What about the short program?" Yuzu asks.

"I have a few ideas I know I'd be happy with. I'll decide tonight."

"Brian will be relieved." He laughs.

"Not completely." I pause. "What about you? What will you skate to?"

He groans and sinks back into the couch, burying his face into a pillow. "I don't know."

"What about Requiem of Heaven and Earth?"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, he sits back up. "For my free program?"

"I know how much the music means to you, and it will always be my favorite exhibition of yours. The fans love it too, and why shouldn't they? It's beautiful. A wise man once told me the final skate of your life should be to something you love, something you can lose yourself in."

He's quiet for a moment, and I watch his face go through an array of emotions. I can almost imagine him calculating how to turn the exhibition into a competitive program without losing any of its beauty.

"I love it." He whispers.

"So we've spent months trying to choose music for our programs, and we end up doing it for each other based off past programs."

"The irony is not lost on me. I still need to do something for my short, but for now I'd like to celebrate."

"Celebrate?" I question.

He brushes my hair back from my shoulder and moves in so close I can feel his body pressed up against me. I feel the warmth and know once he kisses me my resistance will crumble. Yuzu leans in to caress my neck, slow and gentle.

I try not to give into the temptation. In truth, sometimes I hated how much power Yuzuru Hanyu had over me. He was my weakness, and I did not like being weak.

_He's teasing me and it's almost unbearable._

"Please." I whisper breathlessly. Yuzu smiles and then he cups my face in his hands, finally pressing his lips against mine. There was nothing gentle right now, just pure passion.

I could feel his hands all over my skin and it was like electricity. His mouth moved down and left a trail of kisses from my jaw to the top of my breasts. The muscles in his back moved with every breath and I could feel his arms encasing me, holding me close.

I tug at the bottom of his shirt, granting release so I could take it off. His skin is hot and feels good against mine. For a brief second, I pause.

"We should celebrate more often."

Then our lips meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t even begin to say how proud I am of Evgenia and Yuzuru. After a difficult season, they both finished so strong. Between Zhenya doing a 4s and a 4t next season, and Yuzu doing a 4a, 4f, and 4lz - I don’t know what to be more afraid of. 
> 
> Worlds also blessed us with content, with Zhenya joking about going to McDonald’s with Yuzu (a nod to “Your Name”), them hanging out in the warm-up area together, and that adorable video. What a week!
> 
> Thank you all for 20,000 reads! As I said above, we are nearing the end of this book. Chapters are going to start getting longer, especially the last few. I’m not ready to say my goodbyes yet, but it will be soon. I also promise to write some more fluff, as there is a very mature chapter later coming soon *wink wink*. I can't thank you all enough and I'll see you next week!


	67. Novogorsk

**YUZURU’S POV**

From the window of the plane I can see the setting sun illuminating the wings, the lower half shining around the rim, and the upper half several shades darker. As the plane dips the line between shadow and light moves, before it darkens completely as the sun disappears below the horizon.

The rocking motion doesn’t seem to disturb Zhenya, who remains fast asleep. She told me to wake her if she’d slept more than an hour, but I couldn’t find it in myself to do so. In her slumber she looked peaceful, and there wasn’t going to be many peaceful moments in the coming months.

I sat in a comfortable silence before reaching down into my bag, retrieving my headphones and my notebook. The condition of the book was terrible, obvious to the eye that several pages had been torn out and it looked like it belonged in a child's school bag.

As I opened it I couldn’t suppress the audible sigh that escaped my lips. The torn out pages were a result of my seemingly endless frustration over my programs. No matter how many hours I spent awake at night thinking and planning each and every move, I was never completely satisfied.

My impulsive need for what I deemed as utter perfection _is going to be the death of me_ , I decided.

Shae-Lynn has kept me from going insane at the very least. I sent her my short program, Astor Piazzolla – Le Grand Tango for Cello and Piano, and she sent me back a music cut that I was pleased with. We have already begun to work on it, with only the first minute truly done. The exact jumps I will do has to be discussed with Brian. Perhaps he’ll consent to the nagging idea I have in the back of my mind to do a quad axel in both programs.

The long program is where the sleepless nights come from. All though she won’t admit it, Shae-Lynn has been having troubles with it too. To turn Requiem of Heaven and Earth from an exhibition to a competitive program meant lengthening it and turning two jumping passes into seven. It also meant retaining the message of the program, every emotion and every nuance of the music.

It was easier said than done.

To my right I could feel the seat shift, her eyes slowly fluttering open.

“Good morning.” I jest.

A brief look of panic flashes across her face, only disappearing after she looks out the window and sees nothing but darkness. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Never.” I pick up her hand and lay a kiss against her knuckles. “I just find it amusing to scare you sometimes.”

“How long was I asleep?” She yawns.

“A few hours. I know you asked me to wake you up, but we both know you needed to rest.”

The world was going to be watching what happens over the next few days closely, and she knew that. The media storm had already begun, the question of “ _Will Evgenia Medvedeva make the Olympic team?”_ has been feverishly asked.

I know she feels the pressure, the weight building on her shoulders. Some days I don’t know how she handles it.

"Don't look so worried." Zhenya raises up her hand and pokes my nose, brushing a strand hair away from my face. I instinctively wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to my body and feeling the wrath of her skin against mine.

“I can’t believe you’re here right now. I can’t believe I am sneaking you into Russia.” She whispers.

_I wish you didn’t have to sneak me anywhere. I wish I could love you, support you, and accompany you anywhere without causing a frenzy. Without having to hide._ “I can’t believe it either.”

“Can you imagine what they would write?” She laughs softly. “Yuzuru Hanyu at the Russian test skates… oh we would break the internet!”

“We’ve already done that several times over. When everyone found out about us, when I confirmed our relationship. Every time we are pictured together I think a thousand articles are posted online.”

“Those things feel like they happened a lifetime ago.” She sighs.

Even as the years have gone by I can still remember the last part of my speech. I can still remember the desperation in my voice as I asked the world to support us.

_It's not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even - or rather, especially - when we'd prefer not to be. With that being said, I want to ask for respect and privacy relating to my relationship with Medvedeva. I will continue to represent Japan at the highest level and I will do so with pride. Thank you for your time._

For the most part, people have respected my wishes. Seldom have I been asked about Zhenya at press conferences or interviews. Yet I knew they would never stop writing about us. I can hardly fathom what would happen if the public found out I was on my way to Russia right now.

“I can always tell when you’re worrying, Yuzu. It’s all you’ve been doing this entire flight. Let’s watch a movie?” She offers.

I nod and loosen my grip around her waist, allowing her to put something on. To my surprise Onmyōji, the film that Seimei is based on, begins to play.

“I’ve never watched it.”

“You want to?” I curiously ask. Most films we had watched together were Studio Ghibli films, or if she begged me enough we’d watch some American superhero films – specifically the ones with Benedict Cumberbatch. I hadn’t watched Anna Karenina before, and she hadn’t watched Onmyōji. Better late than never, I suppose.

“I want to.” She ensures me. Her arms eagerly wraps around my waist, once again resting her head against my chest as I hold her.

The movie goes on and while her eyes remained glued to the screen, mine remain on her. I watch her chest slowly rising and falling and the way her eyes widen when something happens. I lay a kiss gently on her forehead and hold her tighter.

…

I can hear the raindrops pattering against the floor of the balcony. If I close my eyes right now, I can fall asleep within seconds. The bedsheets tempt me further – cool and soft to the touch.

“I looked at the weather reports, it’s supposed to be like this all day.” Zhenya hastily fastens a raincoat over her head and puts a plastic covering over her bags.

“How long is the ride to Novogork?” I glance at the time.

“I won’t be late if that’s what you’re worried about. Besides, I have to meet Brain first. His plane just landed.”

“I’m sorry I can’t come with you.” I sigh.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You just being here right now is enough. I’ll be back in a couple of hours and we can go get something to eat… and we can explore the city! Oh, there’s so much of Moscow you haven’t seen!”

I can’t tell whether I find her excitement adorable, funny, or both. All I know is I have the best tour guide in the whole world to explore this city. A city that I’ve been to countless times, but only seen a small portion of it all.

She reaches over and quickly kisses my cheek before dashing out the door. Something tells me she will, in fact, be late.

From everything I’ve heard, Novogorsk lies on the outskirts of Moscow and isn’t terribly far from our hotel. The training center is massive – hosting training halls for rhythmic gymnastics, ice rinks for skating, hockey, and even fields for soccer.

_“It hosts many athletes of our national teams.”_ She explained. _“When I was with Eteri we stayed there for several weeks in the off-season. That’s the gym where I took those pictures with that famous pink ball.”_

Today it was hosting the short program test skates for this season. The federation offered her to stay there for a few nights, but if I was to come with that was impossible. There was nowhere for me to hide and I couldn’t watch her skate – much to my dismay.

It was easy to see why the people who did know about me being here were confused. In truth, I was joking about coming with her here at first. Yet when I saw how her face lit up at the idea I couldn’t very well refuse her. Perhaps that wasn’t the only reason. After an off-season with constant work and no ice shows, I’ve been yearning for a break.

The rain outside has begun to fall at a quicker page, a warm breeze entering the room. The weather in Moscow had not yet turned cold, and it wouldn’t for another month or two. Apparently test skates were early this year too.

I fought the urge to sleep and instead find myself sitting down at a desk by the open doors near the balcony. I flick on a lamp and once again reach down to retrieve my torn up notebook. With my headphones in, I listen to Requiem of Heaven and Earth.

_Over and over_

In my mind I decide that my opening movements should stay the same as they were in my exhibition. A few steps forward, a gentle glide on the ice. An uncharacteristic move for me perhaps, but I wanted to start with a choreographic sequence.

I originally planned to open with the quad axel, but as I listen to the music and picture the exact moment in my head, I can see the steps that I could do right up into a jump after the opening sequence.

I take the pen in my hands, writing down a clumped mess of words.

_Choreographic sequence_

_Quad Salchow_

_Sit-spin_

Perhaps it wasn’t the wisest choice, but I have been working on it already. It was another piece of history that could be added to my name, another first.

_Quad flip_

The next minute or so of the music was added in to make it a competitive length, but that left me no basis to go on except for a few ideas Shae-Lynn had sent me. I stand up and close my eyes, imagining myself on the ice. I let the music control my every gesture as I slowly dance around the room, pretending to jump and spin alike.

_Perhaps another spin. No, a jump. Maybe a spin after all…_

It’s absolutely maddening, the amount of times I replayed the same portion of the song. In my head I start imaging twizzles into a triple axel, another spin, and just _pure skating._

Pure skating that meant something and told a story. Skating that honored all the lives lost on that day. Even ten years after the earthquake… I can still remember the horrors so vividly.

_I will be strong for everyone. I will give everything I have for this program._

I sit back down and finish writing some ideas down, and after another hour or so I send a detailed message to Shae-Lynn. I know that when I return to Toronto I’ll be spending all of my days with her to put everything together. Even then, the programs will have to be polished as the season goes on.

It will all take time.

In my hours of focusing on my programs, I’ve seemed to miss a social media storm. I open up my secret twitter account and my eyes widen. All of the programs at the Russian test skates were recorded, posted, and now being critiqued.

I frantically read through all the messages. Some complain how all the layouts for the short programs are the same – either ending with a triple axel or their combinations. Others remark about how exciting it will make the free skate if the short program scores are similar. A few express how much they wish quads were allowed in ladies short programs.

My translator button gets a work out after using it to read everything being posted in something that isn’t Japanese, which is a majority of the tweets. Soon enough I find a video of her.

Zhenya looks incredible. Even here, at a test skate, she’s dressed flawlessly. Oh, how I adore the Nike sponsorship. I don’t admit it much, but the way she looks in her training clothes sometimes drives me insane. It’s distracting to look that desirable.

I don’t sense any tension in her skating, just passion. Flip, triple axel, and lutz-loop are all clean. The small crowd permitted in the rink could be mistaken for a few thousand people considering how loud they cheer for her. Brian looks beyond pleased as well, knowing that this was the first of many tests this season, and she passed.

To my relief, people have already fallen in love with the program. All the replies are positive, and they’re plentiful. The only word one could describe it as is a masterpiece.

Just as I finish my thought I hear the hotel room door creak open, Zhenya slowly dragging her belongings behind her. “You’re back already?”

“It’s been almost five hours, Yuzu. Why, did you miss me?”

“Maybe… maybe not.” I jest.

She rolls her eyes at me and slowly walks towards the balcony, examining the rainfall before she takes another step forward.

“What are you doing?” I hiss. The last thing she needs is to get cold and sick. The free skate is tomorrow, and Autumn Classic is next month.

“It was hot in the taxi. Besides, I like the rain.” Zhenya shrugs off my worries.

“Aren’t we supposed to me going out? You’re going to get drenched and…”

“And I’ll change and dry my hair.” She giggles. “The test skates were stressful, I want to have a little fun and relax. Rain relaxes me.”

“You don’t have to physically be in the rain to be relaxed by it.” I retort, but nevertheless she walks fully out onto the balcony.

I don’t know why, but I can’t stop my feet from moving towards her. The water soaks through my clothing instantly, leaving my skin chilled and my body shivering.

As soon as she turns around and realizes I am there, she opens up her arms and warps them around me. The warmth of her body compared to the cold water feels like heaven.

“I’m glad you came here with me. I meant what I said, the test skates are stressful. I know everyone’s watching. To have you here helps clear my head.”

The rain runs down our faces to where our lips meet, each of us tasting the cold drops. Instead of detracting from the intensity of the moment it ignites a fire between us. The sensations of kissing feels so much more vivid out here. Zhenya pushes her lips against mine more firmly and the wave that runs through me is intoxicating, making my head swim as I pull back to take in her beautiful face.

“What?” She smiles, her hand lightly caressing my face. I wonder if she knows how crazy that drives me, how it makes me want to feel every inch of her skin.

“Nothing.” I whisper. Maybe it’s just that I love you so much it actually hurts sometimes. “Should we go get something to eat now? After we dry off of course.” I look down at our soaked and disheveled appearances.

“Okay.” She reaches up and gently kisses me one last time before we step out of the rain. Immediately she begins to ramble about what restaurants we can go eat at, what bakeries we can visit.

I laugh, knowing that I’d be perfectly contempt with anywhere she chooses, as long as I am with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh the off-season… much Zhenya content but not Yuzu sightings xD 
> 
> I want to apologize for being a few days late, my university teachers seem to enjoy giving me the most elaborate and lengthy assignments… 
> 
> Thank you all for every read, comment and kudos! I’m still debating on what peice of music to make Evgenia’s short program in this story, although a few people have sent me some. If you have any ideas - feel free to comment! 
> 
> Spasiba and see you next week <3


	68. Taste of Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long-ish chapter alert! :)

**MEDIA DAY – Yuzuru's POV**

I rush out of view, thinking my lungs would burst any second. Water, I needed water. Water and something to calm me down. I was spilling my drink all over the place and I could barely bring the glass to my lips. The effort proved useless, and even if I succeeded, I risked knocking out my teeth – my hands were shaking beyond control.

I was told today would be chaos. Brian, Tracy, my mother, and everyone under the sun had warned me. I considered myself ready – I was no stranger to cameras. I'd grown used to the intensity of the media over the decade long career I've had, but this was different.

_Yuzuru Hanyu's last media day_ has made everyone feverish and frantic. You can hardly walk through the masses of journalists that line every wall in the TCC. Cable cords are scattered all over the floor and I silently pray that no one will trip on one.

To say I was having a bad day might be an understatement. Today was my own nightmare. I detest not being ready, not being prepared – and that's exactly what I am right now. I barely slept last night, my eyes refusing to grow heavy as the hours past. The speech I had prepared for today sat on a table at home where I left it during my rush out the door this morning.

I manage to drink a few sips of water, the shake of my hands lessening slightly. When I excused myself I knew it could only be for a few minutes at best. I set the glass down, making my way out into open view again. I'm ushered to a marked area on the floor where the lights shine down on intensely. I try to count the number of cameras pointed at me but quickly give up when more start to be propped up.

My nervousness starts to burn through my stomach. I feel my throat tightening up, threatening to keep me from speaking. I only have portions of my speech memorized, and without the paper here there's nothing else to do but improvise. I know when they give the signal all these cameras will go live, broadcasting every word I say to thousands.

Between the rush of people around me I can still see the ice and the bodies swirling around on its surface. No, not swirling around – waving like madmen – _at me_. I slowly start to make out the details, recognizing Zhenya and Jason. Two others join them, and although it takes me a minute, I determine its Conrad and Jun.

_What are they doing?_ Out of the corner of my eyes I can them dancing around, picking each other up and speeding around the rink all the while looking up at me for my reaction. _They're trying to make me laugh._

I bite down on my tongue to keep anything audible escaping my lips, although I am sure the color of my face is giving me away. There's such a storm of people around me, but none notice the parade that's occurring on the ice. I turn around and as quietly as I can – I laugh.

A metallic taste suddenly overwhelms my mouth. I must have bit down hard enough to draw blood. People move in front of me, effectively blocking the charade that was happening in the distance. I'm told that we will be going live in less than a minute, and the small relief I had felt in laughter disappears.

In this moment I can only hear Evgenia's words replaying in my mind, _"remember what you can of that speech, speak with your heart and the rest will come naturally."_

"Hello, this is Hanyu-senshu." I start, faces around the room urging me to continue.

"Over the years, I've been given such a great gift. It's a miracle that never stops amazing me and reminding me to give thanks every day. That gift is your support. I am what I am because of your unconditional love. Through this long journey I've been through, it's what has helped kept me going. For that I am forever beholden to you – to my fans.

None of us get to where we are alone. Along the way, there will always be someone to help us on our journey. I owe so much of who I am to my coaches, both former and present, to my choreographers, to my friends and my family. I owe it to the composers who edit my music, to those who help create my costumes, and to those who help make being Yuzuru Hanyu a little easier. Through every high and low of my career, these people have never failed to lift me up."

I pause for a few seconds, catching my breath. Although a hundred people fill this room, it's deadly silent.

"As many of you have already heard or guessed, this will be the last competitive season of my career. If my health permits, I intend to compete at the Autumn Classic, both Grand Prix stages, and Nationals. If my results permit, I intend to compete at Fort Continents and the Olympic games.

The short program will be Le Grand Tango for Cello and Piano by Astor Piazzolla. Shae-Lynn Bourne has choreographed this passionate piece of music for me, and I hope to perform it so."

I feel how fast my heart is beating, how my body is tensing up with every passing second. I silently curse at myself for not being prepared, for not having the last part of that damned speech memorized. _Speak with your heart and the rest will come naturally._

"I... my free program is very personal to me, and to the people of Japan. The music is Requiem for the Great East Japan Earthquake by Yasunobu Matsuo. When I think of that day, I can close my eyes and still feel the world shaking beneath me. Even as we have healed, I want to remember all the lives and the memories lost. I hope my performances will be worthy tribute to my country and its people. I will be keeping the namesake of the exhibition program – Requiem of Heaven and Earth. Kenji Miyamoto and Shae-Lynn Bourne are the choreographers.

I would like to thank everyone for the support I have received once again. I will do my best and represent Japan at the highest level this season. I will see you all soon."

I bow, and then the cameras shut off.

The next few hours are spent sitting down for interviews by different journalists, answering question after question. I begin to feel trapped, and know the only way to feel free is to be on the ice again.

 

**AUTUMN CLASSIC – Evgenia's POV**

The dress is made of soft, satiny fabric, long and loose — a style for which I have an unsurpassable weakness. The dark blue coloring contrasts with the red accents below my waist, giving the appearance of fire engulfing me when I spin around. The subtle but brightening eyeshadow accentuates my eyes, and the red of my lips is stunning against my pale skin. I look striking; striking in a way that made me feel almost, but not quite, self-conscious at the realization of my own attractiveness.

Olga Ryabenko had designed the dress for me. My old seamstress, who I hadn't seen in years, was just like I remembered her – warm and welcoming. I didn't know what the response would be when I contacted her a few months ago, but luckily it had worked in my favor.

Stealing one more glance at my reflection, I took in a deep breath, and started unlacing my skates. My first short program of the season was decent, that was all. I popped my triple axel into a double as I still find myself fighting with the consistency of the jump. The mistake didn't sit so heavy on my shoulders until I stepped off the ice – I had enjoyed my program too much to care before that.

When I was a child my grandmother would sing me _podmoskovnie vechera_ , or as they call it in English, Moscow Nights. I fell in love with the song, and on the days where I missed home the most, I'd listen to it over and over. One of my fondest memories was watching Evgenia Kanaeva perform her ribbon routine to the melody at the Olympics. I can still picture her beautiful pink costume, the effortless way she moved and enchanted. Zhenya, the queen of rhythmic gymnastics. A part of me has always wanted to skate to Moscow Nights, hoping it will help me win gold just as she had.

I tuck my skates away into my bag, exchanging it for the clothes I had packed prior to my short program. My mother enters the room, her eyes focusing on my struggle to remove my dress

"You must keep this makeup for the rest of the season." She tugs at the fabric carefully, helping me lift it over my head. "You look divine."

"Thank you." I smile.

"I haven't seen your Anna Karenina dress, but I am sure it will be as beautiful as this one." She carefully folds it, setting it down in the box I carry my costumes in.

"The dress isn't ready yet. Olga didn't get my measurements until test skates. It wasn't enough time to create both and send them over." I say flatly.

"What will you wear then, the old dress?"

"No." I say a little too quickly. "That costume won't fit me anymore." It was true, my body has changed from what it was four years ago. My legs are no longer skinny, but rather muscular. My body is quite shapely – _a woman's body_ , as Olga had called it. Despite the ill-fit, I had my own reasons why I couldn't wear it again. Brian, like several others, had suggested I revive the old Anna Karenina dresses. I told him it was impossible. I didn't explain the reasons for it, but he understood all the same. I can't go back to those dresses – either of them. There's too much pain entwined in the fabric.

"An old exhibition dress for tomorrow's free skate then?" She starts removing pins from my hair, letting the loose curls fall down my back.

"Yes. It won't be the best fit for the program, but it's all I have right now." I sigh.

"It's no matter. You could fall on every jump tomorrow and likely win. The judges won't penalize you for a dress that doesn't quite match the music."

I understand what she means, although I don't plan to fall on every jump. The ladies field at Autumn Classic is desolate this year – only 8 entries. The short program has left me with a fifteen point lead, but if there's anything I have learned in this sport, it's that nothing is a given. Ice is slippery, as they say.

My mother finishes helping me change, and once everything is neatly folded I sit down and turn on the men's free skate. I see a few empty seats and the temptation to sneak in and watch grows until I remember that I was asked not to.

"We should have turned this on earlier." I gasp when I realize Yuzu has already finished his program. The look on his face is enough for me to know he hadn't done well. My heart begins to ache – I value his happiness above my own.

The result is worse than I could have imagined. Three deductions and a technical score far lower than his presentation score. My mother panics slightly, asking me if there's anything wrong with him.

"This is not unusual..." I try to explain, "he usually doesn't do well this early in the season."

"He set a world record yesterday." Her eyebrows furrow together in confusion.

"Yuzuru did the same at the Autumn Classic in 2017. His short was a masterpiece and his free was anything but."

"I don't understand that." She laughs.

Neither do I, I muse to myself. Yuzu is in second place with one skater left, and I know deep down by the end of it he will be in third, because Stephen Gogolev has become a name to be said in fear. For good reason – he was the newest quad king. As I sat and watched, I knew the title was fitting.

It must be difficult to train alongside each other. In many ways, it reminds me of training with Alina.

History has a way of repeating itself.

 

**ROSTELECOM CUP – Evgenia's POV**

If I close my eyes, I can still feel the pain in my foot. Every step I take causes me to wince, to wish I was anywhere but here. I can still feel the ache in my back, the sensation I knew wasn't normal, but told to ignore. When I open my eyes it's all gone as if it were just a bad dream. Only it wasn't four years ago.

I had already been crippled by my injury when I first skated Anna Karenina at Rostelecom. It was the Olympic season, and what was I to do except smile and fight through the pain? My ghosts haunt me here, knowing that this is where my old life started to crumble beneath me. Once my body started to become brittle and break, I knew I couldn't live the way I had been for much longer.

_That was four years ago, this is now._

The cold air feels good against my flushed skin. The music begins and I feel it pulling me as if I were a puppet on a string. I block all of it from my mind – the judges, the audience. I imagine myself at a train station rather than on the ice, and I let that notion carry me through every element.

Instead of jumping, it's Vronsky lifting me into the air that fills my mind. Yet when he puts me down, there's no pain in my foot.

_this is now_

Instead of spinning, I'm twirling around at the ball. Even with the moves that require flexibility, there's no pain in my back.

_this is now_

A fall on my quad toe breaks my trance, forcing me to face what's right in front of me – the eyes of thousands. I set up my lutz, and don't feel my edge change when I fly into the air.

_this is now_

I tug at the back of my dress, unfastening the laces meant to represent the corset. The all white costume turns into a blend of black and burgundy, Anna's sanity and innocence turning to darkness and sorrow. I feel as if I am maddening as well, unable to tell if I am in a dream or if this is real.

I feel strength in every jump, the power of my body propelling me into the air. No, that can't be – I'm too weak, aren't I?

_this is now_

My final jump is my worst. A double axel... I had fallen on that before, hadn't I? On this very ice four years ago? How am I meant to do a triple?

_this is now_

I fall onto the train tracks and wake up to a standing ovation around me. Besides the fall on the quad toe, a relatively new jump for me, everything else was perfect. Even the triple axel at the end. I wipe the few tears that I hadn't been able to keep from racing down my face.

This really is _now_. I'm not weak, I'm not in pain. This is what my first Olympic season should have been. At the very least, both performances ended in gold.

This one tastes better

 

**NHK THROPHY – Yuzuru's POV**

As the lights dimmed, leaving us in the semi-darkness mediated by the illumination of the stage-lights, I felt my self-control beginning to snap. Her appearance was seducing me more than it ever had before. The red of her lips, the soft curls of her hair and the gentle, smiling eyes.

I wanted to whisk her away and kiss her, to feel her skin on mine. Standing close to her in this stirring, intimate darkness was the greatest test. The ease with which I could reach her was tempting me, and fighting this rush of lust weakened me.

It took me a minute to figure out why she looked so irresistible right now – as there was never a moment where I found Zhenya undesirable, yet this was different. It wasn't the perfectly shaped curls, nor the seductiveness of her makeup and dress that clung to every curve. It was the aurora that surrounded her, the smile that seemed to shine a little brighter today, and the laugher that echoed throughout the rink.

You couldn't mistake it for anything else other than genuine happiness.

It takes every last ounce of my remaining strength to tear my eyes away from that intoxicating smile. I've been keenly aware of the hundreds of cameras focused on us since we came into view, waiting for anything that can make the front page of every news site. _Kuso_ , I thought. _I'd give anything to kiss you right now, but that's just what they want, isn't it?_

I left the rink, rushing into the sobering, bright lights of the backstage corridors. I didn't have to look in a mirror to see that my face was flushed. I sat in solitude, fumbling and becoming angrier at the world every passing second. Last time I had hugged Zhenya in public view, people complained that we were being _too inappropriate,_ or _putting on a show_. How could I even fathom a kiss?

I was unaware of how long I had sat there. My attention was brought back to reality when I sensed someone shuffling towards me. A few seconds later I feel light taps on my shoulder, small hands gently and hesitantly moving up and down until I turn to face her.

"First place skaters are up next, you know." I see the worry etched across her face, the smile that she wore earlier is nowhere to be found.

"I'm okay, Zhenya. I was just thinking."

She nods, visibly relaxing before turning on her heels to walk back out into the rink. I quickly jump up and reach for her side, grabbing her hand and entwining it with mine.

"Are you sure? Your publicist won't be pleased." Her eyes glance downward.

"What can holding hands to do hurt us that hasn't already happened a thousand times over?"

Her smile returns. "What was it that he called us? After I watched you at your last worlds and hugged you after you stepped off the ice?"

"He called us trouble, I believe."

She laughs softly. "He's not wrong."

I'm thankful for the large group of skaters gathered around the boards, allowing Zhenya and I to slip in relatively unnoticed. The event organizers shuffle around, reminding us that Zhenya is first to skate and I am the last out of this group.

I quickly plant a gentle kiss on her forehead before I have to let go of her hand. We're still covered in darkness, blending in with the masses – so I took the chance.

_"Please welcome Evgenia Medvedeva – first place ladies!"_

The announcement of her name causes cheers to erupt from every corner of the stands. _They love her_. The sound of it was music to my ears. This is what matters – not any spiteful comment or critics of our relationship. Only this.

First place ladies sounded just as sweet. This time around she isn't hiding an injury, she isn't on the verge of withdrawing from the final. It's everything her first Olympic season should have been.

Zhenya slowly circled the ice, gently gliding into her starting position. I know her well enough to know what's going through her mind. The faces around her have melted into an expressionless, unembodied mass, and she is alone. Alone with the music and the beating of her heart.

_Oh I heard you were trouble_  
_And you heard I was trouble_  
_But your name is a wave washing over me_  
_No games just a slave to you totally_

The music played, but the she had not moved a muscle, her eyes closed. When they opened she spun around leisurely, seeming floating around the ice.

_Cause I don't care about what they say about you virgo_  
_And you don't care about what they say about me virgo_  
_But you know what they say about trouble_

She always spent hours carving out every motion in practice, but it didn't come alive the way it did here. When she jumped, she flew.

_Pull me down if you want to_  
_and I hope that you want to_  
_Cause I want to be your man_  
_And I wanna say it loud_

The first time she showed me the song, I didn't quite understand why she had picked it. Now I knew. I made my way through the crowd of skaters, placing myself right up against the edge of the ice – in plain view. I wanted to let the world know I was watching.

_You can show me where trouble goes_  
_Tell me secrets only trouble knows_  
_Cause you wanna be my girl_  
_And you wanna say it loud_

The music and her are one, and I know she's not really here, but somewhere distant in her mind. Just as she does with all her performances, she leaves her soul on the ice for the world to see.

_I want you to know that I've got your back_  
_Even when the whole foundation seems cracked_  
_Two punk kids up against the world_  
_Ya trouble, there goes trouble_

Four years ago, I felt so alone. Injured and unsure if I'd make it to see the Olympic rings again. Zhenya was too. It's only fitting that we have each other now.

_We could be king and queen of the moonlight_  
_Two young lovers_  
_and when the moods right_  
_you hear me say 'I want you'_

_Two young lovers,_ I repeat. Oh, Zhenya always has a way with songs.

_So pull me down if you want to_  
_and I hope that you want to_  
_Cause I want to be your man_  
_And I wanna say it loud_  
_You can show me where trouble goes_  
_Tell me secrets only trouble knows_  
_Cause you wanna be my girl_  
And you wanna say it loud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! This was quite a chapter to write and I had to rewrite it three times become the previous versions were just... bad.
> 
> This is a particularly long chapter, and I want to cover a few things. "Moscow Nights" or the literal translation "Evenings in the Moscow Suburbs" is an old Russian song. To put it simply, it's about love. One of my favorite versions: https://youtu.be/uqccaYkr0E8. Here is Kanaeva's performance to it at the 2008 Olympics: https://youtu.be/-OT9WDMtT8M. The song of Zhenya's ex is "Pull me Down" by Mikky Ekko.
> 
> Since I didn't mention everything in the chapter or did so subtly, Yuzuru won bronze and Zhenya won gold at ACI, and they both won gold at both of their Grand Prix events. Next chapter will cover the final and nationals, I hope to get it up sooner than this one. I have outlines for the last few chapters that give me a headache because they will be very long and very emotional. 
> 
> I hope the structure of this chapter wasn't a bother to anyone, and I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you so much for all the support, and as Yuzuru said in his speech, I am forever beholden to you all <3
> 
> Until next time (hopefully week, singular)


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